Chapter Four
Eddie
Tears sting my eyes while anger burns through my veins like liquid nitrogen ready to explode.
Hurt… livid… betrayed, I wrestle with every damn emotion like the gulps of the air I fight to breathe—choking…
suffocating… completely lost. I can barely see the traffic lights as I speed down the road, swerving through traffic, barely stopping for the big red octagons that force drivers to take pause.
Being buzzed as fuck, the last thing I should be doing is driving while my head is surfing that awesome foggy state I was striving to get to, but here I am, hands barely on ten and two, fighting a fucking meltdown and the urge to turn around and have it out some more.
There’s no telling what I would’ve done had I stayed in that house with her any longer.
In that moment, I wanted to do things my father always taught me not to do, like lay hands on a woman.
I may be an asshole and a bit of a prick, but this prick was raised by a good man, one that treats women like they are made of porcelain and the greatest treasure in the world.
Did I treat Amber that way?
Probably not.
But I did have her up on a pedestal, one that’s been knocked down and currently simmering in festering ash.
My hands slam against the steering wheel.
“FUCK HER!” I scream as a truck comes into my lane. Swerving, I barely miss him, then throw up my middle finger as I drive into oncoming traffic and pass him recklessly.
Before I know it, I’m home, narrowly dodging another stint in prison for reckless driving, and driving while intoxicated.
That’s the last thing I need–especially when I’m so close to opening my own business.
Amber doesn’t even know that my dream outside of working on cars, is owning my own towing company and a scrapyard where people can pick and pull their own car parts.
I’ve had it since I was young, and I’ve saved every fucking dime since my first paycheck to save up enough to buy Old Man Peterson out of business.
Now that the old bag of bones is ready to retire, he’s more than willing to sell off the scrapyard to the first highest bidder. Hopefully, that person will be me.
My tires squeal as I pull into the driveway of my father’s property, kicking up dust as I go.
The second I’m out of the truck, my bat is in hand, and my poor truck’s tail light shatters into pieces as the splintered wood connects with plastic and glass.
Red shards litter the ground, but it doesn’t make me feel better, it only makes me feel worse.
“Fuck her!” I scream, denting the side panel with another swing. My hand’s already throbbing from punching Amber’s wall, but I have to take my frustration out on something, and this truck can take it… I have an extra tail light in the garage.
“That stupid fucking slut!” Another swing dents the front fender, and I nick the front headlight, causing it to crack. Fuck! That one I don’t have a replacement for!
I’m about to go complete caveman on my fucked-up ride, when my father comes running out of the house, stopping me mid swing before I can take another whack at the truck.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he screams at me.
I can’t see past the tears welling over my eyes.
I don’t cry. Men aren't supposed to, but thinking about Amber underneath another man has internally fucked with me. I’m stuck in a tornado of rage; it swirls around me in fits of anger and desperation, watching as utter betrayal kicks and punches my gut.
The act of breathing seems like an impossible feat, and I don’t even realize I’m gasping until every breath feels like a suffocation.
“Breathe, Eddie! Fucking breathe!” my dad screams just as my mom appears on the doorstep in her robe.
“What's wrong with him?” she yells across the yard, concern and fear tormenting her eyes
“Get back in the house, woman. You’re not dressed for this kind of night.” My dad manages to pry the bat from my hand, throwing it halfway across the yard before I completely lose it and fall to the ground, sobbing between shuddered intakes of breath.
“Shh,” Dad whispers, clutching me against his chest, holding me tighter than he’s ever held me before. The man may be one step towards the grave, but he’s always been there for me, no matter how crazy I get. “It’s okay, Eddie. Just breathe, Son.”
In that moment, I didn’t care if I ever breathed again.
The woman I loved committed the ultimate betrayal, and dying sounded better than admitting I had pushed her into another man’s arms. Ultimately, that’s what I did.
I could barely look Amber in the eye after I came clean about sleeping with Jinafer.
I never meant for it to happen, and the guilt I felt afterwards had me pushing her away, not treating her like a treasured jewel to protect.
Now that she’s done the same thing to me, my heart can’t take the pain.
If this is half of what she felt after I told her about Jinafer, I don’t know how she ever forgave me…
I sure as hell don’t know if I can ever forgive her.
“Talk to me, Son, tell me what’s got you all fucked up.”
“She cheated on me, Dad! That little bitch went to Vegas and fucked someone else,” I manage to choke out between sobs, but even the words are like ice picks to my heart. Saying it out loud just makes it sting even more.
“And?”
“And! And? I tell you that the love of my life cheated on me, and all you can say is and?”
“Well, it’s not like you haven’t cheated on her in the past.”
“That’s different!” It’s a lie and we both know it, but it’s the only defense I have right now.
He smirks. “There’s nothing different about it. She only did what you did to her. Stop being a pussy about it and man the fuck up. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth… or in your case, a fuck for a fuck.”
Pushing him away, I shoot up to my feet, the rage building inside of me.
“Don’t feed me that Bible thumping bullshit.
That little bitch took the first chance she had to cheat on me.
I even warned her not to go, and she still went to Vegas!
She fucking planned this shit, and now I can never trust her ever again. ”
My father shakes his head, slowly rising to his feet as he moves towards me. I think he’s afraid I’m gonna grab the bat again. It’s a valid fear. There aren’t enough dents in my truck, and he’s pissing me the fuck off right now. “If she had it planned, what exactly did she say?”
“She said she woke up in some guy’s bed this morning, and has no memory of what happened the night before.”
“So, maybe nothing happened–”
I cut him off before he can finish his thought. “She woke up naked, Dad. Buck ass, floozy naked.”
Just to placate my feelings, he stifles a laugh. He knows I'm not in the mood for his shit this early in the morning.
“Look, Eddie, what’s done is done. You and Amber have been together since you were seventeen and she was sixteen.
You’ve built a solid relationship with each other.
Hell, you’re supposed to get married in a few short months.
The last thing you need is to fly off the handle over her making a mistake.
A mistake you fucking made yourself in the past. If she says she doesn’t remember what happened, I believe her.
Vegas is full of degenerates out looking for a fast lay.
It’s very possible she was roofied at a bar or club and taken advantage of. ”
Fuck, he has a point. A damn good one too.
“I don’t know if I can forgive her for this, Dad. She’s supposed to be mine… only mine.”
“So, don’t forgive her then. Move on to the next girl and be done with her.”
Taking my hat off, I wipe the angry sweat from off my brow, and glare at him. “You know I can’t do that, Dad. I fucking love her.”
“Then do us both a favor and look in the mirror. You know you fucked up when you fucked that girl at that party. Now she’s fucked up too.
You’re even in my eyes. Do the girl a favor and give her a pass, or don’t.
I don’t care what you do. But if you take another swing at my goddamn truck, I'm going to beat your fucking ass. Capeesh?”
“Capiche. Fuck, Old Man, you really know how to put things into perspective.”
“It’s a gift. Now get your ass inside and sleep this shit off. You smell like a fucking brewery, and the last thing you need is to drive back over to her house with a busted tail light and a cracked head light.”
“Shit, I hate it when you’re right.”
He throws me some keys. “As long as you promise not to drive it until morning, you can take my bike for a joyride. Use it to clear your head. Nothing can make you think clearer than jumping on the back of a bike and fucking riding down the highway away from all your troubles. I know you’ve only ridden it a few times before, but it’s about time you learn how to properly handle one. ”
“Are you fucking with me? You have to be. You know I'm not even licensed to ride, Dad.”
He winks at me. “As long as you don’t wreck it or disobey any laws, you’ll be fine. Just don’t be an idiot and get yourself caught. I’ll never hear the end of it if your mother finds out I let you ride Morticia without a license again.”
The man has more faith in me than he should. The only fucking practice I’ve had on the back of a motorcycle is riding his bike around the neighborhood, but even those jaunts didn’t last long.
“I trust you, Eddie. Now you need to trust your girl. She won’t do it again, I guarantee it.
I bet she’s crying in her pillow right now and not able to sleep.
She doesn’t want to lose you, Eddie. Not again.
You two are meant to be something, I feel it in these old frail bones of mine.
But you two need to believe in yourselves.
Relationships are built with trust. Now that you both have experienced what betrayal feels like, you can work things out healthily. Communication is key.”
“I failed communication in preschool.”
“We all fail at communicating sometime in our lives. You think your mother and I have lasted this long without a few hiccups here or there? Trust me, Eddie. I'm no saint, but your mother sure as hell is one. She’s forgiven me for things I can’t even forgive myself for.”
“Dad, are you trying to say you’ve cheated on Mom before?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “We all have moments of weakness, Eddie. It’s how you bounce back from them that truly matters.” He starts to walk away, but stops mid-stride.
“Seriously though, don’t fuck up Morticia, okay? I just had her polished, and I don’t pay you enough to fix her if you wreck my ride.” Before I can protest, Dad disappears back into the house, leaving me alone to stew in my thoughts.
How can I trust her after everything that’s happened?
Is our relationship even worth saving now that we both fucked it up?
Clutching my dad’s keys, my gaze flits to the shiny Harley sitting in the driveway, illuminated by the moon’s bathing glow.
My heart yearns to ride—it always has. And now that Dad has given me a free pass to experience the open road for myself, I can’t wait for morning to come, so I can go on my first solo ride.