Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask, scrambling to my feet, nervously looking around to see if anyone else has seen him.
“I had to see you.” He moves so quickly that I can’t stop him from grabbing me. He frowns when he sees the tears in my eyes, his right cheek slightly dimpling as he runs his smooth hand across my skin to wipe them away. “C’mon, love. Don’t cry. You’re too bloody gorgeous for that.
I jump out of his embrace, recoiling from his touch like he’s a snake trying to bite me.
“You need to leave. I told you that I can’t be with you. I’m in love with my fiancée, and I’m about to get married.”
Ryder’s smile fades along with that sexy dimple that I’m impossibly attracted to. “I know. That’s why I’m here. Had to give it a try, at least one last time.”
“Try for what? Me? Ryder, you’re nothing but a complication. You make me crazy. When I’m around you, I lose my ability to think straight. I can’t even fucking breathe. I have no idea why you make me feel this way, but it has to stop now before things get even more complicated.”
He takes a strategic step toward me, placing himself between me and the exit that leads to the front of the building. I could run, but he’d definitely catch me if I tried.
“If I make you feel like that, then there’s somethin’ real between us. Somethin’ worth chasing.” He reaches out again, but this time I step back, holding my ground.
“If this were a different time or place, and maybe if I didn’t have Eddie, I would be more open to us, but you really need to stop popping up everywhere. It’s getting a little creepy. If Eddie sees me with you, he’ll leave me. I’m on my last chance with him. How did you find me?”
He laughs. “One of your mates told me.”
“My friend?”
“Yeah, one of the twins.”
Fucking Pippa! The next time I see that bitch I’m going to slit her throat.
“She shouldn’t have done that.”
“Well, she did. She came to my hotel room and said ya were getting married today. I know it sounds mad, but I reckon I’m halfway in love with ya already.
Never felt like this before, Amber. You’ve got me completely stuffed, love.
I can’t just walk away. Call it pheromones, or womanly allure, but something about ya has me all fucked up, Amber, I can’t let this go no matter how many times ya beg me to do it. ”
“But you have to, Ryder. I’m getting married today. I love my fiancée.”
He winces, like my words mortally wound him or something. Then he smirks, striding closer, that confident smile toying with the corners of his lips so vividly. He knows exactly how he affects me and he’s preying on it.
“You feel it too though, don’t you? No use lyin’ about it. Do you deny it?”
I bite my lip, refusing to answer him. I can’t pinpoint what it is about Ryder that makes me gravitate towards him, but I’m not going to let it ruin my day.
Second thoughts or not, my infatuation with a male stripper won’t be hurting Eddie again.
I will not stray. I just won’t. Besides, I’ll never be able to fully trust him.
He has so many women throwing themselves at him, clawing at his naked chest, asking him to meet them after the show.
I’m not confident enough to be okay with that.
I get jealous way too easily, and our relationship would never survive that type of jealousy.
“Ryder, I can’t. Please just go.”
He crosses his arms and the muscles in them pop forward, teasing me with relentless seduction. Why does he have to be so damn hot?
“Not goin’ anywhere till it’s official. Till I know for sure there’s no chance.”
“Why are you torturing me?” I scream at him.
“Just go back home and forget you ever met me. Find some girl in Vegas who can handle your career and the millions of girls who want to fuck you. Find someone who is going to love you and look past all that. I can’t be that girl for you, Ryder, that’s not me.
I’ll never be able to deal with your profession or your fan base. I’m not that strong.” There, I said it.
I can tell by the look on his face my words just bitch slapped him into next Tuesday.
He grips my hands. “If I gave it all up, found somethin’ else, would ya choose me over him?”
“I can’t answer that.”
Ryder uncrosses his arms, shattering me with the gloom developing in his eyes. Tears are starting to form, enhancing the mossy green color until it breaks me.
“I’m sorry. I love Eddie,” I whisper, unable to hold his gaze any longer.
“What happened between us was a mistake, one I’ve been paying for ever since.
” Pain radiates through my chest, my own tears stinging me like violent invisible jellyfish.
I’m drowning in my own regret and emotions, the downpour cataclysmic like a damaging flood.
“You don’t mean it. I see the way ya look at me, Amber. Somethin’s here. We both know it,” he whispers, taking my hands.
Carefully, I drop his hands, taking a step away from him.
“I don’t know what I feel for you, Ryder.
Sure, something is definitely here between us, and maybe I may have fantasized what it be like to run off with you to Vegas and never look back, but that’s just wedding jitters.
None of it is real. If I had to guess, I’m just attracted to your looks.
When I envision my future, I can’t imagine it with you.
All I see when I look at you is a man who is capable of destroying me, a wrecking ball ready to smash everything good I’m working towards. You don’t even know me. Not really.”
“But I want to, love. That’s why I’m here. I’m fightin’ for this with every breath I’ve got.”
“I’m not right for you Ryder, just as much as you are not right for me.”
His lips slightly tremble before he straightens, eyes hardening, a look of determination taking over.
“I’m not givin’ up. Not yet. This is worth fightin’ for, and I’m not the sort of bloke who backs down from somethin’ I believe in.
Once I see that ring on your finger, I’ll go. Till then, I’m waitin’.”
He takes his thumb and uses it to swipe away a stray tear that slips over my cheek. “I’ll take this one with me and pretend it’s for me.” He kisses his fingertip and spreads them across his lips, allowing them to disappear within the dangerous pout of his mouth.
“Room 328. I’ll be waitin’ till the last bloody second.
Go on then, love. Go to him. If he’s really the one, I’ll know.
But if not...” He reaches in his back pocket and hands me the key to his room, forcing it into my hand.
The plastic feels like it’s burning my palm.
The possibilities endless. “If not, you know where to find me.” He bends in and lightly kisses my temple, dismantling me, making me question things more.
His lips are like addicting poison. I want more, knowing I shouldn’t. “Goodbye, Amber.”
Our hands linger a little longer than they should, and it takes everything in me not to tug him back and beg him to stay, but I know deep down, it’s only my desire talking, not my heart.
That’s why I let him go, and won’t entertain it a second longer. But I do watch him walk away, my eyes trailing after him as he disappears around the building with his whole body slumped in defeat
For a moment, I just sit there fighting to catch my breath. This is too much. There are too many reasons why this shouldn’t happen.
My mother.
Wesley.
These crazy mixed-up feelings about Ryder.
And…
“Well, wasn’t that interesting?” Pippa’s voice creeps into my thoughts, disrupting whatever calmness I was trying to achieve.
My fingers dig into my thighs, anger building, my rage ready to combust like a failed science experiment.
When my head lifts, I find her leaning against the building, glaring at me while she takes long swigs from a beer bottle that’s almost empty.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I spit, clutching onto the bench before I rip off her face.
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to celebrate your big day. Did I miss it already?” she giggles, eyebrows arching in super-villain perfection.
“You’re not welcome here.”
She tsks me, lazily stumbling toward me with a few inebriated steps, tripping slightly over a paving stone that’s higher than the others.
“And why is that, Amber?” She smiles, but it isn’t friendly.
“Because of what happened at my bachelorette party, and all the shit you’ve tried to sabotage me and Eddie with.”
She scoffs. “Me? I sabotaged you? More like you sabotaged me!” Her glare intensifies as she staggers towards me, her body reeking of alcohol.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I question as she plops onto another bench, too intoxicated to hold up her head. She looks up at me, and behind that drunken haze, I see animosity, maybe even misery.
“Haven’t you figured it out yet? No, why would you? You’re too busy stringing along two men in your twisted web of lies.”
What in the hell is she talking about? I haven’t been lying to anyone.
Eddie knows Ryder has turned back up. I even was honest with him about what happened backstage.
I have never lied to Eddie. I love him too much to keep anything from him.
Especially now, with the wedding looming on the horizon. And besides, I just shooed Ryder away.
“What are you talking about? I haven’t lied about anything.”
Pippa laughs. “You don’t deserve him, you know?” she exclaims, her drooping, bloodshot eyes meeting mine as she frowns.
“I don’t deserve who?” She’s speaking gibberish; nothing she’s saying makes any sense.