Ryan #2
Pops studied Ryan, sighed, and looked a Devon.
“Love’s a complicated emotion, Dev. The way Outlaw love Meggie can drive a motherfucker insane, especially when she so close to death.
I don’t think your uncle cheated, but I think he found solace in Torie’s attention.
She gave him a reprieve from thinking about his life without his wife.
There wouldn’t have been any. If grief didn’t kill him, he would’ve fucked up himself.
For Outlaw, if Meggie’s not in this world, he don’t want to be either.
And this latest shit? I been knowing him almost thirty years.
He not handling Rule trying to kill Meggie and Rebel too well.
I can see him doing or saying something to piss her off.
” He looked at Devon with meaning. “So to circle back? I’m toeing the fucking line with Puff, and hope whatever he do is contained to his house.
Therefore, I wouldn’t stand with you against your mama because of no other club girl or other woman.
When Meggie ready to burn everything in the goddamn path thanks to Outlaw, she usually get all the girls on her side.
I do enough shit on my own for Zoann to fuck me up without being kicked to the fucking pig pen thanks to girl solidarity. ”
“Girl power,” Ryan said, grinning, “and you almost sound afraid of Mom.”
Pops laughed, too. “I’m terrified of her.” As his chuckles died, he placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “How you holding up, boy? You need to talk?”
Remorse crossed Devon’s face and he winced. “Yeah, Ryan. I-I’m going on about Nyx and…and Eliza—” He raised his hands in supplication. “I’m sorry. You should’ve…I’m here if you need to talk.”
Ryan’s first inclination was to scoff and brush off his father and brother’s concern, but he liked their camaraderie.
He couldn’t remember the last time the three of them talked so openly and honestly.
Unable to meet their gazes, he looked away.
“I don’t know what to say. That’s probably why I haven’t thought about it. ”
“I understand, boy,” Pops said gruffly.
“I don’t…” The memory of Eliza walking into the club invaded Ryan. He’d been terrified she’d reveal how close he was to her sons, and Bash, and mortified at the idea she’d force herself on him again.
“Hey, boy, what the cunt did is not your fault,” Pops said sternly. “I understand how you feel. I-I’ll tell you about it one day.” He glanced hesitantly at Devon. “You, too, son, if you want to know.”
“And Mom?” Devon whispered.
That question upset Pops more than any other.
He stiffened, his demeanor morphing from understanding to anger.
“Logan Donovan should’ve been fucked up years ago,” he growled, and Ryan realized he’d mistaken the reason for his father’s change.
He wasn’t angry because of the question.
“But it’s not my story to tell. It’s hers.
If she wants you to know, she’ll open up about it.
Don’t ask her.” He glared between the two of them.
“I will beat the fuck out of you if you do. She don’t need to revisit that trauma unless she wants to. Understand?”
“Yeah, Dad,” Devon said quickly.
“I do,” Ryan inserted, although he wanted the details. Especially about his great-grandfather. “Can you tell me about him?”
“Who?” Pops demanded. “Because I know you don’t mean motherfucking Logan.”
“I’ve heard he was a great man, Pops, but no one talks about him. I even went to Aunt Kendall and—”
“You went to Kendall for information about Logan?” Pops smirked. “How’d that work out for you?”
Heat rose to Ryan’s cheeks, and he shifted. “Not good.”
Pops laughed. “I could’ve told you that. Four women you don’t fuck with and come out unscathed. Roxanne. She’ll cut a bitch. Puff. She’ll stomp a bitch. Kendall. She’ll get busy.”
“Doing?” Devon asked suspiciously.
“Anything that comes into her head.” Snickering, Pops shrugged. “Just know, she’ll rain hell on you.”
“Aunt Kendall’s like Mattie, Dad,” Devon protested. “She’s too highbrow for stuff like that. Anyway,” he continued, not giving Pops a chance to respond, who’s the fourth girl?”
“Meggie.” Pops frowned. “Didn’t I just tell you that a few minutes ago.”
“Not in that context,” Devon protested. “I don’t agree with you anyway. I only know of one fight Aunt Meggie–”
“Son, Meggie can fight and she not afraid to do it. She choose not to.”
“But why?”
“Fuck, Dev, figure it out,” Pops growled. “It’s not fucking hard.”
“But–”
“It’s probably because of Uncle Christopher, bro,” Ryan guessed.
Dev’s eyes widened. “Ohhhhhh.”
Shaking his head, Pops met Ryan’s gaze. “Logan Donovan a sore subject, son. Not only with Puff, but with all of us. He was a hateful, miserable motherfucker. About the only motherfucker who wanted to lick his goddamn boots was Rack, so I’m thinking his grandsons told you that flaming fucking lie about him being great. ”
As well as Bash, although Ryan couldn’t admit that. He wished he could. He also wished he had the guts to ask Bash how could he accept Cleaner as a family member while still admiring Logan, who didn’t like minorities, homosexuals, or a lot of other people.
“I’ll talk to Outlaw once Rebel and Meggie get back home. Maybe, we can sit you boys down and answer all your questions about the previous generation.”
“Would Mortician and Digger and their sons come?” Ryan blurted.
“Uncle Mort, Uncle Digger, and your cousins, you mean?” Pops gritted.
“I don’t see them as—”
“They are,” Pops said flatly. “Listen up, boy. I don’t know what the fuck’s been indoctrinated into you, but Puff and me consider them family.
You on some Logan bullshit?” He glanced down the hall, where, at some point, the sobs had subsided.
Either Harley had left the living room, she’d run out of tears, or she was asleep.
“Why the fuck you trying to get close to Harley?”
“Does it fucking matter?” Ryan snapped, all his goodwill and progress evaporating with the weight of his secrets, lies, and deception.
“Yeah, motherfucker, it matters,” Pops said furiously. “She’s the daughter of one of my good friends. No matter how she fucking acting, she don’t deserve the added fuckery of you trying to get with her because of CJ.”
The stress of the past few days finally made Ryan break.
It had nothing to do with Eliza, Nyx, Willard, or Bash.
It was all Rebel. He’d been so fucking scared she’d die.
It made no sense that just a few months ago he’d seen her, CJ, and everyone else as his enemy.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about the past weeks: her excitement during her date with Kaia, her smart mouth that she unleashed without hesitation, her private moments, her laughter and liveliness, and the grudge Willard held because she’d kicked his ass.
Ryan had never particularly considered Rebel or Mattie.
They’d just been girls in his family, but he was proud they were his cousins.
He enjoyed their company and his banter with them.
But he was so exhausted, and the adrenaline that helped him through the Eliza situation, then Nyx’s party, and everything that followed, crashed.
“Why, old man?” he snarled, reverting back to assholery because it was easiest. “That motherfucker gets everything. He didn’t have to get Harley, too. He took my girlfriend. Why shouldn’t I have stolen his?”
Logan Donovan would expect Ryan to stand up for himself. Be accountable and own up to his mistakes. Great men didn’t take shit and they didn’t hide their dirty deeds.
Great men didn’t commit dirty deeds. They were good and upstanding.
Ryan wondered what Logan would think of him.
Would his great-grandfather see all that he knew and hid from the Dwellers as a betrayal?
Would he appreciate Ryan’s loyalty to Bash?
And would he understand Ryan’s wavering?
His dawning realization that betraying the Dwellers also betrayed his family?
Even if Logan understood everything else, he would see Ryan sleeping with Harley as a grave offense.
“I don’t really want Harley.” He spat that blatant lie, confused and upset.
Pops rubbed his eyes, while Devon just looked uncomfortable.
“Son, you’re not that vindictive little motherfucker you were weeks ago,” Pops said quietly, his anger falling away as quickly as it came.
“You’re a good kid, who knows playing with a girl’s feelings to get back at someone else, not the right thing to do.
It leads to fucking disaster.” He laid a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.
“Your mama and me especially didn’t raise you to look down on other people.
Mort, Digger, Roxanne, their families? Are our family, too.
You better than the bullshit the Bart brothers made you believe, boy.
My Ryan’s in there somewhere. Find him before shit gets so fucked up we can’t undo it. ”
Ryan stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Did you ever really consider me your Ryan, Pops? All I ever heard was do this like CJ. Learn this because of CJ. Act like CJ. Sit with CJ. You even told it to Devon, when we’re siblings.
You wanted him to look up to CJ and not me.
I never felt good enough. Not even to be a big brother. ”
Pops gripped both of Ryan’s shoulders. “I’m sorry about that. That wasn’t right of me. I’ve always loved you and your brother. You two shot out of my cock.”
Ryan frowned.