Chapter 17
EVERLY
I walk into the clubhouse early Tuesday afternoon. The second I step through the door, I feel it.
Chloe sees me and her eyes go wide. She walks over quickly.
"Your dad's here," she says quietly.
My stomach drops. "What?"
"He landed early, came straight here."
"Where's Rush?"
"He’s at the bar with your dad and Pyro."
I don't wait. I walk through the clubhouse. The energy is thick. Everyone's watching but pretending not to.
I turn the corner and see them. Diesel's sitting at the bar with Pyro and Tank. He looks calm.
Too calm. He's not yelling, not glowering, just sitting there with a beer in his hand.
That's worse.
My dad doesn't need to raise his voice to be terrifying. His presence does it for him.
Rush is standing near the pool table with Bozo. His jaw is tight and his shoulders are locked. He looks controlled, but I can see the tension radiating off him.
They've already had words.
I can tell by the way Rush is holding himself, by the way my dad is watching him like a predator waiting for weakness.
I walk straight to my dad.
"Everly," Diesel says. His voice is warm but his eyes are calculating. "Good to see you, sweetheart."
"What are you doing here?"
"Came to visit my daughter. Is that a crime?"
"You didn't tell me you were coming early."
"Didn't want you to worry."
"Bullshit. You came to intimidate Rush."
Pyro clears his throat. "Maybe we should talk in the chapel."
"No," I say. "We're talking right here."
Diesel sets down his beer. "Fine, then let's talk. You want to tell me why you're dating a man who went to juvie for shooting someone?"
"You already know why."
"Humor me."
"Because I love him."
The words land hard, and I watch my dad's expression darken.
"You love him," he repeats.
"Yeah, I do."
"And what happens when he loses his temper? When that violence comes out?"
"That's not who he is."
"That's exactly who he is, sweetheart. Men like Rush don't change. They just get better at hiding it."
"You're wrong."
"Am I? Because I've seen his file. I know what he's capable of."
"He was thirteen and trying to save his sister."
"And now he's twenty-one and trying to convince you he's safe. But he's not."
I step closer. "You don't get to decide who I love."
"I'm your father. It's my job to protect you."
"From what? Rush has been nothing but good to me."
"For now. But what happens when things get hard? When he gets scared or angry or overwhelmed?"
"Then we handle it together."
Diesel stands up and the room seems to shrink. He's taller than I remember, and the authority rolling off him is suffocating.
"Everly, I love you, and I respect that you're an adult, but I'm not going to stand by and watch you get hurt by someone who's too broken to love you properly."
The words hit like a slap.
"Rush is not broken."
"Yes, he is. And deep down you know it."
"No. What I know is that you taught me to choose my own battles. Well, this is mine. Rush is mine. And you don't get a vote."
We stare at each other and the tension is thick enough to choke on.
Finally, Diesel says, "Fine. But I want to talk to him. Alone."
"No."
"Everly."
"I said no. Whatever you have to say to Rush you can say in front of me."
He looks at Pyro, who shrugs.
"Your call, Diesel."
My dad turns and looks at Rush. "Come here."
Rush walks over. His movements are controlled but I can see the effort it takes.
He stops next to me and his hand brushes mine briefly.
"You wanted to talk," Rush says. "So talk."
Diesel studies him for a long second. "You love my daughter?"
"Yes."
"You think you're good enough for her?"
"No."
The honesty surprises everyone, including me.
"Then why are you with her?" Diesel asks.
"Because she chose me anyway."
"And when you fuck it up? When you hurt her?"
"I won't."
"You can't promise that."
"You're right, I can't. But I can promise I'll do everything in my power not to."
Diesel leans forward. "I've read your file. I know what you did. You shot a woman when you were thirteen, spent five years in juvie learning how to be violent."
"I know what I did."
"Do you? Because from where I'm standing, you're a ticking time bomb waiting to go off."
Rush's jaw tightens but he doesn't react. "I'm not that kid anymore."
"Aren't you? Because I've seen men like you before. Angry, violent, convinced they can control it. And then one day they can't and someone gets hurt."
"I'm not going to hurt Everly."
"You can't know that."
"Yes, I can. Because I'd rather walk away from her than become the thing I'm afraid of."
The words hang in the air and I see my dad's expression shift slightly.
He didn't expect that answer.
"You think walking away makes you noble?" Diesel asks.
"No, but it makes me honest. I know what I'm capable of and I know my limits. If I ever cross a line with Everly, I'll leave before I hurt her."
"That's supposed to make me feel better?"
"No, it's supposed to make you understand that I'm not taking this lightly. I know who I am and what I bring. And I'm choosing to be better anyway."
Diesel is quiet for a long time, studying Rush like he's trying to find a crack.
Finally he says, "If you hurt my daughter, there will be consequences. Not club consequences, personal ones. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Good, then we're clear."
He picks up his beer and walks away. Pyro and Tank follow.
Rush doesn't move, just stands there breathing hard.
I touch his arm. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"You sure?"
"No, but I will be."
We go outside to the parking lot, away from the clubhouse and the eyes watching.
Rush leans against his bike and closes his eyes.
"That was brutal," I say.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. He's your dad and he's protecting you."
"That doesn't make it okay."
"Doesn't make it wrong either."
I step close and take his face in my hands. "You don't have to prove anything to him."
"Yes, I do."
"Why?"
"Because he's right, I am dangerous. And if I want to be with you, I need to prove I can control it."
"Rush, you've been controlling it for eight years."
"That doesn't mean I always will."
"So what, you're just going to live in fear of becoming someone you're not?"
"I'm living in fear of becoming someone I was."
The words break my heart.
"You're not that scared thirteen-year-old anymore."
"I know, but he's still in here." He touches his chest. "And your dad just reminded me of that."
"Fuck what my dad said."
"He's not wrong though. I am broken."
“No,” I say. “You’re healing. That’s not the same thing.”
He pulls me close and buries his face in my hair.
We stand like that for a long time, just holding each other.
"I'm not going anywhere," I say quietly.
"You should."
"Well I'm not, so deal with it."
He almost smiles against my hair. "You're stubborn."
"I learned from the best."
We pull apart and I look up at him. His eyes are dark and haunted.
"What did my dad say to you before I got here?" I ask.
"That I'm not good enough for you."
"He's wrong."
"Is he? Because I've been thinking the same thing since the day we met."
"Rush."
"I'm serious, Everly. You deserve someone who's not constantly fighting their own demons."
"I don't want someone else. I want you."
"Why?"
"Because you're honest about your demons instead of pretending they don't exist. Because you're trying every day to be better. Because you love me even though it scares you."
He touches my face. "It terrifies me."
"Good. That means you're paying attention."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
"It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is. You choose me every day, I choose you every day, and we figure out the rest as we go."
He leans down and kisses me. It's soft and desperate at the same time.
When he pulls back we're both shaking.
"I love you," he says.
"I love you too."
"Even after watching your dad tear me apart?"
"Especially after that, because you didn't back down."
When we go back inside, Ciara's watching us from across the room.
She's talking to Enya but her eyes are on us, calculating.
I see her clock the way Rush is holding me, the way I'm leaning into him.
She smiles and waves but there's something sharp underneath.
I wave back and pull Rush toward the bar.
"You see that?" I ask.
"See what?"
"Ciara watching us."
"She's just being friendly."
"No, she's not. She just watched my dad interrogate you and now she's filing it away for later."
"You're being paranoid."
"I'm being observant."
We sit down and Chloe brings us drinks.
"You okay?" she asks quietly.
"Yeah, we're good."
"Diesel's scary when he wants to be."
"Tell me about it."
She leaves and Rush pulls me closer, his hand going to my hip.
"What are you thinking?" I ask.
"That your dad's not wrong about me."
"Rush—"
"No, listen. He's right that I'm dangerous, that I've got violence in me. But he's wrong about me hurting you."
"I know."
"Do you? Because I watched you defend me to your dad and I'm not sure I'm worth that."
"You are."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm looking at you right now and I see someone who's terrified of being his worst fear. That's not a violent man, that's someone trying to be better."
He kisses my temple. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For believing in me when I don't believe in myself."
We leave the clubhouse around midnight and ride back to my flat in silence.
Inside, Rush is tense, restless.
"Talk to me," I say.
"I keep thinking about what your dad said."
"About what?"
"About me being broken, about hurting you eventually."
"He's wrong."
"What if he's not?"
I take his face in my hands and make him look at me.
"Listen to me very carefully. You are not broken. You are not going to hurt me. And my father does not get to decide who you are."
"He hit every insecurity I have."
"I know he did. That's what he does. But, Rush, you stood your ground. You didn't back down, you didn't run. You faced him head-on."
"I wanted to run."
"But you didn't. That's what matters."
He pulls me close and we stand there in my kitchen holding each other.
"I'm scared," he admits quietly.
"Of what?"
"That I'm going to prove him right."
"You won't."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. Because you're choosing me every single day even when it's hard. That's not what broken people do."
He kisses me and it's slow and grounding. His hands are gentle on my face.
When he pulls back his forehead rests against mine.
"I love you," he says.
"I love you too."
"Even though your dad hates me?"
"My dad doesn't hate you. He's just being protective. He'll come around."
"You sure about that?"
"No. But I don't care if he does or not. You're mine and I'm keeping you."
He almost smiles. "Possessive."
"You have no idea."
Later, we're lying in bed and Rush is finally relaxed against me.
I run my fingers through his hair and think about everything that happened tonight.
My dad showing up, confronting Rush, testing him.
Rush standing his ground without breaking.
Ciara watching from the sidelines, storing ammunition.
This was only round one.
I know my dad's not done. He's going to keep pushing, keep testing Rush to see if he breaks.
And Ciara's going to use every crack she can find to wedge herself between us.
But I'm not backing down.
I chose Rush knowing it would be hard. Knowing my dad would push back, knowing the club would have opinions, knowing there would be pressure from every side.
And I'm choosing him again now.
Not because it's easy.
Because he's worth it.
The storm has started, and I know it's only going to get worse before it gets better.
But I'm not running.
I'm standing beside him.
And that's enough.