Chapter 11 - Tara
I can’t stop thinking about the curse. Yes, technically, I’m married, at least in this world, but all I will allow myself to think about is this stupid curse.
I’m worried about the blackening forest, about the shadow monsters. If nothing is done, then what will happen?
Everyone will die?
All these people surrounding me, yes, even the shifters in Jasper’s pack who aren’t exactly the most welcoming, will have nowhere to go.
It makes me anxious, and with nothing else to do, I decide that I might as well try to help. Isn’t that also my duty as Jasper’s wife?
Jasper tells me not to worry about it; meanwhile, he’s working day and night with the witches to help lessen the burden of the decay on the forest.
I’ve asked him multiple times how I can help, to which he has responded—in true Jasper fashion—‘don’t worry about it, I’ve got it under control’.
I don’t think he does.
I know that his pack won’t say it, because they absolutely adore him and believe in everything he says. If he tells them he’s got it under control, they’ll believe him.
But I am actually living with him, and I see things they don’t see. For example, the look on his face when he comes home after an excursion outside the pack, or the way he speaks to his most trusted advisors on the phone.
I know things are bad. That’s why, for the past week, I’ve been visiting the library to conduct research.
As a lowly human with no skills to offer aside from perhaps my interest in books, I figured that was the way to do it.
To my surprise, their library actually has a lot on this stuff. Books on curses, spells, shifter versus witch relations, imagery, and metaphors in magic... the list goes on.
It’s strange because aren’t they supposed to hate the witches? I think Jasper might say something like ‘in order to defeat your enemy, you have to understand them first’.
Ha.
Honestly, he hasn’t been too bad over the past week.
Not sure if it was the wedding that made him behave better, but things in the house are fairly civil. He goes about his day, I go about mine. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
This evening after dinner, I decide to go to the library to do some more research. It’s already dark out, and for me, that’s the best time to go—when no one else is around.
Jasper is off on some hunt and won’t be back until late, so I take it upon myself to store my remaining dinner in the fridge, clean up, and head across the pack territory to the library.
I know most of the routes by now, even better than I know the people.
I get a few paces, until I come face-to-face with someone I recognize. At least, I think that’s her.
A female shifter in the pack who does a lot of the baking. She’s carrying a whole basket of cookies.
“Tara,” she acknowledges me politely.
Most of the time, the pack shifters ignore me. If we pass, they pretend they don’t notice I’m there.
“Hi,” I nod shyly. “How are you?”
“Well,” she sighs. “As good as I can be. I had a whole batch of berries today that were completely rotted. I was supposed to be making blueberry pie for the pack, but without the berries, I’ve settled for cookies instead.”
A nervous feeling settles in my stomach. It’s definitely because of the curse.
But does she know?
I don’t want to scare anyone more than necessary.
“That’s a shame,” I say. “But I’m sure your cookies taste wonderful, too.”
“Well,” she drops her shoulders. “Yes. But we had cookies last week, and the berries are supposed to be in season. Everyone looks forward to my berry pie.”
I offer her a sympathetic smile.
“Anyway,” she says. “Would you like one?”
“Yes, please.”
She hands me a cookie and then bids me goodnight. She doesn’t ask me where I’m going.
“Thank you,” I tell her, “For the cookie.”
“That’s no problem, Tara,” she responds. “You’re part of the pack.”
Part of the pack.
That makes me feel good and a bit guilty at the same time.
I continue heading toward the library, which feels sort of like a safe haven now. I like the damp, musty smell that greets me as I go in. The sobering bright lights are comfortable in a strange way. It’s so silent in here, always more silent than outside.
I’ve always loved libraries, even back at my old home, but none of them compares to this.
The place is huge, three stories with large winding staircases. Everything has been organized perfectly, with not one book out of place, and I’ve deduced that’s probably because no one in the pack uses this place too much.
Oh, and the windows. Large and oval-shaped, showcasing the most beautiful views—especially at night.
I just love reading against the backdrop of blinking stars and a velvety blue night sky.
Sighing to myself, I head back over to the magic section and take a couple of books that I started last time I was here.
What fascinates me are the stories and fables often associated with these curses.
Things are never straightforward; it’s never as simple as this is the curse and this is the solution.
It’s always multilayered with metaphors and convoluted stories that you have to piece together in order to figure out what is going on and how to stop it.
I never knew magic was like this. I always thought you wave some wand, chant some spell, and something is either fixed or broken.
In reality, it’s much more interesting and complex.
I’m determined to somehow piece together the story of what the hell is going on this time.
I make myself comfortable and open up a book on ‘recurring curses.’
The writing is tiny, so I have to really focus. It is convoluted at first, and there are sections filled with language I don’t properly understand, but I push through. After a little while, things begin to make sense.
Soon, the outside world fades away, and I’m hooked.
***
Against my head it’s hard, and down my neck there’s a shooting pain. My vision is black.
Before I know it, two large arms are holding me, lifting me up off the hard surface.
Where am I?
I was just dreaming about something. What was it? I was dreaming about something related to witches, spells, and curses.
But I’m not there anymore.
I’m somewhere dark and relatively cold.
Now I’m being carried, I can feel the weight of a hard chest beneath my head.
My body finally registers that I’m in the arms of a man and produces enough panic for me to open my eyes.
I see the library, then biceps, then chest.
Jasper.
He looks determined, his hard jaw clenched as he gazes ahead. The way his eyes look is almost silver, glowing amid the darkness.
The library lights must have turned off automatically.
He doesn’t notice me looking at him, but I do stay staring for a while.
He looks as though carrying me is the most normal thing in the world—simply part of his job. Nothing weird about it.
And there’s nothing weird about it for me either.
I feel strangely comfortable, resting my head against him and nestling into his biceps.
It’s like I’m floating, not even being carried at all, and before I know it, we’re back in our cabin.
The night air blows by me as quickly as the memory of my dreams.
I keep my eyes shut until we get to our bed.
He lays me down gently, and for a second, I melt into the softness of the duvet and pillows. I must have slept at an angle in the library because my body feels like crap.
Trust me to strain myself reading books. No exercise needed. Gosh, I’m such a nerd.
But then I realize that he’s going to go to the couch. I’m no longer in his arms, but in this bed alone.
My primal instincts, in this twilight reality between sleep and reality, are strong. I know what my body needs.
Don’t leave me.
I open my eyes.
But Jasper isn’t heading downstairs like he usually does.
Instead, he pulls his t-shirt up over his head to reveal a full torso of abs punctured ever so slightly with cuts and bruises.
I want to patch him up, but I’m not that awake.
Then, Jasper slips into bed beside me, his large body dwarfing everything around him, myself included.
He’s the largest creature I’ve ever been in such close proximity to. But I’m not afraid, I don’t think I ever was.
“Oh,” he says, looking over his shoulder at me in bed. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
I realize, suddenly, that I’ve been staring at him in a way that any living person, especially at this time of night, would find not only strange but damn right creepy.
What the hell am I thinking?
That’s just it, I’m not thinking. I’m feeling.
“Yeah,” I stutter, running a hand through my hair and sitting up against the headboard. “Sorry, I suddenly woke up once we got in here. I usually sleep through the night. I should be asleep, I guess.”
What am I saying?
Half-awake Tara is even more awkward than fully awake Tara, I guess.
“You want me to go downstairs?” Jasper asks, his voice plain and earnest. “Because I can. I’m just a little exhausted from a hunt, and I got pretty enticed by the look of my bed.”
“No!” I say, extremely aware of how battered he looks and the cuts on his chest. “Please, no, it’s your bed. It’s fine.”
“Okay,” he responds, leaning back on the pillow, his silver blue eyes tracing the ceiling.
I follow his lead, lying on my back facing the wooden sky above.
It’s funny how this place once felt so foreign and scary, but now, I also consider this my bed.
Our bed, I suppose.
“So how was it?” I ask him. “The hunt.”
“I was with some of the witches, helping safeguard their passage through the woods. They have a magical solution that can be added to areas of blackened forest to slow the decay. I was just there to help protect the group from shadow monsters, to hunt for some food, and to keep an eye out for anything else suspicious that could help us undo this curse.”
“Wow,” I breathe. “That sounds like a lot.”
I look at him, and he smiles a little. “What, you don’t think that I can multi-task?”
I shake my head. “Oh, shut up, I know you can, doesn’t mean you should. Like, why were you also hunting for food? Shouldn’t that activity be separate?”
“Well, yes,” he says. “But we had to miss out on a big hunt recently because of all this crap. A lot of our guys got pulled in different directions. I was busy, so we were running a little low on a specific meat. I thought Why not kill two birds with one stone, you know?”
“Three birds, it seems.”
“Three birds, yes. Why not? I’m the most capable of doing it.”
“Are you stressed?”
I turn on my side to gaze at him. I never understood exactly what an Alpha got up to, but living with him has shown me a lot. He’s the busiest person I’ve ever met. And yet, he never seems stressed.
I’m stressed from trying to figure out all this curse stuff, and I’m not even a shifter; it’s not even my pack.
He shrugs. “Yeah, I get a little stressed from time to time, but there’s no point in it. It doesn’t help.”
“Just because it doesn’t help doesn’t mean you can control it.”
He stretches a little and puts his forearms behind his head.
I register the curve of his muscles, his underarm hair, the way that his chest tenses.
“I believe everything can be controlled, and if it can’t, it needs to be let go. I choose not to be overwhelmed by things that don’t serve me.”
Something in me sinks like a weighted ship falling into the ocean. I bet that’s what he thought about me. Except now I do serve him, now it’s worth keeping me around.
“That’s a little harsh, no?”
“Not harsh, just realistic. You know my training for this position was brutal. My dad was hard on me, and rightly so. To be in this position of power, you have to be strong. It’s the choice I made to be responsible for all these things and people.”
I get it. I’d never do it myself, but I understand why he has to be the way that he is.
Growing up alone hasn’t been easy, and you learn to build certain walls up.
“You’re doing a good job,” I whisper.
He looks at me, and my heart somersaults. “You don’t mean that, Tara.”
“Hey, I won’t claim to ever know what’s going on around here, but I’ve been trying, and from what I’ve seen, you look like you’ve truly made everyone feel cared for.”
“I appreciate that,” he says.
For a second, I think he might reach out and touch me, but he doesn’t. He just moves his head.
“And how’s your research going? You don’t need to do that, by the way.”
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to be useful.”
He nods. “I get it.”
I sigh. “Well, you had to carry me out of the library, so what does that tell you?”
He laughs. “That you’re dedicated, which is admirable. A key quality for an Alpha’s wife.”
I roll my eyes, but inside, I feel strangely fuzzy again.
“Yeah, well, it’s interesting. There are all these stories and fables, all these riddles. Curses are so multi-layered; once one has started, it’s hard to get them to stop.”
“Tell me about it,” he sighs. “They’re a bitch.”
I exhale. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You like books though, don’t you?”
He must remember that from the first time we met.
“Uh, yeah,” I swallow. “Yeah, I do.”
“So, it’s fun.”
“Yeah,” I turn onto my back. “I guess it is a little fun.”
There’s a beat of silence, and for some reason, it feels like my stomach is treading water.
“I appreciate you helping,” he says.
I nod. It’s nice to feel appreciated, even if it’s him telling me.
“And I appreciate you, you could have left me for dead in that library.”
He laughs. “Couldn’t have done that with the way you were angled. I’m not that evil.”
I smile. “How did you find me anyway?”
He scoffs. “Come on, baby, I’m a wolf.”