Chapter 16 - Jasper
Now that everyone knows about the third layer of the tapestry, there’s been a lot going on.
The witches are busy analyzing the thing, and both Ellis and Sawyer are busy coordinating what we should do.
It’s not like I don’t care, obviously I do, but I’ve been more than a little distracted. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t.
Distracted as always by Tara.
It’s as if we take two steps forward, only to take three steps back.
I’m not sure what the connection between us means, and I can’t exactly complain that she’s keeping her distance. I’ve done that before.
But even though we don’t know what’s going on between us, it doesn’t mean that we can’t figure it out together.
Avoiding, as I’ve learned, doesn’t solve anything.
And truthfully, I’ve been missing her. I’ve never missed anyone this much.
I find myself wishing she were still around, wondering what she’s doing, and thinking about her cute, sassy little voice.
This human will be the death of me; I can already tell.
After a heavy training session this morning, and with a rare pocket of free time in my day, I decide I want to torture myself some more.
What better thing is there to do than search for Tara?
I could be resting, swimming, meeting with Sawyer and Ellis, but no—I’m in my wolf form, prowling around our pack territory searching for the human who’s more likely than not going to drive me insane.
Still, for whatever reason, I need to see her.
At least just to know that she’s safe.
We don’t have to talk…
But isn’t that what I said last time I found her in the library?
Look how that turned out.
As I shift and transform into my wolf, I connect with my inner desires.
As someone who’s had practice in suppressing how I feel, I know that as soon as I’m in wolf form, there’s no running from anything anymore.
My wolf knows what it wants. Who it wants.
I growl, thinking back to the way I felt inside her. She was so soft, so sweet, and unbelievably beautiful.
I’ve never fucked like that before; it was like making love.
And what happened?
She ran away.
I get it, sort of. But it’s driving me crazy thinking that I’ll never be able to touch her like that again.
As I run, I hone in on her scent. I can still smell it like we were making love only yesterday.
She’s all I can actually smell whenever I’m in our cabin. I don’t know whether it’s my memory or her lingering scent.
All I know is that she’s flooded my senses to a point I can no longer ignore.
I have to find her, to see her at least.
It’s only seconds before I catch onto her present scent, sweet and honey-like but infused with the smell of anxiety.
I feel in my wolf’s gut that something’s wrong.
Once I shift (being in my wolf around her is too reckless), I see that she’s standing by the border talking to pack members I hoped she’d never meet.
Those who are less tolerant than some of the others. They don’t see me yet. I tune into their conversation.
“If humans ever came across us, they’d likely smile in our faces before throwing spears into our backs.
They’d use our fur for carpets, our teeth for jewelry, and who knows what else.
We’ve read your books, learned your history, that’s just the way you all are.
Duplicitous. You cover your savagery with fake civility, but really, you’re no better than us wolves. ”
I’m about to butt in, but I’m shaken when I hear Tara’s voice raised.
“And how about your history? How about the way you treat the witches?”
“How about the way the witches have treated us?”
“But don’t you see,” Tara cries. “This very attitude is the attitude of the humans you hate. The ones who reject other races, the ones who promote war. Don’t you see that you’re doing the same thing? By hating what’s unfamiliar, you pave the path for violence and war.”
She’s right.
I haven’t been able to articulate the way I’ve been feeling as of late about human shifter relations, but Tara sums it up perfectly.
By hating what’s unfamiliar, you pave the path for violence and war.
I also realize that Tara most likely didn’t just decide to have this chat with them unprovoked.
She usually avoids conflict.
No, they must have been making unsavory comments.
In seconds, I’m by her side, and I watch my pack mates' expressions quickly turn sour.
I clench my fists to cool myself down.
“Tara’s completely right.”
“Alpha—"one of them begins.
“Look, I’m not going to ask what was said, but I’m sure none of it was respectful to my wife.”
Tara is speechless beside me. My shifters don’t dare utter a word.
“And that’s not even the full point. You shouldn’t be hateful to anyone. Doesn’t matter the race, where they’re from, you should always lead with acceptance and kindness. You should always try to get along first before going to war.”
They shift a little.
“Alpha, we didn’t—"
I’m not done.
“I know I haven’t led the best example, and for that I am to blame. I’ve led this pack to believe that shifters are superior to other races, and that outsiders have no place in our pack, but I was wrong.”
“But the witches,” one of them says. “Our valley is still under threat because of them. How could we ever accept people who try to destroy what we have?”
I shake my head.
“That one witch doesn’t represent them all. Neither does the human who wants to use our fur for clothing. There have been bad shifters throughout history, haven’t there? Do they represent us all?”
They’re silent, but I see from the look on their faces that they’re sort of getting the point.
“Look, I’ve been where you’re at, but what I’ve learned is that all that hatred is just fear in disguise. It’s a fear of the unknown and what it could bring. You can spend your time looking for evidence that a human or a witch is inherently evil in order to back up how you feel. But it’s wrong.”
I don’t know where all this has come from. I haven’t even had time to think through these thoughts properly, but the words flow out of me like a river.
I know exactly what to say, and I sincerely believe it.
It’s true, fear causes hate. And it’s only our own mindsets that we have to be afraid of.
Tara is a good person. She’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. The witches, honestly, aren't so bad either.
It’s that Willow who’s the problem.
Us too.
“We’re sorry, Alpha,” one of the guys says. They all have their heads down.
I’m sure that they’re sorry, but I’m not sure that they truly get the point. I’m still so unbelievably pissed that they even dared talk down to Tara.
“It’s not me that you should be apologizing to.”
Tara looks a little anxious, but she’s also being brave. She stares my packmates directly in the eyes, her expression cool and neutral.
I hate that she has to put that brave face on. I hate that she has to go through this experience with my pack mates, and more than anything, I hate the way I’ve treated her in the past.
I’d do anything to take that back now.
“Sorry, Tara,” one of them says.
She shrugs. “It’s okay, I just hope you get the point.”
Her arm is brushing against mine, and for the first time, it truly feels like we’re a team. Husband and wife, as though our marriage is real.
It feels nice.
“You know I want you guys to always be open with me. If you have any issues with what I’m saying, I want you to say it.”
One of my female packmates speaks first. “Look, it’s difficult, okay. Not all of us have gotten together with a human; it’s going to take some time.”
I respect Jade because she speaks her mind. I appreciate it. At the same time, I don’t like the way she’s looking at or speaking about Tara.
I remind myself that I was once as ignorant as her to calm myself down.
“I get it,” I say. “But I won’t tolerate any disrespect toward Tara, got it?”
She nods.
“Yes?” I ask them all.
“Understood, Alpha.”
“Understood.”
“Sure, Alpha, understood.”
“You’re all dismissed.”
One by one, they shift into their wolf forms and head back into the pack.
There’s still a silent tension between me and Tara, but my protective instincts take over.
“Are you okay?” I ask her, settling my arms around her shoulders. She’s so small, so human, and all those shifters want to gang up on her and make her feel scared? Makes me sick.
“I’m fine,” she says, her eyes darting to my hands, which I quickly remove.
“I’m sorry about them. Some of my shifters let their emotions get the best of them sometimes. It’s going to take some time, but they’ll get there; they’re not bad people.”
Hell, somehow, I got here.
But I understand not all of us are so lucky to have Tara as a fake, but not-so-fake, wife. Some of us just have to listen to what our Alphas say.
“I get it,” Tara mumbles. “I just lost my patience a little. But I appreciate you stepping in, you didn’t have to do that, so. Yeah. That was pretty cool.”
I love it when she gets awkward.
I don’t know why, it’s fucking weird, but it makes my dick hard.
She makes my dick hard.
But I’m not trying to think with my dick.
“It’s cool,” I say. “I’ve learned a lot, too.”
There’s a pause.
“Anyway, let me take you home? It would be good to chat.”
She inhales slowly, it’s as though she’s about to go underwater, taking a huge breath. I have a feeling she’s going to say no.
“I was actually about to see Lacey, that’s why I’m at the border.”
“Oh, okay.”
“But I’ll be back later. Not sure when, maybe dinner time. But you don’t have to cook or anything like that. Not that you were going to, but yes, later.”
I’m starting to enjoy the awkward energy between us. Mainly because I don’t find things awkward, but I love that she does.
The human part of her is becoming increasingly endearing—so different, yet the differences feel good.
“Have a good time, Tara,” I smile. “I’ll see you when you’re back.”
I watch her leave the pack, taking in the way her perfect hips swing from side to side.
I consider following her, just to make sure that she gets there safely, but decide against it. I’ve done enough stalking for today.
But as I begin to head back to the cabin, there’s a nagging feeling that stops me in my tracks.
“Jared,” I call to one of the guards on duty. “Make sure she gets to Sawyer’s safe, will you?”
“Yes, Alpha. No problem.”
***
When Tara returns, unlike usual, I’m not thinking about her or waiting for her; instead, I’m outdoors chopping wood.
I just got off a phone call with Penelope, who told me that the rate at which the witches are making potions is paling in comparison to the rate of expansion of forest decay.
News that every shifter Alpha wants to hear, of course.
For thirty minutes there, I wasn’t thinking about Tara but actually about the unbelievably dire situation at hand.
Then she appeared.
I forget about the wood I’m chopping, or the issues of the forest, and drop my axe before gazing at her.
It’s nighttime, the skies are dark, but the moonlight is bright, and beneath it, I notice her silk-smooth skin and those wild eyes.
“I did make dinner,” I say. “There’s a plate for you in the fridge.”
She takes a look at my torso, lightly dripping with sweat, and then quickly gazes somewhere else.
Tara can be shy—I’ve always known that, beneath her sometimes hard exterior, she’s just a sweet girl who is sometimes at a loss for what to say.
It only makes me want her more.
“Thanks,” she says. “Are you coming inside?”
I glance at the pile of chopped wood by my feet. Didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped, but there are bigger issues at hand.
“Yeah,” I respond. “And let me guess, you want me to put on a shirt?”
She shrugs. “Hey, I’m used to it at this point. Sweaty, shifter abs aren’t that offensive to me anymore.”
Progress, I suppose.
Once we’re inside, Tara heads straight for the kitchen, and I put that shirt on.
I sit with her by the table as she forks mouthfuls of my chili and rice.
“How was Lacey?”
“Fine,” she responds between bites. “Anxious about what’s going on, obviously, but okay.”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Honestly, it’s getting harder and harder not to be. Penelope told me that the witches are struggling to make enough potion on time.”
“Really?”
“Yep. The decay is working fast.”
“Okay,” Tara says. “So that’s exactly why I need to be able to help out with investigating the clues behind the tapestry.”
This again. Of course.
“Tara.”
“Don’t Tara me. Don’t say my name, I don’t want to hear it.”
I laugh. “Okay, human, I won’t say your name. But what I will say is that we have this under control; you don’t need to go investigating.”
“Do you have it under control?” She questions. “Because based on your call with Penelope, it seems like no one’s got any idea about what to do.”
She has a point there.
“But I just don’t understand what it is that you think you alone can do? What other information do you have?”
I’m trying to be sensitive, and I don’t want to insult her here. But the truth is, all her getting involved in seems to be is dangerous. Other than what she’s done, I don’t see what other value she could provide.
I want her to be safe.
“I’ve been researching a lot. I’m good with books, and I think I can use that.
Like, for example, I learned that when it comes to recurring curses, the clues get more and more abstract and complicated as the layers go on.
I also learned that for each round of a curse, the solution is more similar than it is different.
“So, the last two times, something in the forest had to be found and destroyed, right? It’s going to be the same, just the object, or whatever it is, is going to be slightly different.”
Tara continues eating my chili as though she's just said the most casual thing in the world.
I can’t lie, the woman is smart.
“If I still tell you not to get involved, you’re not going to listen, are you?”
She shrugs. “Lacey says that I can do research with her there, and I can team up with the witches, too.”
I smile. “So, you asking for permission, is really just what? A courtesy?”
She makes a sarcastic face. “Well, you are my Alpha.”
“Fine,” I lean back in my chair. “But out of respect for your Alpha, will you just please promise not to go hunting in the forest alone?”
She tries to hide it, but I notice a genuine smile. “Yes, Alpha. You have my word.”