Chapter 10 Quinn
I listened to Jett and Ash talk about their practice session as my fingers tightened around my cell. He wouldn’t text me back; he hardly ever did, even when we were on good terms. Gray wasn’t big on communication.
You would think that with him being so quiet, text would be his thing — he didn’t need to actually speak to anyone, and he could remain his reclusive self. But no, he just didn’t text people.
Jett slung his arm over my shoulders, and I felt his kiss on the side of my head. He had done it since we were twelve, ever since my mom died. It was his way of giving me comfort.
“I’m sorry I pushed,” he told me as we walked to their dorm.
“I know,” I answered him, and I saw Ash look at us both and look away.
“Gray said you were quiet on the walk home the other night,” Jett told me, and I fought the eye roll. He would never give up. It wasn’t who he was, and suddenly, I needed Gray here more than I realized.
“Lot on my mind.” I shrugged off his shoulder and fixed the strap of my book bag.
“You need to help us,” Ash blurted. I looked at him with wide eyes. He never spoke about it. Not to me. I understood his reluctance, I did. I’d hurt him, and he’d hurt me, which meant the gulf between us was wide, no matter how tentative our truce.
“I told them already, I really don’t.”
He stopped walking and glared down at me. “How the hell can you be so cold?” Ash shook his head as he looked away from us both, his jaw clenched. “I know you, Quinn, I know you push your feelings down, and I know you think it makes you strong, but right now, it’s making you weak.”
My anger flared. “What the hell did you just say to me?”
“You’re hiding.” Ash gave me his full attention. “You’re hiding behind your fear, and it’s pathetic.”
I would have been less shocked if he’d slapped me.
Fuck him and fuck this. “Hiding? I’m not hiding, I have nothing to hide.
You know everything, and everything you didn’t know, you ignorant bastards went snooping in and tried to find out anyway.
Despite me telling you not to. Despite me begging my friends to leave it alone, you had zero consideration for what I felt, what I was going through or what I wanted! ”
Ash took a step back at my fury, and I saw him pale. “Queeny—”
“No!” I snapped at him and took a few steps away from them both. “No. You don’t get to do this to me; it was my loss. It’s my heartache. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
I strode away from them, my anger fueling my steps, and I’d walked halfway home when I realized that I wasn’t alone. Turning my head, I looked at Jett, who gave me his usual smirk, and I fought the sigh.
“I stormed off,” I muttered at him, and I heard his snort of amusement.
“It was very dramatic, had real flair,” he answered easily as he stepped beside me.
“You’re such a dick,” I told him. “You can’t even let me walk away in peace.”
“A random dude bruised you the other night. He knew who you were. I’m not letting you out of any of our sights until we either find him or his friends.”
My steps slowed as I looked around us. It was true that the nights were getting darker, but I had never felt unsafe on campus. “You think it’s them?”
“I don’t know, it’s unlikely. More likely it’s a pissed off rival team’s fan. Or some douche who’s into women who are far out of his league.”
My hands tightened in my pockets. “Not making me feel at ease here.”
“I don’t want you to be complacent.”
“I can look after myself,” I argued as we reached my dorm.
“Course you can.” Jett strode past me and waited at the door. “What?” he asked as he looked down at me. “You wanted to talk nutrition, I’m all yours.”
Reminding myself repeatedly that he was my best friend — and it was wrong to stab him — I climbed the stairs and opened my door.
We spoke for thirty minutes or so about the things I needed for my class assignment.
My professor had looked over my work earlier, and, realizing I had been more or less looking after the boys since I was serious enough to know what I wanted to do with my life, she decided to throw me a curve ball for extra credit.
I had to introduce new food to them, new high-fat food, and make it balance with their exercise, training, and other food intake.
I was very lucky in that all of the boys on the football team were serious about their game. Most were hopeful for the draft, and those who weren’t, well, they weren’t letting their teammates down by living off pizza and chips.
Jett was looking between the list and me with furtive glances. “If you make me eat it, I’ll die.”
“I thought I was the drama queen?” I goaded him as I nudged his shoulder.
“Queeny, I can’t, I’ll throw up.”
“It’s because it’s green, isn’t it?” I asked him shrewdly. “What if I blend it into a drink? Like a protein shake.”
“I’m going to barf.”
Sighing, I leaned back into my sofa. “Well, I need one of you to eat it.”
“Make Gray do it,” Jett said instantly.
“That’s cheating, he already eats it on toast with a boiled egg.” I pointed at my spreadsheets. “See, three days a week.”
Jett peered at the screen and then back to me. “He’s so fucking weird,” he said to me.
“It’s just avocado,” I muttered. “It’s not like it’s chicken feet.”
“Gray eats them anyway,” Jett mused. “If it’s got chicken in the title, he’s munching on down.”
I giggled despite myself. “Fine, you can skip avocado, but I’m putting it in your food diary, and you will lie and say you ate it.”
“Why can’t Ash eat it?” Jett read over the list of foods.
“I could, but I need him to eat the raw eggs.”
“He’s never going to do it.” He leaned back beside me, his voice strong with confidence. “He knows they build muscle. He doesn’t want to tip over his weight.”
“I know. Ugh, at this rate, I’m tempted to make you all smoothies and not tell you what’s in them.”
“You should have gone with that plan.” Jett nodded as he grinned at me. “But now you can’t, because I know it’s raw eggs and avocado.” He stuck his fingers down his throat, and I laughed along with him.
We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he ruined it.
“What’s going on with you and my brother?”
“Which one?” I teased him, hoping my voice didn’t give away my nerves.
“You know which one.”
“Nothing. Why would you say there was?” I moved forward, ready to stand, ready to walk away from him. His hand clasped around my wrist as he pulled me back.
“I will never hate you. I will never leave you. I will never judge you.”
The words caused my throat to close and my eyes to fill with tears. Blinking rapidly, I turned my head away from him. “Jett . . .”
“You need to tell me. He’s off, more off than normal, and I know it’s more than he has a paper due. I can’t help him if I don’t know how,” Jett spoke quietly.
“You should speak to your twin.”
“I’m speaking to you,” he countered. “We both know Gray won’t tell me shit unless he thinks I already know.
” Turning on my light cream sofa, he faced me, even though I wasn’t facing him.
“You’re not a coward, never have been. You jumped into that water the first day we met, completely fearless.
You’ve been fearless ever since.” He reached out and pulled my hair gently.
“You’re my family, Quinn. He’s my brother, my twin. Don’t shut me out like he is.”
“I’m not shutting you out.”
“Then be honest with me. Do it like when we were kids and we played question and answer. Don’t think about it, just tell me the truth.”
I hated that game when we were younger, and I knew I would hate it now.
Turning in my seat, I faced him like he was facing me.
His eyes were full of concern as he watched me cautiously, probably scared I was either going to break down or run.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure which one I was going with either.
“We’re too old for games, no?” I asked him as I plucked the sleeve of my sweater.
“Nah, I play hide the sausage with Ava every chance I get.”
The sheer ridiculousness of his statement made me laugh, and then we were both laughing. It eased the tension and weirdly made me feel calmer. Clearing my throat, I ran my hands through my hair as I moved in my seat, getting comfy, crossing my legs in preparation.
“You tell me, I’ll tell them. Deal?” Jett asked me as he sat up straighter. “Like we used to do.”
“You mean when I told you in secret I thought Dustin was cute, and you told Gray and Ash, and Gray punched him three days later?” I asked him with a smile. “Or the time I told you, in secret, that Gina wanted to make out with me, and Ash asked her in class if it was true and could he watch?”
“Okay, we’re dicks, but you already know this.” Jett gave a shoulder shrug. “And Ash ended up screwing Gina at the summer fair. He was always her end goal, not you. He knew it, everyone knew it, just not you.”
“Wow. My one and only female admirer, and you take that illusion from me too?” I asked him in mock outrage.
“I genuinely thought you knew, fuck, I thought everyone knew.”
“Ugh, I hate you all.” I pulled a cushion into my face and yelled. Firm hands tugged the cushion from me, and I looked up into his unwavering stare.
“Fine. What do you want to know?”
“Was it abortion or adoption?”
I swallowed as I met his steady look. My throat was tight, and I was a little unprepared for how he just came right out with it. “Adoption. I would never . . . I wouldn’t.”
“Did you change your mind?”
“Yes.”
“How far along were you?” Jett’s face was set, and I couldn’t read him. His foot nudged mine, and I rubbed my nose.
“Sixteen weeks.”
“Four months?”
“Yes.”
He nodded. “When did you decide to go to an adoption agency?”
“About ten or eleven weeks, I think.”
“When did you find out you were pregnant?”
“Seven weeks.”
“You dealt with it alone for four weeks before you decided to give it up?” His tone was slightly harder, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You wouldn’t understand.” I broke the stare off, and I heard him snort.