23. Marissa
TWENTY-THREE
MARISSA
"Thank you so much for coming out."
My book club group is a little smaller tonight, but I'm excited to see that Katie has decided to show up. Char looks up, giving me a smirk. "After having read this book." She holds it up. "I need everyone else to talk with me about that scene."
I smirk back at her. "Which scene?" Although I have a feeling I know which one she's talking about.
"The one where she takes him down her throat as she's driving home."
It always takes me a few minutes to disconnect the fact that this woman is the wife of our church deacon, and that she's also just a woman who is learning to tell others what she wants. Considering what I do for a living, and how open I want women to be, I still have a hard time. Maybe at some point I'll be able to separate the two. Laughing, I shake my head. "I'm still not used to hearing you say those types of things, Char."
"I know." She runs her hand over her face. "It's different for me too, but you've empowered me, Marissa."
"I have?" Tears pool in my eyes. This is the sweetest thing anyone has said to me. It's what I wanted when I opened Enchanted Chapters. There was no place like this in Azure Ridge, or even in the three towns around us. It was important to me that we have a safe place.
"Yeah." She reaches out, grabbing my hand in hers. "I'm older than you, and I think that plays into what I'm about to tell you. I grew up in a time when it wasn't okay to express your sexuality. My daughters? They suffered for it. Not long ago, they told me it was hard for them to be what their husbands asked of them, and what they wanted to do for themselves. In that instant, I knew that my hang-ups had become theirs. More than anything, I wanted a way to flip the script, so to speak." She grins, as she uses terminology she isn't used to. "I have granddaughters, and I want them to be the type of women we couldn't be."
"Agreed..." One of the other members says as she stands up. "Sex was a dirty word in my household, not because of any of the ways we liked to have it, but because it was seen as something women weren't supposed to enjoy. It was meant for the pleasure of men, and to expand the family. That's all."
I've never told anyone what I'm about to, but we're all grown ups, and I'm close with these women. They've kept me going through the last few months. "It was the same for me. It's one of the reasons I left Cain."
There are murmurs around the room. "Oh Marissa, I wish you would've spoken to me about that." Char reaches out, grabbing my hand in hers. She gives it a reassuring squeeze.
"I didn't reach out to anyone. Honestly, I didn't realize it was this big of an issue around here. At the time, I felt like it was a me problem. More than anything, I wanted Cain to do the things I read about in books. I didn't want us to be embarrassed or afraid to try new things, and neither one of us knew how to approach the subject. Had we known, we probably wouldn't be where we are now."
Char looks around the room. "Which is why we need to teach our daughters and granddaughters that it's okay to ask for what you want. It doesn't mean you're loose, or a slut, or any of the bad words so many people liked to use. It makes us human, and women. We're beautiful, and it's not a bad thing to enjoy being with our husbands. We should feel safe with them, and you've helped to open up that dialogue, Marissa. You should be proud of yourself."
For the first time since I opened Enchanted Chapters, I can see beyond what it means to me. This place saved me when I wasn't sure where I was going in life. When I didn't understand necessarily why, I had to leave Cain to make a difference to the situation we were going through. But that's what this group, and this place, has given me.
"I am." I grin. "Anybody up for a few drinks?"
The question is met with a round of yesses, and as a group, we head toward the only bar in Azure Ridge.
We don't always decide to go to the bar after book club, but tonight, we thought it was a great idea. I'm three drinks and a shot in. I'm feeling great, and dancing with Katie as we hold our drinks in our hands.
"Thank you for inviting me out," she yells over the music. "I'm nervous about the wedding, and this has been the best distraction."
"You're welcome. This is the best night I've had in a while, too." Going to a bar wasn't something that Cain and I did a lot, although we had a couple of nights where we had fun. I never did this with the girls, but this has been a really good time. We dance over to the edge of the crowd. It's hot in here, and both of us seem to need a break.
She leans in, pointing toward the entrance. "Isn't that Cain?"
Glancing up to where she's indicating, I see my husband. "That sure is." He looks hot as fuck, a worn t-shirt covers what I know is a muscular chest. His tattoo is equally hot as fuck. When he'd gotten it I'd been so surprised, because it was so unlike anything he'd ever done before. I'm about to start walking toward him, when someone grabs my arm from behind.
"Hey baby, been watching you all night. Let's dance."
I jerk my arm away, but he hangs on tightly. My stomach aches as anxiety creeps into my throat. "Let me go."
He circles his free arm around my waist, and that's when someone else comes up to us. The presence of this person is throwing off irritation and anger. Glancing up, I'm surprised to see my husband. "Cain..."
"Leave, my guy. I've been watching her all night. She's mine."
The noise in Cain's throat can be heard, even over the sound of the music. "Get your goddamn hands off my wife."
Even I'm a little terrified of the man who has only ever touched me reverently. The wild look in his eyes is enough for the guy beside me to drop my arm. "Didn't realize she was married." He mumbles.
"She's wearing a motherfucking ring."
I look down at my hand, and it's true. For a few weeks after I left, I didn't wear one. Recently I've started wearing it again. I don't expect anyone to notice, other than me, but this man should. Especially if he's planning on taking someone home.
"I wasn't interested," I assure my husband.
"I know you weren't, but if this piece of shit doesn't get his hand off you, we're going to have a problem."
His eyes haven't strayed from where his fingers circle my wrist now. He may have dropped the arm, but he hasn't let go completely. "Until she says she wants me to move on, you can keep dreaming, buddy."
It's been a long time since my husband looked this damn obsessed with me, like he would be ready to go to war for me. But here it is. It's everything I've wanted, and fuck if it's not a huge turn on. Cain glances at me, and our eyes meet. In a hot second, Cain has this man's hand off me, and he's holding him on the ground.
"You motherfucker," the guy sputters.
Around us, everyone is watching. It's one of the hottest things I've ever seen my husband do. "The best thing for you will be to leave before I arrest you." Cain continues, helping him up.
"Arrest me?"
"Yeah." He flashes his badge. "Good luck with the judge when I tell him you were threatening the wife of a police officer.
We both watch as my would-be flirter runs as if his heels are on fire. It would be funny in any other instance, but right now I'm hot as hell, and judging by the ridge in Cain's jeans, he is, too. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, Cain. I'm ready. Are you going to take me home?"
Holding out his hand, he motions for mine. With no regrets, I slip mine into his, and together we head out of the bar. We're going home, but I have no idea what's going to happen once we get there. I know what I'm praying will happen, but who knows if the man in front of me will follow through. The old me would ask a ton of questions, but this, Marissa? She's going to let whatever this is play out and enjoy the fuck out of it.