Chapter 59
Ryan
“There’s a match tomorrow,” I say, lying next to her.
I stroke the length of her body as she keeps her eyes closed.
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you want to come?”
She rolls towards me and opens her eyes.
“Do you want me to come?”
“Yes.” I really do. When she’s there, in the stands, I feel energised, motivated, as if I’m playing for something more important. As if I’m playing for her. And it’s strange, intense. It’s surprising, but at the same time, it pulses an adrenaline through my whole body, pumping my blood faster.
“I’m sure I could find the time.”
“You could?”
“I’ll have to check my diary.”
I grab her hips and pull her on top of me.
Jesus. She fits so well there.
“Don’t joke around.”
“Has anyone ever told you how controlling you are? It’s a little psychopathic.”
“Runs in the family.”
“I don’t know if I like that about you.”
“Well, you like other things about me…right?” I ask her, trying to joke around – but a little insecurity in my voice betrays me.
“Maybe,” she says, tracing along my chest with her finger.
“Like what? Let’s hear it…”
“Well, your muscles, for a start.”
“You’re so predictable.”
“Not to mention your abs. The first time I saw you with your shirt off, in your parents’ garden, I thought I might come.”
I burst out laughing, making her wobble on top of me.
“That: that’s what I actually like.”
“Mmm?”
“Your laugh.”
“Really?” I ask, curious.
“You don’t laugh much – actually, until a few weeks ago, you never laughed. I remember the first time you did, I felt my legs tremble and…”
“And what?”
“And something else trembled, too…” she says, hesitantly. “Something a little further up.”
I exhale deeply and take the leap. “Something here?” I say, pointing to her chest.
She nods, avoiding my gaze.
I roll her onto her back and lie down next to her, making sure she’s looking at me while I talk to her.
“The first time you smiled at me, I thought I was losing my mind,” I start, hesitating now too.
“I was used to women smiling at me, but they were always so fake, flashing their grins at you, thinking they had some sort of hold over you. Those smiles that are only focused on one thing. But yours comes from here,” I say, pointing to her stomach.
“And from here,” I say, pointing to her heart.
“And it’s real, it’s spontaneous. It’s stunning.
When you smile, Christine, I think I could dive into it. Drown in it.”
“Oh… wow.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not.”
“It isn’t easy for me to say things like this.”
“Of course not, Mr. Muscle. I get it – it could ruin your reputation.”
“No, that’s not it. I was a different person before.”
“Interesting.”
“I was innocent, ambitious. And then, one day, I woke up and my life had come crashing down around me. My dream has disappeared.”
Her expression is suddenly serious.
“And now, I think I could make a new dream. But I’m scared of waking up and seeing that it’s all gone again.”
Christine strokes my face with both hands. “If you’re talking about me, you should know by now that I’m not exactly easy to get rid of,” she says, smiling tenderly.
I stroke her face, too. “I really hope not.”
Then there’s nothing else to say. There’s no need.
There are only our lips, our breathing, our caresses.
There’s her and there’s me, and everything we take from each other.
There are our new dreams. Dreams that we’re building together.
“Before you two start with your hilarious jokes, I have something to tell you.”
Jamie and Ian look at me, without a word.
“I’ve invited Christine to the game.”
Still nothing.
“And I think I’ll be inviting her to all our games from now on.”
They nod, slowly.
“And I want you to stop taking the piss for it.”
Jamie holds his hands up. “You’re taking the piss out of yourself, mate.”
“Sure, like you weren’t ready to jump all over me.”
“No, Ryan. I already told you you’re not my type. Too many…muscles.”
“Me?”
“Sure. I’d look like a complete loser next to you.”
“What the fuck…?”
“Besides, I don’t like rugby players. Wouldn’t want them to steal my thunder.”
I shake my head, exasperated.
“Also,” Ian cuts in, “We already knew Chris was here.”
“How?”
“You’re forgetting that Nick’s out there, too.”
Right. One brother too many.
“So why didn’t you jump down my throat straight away, as usual?”
Ian smiles. “We were doing it to make you move your arse in the right direction. But you’ve already taken the hint. You don’t need us to push you anymore.”
I cross my arms.
“Wow, someone’s starting to actually believe in all that crap. That’ll be Jamie’s terrible influence.”
“Hey, watch your mouth. I’m still your captain.”
“You can’t say a fucking thing to me off the field.”
“Just you wait, mate.”
“I’ll leave you two to your bickering. I want to call Riley before the first whistle,” Ian walks away, as I sit down on the bench. Jamie plops down next to me and starts to churn out one of his pearls of wisdom.
“You know, I don’t really believe in this kind of stuff…” he starts, his expression serious. “But other people do. I mean, look at Ian…and now you,” he turns to me, catching my gaze. “I think that the people we choose to surround ourselves with make us better. You know why?”
I shake my head.
“Because they see what’s inside us and reach out to us anyway. And it isn’t always pretty, what you find inside yourself. Sometimes it’s easier not to look at all, and by ourselves, mate, we don’t have the courage to face what we’re hiding. But if someone takes your hand, anything seems possible.”
I listen to him, spellbound by his wisdom.
“I can’t do it.”
“Jamie…”
“No, I don’t want to talk about myself. I’m only saying it because I want you to understand how difficult it can be to reach out. And it’s even more difficult to keep hold of that person. But sometimes it’s the only way to save yourself.”
“You’ve lost me.”
Jamie smiles. “You’ll get it.”
He gets up and walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts and his words, which start to take shape in my mind. I think I’m starting to get what he means.
When I step out onto the field, the crowd is going mad.
We’re almost at the finals of the championship, at the top of the league.
The fans are crazy this season, supporting us like never before.
The team is the best it’s ever been, the guys all in perfect shape physically.
They’re motivated; but today, I have one more thing to motivate me. And she’s sitting in the stands.
I never thought a woman could give me this kind of motivation, that shimmer of adrenaline. The force that keeps you running faster, making joy explode in your chest every time you score a try.
I never really believed in it – not even when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone. But today, I believe it.
Today, I believe in something new. Something unexpected, and wonderful.
Something that’s watching me from the crowd, wearing a Leinster jersey. Something that, after I’ve won, after I’ve celebrated in the changing rooms, I’ll find waiting for me.
At home.
As soon as I come out of the grounds, I run straight over to hers.
She opens the front door for me, still wearing the team jersey which hangs down to her knees, a pair of culottes poking out from underneath.
I kick the door shut, scooping her up in my arms and making her take a few steps backwards. I push my mouth against hers, my longing for her overwhelming. I try to make it to the stairs, to take her up to her bedroom, but we both fall on the third step.
“Please, tell me Evan’s not home. I don’t think I can make it upstairs this time,” I tell her, panting.
“Evan’s staying at a friend’s.” She beams, her smile reaching her ears.
And then she throws herself on top of me.
She grabs my face, then rips off my clothes, stripping away my fears, my insecurities. She strips me of all my bullshit, of everything I’ve done and said. She takes away the person I used to be in a past life: because this life, with her, is new.
I’m new.
I’m a new Ryan O’Connor, and I’m hers.
She pulls my shirt over my head and lets her eyes run over me for a few seconds, her face flushed and her eyes brimming with desire. She goes to take off her own shirt too, but I stop her.
“Fuck no, leave it on. It looks so sexy on you.”
Christine laughs, but it’s interrupted the moment my mouth meets hers again.
“I couldn’t think of anything else when I saw you in the crowd,” I pant onto her lips.
She grabs my hair and shuts me up with another kiss that sets me alight.
“Do you realise what you’re doing?”
“Do you realise you’re talking too much?”
I laugh too, before standing up, keeping her clutched against me. I climb the stairs to her room, laughing like an idiot, because I’m happy: and holy shit, I really want to be happy.
I throw her onto the bed, making her laugh too. I quickly take off the rest of my clothes, as she whips off her panties before I can tear them to pieces, and I join her on the bed, completely covering her body with mine.
“Christine…” I say, my heart racing.
“Don’t say anything, Ryan, or you’ll ruin it. Make me come again and we can talk after.”
I laugh, as I push my cock inside her.
But I don’t just give her one orgasm.
Nope. I’m Ryan O’Connor, for fuck’s sake.
And I always do more.
Much more.