Chapter Twenty-Two
Ellie
“You ready, Ellie?”
I looked up at Beck. The two of us were driving to Mark and Abby’s to pick up Chrissy and Tabby. Ryder and Blade had gone for a ride on their bikes. I didn’t know how long they would be gone, but I was looking forward to spending some time getting to know Beck.
“Yup, I have Ryder’s keys, so we don’t have to worry about car seats.”
Beck nodded, and we climbed into Ryder’s truck and drove to Mark and Abby’s house.
“Ellie,” Beck sighed. “I wanted to thank you for convincing Ryder to go for a ride with Micah. Those two have needed to talk for a while, but they’re both so stubborn.”
“I’m still new around here so I didn’t understand the dynamic. But from what Ryder told me today, he believed that Blade had left him behind. That he didn’t want Ryder in his life.”
“Well, that’s not even close to true,” Beck cried.
I reached over and placed a hand on her arm. I knew she was pregnant, and stress was never good for anyone, let alone a pregnancy.
“I know. I think Ryder just didn’t see it because he isn’t part of the club.”
Beck let out a heavy breath. “Stubborn ass men.”
I chuckled at her words. “That’s what I told Ryder.”
Beck looked over at me, and we both laughed.
“I like you, Ellie. I like you for Ryder. And for his girls.”
We arrived at Ryder’s parents’ home, and they insisted we have dinner with them. Abby was thrilled to hear that Ryder and Blade were out riding together.
When dinner was done, Abby asked about keeping the girls overnight. Her reasoning was that it would be easier for everyone since Mark and Abby would be taking care of the girls during the book signing tomorrow.
“I don’t know; I told Ryder I would pick them up and bring them home,” I reminded her.
“Ellie, if you were their mom, what would you decide?” Beck asked.
I looked at her, confused.
“But I’m not their mom.”
“Honey, my son trusts you. Go on back to the apartment. When he comes home, if he wants them home, call me, and I will bring them over,” Abby pressed.
“I don’t know.”
I looked around the room at the girls. Ryder trusted me to watch over his girls. I had to make the right decision.
“It’s ok, Ellie,” Chrissy tried to assure me.
I kneeled down in front of the little girl. I never actually answered Ryder when he asked me if I wanted to be their mom, but I did.
So much.
“I don’t know what the right answer is here, Chrissy,” I told her honestly.
“Daddy is ready, but you aren’t ready yet.” Chrissy sounded sad.
“Ready for what?”
“To be our mom,” she whispered.
I pulled her into my arms. She seemed so sad.
I looked up at Abby and Beck, as Beck asked, “What would you do if you were their mom, Ellie?”
“I would let them stay,” I said confidently.
The decision was made. The girls would be staying tonight. When Ryder got home, I would explain why I made the decision, and his reaction would tell me everything I needed to know.
Beck and I said goodnight to the girls and drove back to the bookstore. We went back upstairs to wait for Ryder and Blade to get back.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Beck said.
“I’m not sure I made the right decision,” I answered honestly.
“I would tell you to stop second-guessing yourself, but I hear that is a mother’s lot in life.” She laughed. “Hell, I second-guess everything every day and I am only a few months along. My kid isn’t even here yet.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Eh, I have good days and bad days. Mostly bad days it seems. Morning sickness sucks. And FYI, it isn’t just mornings. I don’t know who named it that, but it must have been a man. The other night, I woke up at two a.m. throwing up in our bed. How Micah puts up with me I have no idea. The man is a saint. He just got up, got me in the shower, and changed the bedding while I cleaned myself up.”
“That’s a good man; he must really love you.”
“He does. I’ve loved him my whole life. I never thought I would be this happy. Never thought I would have a family.”
“Why not?”
“My whole world collapsed the day Micah died. I thought no one could ever replace him. Then I met Blade and started feeling things I had only ever felt with Micah. Turns out there was a reason for that.” She chuckled.
“I want a love like that. One that withstands death,” I said quietly.
“No, you don’t. Trust me. The past ten years have been hell for me. Yea, everything is great now, but honestly, I won’t survive losing him again. And that worries me every day.”
“But now you have the baby. Moms can endure anything for the sake of their babies.”
“Not all moms,” Beck whispered.
“Yea, not all moms.” I sighed in agreement with her. “But we know what not to do, which means we can’t be anything but great moms now.”
Beck smiled, but didn’t respond because Blade and Ryder walked in just then.
“Girls asleep?” Ryder asked.
“Micah, let’s go home,” Beck said, jumping up from the couch and walking toward Blade.
“Everything ok?” he asked.
“Yep.” Turning back to me Beck said, “I had a great time tonight. We will be doing this again!”
“I would love to; maybe next time, a few more can join us,” I suggested.
“Absolutely. We can go to The Queen’s Diamond when Grace is working.”
“You can’t drink, Becca,” Blade reminded her.
“They have more than just alcohol.” Beck turned to me, shaking her head. “You’ve got this.” She winked and dragged Blade out of the apartment.
“Got what?” Ryder asked.
“Um, well, the girls aren’t here,” I stammered out quickly.
A slow smile spread across Ryder’s face as he stalked toward me.
“Does that mean we have the place to ourselves?”
He reached out for me, pulling me against his chest. His lips descended to mine in a kiss that spoke of excitement and possession. His tongue slid between my lips and wrestled with mine for control. I pulled back before we got further into what was clearly on Ryder’s mind.
“Aren’t you going to ask where they are?”
Ryder looked at me, confused. “I just assumed they stayed with my parents.”
“They did. Your mom asked if they could stay the night since they would just be picking them up in the morning, anyway.”
“Ok,” he said, leaning down toward my lips again.
Pushing at his chest, I groaned.
“Ok? That’s it? Your mom forced me to decide. She wouldn’t call you and ask. She wouldn’t let me call you. She wanted me to decide.”
Ryder stepped back, nodding his head. He sat on the stool at the island and pulled me to stand between his legs.
“What’s going on, Ellie?”
“I’m not their mom. I shouldn’t be making decisions about them.”
“Do you not want to be their mom? I asked you that earlier, but you didn’t actually give me an answer. Did I read it wrong in the office, Ellie? I thought when we talked today, we were on the same page.”
I looked up at the ceiling. I could feel the tears welling up and didn’t want them spilling out. I wanted them all: Chrissy, Tabby, and Ryder. Wanted them more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted this family more than I wanted to find my brother.
“Ellie, if you don’t want—”
“Shut up,” I whispered. “Just shut up. Of course I want you; I want all of you.”
As I felt the first tear slip through my closed eyelids, I knew I was losing the battle. Why was I crying? I learned early in life that tears didn’t get you anything, but here I was, standing in front of the man of my dreams, and I couldn’t control anything.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Ryder asked, standing up and taking me in his arms.
“I don’t know. I thought you would be mad. I thought you would yell at me and tell me I had no right to decide for the girls, that they weren’t mine and they never would be.”
I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.
“God, Ryder, I love those girls so much it physically hurts. How can I love them like they are mine? I have only known them for two months, but they mean everything to me.” I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face. “You mean everything to me.”
Ryder slammed his lips against mine, holding me tight against him. His kiss was demanding and relentless, and it felt as if he were trying to consume my soul.
That’s what it was. He consumed me. He told me without words I belonged to him. He stole my breath as easily as he stole my heart.
“I fucking love you, Ellie. I want you to be their mom. I want you to be my wife.”
I gasped at his words. He couldn’t mean them. Just a week ago, he tried to tell me goodbye. He wanted to let me go.
“I was an asshole. Since that first day you walked into my store, I have been trying to deny that I wanted you. Then, earlier, seeing you talking to Grayson while you held my girls. You didn’t push them away; you didn’t hand them off to someone else so you could flirt with him.”
“I wasn’t—” He placed a finger over my lips, silencing me.
“I know you weren’t flirting with Grayson. That’s my point. You were just talking to someone you had met. You talked to him like you talk to the guys in the club. Like you talk to my dad. It was at that moment I realized what I was doing. I was comparing you to Tammi, waiting for you to act like her so I could prove to myself I didn’t want you. That I didn’t need you.”
He took a deep breath, laying his forehead against mine.
“It was Romeo who showed me how different you were. I owe him for helping me to get my head out of my ass and stake my claim over you. And make no mistake, Ellie, I am claiming you. We can go as fast or as slow as you want, but I want you here, with me. With my girls.”
I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I jumped, forcing him to grab my ass and lift me so I could wrap my legs around his waist.
“Take me to bed, Ryder. We’re alone tonight, and I want you to make me scream.”
“Fuck yea,” he hissed.
He held me against him, spinning around as he carried me to his room before throwing me on the bed.
“Get naked, Ellie. Now,” he commanded.
I laid on the bed, watching Ryder take off his clothes. Once he removed his clothes, he stood there watching me. My eyes traveled down the length of his chest. He didn’t have a lot of ink, but what he did centered around his girls. Across each pec, he had a tiny footprint with each of the girls’ names.
It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.
My eyes moved further down before landing on his cock. His very impressive cock. I watched as he stroked himself, and I got lost in the memory of that first night we were together.
I never saw him then. He was behind me the whole time.
Tonight, I wanted to see everything.
“Ellie,” Ryder growled. “You aren’t naked.”
“I’m enjoying the show.”
I sat up and moved to the side of the bed. Sitting on the edge with my feet on the floor, I reached out for him. Pulling him forward, I replaced his hand with mine.
“You’ve tasted me twice now. I need to catch up,” I told him, my eyes never leaving his cock.
“This isn’t a competition,” he hissed, as I swiped my tongue across the head of his dick.
I looked up at Ryder with a grin.
“Not one you would win, anyway.”