Chapter 19 Kiss the Rain
Kiss the Rain
BILLIE
I ride for a long time, my pace slow but steady.
There’s a meditative quality to the sound of my horse’s hooves clomping in the pale earth. My pulse beats in time to her steady cadence, my body rolling with her movements in a way that makes me feel capable. Strong.
I know I’ve only known Lainey for all of five minutes, but she seems to have no problem at all trusting herself. I should take a page from her book and trust myself to do the right thing here.
I don’t love my job, so I should start exploring other options.
I’m falling in love with Ryder, so I should tenderly—patiently—explore the connection we have.
I respect my brother and want the best for him, so I should come clean about the feelings I have for his friend.
I don’t know what I’ll do if Colt tells me point-blank to stay away from Ryder.
I’m not sure he would do that, but I understand why he would.
The Rivers boys have their, ahem, reputation for a reason.
Especially Duke and Ryder—they’re known to chase women but never keep them.
Duke dated around a little, but as far as I know, Ryder’s never had a girlfriend.
Picking up girls at the rodeo is more his style.
Then again, isn’t Duke settling down with Wheeler proof that the boys will change for the right person? What if I’m the right person for Ryder?
I know Colt just wants to keep me safe. He doesn’t want to see my heart get broken. But at some point, he has to trust me to make the right decision. I’m not anyone’s baby girl or kid sister anymore.
I need space to figure myself out. Make mistakes.
Maybe make some magic while I’m at it.
More thunder. Goose bumps break out on my arms and legs as I watch the storm roll in, the warm breeze picking up. The old oaks creak overhead, their leaves sighing as the first raindrops begin to fall.
I like the gentle sound they make when they hit the ground. Somehow the sun is still shining, creating this gorgeous rainbowlike effect where the bright yellow light glints off the rain, transforming it into sparks of silver and gold.
My being aches at the beauty of it. The hills, the rain. It’s coming down in sheets now. The way my horse doesn’t break her stride, clearly content to get soaked along with me in the hot weather.
“What are we gonna do, sweet girl?” I whisper.
I know what my next move should be. But am I really ready to burn life as I know it to the ground? Because it’s a good life. Perfect? No.
It’s good, though. Decent. Safe.
Am I an asshole to want more than that? How much happiness and fulfillment and joy can I expect out of life?
I don’t expect things to be perfect, though. I don’t need them to be perfect. I just want my life to feel more like me.
I’m not safe or decent. I’m also not sweet. It’s kind of a crime when you think about it, that we expect girls to be docile and kind, sugary sweet, when boys can be as untamed and ill-behaved as they please.
“I don’t know why I just called you sweet.” I’m patting my horse again. “I’m sorry about that. You don’t need to be sweet for me. Be as wild as you like, sister. Maybe that’ll give me permission to be wild too.”
Like you ever needed it.
I urge her into a trot. My elbow bangs against my side, lighting up with pain, so I have her slow down again.
That’s when I spot it. Movement in a nearby valley. A cow? A car?
I start to shake, and I don’t know why. I have no reason to be afraid right now. If I ride fast, Nash’s cabin is twenty minutes away. Probably less.
Not like I’d need his help. I can outride anything, a bear or a bobcat or a deranged lunatic in a truck.
Well, I couldn’t outrun the truck. But I could duck inside those trees over there and make a run for it before he even made the turn.
Shit, it is a truck. I can just hear the throb of its engine over the sound of the rain and the thunder.
That engine—it’s diesel—
How the fuck does this guy keep tracking me down?
Is it really him?
Oh God, it’s definitely him, and he’s definitely heading this way.
Ryder crests a nearby hill and cuts the engine. I take that as a sign that I should stop, so I do.
Everything inside me takes a swan dive into the dirt as I watch him climb out of the truck and stalk toward me.
He keeps his head down, rivulets of rain pouring off his Stetson and soaking his dark T-shirt. It sticks to his arms and torso like a second skin.
My nipples immediately harden to tight, tender points.
I shiver even though the air is warm. My heartbeat throbs in my throat.
The roll of his massive shoulders, his huge, steady stride, the way he glances up and locks eyes with me, unabashed—he looks like some kind of apex predator about to go in for the kill.
Me.
My pulse thunders when I realize I’m the one up for slaughter.
Or maybe I’ve already died and gone to heaven, because holy shit, the vision of this man approaching me, clearly on some kind of serious mission, might be the most glorious sight I’ve ever witnessed.
I’m aware of the way the rain gathers on my eyelashes and drips over my lips.
I shiver again, but there’s a burning awareness left in its wake that spreads from my bones outward. It singes my skin, flushes my face.
I’m on fire.
“Ryder Rivers,” I manage.
“Billie Wallace.” He looks up and our eyes meet.
“What are you doing here?”
He puts his hand on my calf, wrapping his fingers possessively around the muscle there. He gives it a squeeze that has my cunt spasming.
“Can’t stop thinking about you.”
My heart’s in my throat now. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I tried to stay away, Billie. It’s not my intention to mess with your head or give you mixed signals.” He tips back his head and our eyes meet. “But I can’t, darlin’.”
I lick my overly sensitive lips. “Can’t what?”
“Pretend like I don’t wanna be with you every second of every fuckin’ day.”
The rain has soaked through both our shirts now. I wanna take mine off.
I wanna take everything off.
“I’ve been thinking about you too.” The words come out thickly. “Why do you think I’m out in this rain?” I hold up my good arm. “I’m risking life and limb to get you out of my head.”
He gives my calf another squeeze, his hand moving north to my knee. “We gotta talk. And then we gotta talk to Colt.”
“Yeah.” I roll my hips, pressing my clit against the seam of my jeans as his hand moves to my thigh. “But first, can I ask how you found me?”
“Had to see you. Went to your place but you weren’t there. So I called Tate.”
My heart flips. “You called my brother?”
“Why’re you so surprised?” Ryder blinks when a raindrop lands in his eye. “I know y’all are close. Figured I had nothing to lose. Other than, well, everything. He said my timing was impeccable and that you were out here on horseback. Now, I gave him a piece of my mind for letting you ride—”
“You let me ride you.”
His lips twitch, and my chest lights up. “That was supervised. This isn’t.”
“Care to supervise me again?”
His hand is on my hip now. His thumb moves between my legs and presses against my clit. “I wouldn’t mind that.”
I nearly come from the contact alone. “Help me down?”
He nods, and now his hands are on my waist. “Can I tell you why I came before we—”
“That’s not why you came?” I put my good hand on his shoulder, but that’s completely unnecessary, because all of a sudden, he’s lifting me out of the saddle—God, this man is tall—and he’s scooping me into his arms, damsel-in-distress style.
“Well, I came for that.” He shifts so that he has one arm under my back and the other under my knees. I’m able to slip my good arm underneath his so that it’s hooked around the ball of his shoulder. “I’ll come for that.”
“From that?”
He chuckles, and I reach down to slip my hand inside the back of his shirt. Marvel at the way his thick muscles bunch and release beneath my fingertips as he begins to walk us toward his truck.
His skin is hot to the touch.
“Will your horse stay put?” Ryder asks.
I glance over his shoulder at my mare, who’s happily munching on some grass. “She’s good. She likes the rain when it’s this warm out.”
“Good.” He groans when I run my fingertips down the furrow of his spine. “I came to tell you about an idea I had. A possible career pivot for you.”
Something hot and fierce slashes through my middle. He really has been thinking about me. Me, the person who’s struggling with her life path. Not just me, the body he likes to touch.
He’s been paying attention.
He’s letting me know he’s been paying attention.
He’s showing that he cares, which is Ryder’s way of putting himself out there.
Tears prick my eyes. “Tell me more.”
“I talked about my parents at supper for the first time in…well, a really long-ass time.” He carefully sets me down in front of the hood of his truck, chuckling again when he sees my shocked expression.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s exactly how my family looked at me too.
Anyway, we were talking about Mom and Dad, and we talked about the speech delay I had as a kid.
Animal therapy really helped me with that. ”
I blink. “Like when you hang out with animals and it helps with anxiety and stuff?”
“Bingo. Animals apparently made me feel comfortable and safe enough to open up. Kinda like you made me feel safe enough to pick up my guitar again.” Grinning, he puts his hands on my hips again and uses the bulk of his body to crowd me against the hood, my backside meeting with the grill.
It’s still warm. “Anyways, I’ve done some research over the past few days, and it seemed like something right up your alley.
Animals. Kids. The outdoors. Doing something that requires creativity.
Something you could build from the ground up with the help of your family. ”
I can only stare at him. My heart has apparently grown wings because it’s soaring through the wide-open space inside my ribcage.
He searches my eyes, then pulls his brows together. “If you don’t like the idea, no biggie. It’d be a massive undertaking—”
“I love it.”
I think I’m in love with you too.
His brows curve upward, eyes sparking. “Really?”
I go up on my toes so I can take off his hat, which I place on the hood. Crown-side down, of course.
“Really. Just thinking about it—Ry, my heart.” I take his hand and place it on my chest. “It’s pounding. You did research? For me?”
He grins. “I did.”
“But I have no idea how I’d pull it off—”
“We’d help you, of course.” His hand moves to my breast.
“There you go again, saying ‘we.’” I grab the hem of his soaked shirt and start to work it upward, baring his chest.
He kneads my breast before giving my nipple a soft pinch through my shirt. “At the end of the day, that’s all we got, ain’t it?” He leans in and hovers his mouth over mine. “Each other.”
Then his lips are on mine, and I’m lost.