Chapter 18 New Faces #2
I need to use a mounting block to get up on my horse. It’s humbling, to say the least. But the second I’m in the saddle, the worn leather creaking in a familiar way, I immediately feel better.
The tightness in my shoulders and chest dissipates. Guiding my horse into the October afternoon, I suck in lungful after lungful of crisp autumn air.
“So what’s goin’ on?” Tate guides his horse into a trot beside mine.
“Dad wants to rebrand the ranch. He’s thinking a whole new look, logo, website. Everything.”
Tate scoffs. “Okay. That’s not what you need to tell me, though.”
“It’s not.” I give him a rueful smile. “But I do think it’s interesting. He’s bringing a woman in, Lainey, to give us some ideas. She’s a branding expert.”
“Didn’t know there was such a thing.”
“Me neither. She just got her MBA at UT Austin. She’s so confident and…” I carefully lean forward to pat my horse’s neck. “Interesting. She got into a line of work I didn’t even know existed. Apparently she loves it.”
Tate looks at me from under the brim of his cowboy hat. “And you know all this how?”
“By talking to her for ten minutes with Mom. Obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“I’m a fast learner.”
“I like that she’s giving you some ideas to chew on. You’ve been stuck for a while now, so it’s good to have someone like that shake things up a bit.”
Closing my eyes, I tilt up my face to the sun. My pulse thumps. Tate and I have always been close, and I’ve confided in him plenty over the course of our lives. But this secret is a big one.
And yeah, maybe part of me is scared to say out loud how I really feel about Ryder. Because if—when—Ryder turns me down again, Tate will know about that rejection too.
I don’t want to be the type of girl who pines after guys who don’t return her feelings. That’s just embarrassing for everybody. Tate would mean well by showing sympathy, but I’m pretty sure I’d process that as pity.
I don’t need his pity or anybody else’s.
Only, I can’t keep this inside anymore.
Talk about shaking things up.
“Tate, I slept with Ryder.”
To my brother’s credit, he doesn’t so much as blink. He just continues to ride beside me in thoughtful silence, squinting against the sun. It’s gotten warm—downright hot, actually—despite the fact that we’re nearly halfway through October.
The stuff inside my torso swells. Tate sure as hell ain’t perfect, but he’s a good brother. He’s never judged me. He may be the baby of the family, but he’s the wisest of all my brothers.
“I also think I’m falling in love with him.”
“Okay.”
I laugh nervously. “Oh, sweet Tate, we both know it’s not okay.”
“Why?”
“He’s not in love with me. Obviously.”
Tate looks at me. “Now that doesn’t seem quite so obvious to me. Didn’t we just spend a good chunk of dinner the other night talking about how he was the first to reach you in the arena after you fell?”
“Well, yeah—”
“He was always kind to you when we were kids. We used to tease him about having a soft spot for you.”
Aw, now I’m feeling all soft inside.
I also feel like I’m going to cry.
“I don’t think he will. You know, consider a relationship.”
“Because you were brave and told him how you felt. Aw, Billie. I’m proud of you.”
Sniffling, I wipe my nose on my sleeve. “How’d you know that’s what happened?”
“Because I know you.”
“And you don’t hate me for crushing on Colt’s BFF?”
Tate chuckles. “Why would I hate you for that?”
“Do you think Colt will hate me? Hate us?” I swallow. “I told Ryder I didn’t want to tell him.”
“Now that I’m not sure I agree with.”
“Why? Pretty sure this was just a onetime thing. Ryder and I haven’t hung out since—”
“But you should.” Tate tugs on his reins, and his horse slows. “You should hang out with Ryder. Which means you should tell Colt. You’re afraid of betraying him, I get it. But that’s exactly what you’re doing by sneaking around behind his back like this.”
My stomach knots with guilt. “It wasn’t intentional. It just…happened. I think I needed a minute to process it.”
“Well, take your minute, but don’t let it go on much longer than that.”
“But what if Ryder decides he is open to dating me, but then it doesn’t work out? I don’t want to put Colt in a weird position—”
“You’re putting us all in a weird position by not coming clean. Just tell him. You hooked up with his friend. So what?”
I give Tate the most withering stare I can muster. “It’s not that simple. I don’t want to be the reason they stop being friends. And yeah, maybe I don’t want Colt interfering when things are so…new. Fragile. You know how domineering he can be.”
“I do. I also know he’d be happy for two of his favorite people finding happiness with each other.”
“That’s jumping, like, thirty steps ahead.”
“Don’t you like to race? If you could, I think you’d literally move fast for a living.”
I smile. “Awful wise for one so young.”
Tate shrugs. “I’m a textbook Capricorn. I came into the world knowing shit. And I know Ryder likes you just as much as you like him. He’s afraid. Lucky for y’all, though, you’re awful good at the long game. Persistence is your superpower, which you’ll use to keep breaking down those walls of his.”
“I don’t know. Seems like a lame superpower to have.”
“Are you kidding? It’s the best superpower ever.
Grit is everything in this world. Because you’re persistent, I know you’ll eventually find a job you love.
You’ll be the next Lainey whatever-her-name-is, mark my words.
You’ll have work that you love and a man you love too, and y’all will live happily ever after. ”
I laugh at that because it’s so absurd.
Because the idea of any of that being possible is so beautiful I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m being tickled from the inside out, giddy and breathless and hopeful.
“If Colt doesn’t kill us first.” I guide my horse around a sinkhole. “Feels like a long shot, Tate, that this doesn’t blow up in my face.”
Tate holds up a hand. “I won’t say a word to Colt. But you need to tell him if you and Ryder keep doing what y’all are doing. That’s the only way things work out in your favor, yeah?”
He’s right, of course. Thinking about telling Colt fills me with dread. But I also feel this weird little shiver of excitement. Maybe because telling Colt about Ryder and me would mean we’re a real thing—that there’s actually a chance we could work out.
Thunder rumbles overhead. I glance up at the sky, surprised to see clouds rolling in.
“Is it supposed to rain?”
Tate chuckles. “We really need to get you back out in the field, Billie. Since when do you not check the weather?”
“Why’d you tack up our horses if you knew it was gonna rain?”
“’Cause I knew you needed some time in the saddle. C’mon, let’s head back.” Tate pulls his horse in a half circle, turning around.
More thunder. I can smell the rain now, taste the minerality of water meeting dry earth in the air.
I need more time to think.
I need more time in the saddle. Who cares if I get a little wet? It’s toasty out here. My phone is tucked safely inside the saddle bag. And maybe the rain will finally help cool off my raging hormones.
Maybe it will help clear my mind so I can make some good decisions. I’m playing with fire here, and I need to be smart about what my next moves are.
“You go ahead. I’ll catch up.”
Tate glances over his shoulder. “Be careful, all right?”
“I’m always careful.”
I hear him chuckle. “No, you’re not. Love you, sis.”
“Love you more.”