Chapter 24 Mistakes Were Made
Mistakes Were Made
RYDER
“Together.” Colt spits out the word. “As in—”
“We’re dating.” Billie grabs my hand, and my heart turns over.
“I wanted—we wanted to tell you sooner, but you’ve been kinda hard to track down these days.
” Her voice shakes. “I’m sorry we didn’t have this conversation before, but we wanted you to know because we’re happy, Colton.
Really happy. And we’ve having a good time together—”
“A great time.” It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to look away when Colt glares at me. “Billie—she’s brought out a side of me I thought died when my parents did. Neither of us were expecting this to happen, Colt. But it did, and we hope you can be happy for us.”
I’ve practiced my speech about a hundred thousand times over the past couple weeks. Now that the moment is here, however, I can’t seem to find the right words.
The air vibrates with emotion as Colt’s eyes dart between Billie and me.
“How long?” The words come out as a grunt.
Billie glances at me. “I don’t think it’s any secret that I’ve had a crush on Ryder for a while—”
“But you never talked to me about it. Not openly.” Colt’s expression contracts, and it hits me that he’s more hurt than angry.
My heart sinks. Anger, I can deal with. But hurt? Disappointment? Knowing that I let my friend down this way is like a knife to the chest.
Billie’s face is red. “I was embarrassed, Colt. What do you think you would’ve said if I told you?”
“I don’t know! But I would’ve appreciated the fact that you were honest with me. After everything that happened with Abby…”
“I know.” She blinks, fighting tears, and I give her hand a squeeze. “And I’m sorry. But I’m not Abby. This is different.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, Colt, it is,” she replies thickly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.
But you have to understand where I was coming from.
I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of ever getting Ry’s attention.
” She glances at me. “Seemed silly to confess a crush when the person you’re crushing on is so far out of your league it’s laughable. ”
Colt chuckles, the sound mirthless. “You ask me, you’re the one who’s out of his league.”
“Agreed,” I say.
“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Billie asks. “We’re together, and we make each other happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and our brothers, Colt—for y’all to be happy. I hope you want the same for me.”
“Forgive me, but I was under the impression that Ryder was out to make himself happy. Which is fine, so long as he’s not hurtin’ anyone.
” Colt’s eyes are hard when they flick to my face.
“I think we can all agree, Ry, that you’ve never taken someone else’s happiness and well-being into consideration. ”
I feel the bite of anger, sudden and unexpected.
“Are you kidding? I’ve spent my whole life thinking about everyone else’s well-being.
My family is everything to me, same as yours is to you.
Christ, for years now I’ve put my own needs aside so everyone could have the space they needed.
And don’t get me started on how much I’ve done to help you and Dean. ”
“I’m talking about women,” Colt replies steadily. “You can’t tell me you ever cared about a girl like that.”
More anger. Probably because Colt is right.
“I know I don’t have experience being someone’s boyfriend, and I have no idea what kind of partner I’m going to turn out to be, but—”
“Exactly.” Colt steps forward. “That’s exactly why I don’t like this. The two of you bein’ together. Because Billie, you deserve—”
“The kind of man standing right in front of you,” she answers, and my pulse skips at her ability to think this quickly on her feet. “Of course Ryder’s a good man. No way you’d be such good friends with him if he wasn’t. You and I both know he’s going to be a great boyfriend.”
Colt’s chest barrels out on an inhale. “He can be a good man, but that don’t mean he’s gonna be good to you.”
“He’s been better to me than anyone else I’ve ever been with.” She glances at me from the corner of her eye. “He’s always been a good friend to me. Now we’re more than friends, and it’s… Colt, I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. I won’t speak for Ryder—”
“But you can, Billie,” I say. “You know and I know that I’m happier than I’ve ever been too.
And that’s because…well, Colt, your sister cracked open something inside me that I’d locked away.
Didn’t realize I was living half a life until she nearly lost her life.
Her beautiful, brave life that she’s always lived with this…
this integrity that I admire. Now I wanna live like that too.
No more bullshit. No more distractions. Surviving…
it ain’t enough anymore. This is what I want, Colt. Your sister is who I want.”
Billie is blinking back tears now. She gives me a watery smile. “You know you don’t have to convince me, right? I already said I’d be your girlfriend.”
“So y’all had that conversation already.” Colt appears unfazed by my brazen honesty. “Which means this has been goin’ on for a while.”
Billie frowns. “We’ve actually only been together for a couple of weeks now.
Yeah, we started flirting after my accident, but nothing happened until very recently, and that’s because I’ve been the one pursuing him.
I basically forced Ryder to stay with me at the hospital because I was so scared.
We kind of connected that night, and then I was the one who pushed for more. ”
“With Billie, it was different from the start,” I say. “Trust me when I say we both fought it like hell because we didn’t want this to happen. But it did, and while I’m real fuckin’ sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, I’m not sorry we ended up together.”
She manages a tight smile as she looks at me. “You really fought me. Like, hard. Man made me work for it, that’s for damn sure.”
A flicker of uncertainty moves across Colt’s eyes. “That true?”
“It is, yeah.” I run a hand over my face, the weight of my exhaustion suddenly too much to bear.
“Dude, look at me. I’m about to fall the fuck over.
I’ve lost so much sleep over this I can’t even tell you.
I hate the idea of losin’ you, or at least losin’ your trust. This wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that being with Billie is worth the risk. ”
Her throat works on a swallow. “That means a lot.”
“You mean a lot to me.” I turn to Colt. “You need me to prove that I’m good enough for your sister?
Fine. But you gotta give me the time, then.
If I don’t treat her right, you can put a bullet through my chest. Right here.
” I tap my fingers to the center of my breastbone. “I’ll take it because I’ll deserve it.”
I hear Billie’s sharp intake of breath. “Ry—”
“We don’t tolerate that shit in our family,” Colt replies steadily. “Anyone breakin’ hearts just because they can.”
“I’m not that guy anymore,” I say steadily.
Now Billie’s rolling her eyes. “Jesus, Colt, that’s why I’ve always had to sneak around! You and Nash and Mack and just—all y’all wouldn’t let any guys near me growing up. It was suffocating, and that wasn’t fair.”
A deep groove appears in Colt’s forehead. “Our hearts were in the right place, Billie. We were just protecting you—”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Billie’s fire is back. Thank fuck. “Y’all were making my decisions for me, just like you’re doing now. You assume you know better than me—you assume you know what’s best for me—without a care for what I want. Who I am.”
Colt has the grace to back down. “That was never my intention, Billie. I see what you’re saying, but—”
“But what? ‘That’s just how things are done around here’?
I don’t accept that excuse anymore, Colt.
I believed that shit for years, and look where it’s led me.
I live alone. I have a job I hate. I’m so terrified of disappointing everyone else that I’ve just…
ugh, left myself behind, and no one seems to give a shit. ”
“You think I don’t give a shit?” The pain in Colt’s voice rips a hole through my center. “I love you, Billie. That’s all this is. I love you too much to let you end up heartbroken. Because I’ve been there before, and it’s… Billie, it’ll wreck you.”
Her voice is trembling again when she says, “I love you too. I’m sorry you were betrayed before, and I’m sorry I betrayed you again.
That wasn’t right. But I need you to see how different these two scenarios are.
This one could have a happy ending, Colt.
” She pauses. “Please don’t take that away from me. ”
Colt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, just like he did when Dean was giving him a hard time earlier.
My chest twists. The guy hasn’t had it easy. But he still gets up every damn day and works his ass off for the people he loves. Me included.
“We’re all just trying to do the right thing here, Colt.
” My voice is hoarse. “Show us some grace, yeah? I get that this is hard for you, but it doesn’t have to end badly.
You haven’t exactly been available lately either—you gotta trust us when we say we would’ve told you sooner if you’d been around. ”
Colt opens his eyes. He blinks, then shakes his head with a rueful scoff.
“This fuckin’ month just won’t quit. First Dad brings some random-ass sorority girl to the ranch for a ‘rebrand,’ whatever the fuck that means.
Then I find out my best friend’s been sneaking around behind my back with my sister.
” He scoffs again. “If that’s not one kick to the nuts after another… ”
Billie stares at him. “You’ve got to be kidding. Are you really making this all about you right now?”
“It’s never just about me, same as it’s never just about you,” he shoots back. “I have a kid to raise. A legacy to protect. Y’all sure as hell don’t make that easy.”
“I think about our legacy all the time!” Billie shouts. “But what does that legacy matter if we’re all miserable trying to keep it alive? Why can’t our legacy be, I don’t know, unconditional love and acceptance? How radical would that be?”
Colt wipes his eyes on his sleeve. “Y’all are adults.
You can do whatever the hell you want. But I don’t—” He hesitates.
“Y’all hurt me today. Whether or not you meant to, I still feel betrayed, and both of you know that’s a sore spot.
Billie, you don’t accept the fact that I wanna keep you safe?
Then I don’t accept the fact that you wanna date a guy whose track record leaves a lot to be desired.
Don’t let me see y’all together, and definitely don’t come running to me, Billie, when he does what he always does and leaves. ”
Watching him turn and walk away, I feel like dying.
I feel weak with relief. Regret. Complete and utter exhaustion.
Billie looks up at me, tears leaking out of her eyes left and right.
“Aw, baby, come here.” I fold her in my arms and bury my face in her neck. “That sucked. It was also the right thing to do.”
“I just… I’m so angry, Ry.”
I chuckle. “You and Colt are definitely related, and you’re definitely more alike than you think.”
“You mean he’s awesome and open-minded and one hell of a barrel racer? Because that’s not the Colt I know.”
“Hey. I’m the one who’s supposed to be using humor as a deflection.”
Billie pulls back, shaking the hair out of her face. “Aw, baby, you were so good at that for a while there. Glad that phase is over.”
“Mostly over.”
“I’ll take it.” She puts a hand on my cheek. “Thank you. Everything you said was perfect.”
“You’re perfect,” I reply. “I don’t get how I can be more obsessed with you than ever, while simultaneously feeling like I’ve been drawn and quartered with an especially sharp cattle hook.”
That makes her laugh, and the ache in my chest lifts. “This shit hurts, huh?”
“We knew he wasn’t gonna love the idea right off the bat.” I lean in to kiss the corner of her mouth, tasting the salt from her margarita. “We asked for time. Now we just gotta show him that we mean business.”
Billie nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”
Still, her eyes brim with sadness when they meet mine.
“C’mon. How about I play some guitar? You wanna sing for me, darlin’?”
“Yeah.” She smiles, but it doesn’t touch her eyes. “Yeah, I’d love that.”