Chapter 30 What the Actual?
What the Actual?
RYDER
“Why did no one tell me they smelled so good?”
“Everyone knows that.” Duke blinks at me. “Kinda like we all know the sky is blue, and how there’s always a more handsome identical twin.”
I sniff one of the little bald heads curled up against my chest, then the other. “They need to bottle this shit up. Sorry, stuff. They need to bottle this stuff up.”
Wheeler laughs from her perch on the nearby couch. “Pretty sure we have some time before we need to start watching what we say around them. Although being with kids makes you realize just how bad your language can be.”
“Right?” I smile when the baby dressed in a blue onesie yawns. “Aw, Robbie, you tired? God, that’s the cutest sound ever.”
Duke gets a little misty-eyed. “Honestly, sometimes I can’t stand the cuteness.”
Yep, now I’m crying too. “They’re beautiful, y’all. Well done.”
“Aw, thank you, Ry. Hard to believe this all started with the road trip from hell.” Wheeler grins at my brother.
Duke grins right back. “You mean the best road trip ever. Minus the U-Haul. That thing was…not safe.”
“Neither was the sex we had,” Wheeler replies with another laugh.
I shake my head. “Really, y’all. You had so much of it you had to make not one, but two babies.”
“People love making that joke.” Duke groans. “Although it is kinda true. That weekend—”
“Was amazing.” Wheeler gets this starry look in her eyes.
Maggie, my brother’s perfect daughter, opens her eyes. They’re unfocused, but very blue. Just like Duke’s. Her full, wide mouth, though, is all Wheeler, and so is the smooth shape of her little chin.
Everything inside my chest swells to the point of pain. I keep falling in love with all these beautiful babies. Wonder when it will be my baby I fall in love with?
I’m in no rush. But would I marry Billie tomorrow if I had the chance? Fuck yeah. I’d have a baby with her the day after too.
First, though, we gotta get this therapy program off the ground.
Then we gotta decide where we’re living—her place or mine.
I love the Wallaces and wouldn’t mind starting a new life on their property.
It’d be weird not living on Lucky River Ranch, though, especially now that I’m getting a bunch of renovations done at my place.
At the end of the day, home is wherever my girl is. Don’t matter what the house itself looks like or where it’s located. As long as Billie lives there with me, I’ll be a happy man.
It’s time for Wheeler to nurse the babies, so Duke helps her get situated on the couch while I grab the gifts I brought from my truck.
My brother meets me on his wide front porch. He yawns, blinking hard.
“One thing you’re not prepared for is the sleep deprivation.” He tucks his hands in the pockets of his sweats. “I thought a decade as a cowboy would make me immune to exhaustion, but Lordy, was I wrong.”
I hold out a big brown paper and a cardboard drink holder containing two lattes from the Caffeinated Cowgirl. “Sorry I didn’t wrap this. And if y’all ever need me to hang with the kids so you can catch some shut-eye, just gimme a ring, yeah? I’m everyone’s favorite uncle for a reason.”
“Because you let them do whatever the hell they want?”
“That, and I’m around the most.”
“Might not be the case for long. You and your lady got some big projects coming down the pipeline.”
I’m grinning from ear to ear. “We do. Wrong that I don’t miss my free time?”
“Why would you? You spent it working. Of course you’re gonna love spending that time with Billie Wallace instead.”
“Fair point.”
Duke takes the bag, and together we head back inside and fall heavily into some chairs in his tiny kitchen. He opens the pair of kids’ cowboy hats I got them and chuckles, his eyes shining with tears.
“These are fuckin’ cute, man. Thank you. The kids’ll love ’em.”
My eyes are wet too. “For later, obviously. When they get older and follow in our family’s footsteps. We’re always looking for more cowgirls and cowboys.”
Duke’s throat bobs on a swallow. Next thing I know, he’s giving me a bear hug, the kind that almost hurts it’s so ardent.
“Can’t breathe,” I gasp.
Duke just holds me tighter. “I love you.”
He only lets me go when we hear the pop of tires on gravel outside. A beat later, someone slams the car door. My pulse jumps.
I don’t know why, but a bad feeling settles in my gut.
That feeling intensifies when I glance through the screen door and see Colt’s black pickup parked out front.
Duke looks at me, brow furrowed. “Colt Wallace? Did you—”
“Invite him? I didn’t. No clue why he’s here.”
Maybe to give Duke a baby gift? Or maybe he’s here to kill me.
Either way, shit’s about to get real interesting.
Heart throbbing in my ears, I push open the door and head outside, Duke right behind me.
Colt waits for us just beyond the front steps. My knees turn to Jell-O when I see him holding something up.
Immediately my hand goes to my front pocket.
My empty front pocket.
I never, ever forget Dad’s pocketknife. But I forgot to slip it in my jeans today because I was too busy worshipping Billie in bed this morning. Nothing like an orgasm first thing to make your brain flatline.
Fuck, I left it on the bedside table, didn’t I?
Colt has to know I’m shacking up at his sister’s place. I know he’s seen my truck on his family’s property. I know he’s seen me around, even if he pretends not to.
He has to know that Billie and I are…er, intimate.
But to have that fact shoved in his face this way? That ain’t good. I don’t know why he’d be at Billie’s place. Did he go over there to confront us? Or did he know I was gone, and so he went over there to confront Billie? Maybe try to talk her out of dating me?
My best friend is not that guy. Then again, I don’t recognize the man he’s been over the past several weeks, so who the hell knows what he’s thinking? He’s obviously not in his right mind.
“What are you doing here?” I cross my arms over my chest.
Looking up at me, he squints against the morning sun. I don’t miss how puffy his eyes are. “Care to tell me why I found your pocketknife on my sister’s nightstand this mornin’?”
I hear Duke’s defeated exhale behind me.
“You do know we’re dating, right?” I gotta keep this conversation on an even keel even though I really wanna call Colt out right now for being a total and complete lunatic. “Have been for a while now. So yeah, I was at her place earlier. Forgot my knife. What’s the big deal?”
Colt’s expression wavers, making my chest cramp. He looks at the knife, then tosses it up, catching it in his hand before he holds it out to me.
“Aw, shit.” He chuckles. “This was a bad idea. Billie—she and I thought it might be funny if I messed with you—”
“Is this a joke?” I stare at him, pulse hammering. “If so, that’s really fucked up.”
Colt blinks. “I’m sorry, Ry. I just—I needed an excuse to come talk to you.
I just had a good conversation with Billie, and if you’d let me, I’d like to have one with you too.
” He holds up his hands. “You tell me to eat shit, I get it. But I’d like to explain myself if I can have a few minutes of your time. ”
I glance over my shoulder at Duke. Are you hearing this right now?
His eyes, the same shade of blue as his daughter’s, are wide. Hell yeah I’m hearing it. You gotta talk to him.
Duke feels our weird twin connection more than I do—he claims he gets this tingly feeling at the base of his skull if something’s up with me.
Right now, though, I’m aware of how easily he and I communicate without needing to say a damn word. Kinda cool, actually.
“Hey, Colt.” Duke raises a hand. “I’ll leave y’all to it.”
A pink flush crawls up Colt’s neck. “I’m sorry to just barge in like this on y’all’s visit. I can wait—”
“You kiddin’? I got two newborns inside. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Y’all take all the time you need. Holler if you need someone to count paces.”
I screw up my face. “No one’s dueling.”
“Another bad joke.” Duke runs a hand up the back of his head. “Sorry, y’all. I’ll just…see myself out. Or in. Or whatever.”
My brother disappears inside the house, leaving Colt and me alone with the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats.
Running a hand over my scruff, I eye him. “I love Billie, Colt. Simple as that. I’m tryin’ my best to be the man she deserves—”
“You are. You already are the man she deserves.”
Then he lets it all out in a torrent: how he overhead me supporting Billie during her pitch to their parents. How that made him realize that he was holding a grudge not because we betrayed him, but because he’s lonely and heartbroken. Try as he might, he couldn’t be happy for us before.
“You are now, though? What’s changed?”
Colt sniffs and lifts his shoulder. “I miss y’all too fuckin’ much.
My grief is my problem, not yours. I’m working on it.
And I think…My therapist said something interesting the other day about life not being a zero-sum game.
Just because you found your person doesn’t mean I won’t find mine again.
In fact, by supporting y’all—being happy for y’all—I’m putting out good vibes to the universe.
I’m letting it know that I want what you have.
She said jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It’s just pointing us in the direction of something we really, really wish we had. Something we should be working toward.”
My eyeballs nearly pop out of my head. “Are you talking about manifesting shit and…shit?”
“Sure am,” Colt says with a scoff. “Trust me, I can’t believe it either. But the way I’m doing things ain’t exactly working out how I wanted it to, so why not believe in some of this woo-woo stuff? Can’t hurt.”
Climbing down the steps, I take the knife from Colt. “So you didn’t come to stab me with this thing?”
“Not this time, no.”
“Ha.”
“So many bad jokes today.” Looking down, he kicks the gravel at his feet aside. “Y’all hurt me, so I did the childish thing and hurt you too. I’ll always regret that, Ryder. That’s not the man I wanna be. Not the man I wanna raise either. Dean won’t quit askin’ when he gets to see Uncle Ry again.”
I grin. “I was just sayin’ inside how I’m everyone’s favorite uncle.”
“You gonna make me an uncle one day?” He looks up, still squinting. “Dean’s only been waiting on a cousin for, oh, six years now. Bless my brothers, but they don’t seem to be anywhere close to that finish line. You and Billie, though? Y’all are the real deal.”
The fact that Colt can talk about this so casually—
That he wants me and Billie to have babies—
That he can’t wait for that to happen—
Now I’m the one who’s giving a bear hug. I’m squeezing Colt so hard he’s wheezing, begging for mercy, but I give him none.
Instead, I thank him over and over again for letting me in.
For opening up to me. Because I finally have an appreciation for how difficult—and how rewarding—that can be.
“So we gettin’ the families together or what?” he asks when I finally let him go. “We gotta make this shit official.”
I’m smiling so hard it hurts. “How does tomorrow sound?”