8. Crystal
8
CRYSTAL
I don’t know why I changed three times. I don’t know why I do a lot of things these days. I hate that my hands shake whenever I hear the phone vibrate. If Jimmy knew Ryder was texting me, he’d have a fit.
He won’t find out.
I swallow hard. If he knew I was having dinner tonight, he’d freak about that, too.
Luckily he’s out tonight, and I can catch up with my brother without a million questions. Jimmy wouldn’t have come anyway. He doesn’t really like many people, and will always find an excuse to not meet my family. Especially Luca. Maybe he senses my brother might see right through him. Then again, Luca has always had that way about him that good people respond to. It terrifies me that he'll meet Jimmy and not approve. Not that I need my brother’s approval, but I’ve always told him everything. I’m close to Casey, too, but I’m too much of a free spirit for her to handle. I know she definitely wouldn’t like Jimmy. And then there’s my parents… I may have spun a few tall tales when I told Luca my boyfriend was a businessman. He’s more of an entrepreneur than anything. Maybe I’m naive, but when he promised me the world, I believed him. A part of me wished it was Ryder saying those things, but that’s not fair on Jimmy. It isn’t his fault that nobody could ever measure up to the one man I put on a pedestal.
I know agreeing to dinner with Ryder isn’t the greatest of ideas, but I couldn’t blow my brother off, and tonight was the only night that Jimmy is out playing poker at the club. The fucking club. If they were to meet, the shit would really hit the fan. I wouldn’t want to see Luca’s disappointment in me, or the anger in Ryder’s face, because unbeknown to me until we moved here, they know one another.
And they don’t get along.
I didn’t plan on coming back to Louisiana so soon, maybe someday, but Jimmy had a new opportunity, and I thought why the hell not?
Should’ve called Ryder. You should have told him you were here. Now it looks like I’m just being rude, or the stuck-up brat he always thought I was.
Jimmy filled a void that was missing when I returned to Arizona. I’d never felt more alone. Granted, running into his arms probably wasn’t the smartest of ideas because at the time I was heartbroken over Ryder. But little by little, he took all the bad feelings away. He paid attention to me and made me forget. He liked what he saw, and he wasn’t afraid to tell me. We didn’t have to run around in secret or hide our feelings for one another like me and Ryder. Still, moving in together wasn’t exactly planned. Jimmy moved and wanted me to come with him. When I applied for prospective jobs in my field, I was offered a placement almost immediately. It sort of sealed the deal. Still, living with another person is an ordeal in itself, and I’m not entirely sure I’m cut out for it. Jimmy is a slob; something else I didn’t know until we started spending more time together.
Still, it’s going to be awkward explaining to Luca that Jimmy isn’t coming. I never told Luca about what happened between me and Ryder, and it’s clear that Ryder didn’t either. Jimmy wouldn’t be happy if he found out who Ryder is and that he’s part of NOLA Rebels MC, so I’ve kept that little detail to myself. If their paths happen to cross, I guess I’ll deal with it as it happens. I know I’m walking a very dangerous line, one I didn’t intend on.
Jimmy is the biker I met that night at the bar. The one who couldn’t keep his eyes off me.
He’s also part of the Devils Ink MC: NOLA Rebels’ archrivals. Ryder’s club.
The two clubs have been at odds since Cash and his stepbrother, the Devils Ink president, came to blows. Now the two clubs can’t stand each other. I knew Jimmy was into some questionable stuff, but it felt good being introduced as his ol’ lady. It felt special, even if the clubhouse leaves a lot to be desired. It’s nothing like the NOLA Rebels HQ, not that I saw much of it the night Ryder dragged me through the club up to his room. I thought the Devils Ink were good men, like the Rebels, but I’m starting to realize they’re not. Jimmy may have shielded me from all of that; heck, he doesn’t even like me showing up there. His jealous streak has always been an issue, but it’s worse now we’re in his new club. I know it’s only because he cares, and he doesn’t want to see anything bad happen to me.
He’s protective.
I look down at my hands, unable to stop them from shaking. He loves me. That’s why he does what he does. I know that. I just need to keep reminding myself every now and then.
Ryder
Seeing her again; it’s like pure fucking torture. She looks fantastic. High-class in her smart pant suit and blouse, heels and her glorious, golden main half pinned back off her face. She gives me a hug and I try not to inhale that sweet scent I remember wrapped all over me.
“I’m doing okay,” she says after I ask her in a soft voice how she is.
“Glad to hear it.”
With Luca right there, I can’t exactly quiz her on what the fuck she’s doing here in New Orleans, so I’ll let her do the talking.
“Yeah, kinda weird you didn’t tell Ryder,” Luca says as we’re seated. “Always good to know another person in a city this big.”
“That’s exactly what I need,” she sniffs. “Another overprotective alpha in my life, other than my big brother.”
“What about this boyfriend of yours we keep hearing about?” he presses. “Really, Crys, I think it’s pretty goddamn lame he can’t make himself available. It isn’t the first time.”
She fiddles with the napkin on the table as I watch her. Her mannerisms are all off. She’s not making eye contact, and she seems nervous. “I’m sorry, and he is too. Really. We might make a trip out to Cali soon, make a weekend out of it.”
She’s full of shit. I always know when she’s lying, but Luca is perusing the menu. “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” he mutters.
“What sort of business does this guy do?” I haven’t even opened the menu. The only thing I have on my mind is what the fuck Crystal is up to, and why this asshole is such a mystery.
She waves a hand. “All kinds of stuff. Imports, mainly. They have a couple of antique stores downtown, and they’re expanding throughout Louisiana.”
I’ll bet he’s a fucking dipshit. Any man should be tripping over themselves to have Crystal on his arm and meet her brother. None of this is adding up.
As I watch her, I notice small details that Luca hasn’t. For one, she’s quiet — Crystal is never quiet. She’s always had too much to say. Every now and again, she’ll look over her shoulder, like she’s waiting for someone. Her hands shake a little and she tries to steady them by playing with the cutlery on the table. Her face, while as beautiful as ever, seems to have lost its spark. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Speaking of which; they don’t have their usual spark either, nor is she jumping in when Luca debates what he’s going to have as an appetizer.
Where is my girl? The one I’ve known my entire life and can read like a book. Is she still in there?
“Sounds like he’s a busy man,” Luca grumbles. “Too busy to spend time with you and the two men in your life.”
“Three, if you count Bronco.” I give Crystal a sarcastic smile. “Funny, you didn’t tell him either you’d moved.”
Crystal folds her arms over her chest. “Is that what this is about?” she huffs. “Are you two going to pick on me all night because I’m trying to get my life together?”
Luca looks up from the menu, his eyebrows pinch together. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. Everything’s great.” Fucking liar.
“Perfect. What’s the name of that business your boyfriend runs?” I ask.
“He has a name.”
Funny, I never thought to ask.
“Jimmy,” Luca fills me in.
I snort. “Jim?”
“Shut up, Ryder.” Crystal’s mouth is a hard line, but I’ll take that over her hostility any day of the week. “There’s nothing wrong with the name Jimmy.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” I fire back.
“Now, now, children.” Luca laughs, albeit a little nervously. “There’s no need to get all twisted over it. If Ryder’s looking out for you, then that’ll make my life a lot easier, sis.”
She shoots him a glare. “I’m a grown adult, last time I checked. And I’m fine.”
Ooh, the stubborn side rears its ugly head. That didn’t take too long.
The server comes over and I quickly open the menu back up and order. Then Luca stands. “I’m just heading to the restroom. Can you two be civil to one another while I’m gone?”
Crystal dazzles him with a smile. “Always.”
I don’t even dignify him with an answer; I just give him a Boy Scout salute.
As soon as he’s out of earshot, I turn to look at her. “You’re different. Quiet. That’s not like you.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t touch her eyes. “And here I was thinking you were going to say something nice.”
“Quiet isn’t nice?”
“Not that part; the different part.”
“Just tellin’ it like it is.”
She shrugs. “I’ve changed. I grew up, it happens.” She looks down at the table, her brow furrowing as I try to figure out what the hell is going on. I know her. I know her intimately, and this isn’t the same girl I let slip away from me a year ago. She’s always been bubbly, but I can’t get two words out of the woman.
“So he’s really stuck in a business meeting? Seems sus.”
She bites her lip, a surefire way of telling me she’s lying. “Just shut up about it.”
I pique a brow. “Really?”
“Ryd, you’re acting like a jealous boyfriend or something. Let’s just change the subject because clearly we can’t have an adult conversation about any of this.”
“I don’t want to change the subject. I wanna know why you didn’t tell me you were in New Orleans this whole damn time?”
“Do I have to run everything by the man who took my virginity?” For the first time since I’ve known her, I hear a snark in her voice that hits differently. The fuck am I missing?
“Is that all I’m known as these days?”
She leans forward. “Are we really going to fight about this?”
“No, but I do want to know one thing,” I say carefully.
“Spit it out then.”
“Are you happy?”
She swallows hard and then sits back in her seat. Her voice lowers when she says, “Chatty all of sudden? You’ve been purposely ignoring me and making snide remarks.”
“Answer the fuckin’ question, Crys.”
“I’m doing just fine, Ryd, thanks for asking.”
I lean forward. “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were happy.”
Her eyes glaze over and it hits me all at once. She’s not happy. Not even close. She can hide it from Luca, heck, maybe even herself, but she can’t hide it from me. “I’m not un happy.”
“That isn’t the same thing.”
“Really?”
I run a hand over my jaw. “You seem annoyed with me. Is it because of what happened?”
She laughs without humor. “No, Ryd, just let it go.”
“I don’t wanna let it go. I want to know why you’re a whole different person to the girl I’ve known my whole life.”
“People change. People grow up; it’s a part of life. They can’t just stay the same.”
“What’s wrong with the same?”
She shakes her head, a curl to her lips. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“No? Why don’t you explain it to me.”
She takes a breath, something clearly on her chest that she needs to get off. “You don’t know what it was like for me. When we left things, I wasn’t…” She wipes a single tear and I’m horrified that somehow I’ve played a part in all of this.
I reach toward her and take her hand, but before I can get a good grip, she rips it away.
“Don’t, Ryd. Please, it’ll just make it harder.”
“Finish what you were going to say. You weren't what?”
The glassy-eyed look she gives me does nothing except gnaw at my conscience. Somehow I’ve got something to do with her present state of ‘not unhappy’.
“I wasn’t entirely honest.”
My hand on the table turns into a fist. I’m frustrated with her, just like I always am whenever we get together because she won’t be honest with me, and this just goes to prove it.
“In w-what way?” Don’t fucking start stuttering now, asshole.
“Ryder, I was in love with you.”
Her words hit me like a freight train and I stare at her, stunned. In love with me?
“I didn’t… I didn’t know.” The words leave my mouth, and I don’t mean them because somewhere deep inside, I already knew this. Just as I fell in love with her and spent this last year licking my wounds, unable to pick up the fucking phone because I’m a coward.
“Well, now you do.”
I take a second before I say, “Why didn't you say somethin’?”
She snorts. “Because you didn’t feel the same way.”
“H-how do you know that?”
Her face changes with surprise; first her eyebrows lift, then her lips part. “Did you?”
“I didn’t want to stir shit up,” I admit. “You were g-goin’ back to school?—”
“Now who’s not answering the question?”
“I couldn’t ask you to be with me, not with my lifestyle?—”
“Because you wanted to fuck other women?”
“No. That’s not it.” I lower my voice, but I also grit my teeth. “That wasn’t it, Crys.”
“No? Then explain it a little better so I can understand. I’m a little dumb.”
“You’re mad with me.”
She stifles a laugh. “Try again.”
“You are. And you know what? I’m a little mad with myself to t-tell the truth. I came to tell you the day I dropped you back at the hotel. I saw you with your friends.” I stop, trying to black out that day. The day I tried to switch off and not care. Fat lot of good that did me. “I came to beg you, for what, I don’t know. To tell you I’ll wait for you, that I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you, and it wasn’t just the sex.”
Her eyes well with tears. “Why didn’t you just try?”
“Because I’m a dick and I thought I was pr-protectin’ you by stayin’ away.”
Our eyes meet and I’ve never seen my girl look so fucking sad.
She wipes away another tear. “That was then, Ryd. We’ve both moved on. We’ve changed?—”
“Because you love this new guy?”
“No!”
“Then leave him.”
Her face drops, and then contorts. Her hands grip her napkin and I’m not sure if she’s going to tear the damn thing or throw it at my face. Maybe both. “You can’t… no, I can’t do that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“It’s… complicated,” she whispers, looking around. “I just wish you’d have been honest with me.”
“Right, and what would you have done? Tell Mommy and Daddy you’re gonna be with me? Move to New Orleans and be my girl?”
“That’s not their decision. It’s mine!”
“Not like that matters now,” I throw back. “You’ve found Mr. Perfect.”
“Now who sounds jealous?”
“Oh, I’m more than jealous. Trust me when I say I’m gonna find out who this asshole is, and when I do, he’d better be some kinda upstandin’ citizen,” I warn.
“Or what? You’ll do something about it?”
“Not the first time, and it won’t be the last.”
“You’re being a jerk,” she fires back. “We both know it, so why don’t you just stop. Let me live my life. Don’t try to control it for me.”
I snort, folding my arms over my chest. “That’s rich comin’ from someone who didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me they’d moved.”
“You guys okay?” Luca interrupts. “You look like you’re gonna kill each other?”
I snap out of it, shifting back in my seat. She wants a fucking war? She’s gonna get one.
Even if I did have a clue she might be crushing on me, I didn’t think she was serious. I took her virginity, of course she’s going to look at me in a new light. But love ? I didn’t fucking know. If I had, I would’ve stopped her from leaving.
“Nope, we’re fine.” I glare at her as she gives me daggers over the table.
He glances from me to her, pulls his chair out and sits, chuckling. “Yeah, you really look like it.”
“Ryder here was just trying to control my life, once again, from his pedestal, and I was just setting him straight,” Crystal says. It seems this new personality is here to stay.
“Nope. Just lookin’ out for you, as I always will, now and forever,” I shoot back.
“Whoa.” Luca spreads his hands toward each of us. “Let’s just take a beat. I was only gone for five minutes, and you two are ready to tear out each other's throats.”
You could cut the tension with a knife.
“He started it.” Crystal points in my direction.
I snicker. “We’re gonna do this?”
“Apparently.”
“Okay, enough,” Luca says. “Tensions are high because we care about you, Crys, so stop being a brat and just listen. If we didn’t care, neither of us would say anything.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m not a brat,” she tosses back, sounding exactly like a brat. “There comes a point in a person’s life where they create their own path, and those around them need to let go and trust that the person in question has got this.”
Is it just me or do her eyes float my way for a second?
“I know that,” Luca goes on, his face softening. “But we have a right to be worried.”
He’s being too nice, but I’ll get to the bottom of it. If she’d convinced me she was actually happy, would I let her go? Probably not, but at least I’m honest.
Crystal may be able to pull the wool over her brother’s eyes, but she can’t fool me.
She has no clue I know exactly where to start looking.