19. Crystal
19
CRYSTAL
It’s just like old times, only ten times hotter because when Ryder gets like this, he’s a machine. He watches me, his eyes hooded as I ride his cock. Pleasure after pleasure after pleasure erupts, and I feel like I’m floating away. When we’re like this, we’re unstoppable.
And we need to be on the same page with everything; not just sex, but with communication.
Ryder needs me right now, as much I need him.
“ Crystal. ” I know he’s trying to hold on, and I love that I do this to him. I love that I’m able to make him come undone after all these years. “Yeah, Sugar, just like that.”
It feels different, with all the cards out on the table. Not that we ever really lost it, but maybe we lost our way for a second. Maybe this is our second chance to rekindle things. It certainly feels like we’ve turned a corner, but I’m fully aware that Ryder is grieving. As much as he might tell himself his mom meant nothing to him, I know better. He’s a deeply feeling person when all’s said and done. He cherishes his family and guards us with an intensity I’ve never known before. I thought my own parents were overprotective, but they have nothing on Ryder. This is part of who he is, and I love all those parts, even the ones he doesn’t like.
I rock down, tilting my hips as I take him, squeezing him inside me, just how he likes it.
“Oh,” I groan, loving it. This. Being his girl, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Being close to him again after months of only dreaming about it, it’s like bliss. We’ve both needed an escape. A moment to lose ourselves just in each other.
“Tell me what I do to you,” he mutters under his breath.
“You drive me insane.”
He chuckles, gripping my hips, helping me impale him as I slide down his thick cock. “In a good way?”
“Oh, yes. In all ways.”
The sly grin on his face is all the reassurance I need that he feels it, too. That all of this is real. That our love is still burning brightly, even when clouds threaten close by.
“Ride me, that’s it, baby.”
I tip my head back and convulse, the spasms running through me clench at my core and I groan like the heavens might open on pure ecstasy alone. I run my hands over his chest, feeling the warmth of his muscles under my palms. I’ve always loved his body, but over the years he’s only grown more solid, stronger, and I’m the one who gets to reap the benefits.
What started off as me trying to seduce my husband, has turned into downright debauchery as he speeds up our movements. In a flash, we’re fucking like we used to do when we were younger. His thrusts up inside me make me bounce harder until I dig my nails into his shoulders as I hang on. His grip on my hips is strong as we both chase our release. And then I’m losing control as the most intense orgasm ripples through me, sending me to an orbit I’ve not experienced for a long time. He follows right after me, my name on his lips as he convulses. Hot spurts of cum inside me as I take all of it. My husband.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much.”
He’s panting just as hard as I am when I collapse on his chest. “Glad you said that, Sugar.” He kisses my hair, wrapping his arms around me. “Because you’re not gettin’ any sleep tonight. This body was made for worshippin’.”
I snuggle into his neck. “I forgot how insatiable you can be when you get going.”
His hands roam my back, sending little ripples of pleasure over my sensitive skin. “Come to Greenlark with me. I need you.”
“Of course,” I whisper. “Anything.”
“Are you sure you’re okay leavin’ Ade? We could hire a sitter?”
“It would be two nights max,” I say. “I think we’d be better off leaving him with our friends who we trust. He doesn’t need to be anywhere near Greenlark.”
My parents sold their house a few years ago and they have a permanent residence in New Orleans now. My sister and I are as close as ever, and Luca too, though he’s a big hot-shot lawyer in California. I miss him a lot, but he’s happy where he is. He’s always been supportive of me and Ryder, and I’m grateful for it. He’s the one constant in my life. Casey too, but she was too young back when all that shit went down. She became my rock, and I couldn’t ask for a better sister. We’re lucky in so many ways, and that’s what I keep reminding myself whenever times get tough. That I’ve nothing to complain about. Compared to some, I’ve got a good life, and I don’t take any of it for granted.
After my assault, it changed me forever. You view the world differently when your liberties get taken away. I can’t even imagine going through all of that without my family. Without Ryder. My hair did eventually grow back. I did take Ryder up on the hair extensions because it made me feel pretty again. The bruises faded, but the memories never truly go away.
“Hey? Why are you cryin’?” Ryder shifts, tilting my chin so our gazes meet.
“Just thinking about the past. How lucky I am.”
His eyebrows knit together in that adorable way of his. I’m lost in his gaze. In his warmth. It’s that very look that turned my world upside down all those years ago. The longing and concern. The way his jaw clenches like he can take away all the pain I’m feeling. And he would if he could. I know he would.
“Are you unhappy?”
“No!” I say, pushing up off the mattress to face him. “That isn’t what I meant.”
“I get that, but we need to work on us. We’ve been so busy with Ade that we’ve let the us part get away,” he says. “I’m not just sayin’ this because of my mom, but life doesn’t go on forever. When our kids are moved out of home, and we’re empty nesters, it’s just gonna be the two of us. We need to find some balance.”
It’s like music to my ears.
I like how he said our kids.
“Don’t be so sure about that, have you seen house prices?” I scoff. “I don’t think our kids are ever gonna leave home.”
His eyes soften. “It’s okay if they don’t. I can’t even imagine Ade out in the world. Drivin’, goin’ to college.”
I put a hand over his mouth. “Let’s not think about any of that right now.”
“You still want more kids, right? If it happens?”
I nod. “Yes, of course. But I think we just enjoy each other for a while, just like you said. For now.”
He kisses my nose. “You’d better get some sleep.”
“I thought you said I wasn’t getting any?” I laugh.
I love how the warmth in his eyes has the ability to render me speechless. His softness, as he strokes my back, is as endearing as his words.
“I’ll let you have a nap.”
“So generous.”
“Trust me, when you wake up, you’re gonna need all the energy you can get.”
And it’s like music to my ears.
I wake up to a hand whacking me in the face. I groan. Popping one eye open, I see Aidan in the middle of me and Ryder, Milo at the foot of the bed. Everyone is sleeping soundly as I rub my eyes and check my phone for the time. Almost six am.
We have to leave today to go and sort things out in Greenlark. Ryder didn’t want to make a big thing out of his mom’s funeral, so we’ve agreed on a private service with just a handful of family. That’s what she wanted.
I have to hand it to Ryder, if she had been my mom, I wouldn’t have been so accommodating. I guess that’s why he’s a much better person than I am. He’s not petty, and he doesn’t hold a grudge. Well, he did for Jimmy but that’s different. I’ll never understand why his mother couldn’t just be a mom. Why did she have to turn a blind eye to his abuse, and act as if she didn’t care? Ryder learned to protect himself from an early age, and that just isn’t fair.
I think about our son and how loved he is. We’re not the world’s leading experts on how to raise the perfect child, but he knows he’s loved. We will support him in whatever he wants to do, and most importantly, he’s safe. He will always be safe, and he can talk to us about anything. That’s what I want him to know, and what I will continue to teach him. He never has to be afraid of being honest.
I ruffle his hair and plant a kiss on his head as I pull the comforter up so I can slide out without waking anyone.
I run the shower. Last night, Ryder lived up to his promises, waking me up at some ungodly hour to have his way with me. It’s been years since we’ve had that much sex in one night. I wash my hair and body, taking my time with the razor until the bathroom is steamed up to perfection.
I love this time of the morning when everyone is still asleep and I can get things done. Like showering. I smile as I dry myself and slather on my favorite peppermint body lotion. They’re all in the same position I left them in as I head downstairs to start some laundry, stopping by Aidan’s room on the way to grab his hamper.
I brew some coffee, pop a bagel into the toaster, and mentally plan out what I need to get done today. Aidan’s weekend bag to start with. It’s short notice, but I know Indi or Jas, and Audrina will be more than happy to have Aidan. They have kids and Audrina is like the unsung grandma of the MC ol’ ladies, and they adore Ade. As much as he is a handful, he’s five, and utterly adorable. Though, I am a little biased about that fact.
By the time the boys wake up, I’ve prepared everything Aidan needs, as well as cooked breakfast, and put the laundry in the dryer. I also texted Indigo as my first port of call. She and Harlem are happy to have Aidan, and her youngest, Cami, loves Ade to bits.
Aidan comes running down, still in his pajamas. “Mommy!” He runs toward me, hugging my legs when he reaches me. I scoop him up, praying it’ll always be like this, even when he’s older. I dread the day he’s a teenager and won’t want to know me anymore.
“Hey sweetie, did you have a good sleep?”
He nods.
“Did you pee already?” He has a little step and is quite the independent little man.
“Yep! Can I watch cartoons?”
“After your breakfast, then after that, guess what?”
His eyes grow wide in anticipation. “What, Mommy?”
“We’re going to see Aunty Indi and Uncle Harlem, and Cami.” I beam. “And if you’re really good, they might let you sleep over while Mommy and Daddy are out of town.”
He claps his little hands together, jumping up and down. “Will Indi?—”
“Aunty Indi,” I correct.
“Will Aunty Indi have a chocolate donut?” Indigo runs and owns the NOLA Sweet Treats bakery.
“I think if you’re a good boy then Aunty Indi might let you have a chocolate donut.”
He does another little happy dance before running off to tell Ryder, who hasn’t emerged from the bedroom yet.
I know the next few days will be hard on Ryder, no matter what he says. He has unresolved issues with his mom, and to top things off, now Stu is sniffing around. I seriously doubt his stepbrother has changed his ways, and I think he’s only reaching out for the money, but Ryder isn’t stupid. He can handle it. He’ll always have my support no matter what, but it sure is going to be weird being back in Greenlark. I can’t say I miss the place.
When Mom and Dad moved to the city, I was grateful for their help, and I can’t say I wasn’t unhappy they’d left our childhood home behind. I hadn’t had a horrible childhood, far from it, but that house just held memories of a time when none of us were the people we are now. All I think about when I go back to that place is Ryder and the night my dad punched him.
I jump as hands circle around my waist and Ryder snuggles into my neck. “Mornin’ Sugar.”
I smile. “Morning yourself.” Aidan comes barreling past with an action figure in one hand and a monster truck in the other. He’s making vroom-vroom noises while Milo runs in the other direction. My poor baby. It took forever to get the pink out of her fur, even now she has a faint dusting of pink down her spine and up her tail that won’t come out.
“You know he doesn’t get that wild streak from me,” Ryder mutters, still holding me.
“No?” I muse. “Where does he get it from then?”
“Do I need to remind you?” He bucks his hips into mine and I can feel how hard he is.
I bite my bottom lip, sticking my ass out just a little. “Ryder.”
He chuckles against my skin. “Probably a good thing we’re having a few days away.”
I turn to face him. “Ryder,” I whisper-shout. “We’re going to your mother’s funeral.”
“Yeah, and?”
I sigh. “It’s okay to talk about it.”
He cups my face, kissing me chastely. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
I know he doesn’t mean that, but I can’t force it out of him. When he’s ready, he’ll talk about it if he wants to.
“Just know I’m here for you, no matter what.”
His smile reaches his eyes, basking me in that sunny look I can’t get enough of. “I know that, Sugar.” He kisses me, lingering for a moment. “The only people that matter in my life are my family and the club. I stopped givin’ my time to unworthy people a long time ago, blood related or not. You’re tryin’ to fix me?—”
“I’m not trying to fix you!”
“I’ve had a long time to deal with all this stuff, and it’s sad my mom suffered, but she’s the one who chose to cut me off. I even tried reachin’ out when Ade was born, remember? Not that I wanted her anywhere near our son, but she deserved to know she had a grandson.”
“You have a good heart,” I say. “And I remember all of it. I have your back, I promise.” I need to know that he understands I don’t want to push him. If he feels nothing, then that’s okay. But I know Ryder. I know how much he feels things underneath. As much as his mom neglected him and played a huge part in his abuse, she’s still his mom. She also doesn’t deserve fuck all if you ask me, but I keep that to myself. This is about being here for Ryder, not for that child abuser.
He nips my chin playfully. “I know you have my back. Without you I’d blow this whole funeral thing off.”
“Not saying it’s going to be easy going back to Greenlark, but I’m proud of you,” I tell him. “If the roles were reversed, I can’t honestly say I’d have the chops to see it through.”
“You would. You’re just butterin’ me up because of what I did to you last night.”
My lips twitch. Oh, I can still feel all of him from last night. “What about what I did to you?”
He bends to my ear. “Remember when we first got together and you’d always wanna have sex in the car? What did you call them?”
“Sexy dares.” I chuckle softly. “It wasn’t that I wanted to do it in the car, it’s that I couldn’t wait until we got to your place. It isn’t my fault I’m with the hottest man in town, and I’m happy to see you’ve still got staying power.”
“Stayin’ power, huh? When it comes to you, I can’t stop gettin’ hard all night long.” He bumps me with his hips. “The hottest, though? Here I thought that award went to Nevada.”
I snort a laugh. Nevada is easy on the eyes, there’s no denying it, but he’s not Ryder. “Well, you thought wrong, husband. He has nothing on you.”
He rubs his nose with mine. “Brown nosin’ will get you everywhere.”
“I’m counting on it.” I give him one last peck and then turn to get his coffee organized.
Ade comes running back in. He’s the spitting image of his daddy, and the two of them together are the sweetest. Ryder has always been an excellent father; even when he’s busy at work, he always makes time for his son, reading to him at bedtime, or giving him a bath when I need a little time to myself. We’ve always prided ourselves on being the best parents we can be. To give Ade a sibling would be the icing on the cake, but I meant what I said last night. If things are meant to go that way, then they will. We’ve still got time. I’m only thirty.
Women are having babies well into their forties these days. And while we’ve had trouble, we’ve got options if we need them.
He smacks my ass cheek as I walk away and I smile to myself. He’s acting more loving and affectionate than he’s been in a long time, and it doesn’t escape me that a traumatic event has just taken place. If Ryder cracks over his mom’s passing, I will be here for him, just like I always am. No matter what he says, the passing of a parent is still baggage to deal with. Grief can hit you in so many ways when you least expect it.
In some ways, putting this part of his life to rest might just be what he needs. Even if his real father is still MIA, it isn’t like we’ve ever expected to see him again. Still, I’m sure some closure would be nice. When we’re in Greenlark, I might broach the subject again about resuming the search in San Diego. Ryder stopped the search as soon as it got too much for him to deal with, and I wonder if sometimes you really are better off not knowing what happened to a parent who abandoned you. Maybe it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. From all the past traumatic events that have happened to me and other people in the MC, no good comes from digging up the past. And once we’re back from Greenlark, that part of Ryder’s life will be done. He can let go. I just hope Stu doesn’t interfere and make our lives hell. If he thinks he’s going to cause some kind of scene, or give Ryder shit about the inheritance, I will cut him. I’m not the same girl I was when I left Greenlark. I changed when Jimmy did what he did. Ryder may not need my help where all of that’s concerned — he’s a big boy and can take care of himself — but I won’t be pushed around. Or let him be pushed around.
If Stu stays in line, then all will be good. If not, then he better bring his umbrella, because it’s gonna rain a shitstorm in Hell if he tries anything.
This time, I won’t be holding back from anyone who tries to hurt my family.