21. Crystal
21
CRYSTAL
As we drive through Greenlark, we pass the huge track and field area behind the high school. My face drops when I remember about Ryder and the baseball career he could’ve had if Wayne hadn’t fucked up his arm. I want to go spit on that man’s grave — in fact, we may have to make a pit-stop to the cemetery on the way out of town, just to pay my non-respects.
Sensing my sudden mood shift, I feel Ryder’s hand on my thigh. “Everythin’ okay?”
“Yes.”
He looks at me pointedly, but I ignore him and instead I stare out the front windshield. “What aren’t you sayin’?”
“It feels weird being back, that’s all.” It isn’t a lie. “And I can’t wait to go home.”
“What if I wanted to take you up to the lake tomorrow night after we scatter Mom’s ashes?”
I brighten. “I’d like that.”
We haven’t been to the lake since I was kid, and we haven’t had a weekend together since before Aidan was born. It sucks it’s all come about under these circumstances, but it is what it is. Sometimes you need road bumps that get in the way to remind you of what’s right in front of you.
“Me too.” He brings our joined hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “Here goes nothin’.”
I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised by what I’ve been reading about Stu all afternoon. There’s article after article about him and all the good he’s been doing over the last few years in Greenlark. He moved away to get his degree, and even paid for it himself by investing in Bitcoin. I don’t know if that was a tongue in cheek confession, or if he really did make a lot of money. He was always a bit of a geek, but I didn’t think he really had it in him to go to college. He showed no interest in school back then. Despite the past, I’m glad he turned his life around; few people surprise me. And it’ll stay that way as long as he isn’t wielding a knife, or a bad attitude, towards Ryder. Something tells me it’s going to be okay.
“Are you nervous?” I ask him.
He chuckles a little darkly. “Uh, no. This is Stu. He always was a little shit, but I was never afraid of him. Judgin’ by all those articles, it looks like he’s a decent human being and probably wants to make amends. I guess we’ll find out.”
I really hope that’s the case and we’re not setting ourselves up for more heartache. “Well, let’s get it over with.” I’m looking forward to resting at our quaint little Airbnb on the outskirts of town. It’s been emotionally draining, and we still have to go back to the funeral home tomorrow.
We exit the car and make our way toward the parish steps. It feels kinda weird, to be honest. I couldn’t imagine a stranger reunion with Stu than at a church. I guess weirder things have happened, but still. Fuck me dead.
I link my fingers with Ryder, needing to feel his warmth. He handled all the funeral stuff with amazing poise. I have to admit, I was impressed. Then again, it’s just like Ryder to take charge.
He hasn’t always been open about expressing his feelings, or knowing how to articulate them, but he’s always been a guy who will give a second chance. Even if, most of the time, the other person doesn’t deserve it. Maybe that’s what I love about him most; his ability to forgive.
“I love that you’re here,” he says, kissing my hand once more.
I glance sideways. “I’ll always be wherever you need me,” I whisper. “Never forget it.”
He smiles, the gentle creases around his eyes make me want to drag his ass back to the Airbnb and make him forget about this shitty day, but there’s plenty of time for that later.
“I know. That’s why I love you.”
I smile at his words. “I love you, too.”
We head in, albeit both a little tentative about this whole scenario. I didn’t have much to do with Stu growing up, but everyone in Greenlark knew he was trouble. Looking back, I wonder if we just didn’t see the signs. I know back then I didn’t really think twice about what he could be going through. I mean, I didn’t know Ryder was being hurt. Now that I think about it, it makes my skin crawl that those boys had to put up with what they did, and still Ryder’s mom did nothing. I tamper down my feelings, remembering this isn’t about me. If Ryder needs closure, or to talk — or whatever this is — then so be it. I may not always agree with him or his choices, or know why, but that’s his right.
The church looks nicer than I remember, no doubt thanks to Stu’s pioneering efforts at restoring the building with his fundraising. I’m blown away.
Everyone has embraced Stu and his commitment to the community. I like hearing about how people turned their life around and became a better person, I just never expected that Stu would be one of those people. Good for him if he truly is telling the truth.
It’s quiet when we step inside. The old church looks new with its freshly painted cream walls. The pews gleam, the cherrywood has either been fully restored, or sanded and varnished within an inch of its life. The church has the usual ethereal feeling, and being that it’s a weekday afternoon, nobody’s around. The lull of quiet hangs over us; the only sounds are the odd creek here and there where we walk on the floorboards.
“Feel like you’re going to burst into flames?” I joke, wanting to lighten the mood. It’s been a while since I’ve stepped inside a church. We weren’t overly religious when we were growing up, but we did go to Sunday mass over the holidays and Easter.
Ryder glances at me sideways. “Might need that holy water after all.”
I smirk, a rebuttal on my lips when we hear, “Ryder, Crystal?”
We both turn to the left and in the open doorway at the front of the room stands Stu. He’s wearing jeans and a nice sweater. The first thing I notice is how much he’s changed from when I saw him last. He’s still tall, lanky, with a mop of blonde hair and blue eyes, but he seems to have lost the scowl he wore so well. I’ll also admit he’s good looking; the years have done him more justice than I thought possible.
“Hey,” Ryder says awkwardly, inadvertently squeezing my hand.
I can see how nervous Stu is; he looks a little pale as he wipes his hands on the front of his shirt, and he opens his mouth, but no sound comes out.
“How have you been?” I add, trying to fill the awkward silence.
He walks toward us, and we meet halfway, stepping out from the pews.
“Good, thank you.” He eyes both of us. “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry… about your mom, Ryder. If there’s anything I can do...”
“We don’t have to pretend she was a good person,” Ryder says. “So let’s just not do that. She wasn’t and I’m okay with it.”
He swallows hard, then nods. “So, how does it feel being back to Greenlark?” A small smile plays on his lips as I study him. He’s definitely not the same guy. All the arrogance in his features, the anger and annoyance so obvious in his tone as a teenager, have all gone. In place is a respectable looking, almost shy man who shoves his hands in his pockets and looks like he wants to run away. This isn’t the Stu I remember.
“About as good as it was leavin’,” Ryder says, a smile on his lips. “You did okay, though. Crystal has been readin’ up on you all afternoon.”
I shoot Ryder a ‘thanks very much’ glare, but he ignores me.
Stu runs a hand through his hair. “Well, I went to jail before I turned my life around, almost killed someone and then I saw the light, so to speak.”
“No shit?” Ryder says in a surprised tone.
“Come through to my office if you’d like,” he suggests. “It’s a little less… intimidating than standing here.”
I smile wistfully as Stu leads the way out of the church and down a small corridor to his office. This must have been a renovation because I don’t remember the parish being this big when I was a kid. There are several rooms that jut off the hallway, and we bypass a small kitchen.
“When I got out of jail, I knew I could go one way or the other,” Stu carries on. “And I didn’t wanna end up like my old man. I’d had the wake up call I needed pretty swiftly during my time there. I realized that the only person who could change my situation was me. It was as if someone turned a lightbulb on in my head. Once I got over the hurdle of my own head telling me I couldn’t, I just went for it.”
We stare at him for a few wordless seconds. Me, the skeptic, the woman who can smell horse shit from a mile away, believes him. Once we get to his office, he motions for us to go in first. “Please.”
“It’s really great that you turned things around,” I tell Stu, glancing at Ryder. I can see the conflict on his face and the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t want to be duped, I get that, but Stu has no reason to lie. And I read most of his achievements online all afternoon. “Honestly, nothing has surprised me more, in a good way.”
He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk as he sits behind it. “I appreciate that. It wasn’t easy, I’m not gonna lie. I hit a lot of roadblocks along the way, but the real transformation was in finding who I really was under all that anger and rage.”
I feel Ryder tense a little. I squeeze his hand — neither of us have let go of each other — encouraging him as best I can, I brush my thumb over his hand as we sit.
“Can’t say it’s been easy since I left,” Ryder says eventually. “Never knew how deep self-discovery really went until I went to therapy.”
Stu’s eyebrows shoot up. “You went to therapy, too?”
Ryder nods. He’s uncomfortable; shifting from one foot to the other, looking down at the desk. “My Prez, Cash, he’s like a father to me, and he insisted on it. I was pretty fucked up by the time I joined the Rebels MC, I’d lost my way, but he brought me back again, gave me a purpose.”
An understanding settles between them. The air that was a little thick and uncomfortable a few minutes ago, now feels lighter somehow.
“I think you hit the nail on the head,” Stu agrees. “ Purpose . Something neither of us had growing up.”
“I guess we didn’t,” Ryder says. “Sometimes you luck out, sometimes you don’t.”
Stu sits back in his chair. “I didn’t have anything to do with my dad, or your mom, when I got out of prison. They’d already kicked me out long before. Sad to think I was better off on the street than in their company.” He clears his throat. “Not that I like speaking ill of the dead.”
Ryder’s tension eases as he lets go of my hand for the first time since we left the car. “You have every right to feel that way. They weren’t good people. We’re lucky we turned out how we did considerin’.”
“I’m glad you found a family in the Rebels.” Stu’s eyes flick to mine. “And with Crystal. I always knew you guys had something.”
“You did?” I can’t help the tears that well in my eyes.
His smile reaches his eyes as he nods slowly. “Yep. Could see it plain as day. Another reason I pretended to hate Ryder; to me, he had it all. I just had a drunk for a father and no prospects.”
Ryder snorts. “I hardly had it all.”
“You had friends.” Stu sounds sad when he says it, and I feel a lump forming in my throat.
“I’m sorry,” Ryder says softly. “If I were a better person back then, I should have let you join in?—”
Stu waves a hand. “It isn’t like I made your life any kind of picnic. I was an ass. For what it’s worth, I’m happy for you, for both of you.”
“We have a son,” I tell him proudly, forgetting about my earlier skepticism and doubt of trusting him. “He’s five.” I pull out my phone to swipe to my Aidan album and pull up a recent photo, turning my cell around to face him.
Stu looks at the photo with new eyes. “He looks like both of you.”
Ryder gives him a chin lift. “What about you? Married? Any kids?”
“I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years, her name’s Stacey. We want to start a family soon, after we’re married.”
I smile, seeing his face light up at the mention of Stacey. “Tell us about her.”
His smile turns into a fully fledged grin. “She’s not from around here, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s a teacher, transferred here from Maine and we got talking one day in line at the grocery store.”
“Where all good conversations happen.” I smile.
“I guess they do.”
“I was a teacher, too,” I go on. “Before I had Ade. Well, I was a kindergarten teacher, and I loved it.”
“Are you planning on going back?” Stu asks.
“Ade only just started kindergarten. It was my choice to stay at home and raise him. I help out when I can during school hours, until he’s settled. Then I might think about going back on a more permanent basis,” I say.
He nods. “Crazy where the time goes.”
“Well, we’re only here for one reason,” Ryder reminds us. “We pick up my mom’s ashes tomorrow. We’re going to scatter them at the beach.”
Stu nods. “That’s a nice thing to do, considering everything.”
“She was a terrible person,” Ryder says. “But she had her reasons why she went off the deep end, and a lot of that was to do with my dad when he disappeared.”
“You never found him?” Stu asks.
Ryder meets his eye. “I didn’t try very hard, to be honest. I didn’t have a whole lot of respect for him after he did what he did.”
Stu frowns, and something flashes across his face. “You know, I heard some shit in the joint about him, years ago.”
Ryder’s eyebrows perk up, as do my ears. “Yeah?”
“Rumor was he got in deep with the mob when he borrowed all that money to set up that scheme. That’s the reason he never came back — it wasn’t because he ran away.”
Shock hits me like a ton of bricks. “W-what?”
Stu looks a little wistful as he adds, “It can’t have ended good for him, let’s face it. And your mom? I can’t say for sure, but I heard she knew about it, she just played dumb to the cops so she wouldn’t be implicated.”
“Holy shit,” Ryder whispers. “I always thought he ran like a coward and found himself a new family.” Or wound up dead.
I grip Ryder’s hand again. He and his dad were close, so his disappearance never made any sense. Aside from shame, of course, because he’d lost a lot of money from his friends and family. Him being on the run kinda made sense if he was in trouble with the law and on a missing persons list. But mob ties? It just gets worse.
“Maybe he didn’t.” Stu shrugs.
Ryder palms the back of his neck. “To be honest, I think I’ve lost enough sleep over him in any given lifetime. If he is still alive, it’s him who has to live with his conscience. That’s if he even has one.”
“Debatable,” I mutter.
“Listen, I know it’s not a great time right now with, uh, everything, but Stacey and I would like to invite you to dinner, or we could come to New Orleans one time,” Stu says hopefully. “That’s if you want to.”
Ryder nods, then turns to me. “I think we’d like that, wouldn’t we, Sugar?”
I smile. “Yes, and you’d get to meet our little man.”
A comfortable silence falls between us all. A new beginning; that’s what it feels like.
“Is there anything you need help with for tomorrow?” Stu goes to stand.
“Well,” I say. “We actually thought you were going to contest the will.”
Stu balks. “Really?”
I shrug. “We didn’t know you’d turned over a new leaf then. We thought because Ryder’s mom had a small inheritance, every family member in the universe would come out of hiding.” It wasn’t that far a stretch.
He chuckles. “I guess you didn’t know, but rest assured, I don’t want anything to do with any of that. Rita was your mom. Whatever she had, has nothing to do with me.”
Rita. Wow, I haven’t heard that name in a long time.
“Appreciate that.” Ryder stands, too. “Keep in touch. I know I’d like to catch up again, when we both have the time.”
Stu smiles. “I’d like that, too.”
Of course, I go one further and as he steps to the side of the desk, I stand and reach out for a hug. He hugs me back and I feel a lump in my throat. Nope, I don’t feel any bad vibes here, as Bronco would say.
“I’m really glad you made something of yourself, Stu,” I whisper. “And I’m happy you’ve found Stacey.”
“Thanks, it was great seeing you,” Stu replies.
He and Ryder shake hands. It isn’t like they’re going to be best buddies anytime soon, but again, it’s some kind of closure for him. If he wants to meet up with Stu again, like he said, I’ll support that. It may have only been one conversation, but I really feel that he’s telling the truth, and he’s living it. He has nothing to gain by lying. Not this time.
He gives me a knowing smile. “Me, too. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you two finally got together.”
“Oh, he’s not getting rid of me anytime soon.” I smile over at Ryder.
“Appreciate you reachin’ out, Stu,” Ryder says. “Really. It was kinda surreal, but maybe it’s what we both needed.”
“I was a dick to you for no reason, even when you tried to help me, and that’s on me. I was angry.”
“I understand, more than you know. I was the same, so I guess we’re not so different after all.” An understanding definitely falls between them and I bite my lip. There goes them damn tears again.
Both of them suffered horribly, and it makes me so sad. No kid should have an upbringing where they were scared, abused and frightened.
“Thanks for coming,” Stu adds. He and Ryder pound hug, and I almost lose it.
“Bye, Stu.”
“See ya, Crystal.”
Ryder slings an arm around my shoulders as we leave. “Well, that went well.”
I smile to myself. “It did. Glad you came?”
“Yeah, I mean, I was just as much a dick as he was at times,” Ryder says.
I sigh. “Let’s go back to the house. I need some attention.”
“Best idea I’ve heard today.”