Chapter Thirty-Two
Xeno looked as if he hadn’t slept in days, but he was eager and alert as Theos explained their plan, such as it was.
“The Sacrati don’t need to hear what I say, do they?
” Theos asked from his seat inside the temple’s soaker tub.
“The warlord killed the captain without a trial, so the Sacrati are ready to fight. Right?”
“We are,” Xeno said, and Theos could see that it was true. He had some questions about why they hadn’t already taken action; he supposed they’d been trying to find a way to avoid a civil war, just as he was.
“So you won’t come to the city tomorrow, but don’t be obvious about it. Then . . . Do you know where they’re holding Andros?”
“We have some ideas.”
“Figure it out. But don’t break in, don’t attack. Let’s give them the chance to solve this peacefully, if we can.”
Xeno nodded grimly. “Last chance,” he said.
“Aye. I’ll do what I can with the soldiers.
Hopefully they’ll listen, and we’ll arrest the warlord and his inner circle—if you have names for that list, let me know—and we’ll let Andros go.
But if things don’t go well in the city, it’ll be time to fight.
Bust in, get Andros free, and then . . . you know what happens then.”
“We fight other Torians,” Xeno said. He sounded like he was still having trouble believing it.
“Or don’t. Maybe you just head for the mountains and try to find another way.
But you’ll be leaving your children behind, and the women who bore you those children.
Your mothers and sisters.” Theos shrugged.
“I’ll probably be dead by the time you realize things have gone wrong, but if I’m not? I’ll be fighting.”
Xeno nodded grimly. “Aye,” he said. Then he turned to Finnvid, who’d been sitting quietly in the bath, soaking, while Theos and Xeno talked. “And you?” Xeno asked. “Is there a plan to get you back to your people if this goes wrong?”
“I’m with my people,” Finnvid said. “As much as I have any. I’ll be beside Theos, fighting as well as I can.”
Xeno nodded. “That’s all any of us can do, I suppose. We’ll pick our side, and we’ll fight as well as we can.”
Theos slipped along the submerged bench and ducked his head under the stream of clean water coming into their tub.
Xeno was ready to fight. The rest of the Sacrati were ready.
Finnvid was ready. Ready to fight and die, for revenge?
Or to defend some stupid ideal and maintain a way of life that Theos was already starting to question himself?
Theos had to stop the warlord without starting a war.
He wasn’t suited for giving speeches; better to persuade someone with a fist and a sword than with words.
But once blood started to flow, even a trickle, he feared it would turn into a river.
The whole valley was tense and ready, and if he gave them an excuse .
. . if things got started, they’d take a long time to finish.
The water was too hot on his face, but he stayed under as long as he could, and when he finally emerged, he saw Xeno rising from the stool he’d pulled over to the side of their tub.
“We’ll be ready,” he said to Theos. “Whatever happens. Your brothers are with you.”
Theos stood, and they gripped each other’s forearms. The two of them had never been especially close, drawn together more by their shared affection for Andros than anything else, but in that moment Theos’s gut tightened at the thought of never seeing Xeno again, a churning anxiety about getting him killed, along with all the other Sacrati. All Theos’s other brothers.
Xeno left, and Theos sank back onto the bench.
He needed to scrub himself, needed to shave and find clean clothes, needed to figure out what possible words he could use to persuade disciplined, well-trained soldiers that they needed to defy their commander.
It was too much; it was impossible. He was a warrior, not a politician.
He was going to fail, and so many men, Torian men, would die because he wasn’t who they needed him to be.
Then Finnvid moved, shifting over so he was straddling Theos and staring right at him. “Stop worrying,” Finnvid commanded.
Theos just groaned. As if it was possible for him to forget about it all, to just turn his brain off—
“I want us to fuck,” Finnvid said, and suddenly Theos’s mind was empty.
“What?” he managed. The words had seemed clear, but this wasn’t something Theos wanted to have misunderstood.
“I said the word,” Finnvid said with the beginnings of a sly grin. “Do I need to say it again? Theos, I want to fuck. I want to use my hand and my mouth, and then I want us to fuck.”
Theos’s brain had stuttered back into motion. “Because you think we’re going to die tomorrow, and you don’t want to die a virgin. But that’s stupid. Because we might not die. We might, but . . . maybe not. And even if we do . . . fucking isn’t all that important, you know.”
“It is. You fuck people all the time. You like it. And they like it. I’ve seen all this, Theos, so it’s stupid to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“I like lots of things. Everyone likes lots of things. Fucking is . . . It’s good, sure. But it’s not like we’re making babies. It’s not more than everything else we’ve done.”
“But we’ve done everything else. We haven’t done this.”
“There’s lots of things we haven’t done.”
Finnvid squinted at him. “Like what? And why haven’t we done them?”
“Well . . . mostly because I don’t like them much. And since you don’t even know what they are, it seems easiest to pretend they don’t exist.”
Finnvid snorted. “But I know fucking exists, and I know you like it, and I want to do it. I want to feel you inside me.”
“Because you think we’re going to die tomorrow.”
“No. Because we’re still alive now, and I want to keep being alive, and trying new things, for as long as I can.”
Finnvid’s eyes were open wide and even in the dim light of the baths they were impossibly blue.
He looked pure and young and strong and honest, and Theos felt a surge of something impossible and inevitable in his chest. “I can’t fuck you, not tonight.
We don’t have time to do it properly, and I’m not going to do it wrong. Not with you.”
“Theos, I’ve seen you fuck people. It does not take that long!”
“Are you suggesting I lack stamina?”
“Your partners don’t seem to complain, and neither will I.”
“No. Not your first time. I want to fuck you, but I want to take my time, and make sure you’re ready. I want you to be begging for me before I give you what you want.”
“Well, I seriously doubt I’m ever going to beg you.”
Theos wanted to wipe that smug expression right off Finnvid’s face. Well, he wanted to fuck it off, really. But he just shook his head. “You’re pretty close to begging already and we haven’t even gotten started.”
Finnvid stared at him for a moment, then pushed away in disgust, bobbing toward the other side of the tub. “You’re honestly not going to fuck me?”
Theos reached out and wrapped a hand around Finnvid’s ankle. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow night; looking forward to it will give me a reason to keep fighting.”
“You’re supposed to be insatiable,” Finnvid grumbled. “What do you want to do instead? Cuddle?”
“We can still fuck,” Theos said slowly. It had been a while, but getting fucked would certainly be easier for him than for an absolute virgin. And their cocks were both proportionate to their body sizes, so regardless of experience it would be easier for Theos to take Finnvid than the reverse.
“You mean . . .” Finnvid looked Theos up and down as if assessing his body’s capabilities. “I’ve never seen you do that.”
Theos tugged Finnvid the rest of the way back so they were face-to-face again, then kissed him and pulled him in tight.
Then he said, “Just for you.” He saw the flare in Finnvid’s eyes and knew he’d found the magic words.
And they worked just as well for Theos. “Just us,” he murmured, and this time it was Finnvid who started the kiss.
Eventually they shifted around, Finnvid sitting on the bench, Theos stretching for the pot of oil and then hovering over Finnvid.
He usually liked the power imbalance in fucking.
He liked making it competitive, and when he’d been younger he’d loved fighting his partner for dominance, straining and wrestling to see who’d fuck the other.
As he’d gotten older and stronger, his partners had stopped fighting, just accepting that he’d play the role he wanted. Was he taking a step back now?
He watched Finnvid’s face, saw the strain and amazement in his eyes as Theos lowered himself.
No, this wasn’t a step back. It wasn’t about dominance; it was something else entirely.
Theos tried to relax and accept the intrusion.
The burning stretch, the protests of a body not used to this treatment; he didn’t really care what signals his body sent to him.
His mind was in control, and his mind wanted this to happen.
So it did. He sank down all the way, and let himself enjoy Finnvid’s expression.
Theos was used to giving Finnvid pleasure, but he was usually taking it himself at the same time.
Now, with so little preparation and care?
And with Finnvid’s breath already coming unevenly as Theos moved above him?
Theos would have no physical pleasure from this, and somehow that made it sweeter.
This was for Finnvid. This wasn’t about dominance or pleasure; Theos could take both if he wanted, and he knew it, so it was somehow more important that he was giving instead.
Finnvid was gasping, his hands gripping Theos’s ass as if he were the one lifting Theos’s body.
Theos thought about slowing his movements down, dragging things out, but he honestly wasn’t sure he could; Finnvid was already too close to the edge.
So Theos moved a little faster, tightened his ass, and as Finnvid began to shudder and groan, Theos savored every movement and every sound.