Chapter 35 Katarina
KATARINA
Warmth hit me as soon as I walked into Massimo’s townhouse. Paolo greeted me at the door.
“We will have to get you a key,” he said with a soft smile.
I shook my head at him. “Not necessary.”
He followed me up the stairs. “Are you hungry or thirsty or anything?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
But I wasn’t fine. Not at all.
I went to the top floor, into Massimo’s room, and shut the door behind me. The room smelled like him. A sob threatened to break through the cold in my chest, but it didn’t quite manage it.
Checking the clock, I saw I had some time until I met Lucy. I sank onto the edge of the bed, then flopped back and inhaled that scent for the last time. Massimo. My Lucifer, my savior. The man who’d taken me out of the dark . . . and wanted to control me just the same.
I held onto the dog tags at my neck like a rosary until a knock at the door sent me upright. Alarm filled me at the thought that he might have returned. I didn’t think I could leave him if he was here. I wasn’t sure he’d even let me.
“Katarina? You have a phone call.”
I followed Paolo downstairs to the antique-looking landline phone and put the receiver to my ear.
“Micetta, are you okay?”
Massimo’s voice washed over me, bringing comfort and disappointment at the same time.
“I’m okay,” I got out.
“You left the house? Paolo told me you went out.”
“With Lucy and her bodyguard.”
“I know, that’s the only reason I didn’t break the fuck out of here and come find you,” he said, sighing roughly.
“How come you can call me?”
“I get a phone call.”
“I think that’s supposed to be for legal counsel.”
“Fuck legal counsel, I didn’t start the fire. I’m not afraid of the police. So, where did you go?”
I swallowed a shard of ice in my throat.
“I went to see my mother.”
Silence met that confession. My hand was curled into a fist so tight my fingers ached.
Then another sigh.
“Katarina—”
“I just want to know one thing: Who put you in charge of making my decisions for me? Who gave you the right?”
“Angel—”
“Don’t call me that! I’m not an angel. I’m not a saint, and I won’t forgive you for this.”
“Yes you will, because once you take a second to think about it, you’ll understand why I did it. I didn’t want to hurt you. From the moment we met, I didn’t want to hurt you. I will never hurt you,” he said in a rough growl.
“And marrying me when I was drugged and out of my mind? How do you justify that?”
More silence, and then his deep rumble.
“To protect you.”
“Bullshit. What protection does your name give me? You just gave me another jailer to answer to, when I was free for the first time in three years.”
“You wanted a family and a place to belong, someone to belong to. Someone who would care if you were hurt, who would slay your demons for you. Someone who would never turn their back on you.”
I swallowed the angry retort that sprang to my lips at how he’d taken all the soul-destroying, personal things I’d told him and used them as an excuse to do whatever he wanted.
I tried to harden my heart to him, but it felt impossible. He was the only thing left that kept it beating.
I forced coolness into my tone. “But I never asked you to be any of those things.”
“You asked me to kill for you,” he snapped back. “You agreed to be mine.”
“I agreed to fuck you, which I have. You made sure to do that as soon as you could. You chose to take that first from me while hiding the truth from me. You put lies between us and ruined it. You ruined everything,” I said.
The cold in my chest was now twinned with anger.
Disappointment so thick I could hardly breathe.
“I ruined nothing. I saved you, and I will save you time and time again, as long as you need, wherever or whenever you need me.”
“You’ll save me? Except from you.”
Silence fell. When he spoke, his voice was as deep as mantle.
“You knew who I was when you reached out and touched me, when you believed in me, when you shone your fucking goodness on me. You already knew who I was, and you didn’t complain when it suited you.”
Those words hurt to hear, because they were true, weren’t they?
“I wanted to choose my family. I wanted control over my own life, and if you don’t understand that and why I need it, you don’t understand me.”
Massimo chuckled darkly, but there was nothing amused in the sound. “And if you think I’m going to let you go in a fit of temper, you don’t understand me. I made a mistake. I should have told you . . . I’ll pay for it, with you by my side. I’ll make it up to you, with you by my side.”
“No you won’t. I don’t want to see you.”
“You don’t have a choice, we’re married,” he reminded me.
I let out a scoff. “And you think you aren’t taking away my freedom or choices? Just listen to yourself.”
He was quiet, a fuming, loaded silence.
“You’re angry. You have the right to be. I’ll be home soon, and we’ll talk about it in person.”
“No. I don’t want to see you, and this isn’t my home. I don’t have one anymore. I am completely alone . . . and maybe that’s what I need.”
“Katarina—”
“If you really care about me, beyond wanting to possess me for some fucked-up reason, you’ll give me the space I need. I’m going with Lucy. Her security will watch out for me.”
“Going where with a De Sanctis?”
“Away. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
“Wherever you go, I’ll find you, little stray. Like it or not, you’re my wife.”
“I don’t like it.”
“You’ll come around,” he ground out.
“No I won’t . . . unless you show me you’re worth not giving up on. I need time; you’ll give it to me, or our story is at an end. I need to know my choices matter to you. I need to see that you’re not like them. I won’t swap one prison for another. I’ll die first.”
Then I hung up and cried. The ice in my chest shattered and broke into a thousand shards.
My initial freezing paralysis had burned out and melted at hearing his voice.
Spitting my venom at him had cleared my heart of anger, and now there was only disappointment and sadness.
Sadness for what had happened. Sadness for my sorry life.
Sadness for my mother. My mother. Just the thought of her lying in the cold, hard ground for two years, without anyone to visit her grave, twisted my heart into pieces.
I cried and cried until my soul felt wrung out and exhausted.
I checked the time when my eyes cleared enough to see. I had to go.
I got to my feet, my knees weak. I swayed against the bed, unconsciously gulping long breaths of the air that smelled like Massimo.
“Wherever you go, I’ll find you, little stray.”
Right, he was the master at that, but I had a hunch that he had help.
I untangled the chain around my neck carefully, pulled it free from my hair, and placed it on the covers.
The dog tags had become a symbol of safety to me.
Something to grip onto when the world felt too much.
When I was alone and lost in the dark. The small crucifix twinkled, nestled beside the tags.
Me and him, together on one chain. I should take the little cross off and take it with me.
I should, but I didn’t. I couldn’t bear to remove it. I left it there.
I pressed a kiss to my fingertips and then stroked my fingers over his name.
Then I turned around and left.
I had told Lucy I’d meet her on the street outside the townhouse. I waited, watching for the familiar sleek black car that Nina drove her around in.
The traffic was busy, winding slowly up the road. Ice slicked the pavement in places where the snow had started to melt.
Florence.
Could I really go there and leave Massimo behind? Would he really let me? I had to know the answer to that. It mattered more than anything.
After a while, a black car pulled up, and I made my way toward it. It stopped and turned its blinkers on, blocking the road.
I reached the rear passenger-side door and opened it—and then stopped.
It wasn’t Lucy in the back seat.
Not at all.
Sergei, director of Centrium Group, sat against the plush cream leather.
I just stared at him, making no move to get into the car. What the hell was he doing here?
“Katarina, I’m so relieved to find you safe and well,” he called out.
He made a move to get out, and I backed up, ready to run. I glanced around. I didn’t see anyone else about to close in.
“Why are you here?” I asked numbly.
“I was looking for you. I’ve had a lot of people searching for you.”
“Why?” I demanded.
He sighed and peered at me. “Do you really not know?”
Tension bunched in my muscles, telling me to run, or at least cover my ears. A terrifying foreboding filled me, and suddenly I didn’t want to hear what he was about to say.
“I know this is a lot to take and it’s out of the blue,” he started, then stopped when a small voice spoke.
“Kat?” A little body wriggled forward, and I could finally make her out.
Tatiana.
I took a step forward, ready to try and grab her out of the car or die trying.
“Easy, Katarina, relax. I’m here to explain everything to you, and don’t worry about Tatiana.” He turned to the girl beside him. “She’s my daughter.”
Shock froze me to the spot. His daughter. Everything I’d ever heard about Tatiana’s strange treatment in Hallow Hall fell into place. The fact that she was the only kid her age suddenly made sense.
Then, Sergei stared at me.
“And so are you.”
I reeled back, slipping on a patch of ice and falling on my side. Sergei got out of the car and came to my side faster than I’d have thought possible for a man his age.
He helped me to my feet and cupped my face, ignoring my flinch and immediate attempt to wrench away.
“She’s your half-sister. I know it’s all a lot to take in, but I didn’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m your father, and I want both my girls safe under my roof.”
I looked between him and Tatiana, my mind reeling. I had no evidence that what he was saying was true. He might just be making it all up, but I didn’t think so. Something inside my heart knew he was telling the truth.
“Come home with us. I’ll explain everything,” Sergei said, leading me to the car.
“Kat! Sit beside me,” Tatiana begged from inside.
No matter whether he was lying or if he had an ulterior motive, it didn’t matter.
I wouldn’t let him take Tatiana anywhere alone.
I got into the car.