Chapter 4
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Noah
His body was coiled tight as he threw the ball back and forth with Heath. It was coiled tight all night thanks to a sexy, snarky, sweet, contrary woman who had occupied his thoughts since he’d hung his head and walked away from her door the night before.
Zara.
She’d shocked him silly in the car after dinner with her words and that kiss.
God, that kiss.
He wanted to feel it again. That, and so much more.
Touching her, being able to touch her, even for that small amount of time, was heaven. He’d dreamed of it many times, of what it would be like and feel like. The reality of it had blown his dreams out of the water.
She was sensual and open, everything he wanted in a woman.
If she’d let him stay, they would have made love all night, taking each other over and over again.
It would have been the best night of his life.
But that wasn’t the case. She’d pushed him away and closed the door in his face.
That was a pretty obvious no in his book, and there was no way he would push. If she said no, she meant no. He’d respect that.
So he’d gone home, jacked himself raw while reliving the kiss, and fallen into a crappy sleep.
And now he was expected to play baseball at the highest level.
Life moved on no matter what.
“How was the meeting last night?” Heath asked as they continued to warm up.
“Good. I got the deal.”
Heath held the ball, not throwing it back to him. “For someone who just landed one of the most sought-after companies in sports, you sure don’t sound excited.”
Noah punched his glove a couple of times. “I am excited, just a little tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Ah, I see,” Heath said, throwing the ball to him again with a grin on his face. “Met someone, did you?”
More like finally got to kiss the woman who turned him upside down. “You know I’m not like that.”
Heath shook his head. “You disappoint me, brother. I would kill for the women who fawn after you.”
“Don’t you have your hands full with the women who follow you around? I would think that would be enough.” He needed to keep the focus on Heath and off himself. He wasn’t ready for anyone to know how strung up on Zara he was.
“It’s always nice to have more options.”
Heath was by no means a manwhore, but he enjoyed women. More than Noah did. It had been months since he’s slept with a woman. He’d met her one night during the offseason and taken her up on her offer of one night of fun. It was fun, too. But that was all it was. Fun. There was nothing more, no deeper connection. She’d tried to get his number and meet up again, but he’d refused, knowing that even if he had her number, he’d never call her.
She wasn’t what he wanted.
That title belonged to Zara.
Before the game started, he jogged off to the locker room with the rest of his team. Like most players of any sport, he had rituals and things he did or didn’t do on game day. Between batting practice and the game, he always switched cleats. It was just something he”d been doing since high school.
Something his dad had mentioned once, and he’d picked up after his death.
He missed his dad every day, and his death still haunted him. He was a firefighter and died in the line of duty when a building caught fire faster than his team had anticipated. His death was why he’d freaked out on Zara the night he’d walked into his apartment and seen her naked. As soon as the fire alarm went off, he panicked. Then, when he”d gotten her outside and saw how fast the fire consumed the building, he’d had to get out of there before breaking down or having a panic attack.
Something he still had to this day if he didn’t meditate daily.
She might think he left or abandoned her because he didn’t want to be around her, but that was far from the truth. The second he’d laid eyes on her, he’d been enthralled. He left for his own health and sanity.
He’d regretted it ever since.
At least until he ran into her again and found out who she was. He’d never been strong enough to mention it to Aidan, and he’d never brought it up. That told him Zara also never told Aidan the truth about what happened that night.
When Aidan texted him, asking where he was and telling him the building was on fire, he told him that he was out and had no clue. Aidan vaguely mentioned someone was supposed to meet him at their apartment, but in the same breath, said he’d spoken to her, and she never showed up.
Noah had taken that nugget of information and tucked it away in a hidden corner of his mind, never to be thought of again.
Until the day he saw her talking to Heath at a game and realized who she was. That day was seared into his brain, just like the night of the fire and their first kiss.
First kiss, because he knew he would kiss her again. He had to.
He jogged back to the field with the rest of his team, ready to start the game. Something told him to turn his head and look into the stands as he passed the pitcher”s mound. What he saw had him shocked.
Zara was there again.
With her eyes glued on him.
Holy fucking shit. This was how all his dreams started. She watched him play and then met him outside the locker room, where she couldn’t keep her hands off him. Sometimes they made it to his truck before they fucked, and sometimes they didn’t, humping like fools in a dark corner.
This was not going to help his concentration. When she’d watched him last night, he hadn’t known what she tasted like or that she even wanted to kiss him.
Now he did.
Why was she there? Not at the game necessarily, but in the stands. Usually, if she came to visit clients, she didn’t watch the game from the stands for more than one night. At least he’d never seen her there. Hannah once told him that she always watched from an office in the back while working because working calmed her.
Thank God for Hannah the last few months. She’d let little things slip about Zara that he would never have learned otherwise.
He tried to ignore the feel of her stare on his back as he took his position in right field. It wasn’t easy. This woman had him by the balls, and she didn’t even know it.
He probably shouldn”t think about Zara and his balls simultaneously. That only made him want things he shouldn’t want while working. Getting a boner in front of a crowd of thousands was not a great idea.
Nor was getting one while wearing a cup.
Talk about painful.
He focused on the game, leaving everything else at the door. In the back of his mind, he knew Zara was there, but she couldn’t be the focus. Not when he had a team relying on him. The game stayed close through four innings, but Arizona hit back-to-back home runs, scoring seven total runs.
From there, his team wasn’t able to catch up.
It always felt horrible to lose, but for him, this felt even worse.
He didn’t want Zara to see him this way. Sure, he knew she’d technically seen him lose many times. You can’t win them all. But this felt different. He was not the same person after a win that he was after a loss. What would Zara think of him if she noticed that difference? Would he even be able to put on a happy face and fake it?
For her, he’d try.
It was difficult to always be on for the fans and the media. No one could be happy all the time. But showing that side to Zara freaked him out.
Panic was settling in, and he instantly knew that if he didn’t get several minutes alone to meditate, he’d have a full-blown panic attack.
Wanting to cut it off before it happened, he bypassed the locker room and went down the hallway to try and find an empty room. If they were playing at home, he had a place he could go. A room that the coach helped him find and was always empty. Away games were different. He had to take what he could find. He came across a room quickly and left the light off to keep himself calm.
He leaned forward, pressing his palm against the wall as he began his steady breathing techniques that he’d been using for years. He’d tweaked them here and there over the years, but for the most part, it stayed the same. When something worked, there was no need to mess with it.
Several minutes into his meditation, he heard a noise that had him opening his eyes and turning his head. His eyes connected in the dark with Zara’s.
“I’m so sorry,” she rushed to say, shaking her head repeatedly. “I was in here when you came in, and before I knew it, you were—” She stopped shaking her head again. “I’ll just go.”
Before he could stop her, she ran out of the room. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to stop her. Not at that moment. This was his secret, although it wasn”t a secret. Most of his teammates knew, as did his coaches. Hell, he wasn’t the only guy on the team who had anxiety or panic attacks. And he wasn’t ashamed.
He just didn’t know how to be that man with Zara.
A man with a weakness.
The panic was building again, so he focused on his breathing and spent another ten minutes meditating before he felt composed enough to head to the locker room. Inside, his coach was talking to the whole team, and he gave him a slight head nod as he entered. No one paid attention to him as he joined the circle of players to listen to their coach.
When the talk ended, Noah took a quick shower before dressing and headed for the team bus. The ride back was quiet, thanks to the loss, and Noah was glad. He never really liked conversation too soon after a panic attack. He needed time to readjust.
At the hotel, he pressed the button in the elevator for his floor but, at the last second, hit another button.
The one for Zara’s floor.
He wasn’t sure what prompted him to do it, but something inside him wanted to see her. Wanted to explain.
Which was fucking scary.
When he reached her door, he stood there for several long minutes wondering what he was doing and why. She was nothing to him, even if he wanted her to be. He didn’t owe her an explanation, nor was he comfortable giving her one.
But something was telling him he needed to do this. Both for her and himself.
So he knocked.
And when she opened the door, any panic that had been coming on at the thought of telling her dissipated.
Seeing her made him calm. It soothed something inside him.
That should be freaking him the fuck out. But it wasn’t.
“Wha—what are you doing here?” Her eyes held fear, but also concern.
“I wanted to explain earlier.”
“You don’t have to explain anything.”
“I know I don’t, but I want to.” That was the truth. “Can I come inside?”
She bit her bottom lip, uncertainty in her eyes. After a quick look behind her into her room, she nodded. “Sure.” She stepped aside, holding the door open.
He stepped into her room, taking in everything he saw. She had her computer out on her bed and was obviously working. There were clothes strewn about the room and several pairs of shoes on the floor. A room service tray with a bottle of wine that looked mostly empty sat on the table.
His first thought was that the impeccably dressed and gorgeous Zara Dewan was messy.
The second was that he hoped like hell she wasn’t drunk.
The click of the door closing had him turning to face her. “I’m sorry you had to see that earlier.”
She put a hand up. “No, I’m sorry. I should have said something as soon as you walked into the room. Made a noise or, I don’t know, thrown up a flare. I infringed on something private, and it’s none of my business.”
Her humor made him smile. “You had no clue why I came in there, so why would you have said anything? I should have looked around better. I normally do.”
Her eyebrows raised. “This happens a lot?”
“Often enough.” He looked behind him at the bed, deciding to sit on the edge. “I have panic attacks.”
He watched her eyes, hoping like hell she didn’t feel sorry for him. He could take anything but that. Her eyes were clear and full of questions, but there was no pity.
“How long has this been going on?” She stayed where she was, standing almost in front of him but still a few feet away.
“Since high school.” He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell her about his dad, so he left it at that for now.
“And you’ve found something that works?”
He nodded. “I did the therapy and still do. That’s where I found that meditation helps to keep the panic at bay.” As does apparently being near her.
“Do you—” She started and then stopped. “Nevermind. You don’t owe me any details, and I shouldn’t ask questions.”
“I’m cool if you ask. That’s why I came here. I wanted you to know. Only my teammates and coaches know, other than my therapist.”
“What about Hannah?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t told her.” He never told his previous agent because once he’d caught him bitching about a client who had anxiety, and it had made him gun-shy. It was one of the big reasons he’d wanted to switch agents.
“You should tell her. While she doesn’t have panic attacks, she has anxiety and has to work daily to keep it under control. She’d love to kick anyone’s ass who made an issue out of it for you.”
He hung his head, unable to look her in the eye. “What about you? Would you kick someone’s ass for me?”
He heard her feet shuffle and then come into view on the floor. When he looked up, he noticed she’d moved closer. So close he could almost touch her.
God, he wanted to touch her.
“I would fight for any of my clients to get what they needed.”
“I’m not your client.” He held his breath while also holding her gaze.
She shuffled her feet again, her knees coming into contact with his. She was directly above him, looking down into his eyes, her expression unreadable. “A fact I am extremely happy about.”
That had him confused. “You don’t want to be my agent?”
“If I was your agent, I couldn”t do this.” She lifted her hand, running it through his hair softly.
He groaned like a dog who hadn’t been petted in days and leaned into her touch. He closed his eyes, trying not to get his hopes up. “Zara,” his voice was heavy with need, “what are you doing?”
A second hand joined the first, her fingers tangling in his hair. “I was thinking that maybe, we can do this just once.”
He tipped his head back, keeping his eyes on hers as her hands continued to knead his scalp. He refrained from grabbing her hips to pull her closer for the time being. “Is that what you want? To have sex and walk away?”
Uncertainty flared in her eyes. “That”s all I have.”
It wasn’t enough for him. He knew that. From the looks of it, it wouldn’t be enough for her either, but if it was all she offered, he’d take it. Being with her tonight would be better than never being with her.
At least, he hoped that was the case.
Doing something he’d wanted to do for far too long, he reached out, gripping her hips and pulling her against him. Her smell enveloped him, and he swore he could drown in it and die happy. “You drive me fucking wild.” He pressed his face against her stomach, relishing in being able to touch her.
“Me? I’ve been unhinged all day, just trying to figure out why I can’t stop thinking about you.” She pulled on his hair, lifting his gaze to hers again. “I need you to fuck me, Noah. Now.”
His pulse sped up, and his cock grew harder than a fucking rock. She was impossible to resist. If she wanted him, she’d get him. Rising up just a little, his lips came close to hers without touching. “Don’t you dare stop this once we start.” He needed to know this was truly what she wanted.
Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “Stop fucking talking and kiss me.”
This was the Zara he knew. Strong, confident, demanding. He loved this side of her. Hell, he’d barely seen anything but this side of her. Without another word, he closed the distance between them and kissed her.
It was magical.
That was the only word that worked. After their previous kiss, he’d had difficulty putting his finger on just the right word for how it felt.
Magical was that word.
It was the same feeling someone got on their first visit to the ocean when it was new, fresh, and so damn beautiful. Or the feeling of hitting the baseball over the center field wall your first time in the big leagues.
“Noah,” she moaned, and the sound of his name in that way turned him into a beast.
He flipped them on the bed, landing on top of her and devouring her mouth. She was whimpering and moaning into his mouth, her body undulating under him with need. He needed her naked, but for that to happen, he needed to stop kissing her. In the back of his mind, he remembered that her laptop was still on the bed. They had to stop and get rid of it unless she wanted it broken.
“Naked, I need you naked.” He trailed kisses down her throat.
“Then get me naked.” She breathed heavily, her hands torturing him by running up and down his back.
He stopped kissing her, looking down at her. “Unless you want to lose your laptop, we need a full pause to get rid of it. We can strip at the same time.”
Her lips turned down in a pout. “Are you always so conscientious?”
He moved off her, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him until they both stood at the foot of the bed. “Probably. Does that bother you?” He ran his hand down her side until he reached her hip, digging his fingers into the skin.
She moaned. “No, it’s strangely sexy.”
He smiled at her admission. “Get your things, and then get out of those clothes.” He let her go without kissing her again because he knew they’d both forget about the damn laptop if he did.
With definite frustration, she grabbed her laptop off the bed and placed it on the nightstand. Then while he was kicking off his shoes, she pulled her shirt over her head.
He stilled, unable to do anything but stare.
Zara was naked in front of him.
He could see her tits.
If he weren’t able to still taste her on his lips, he”d think this was a dream.
“Fuck me.”
She cocked her head to the side as she pushed her pants down her legs. “I’d tell you my face was a few inches higher, but I think the whole goal here is to have you looking at my boobs.”
His mouth was dry, and his cock was harder than ever. “I hope to God I get to do more than look at them.” He gripped the back of his t-shirt behind his head and pulled it off in one motion.
Zara’s jaw fell, making him pump a fist inside his head. She liked what she saw, and that made him happy. He knew he was built well; hell, he played professional baseball for a living and practically lived in the gym. Other women had complimented him many times on his body.
Zara wasn’t other women.
She was THE woman.
The only one he wanted to be seeing or complimenting him.
“You need to move faster,” Zara moved slowly toward him. Her body was gorgeous. Tall, lean, and muscular with gorgeous dark skin. She looked like a fucking queen.
And he wanted to worship her all night long.
Longer, really, but she’d given him the night. He’d just have to make sure it was so good that she’d feel compelled to come back again and again.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that patience is a virtue?” He raised an eyebrow as he lowered his shorts. He left his boxer briefs on, the prominent bulge of his cock showing her how much he wanted this.
She couldn’t take her eyes off it. When she licked her lips, he about came in his underwear.
“I’ve never been very good at being patient. I woke my parents up at four on Christmas morning to open the presents. On my birthday, I never had gifts to open because I would sweet talk my mom into giving them to me early.” She looked up from his dick and into his eyes. “I want my gift, Noah.” She slid onto the bed, parting her legs.
His heart sped up. This was how she was sitting the night he first saw her. Legs spread, tits out, and a smile on her face. This was the image that haunted him day in and day out.
“No fire alarm is stopping you from taking what you want tonight.” Her words had him moving closer, placing a knee on the bed. “Although there is definitely a fire I need you to put out. “ She trailed her hand over her stomach and up to her plump tits, cupping one.
That was all he could handle.
He dove forward, finding her lips with his and kissing her like there was no tomorrow.
God, he hoped there was a tomorrow.
She was just as ravenous for him as he was for her, and they fought for control. To him, that made them both winners. He wanted her as a full participant. He didn”t want her to lie there and make him do all the work.
Although he’d gladly do that sometime.
This first time needed to be on equal ground.
Her hands were scouring his back, nails digging into his skin. It was glorious. Needing more, he slowly kissed his way down her jaw, then neck, and finally, collar bone. Every inch of her tasted divine. Who needed food when he had Zara?
“Touch my tits,” she moaned. “I need your mouth on my tits.”
That was a request he would gladly answer.
He kissed every inch of skin between her collarbone and breast, slowly placing love bites around her soft skin. When he finally swiped his tongue over her nipple, she cried out.
“Holy hell, yes. Right there.”
He smiled against her skin before licking the nipple again. Her hips bucked against his thankfully still-covered cock, and he pressed himself deeply against her to relieve some pressure for both of them. After a few more licks of the nipple, he grazed his teeth over the tight bud before closing his mouth around it and sucking.
Her reaction was everything he could have hoped for.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” she panted.
As much as he wanted to ease their pain by ripping his underwear off and slamming his dick inside her, he wasn’t going to do that. If this was the only night they had together, he was forcing himself to go slow. To do all the things he’d dreamed about since that night he’d seen her naked on his couch waiting for his roommate.