Chapter 26
LAUREN
W hen Tyler brought out dessert, he mentioned a storm was coming in from the west.
“It’s gonna be a gully washer,” he said. “You probably want to stay indoors.”
I’d waited all evening to ask him the question on my mind, and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Is Matthew okay? He isn’t at dinner.”
“Yes.” Tyler looked around, shifty-eyed. “He’s in the kitchen tonight.”
I’d suspected that much based on the simple meal we’d eaten. “He cooked, didn’t he?” Tyler resisted giving me an answer so I told a small lie. “The food was excellent. Tell him I enjoyed it.”
Dinner had been fine, but certainly not excellent.
It was the type of comfort food you’d cook for yourself at home, not what you’d expect from a resort, even one with the word ranch in its name.
The chicken was bland and the cheesecake on the plate in front of me looked solid and a little bit frosty, as if it had recently been taken out of a freezer.
Tyler lit up with his usual happy glow. “Great! I’ll let him know.”
As he slipped back into the kitchen, the dining room went completely silent.
All of the other guests had gone back to their cabins for the evening, and there was no reason for me to stick around except for the slim hope that Matthew might come out and speak to me.
I hated that things were unresolved between us, especially when I had a divorce and a syndication deal in a similar state of limbo.
Maybe in his mind we’d come to a resolution, but I didn’t know what it was.
Were we going to keep in touch or was our relationship ruined by my offer to purchase the ranch?
Now that I’d had time to reflect, I understood that selling his family business to a stranger might be less painful than selling it to me and staying on as manager.
The worst part was that he seemed to feel betrayed, like my feelings for him were a sham.
Nothing could have been further from the truth.
I wanted at least one more chance to speak with Matthew to make peace with him and leave on decent terms. I’d had enough of unresolved relationships to last a lifetime.
This one would get closure, even if it wasn’t the ending I wanted.
* * *
Later that night, alone in my cabin, sleep wouldn’t come.
I tossed and turned in my bed, replaying my argument with Matthew, resentful that he hadn’t sought me out to apologize or talk things through.
These feelings were familiar. In the earlier years of my marriage to Freddy, when our troubles first began, I waited for him to come to me with apologies and explanations.
Many nights, I went to bed angry or upset, refusing to be the one to start the hard conversations.
And look how that turned out.
Impetuously, I grabbed my phone and texted Matthew, asking him to meet me in the Round Room.
Before I could regret my decision, I pulled my raincoat over my pajamas, shoved my feet into my hiking shoes, and hurried out of my cabin.
The storm had begun an hour earlier, and rain pelted my jacket as I squelched down the muddy pathway.
I could hear Matthew’s voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t be outside when there was lightning.
Why was I suddenly taking risks when I’d been so careful until now?
Once I made it to the steps of the Round Room’s covered porch, I knew I was safe.
The door to the building was unlocked, and I scurried inside, shaking water droplets from my jacket before removing it, along with my boots.
Despite my best efforts, my pajama pants were damp from the rain, making me shiver with the chills.
I flipped on the lights, but the brightness of the chandeliers made me squint, so I flicked the switch again and opted for darkness. Thunder rumbled in the distance and after about twenty minutes of sitting and waiting, I closed my eyes and let my mind drift.
Matthew wasn’t coming.
Why had life brought me here, to this ranch at this time, if Matthew and I weren’t going to continue our relationship?
Coming here, when I was supposed to be sent somewhere else, felt like destiny.
Was there a different reason I’d come to Silver Sage Ranch?
Certainly, it was time well spent reclaiming my joy, but I couldn’t deny that Matthew was a huge part of that reawakening, especially as the one who rekindled my physical desires.
I tried to imagine myself back in New York on a date with a man in finance, or even one in the arts, and it all felt wrong because I knew what I wanted for my future and it wasn’t the hustle and striving of city life.
I wanted time to look up at the stars. To notice the changing colors of the cottonwood and aspen trees.
To saddle up and take long trail rides, even on days when there are other tasks that need to get done.
“Lauren?” Matthew stood in the doorway, lightning flashing dramatically behind him, outlining his form.
I stood up, my damp socks cold against the wood floor and hands shaking with nervous energy. “Did I wake you?”
He looked at me questioningly as he walked over. “What do you mean? I came here looking for you. You didn’t answer the door to your cabin, so I thought you were asleep, and then I saw the door to the Round Room was ajar.”
“Oh.” So he’d come to find me. “I sent you a text.”
“Sorry. I haven’t checked my messages in a few hours.” He pulled his phone from deep in his coat pocket but didn’t bother looking at the screen. “I had to work late in the dining room, and then I had some staff issues to deal with.”
“Let’s sit down and talk,” I suggested.
“I’ll make a fire first. It’s chilly in here and you’re in your pajamas.”
I looked down and remembered he was right, I was in my night clothes and wasn’t even wearing a bra. The last time I’d left the house this underdressed was…never?
I sat down and curled my legs under me, snuggling into the chair’s worn cushions. “I love a fire on a rainy night.”
He shucked off his dripping jacket and hung it on the back of a chair, and then systematically stacked logs, kindling and paper in the fireplace.
Next, he lit a long match and held it to the pyramid he’d built until the flame caught and traced itself along the edges of the paper.
Even before he lit the fire, the general aroma of the Round Room was ashes and wood, combined with the leather of the Adirondack furniture and a lingering smell of tobacco.
It wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, I found it to be masculine, warm and comforting, just like Matthew.
He sat down on the loveseat next to my chair and clasped his hands together on his lap. “Didn’t expect the weather to get this bad.”
“Tyler warned me it would be a gully washer.” We smiled gently at each other. “I guess I found out what that term means.”
“I’m glad I got to see you tonight. I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you earlier today. I was rude to you, and I’m really sorry.”
I studied the lines of his face in the shadows of the room. There was no “but” or “because.” His was the most direct apology I’d ever gotten from a man. I’d played out this conversation many times in my head, and in none of those scenarios had I pictured him apologizing to me from the jump.
“I forgive you,” I said earnestly. “And I owe you an apology too. You were right. I wouldn’t want to sell Ms. Match to someone and then stay on and work for them.
I was na?ve to think that scenario was going to work out.
All I could see was my exciting vision for this place and all the numbers I’d crunched, and I didn’t consider your feelings. ”
“I think my love of Silver Sage’s past might hold you back from creating your new vision,” Matthew said, “and I don’t want to be that person.
I realized after our argument that I’ve been running around here, trying to keep everything the same, while you were the brave one, trying to plan a future for the ranch. I admire that.”
I wanted to tell him I wasn’t interested in destroying the past and changing everything that made this ranch so special, but that wasn’t our only obstacle.
The thought of owning Silver Sage, hiring him to work under me while trying to be his girlfriend, was going to be way too uncomfortable for both of us.
It wouldn’t be an equal partnership, and I’d already had a marriage with a messed-up power dynamic.
I didn’t need to go down that road again.
There was, however, one important misconception I wanted to straighten out with him.
“I need you to understand that I only started thinking about buying the ranch when you told me about your financial problems. This wasn’t some grand scheme of mine when I came here.”
“I know that,” he said. “I was upset in the moment, but it was silly of me to think that way. If you’re still interested in buying the property, I’d be happy to consider your offer among any others we receive.
I’ll have to go with the best one, but…you’d certainly have my attention.
” The pain in his voice made my heart ache.
“I have to admit, the idea of doing this with you was a huge part of the appeal.” He looked up at me, and I grimaced, my cheeks heating. “Maybe I read too much into how you felt about me.”
“Of course you didn’t.” He reached over and placed his hand on my arm. “Having such strong feelings for you is what makes this situation complicated. I’m falling in love with you, Lauren.”
My heart pounded in my chest, hope rising inside me again. “Me too. I wish we could rebuild this place together because it’s one of the most beautiful places left in this country.” I swallowed to control my emotions. “We haven’t known each other very long, but I think we’d make a good team.”
“I know we would. But even after you go home, please know I’m rooting for you. I’m on your side, and I always will be. Team Lauren Cozzi aka Mrs. Wagonblast.”