22. Chapter 22
Aspen
When I wake up, I expect to feel a little run down.
I just got done working two back-to-back shifts, and the ER was packed both days.
Usually after that, I wake up feeling like ass.
Add pregnancy into that equation, and it’s worse.
Not today though, I feel energetic. Maybe it’s the hope blooming in my chest with Rhett, as dangerous as that is.
But also, I get to spend the day with all my favorite girls today.
Willow, my mom, and I are meeting at Ava’s to help her get ready to go back to work.
Trying to get her to accept our help is usually like pulling teeth, but I think she is so starved for adult interaction, she’ll accept it.
We’ve all visited, but like me, she’s used to working three or four days a week.
Being cooped up in a house is probably driving her bananas.
I sit up, stretching my hands above my head. The light streams in through the curtains, making everything feel bright. A day with my girls will be exactly what I need. I want to grab us a little spread to snack on for the day, so I need to get up, shower, and be on my way.
When I pull up to Ava’s new house that Mav had built for them, I notice I’m the first one here.
My mom had forewarned me that she wasn’t there yet.
I one hundred percent thought my mom would have beat us all here and had half of the work done before we even showed up.
I’m a hard worker and all, but that woman is on another level.
Knocking is a thing of the past in this family, so with my bag free hand, I turn the knob and push open the door.
They did such a good job planning this house together. White-washed oak makes up the entire interior structure, making the place look light and bright. Soft brown accents with the furniture and decor tie the whole place together. It looks elevated and classy while still being homey.
Baby blankets and burp cloths cover every surface right now.
Clean diapers are scattered everywhere and dishes are piled up in the sink.
Ava walks out of the hall on the right in a button-up pajama top and matching bottoms. Her hair is pulled into a top knot that more resembles a bird's nest. Honestly, it works for her.
She is such a beautiful person that I think she could make a barf bag look hot.
“How you doing, momma?” I ask as I walk to her kitchen in the back left of the house to set down the bags of snacks I picked up.
“Tired. You guys really didn’t have to do this. I could clean up and get meal prepped on my own,” she says, walking to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup of coffee.
“You absolutely could do it on your own, but you don’t have to. That’s what we’re here for. My mom texted me while I was at the store and said she had to help Weston with a calf this morning, so she would be running late. Willow should be here any time.”
“That’s fine. I can’t believe my leave is already over. It’s criminal that we only get twelve weeks.”
I nod my head. “It’s bullshit. Are you sure you even want to go back?”
With that, she gives me the eyes that say: absofreakinglutely.
“Listen, I love being a mom, but I really love what I do for a living. It’s incredibly rewarding.
And I need more interaction. I know you guys keep in touch and we eat dinner together once a week, but I miss getting out of the house and just being me for a few hours. ”
“That is completely valid and fair. I bet you that I will feel the same way.” Remembering that our manager sent out an update to our schedule yesterday, I say, “Looks like we’re scheduled for our first shift together next Thursday.
Everyone at work is cool, but I’ve missed you.
No one gets my unhinged humor the way you do. ” I jokingly bat my eyes at her.
She smiles at that. “It’ll be the highlight of my first week back. Do you want a cup?” she asks, holding her mug up.
“I’ve already had one today. Rhett has gone into full protective-daddy mode and makes sure I stay under my allotted two-hundred milligrams a day. It’s cute.” Just the thought of him reading that damn baby book brings a smile to my face.
“So how is that all going? You two come to your senses yet and realize you’re in love and meant to be?” She cocks her head as she rests her hip against the kitchen counter.
I let out a weighted sigh. “No.” It’s only a half-lie.
My feelings for him become more undeniable by the day.
And I so badly want to prove to him that he’s lovable the way he is, but I can’t force him to let me in.
If I could, I’d have rented a wrecking ball and smashed the walls he’s built around himself.
“You know he has feelings for you, right? It’s obvious to anyone with eyes.”
There was a small time I wasn’t sure of that.
But, not so much anymore. I’ve seen it in his eyes and the way he touches me.
It’s there, lingering between us like a bomb waiting to go off.
But he’s fighting it. Fighting the pull we have to each other.
Fighting the attraction, and worse, fighting himself.
I’m not going anywhere, though. He deserves that, someone who believes in him and thinks that he’s worth the wait, even if he doesn’t.
“I know. There’s a whole boatload of issues we are unpacking.” His issues and struggles aren’t my story to tell as much as I wish I could talk to someone about it. “We’ve got time though, the baby won’t be here for months.” I shrug it off. Trying to feel more collected about it than I do.
“You’re right. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here. But know this: he will come around. You already have his heart.”
I smile and nod, wanting that so badly. “Well, I’m going to get to work and you’re going to sit down and drink your coffee. God forbid my mother walk in and see me yapping; she’ll yell at me like she did in high school.” I’ve been a professional yapper since birth.
“I can he–” She tries to offer.
I hold my hand up, cutting her off. “The only thing you’re going to do today is sit on your ass. Drink your coffee. Try and brush out that hair, take a nice long everything shower, and sleep.”
“I feel like a dog who just heard all its favorite words.” She giggles, sounding ten years younger than she is. “Thank you. You guys are wonderful friends and an even better family.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze before pulling out a stool and sitting in it.
Willow files in about twenty minutes later. My mom an hour after that.
“This place is starting to look like a magazine again,” my mom says as she picks up the remaining diapers off the floor. She puts them in the baby changing station they have set up in the living room. I love that they did that, and I will absolutely be following suit when it’s my turn.
Ava comes out of the back room, her long blonde hair still wet from the shower.
She’s wrapped in a pink fluffy robe with white slippers adorning her feet.
“I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I feel like I was just born again.
I think this is the first full everything shower I’ve had since she was born. ”
Willow walks to Ava, Grace strapped to her chest. She can hold her own head up now, and screams bloody murder if you have the audacity to not let her see the room. “Your girl has been a trooper. She took a bottle about twenty minutes ago and only cried when I tried to hold her toward my chest.”
“You having a fun day with your aunties and grandma?” Ava asks, grabbing Grace’s tiny hands.
Grace coos in response and the whole room busts out into laughter.
“Well, the fun isn’t over yet. We still got to help your mom make some crockpot meals so she can enjoy every second with you when she’s home,” Willow says, bouncing back and forth. Grace giggles with the movement.
“We’re thinking a couple batches of chili, some chicken and dumplings, and shredded pork tacos,” my mom says from the kitchen. “Do those sound good to you, Ava?” my mom asks, her readers propped on her nose as she reads through a recipe on her phone.
“Anything that I don’t have to cook or that Mav can handle throwing in the crockpot sounds heavenly. I’m only working two days a week for now, so I don’t need a ton.”
Twelve-hour shifts are hard. You are gone the entire day, and even when you clock out, your day isn’t done if you’re a parent. That’s not the worst part though, it’s only getting a couple hours a day with your tiny human. Being a working mom is a never-ending game of balance.
“We can do that. Aspen, you might want to start thinking of what you’ll want when it’s your turn. You’re already almost halfway there.”
“Of all the things I need to prepare for when it comes to this child, my wishlist of crockpot meals is not one of them. I want teriyaki chicken, beef stew, and chicken mac and cheese. On the flipside of knowing things, if you want to see me look like a deer in the headlights, ask what breast pump is best.”
My mom’s whole body shakes with laughter. “You’re not supposed to have it all figured out, honey. There’s a lot of trial and error. You learn as you go.”
“That explains why Weston turned out the way he did,” I joke. Her advice does help the new mom nerves.
My mom and the girls bust out in laughter, Willow nodding in agreement.
The best part about this whole thing will be all the ladies in this room. My best friend will have recently gone through it, and I have the best mom ever. It may feel like I’m walking in the dark, but they’ll be my flashlights.