Chapter 33
Phoenyxx
When is this shit going to stop?
Just when I put trust into Synn, he fucks me over yet again. Married? Holy motherfucking shitballs. This is insane.
I'm so pissed off I can’t even speak. Beyond that though, I'm deeply hurt. Why didn’t Synn even consider talking to me about it? I may have said yes.
Valley squeezes my hand as we power-walk through the hallways. I'm too unsettled to sit down anywhere.
Cynthia says from my right, “He’s a mega-douche, wifey. I would be mad too if Thor married me and didn’t tell me.”
“What she said,” Valley agrees. “He’s a fuckhead. He should have trusted you.”
“Right? This is crap. Utter and total bullshit. The man drives me out of my mind!” I exclaim.
“Talk to us,” Valley encourages.
“I’m shocked. I’m madly in love with the idiot, and I thought we’d gotten to a better place.
Then he goes and pulls the rug out from under me.
I don’t know what to do. Fuck—I love all my guys.
They must be so hurt. I never thought marriage would ever happen for me, especially now that I have eight men in my life. ”
Cynthia murmurs an understanding noise. “When I get my harem together, I can’t marry any of them.
I still want to marry you, though.” She blushes before continuing.
“I know I’m cuckoo, but I love hard, you know?
The only thing I felt in The Morgue was resignation.
I shut off my emotions in there; I had to in order to survive.
Then, you came, wifey. You loved me. I can’t start to tell you how much that means to me. ”
Cynthia's heartfelt words choke me up. “God, Cynthia, you got me through it as well. You were a shining star in a vast black of nothingness. Thank you, truly, for being my friend.”
Cynthia starts to cry, and Valley sobs on my other side.
“Nyx, you don’t even know. My family just disregarded me because I’m a girl.
I've told you that much. What you don’t know yet is how they withheld a lot more than love.
Food, sometimes. The company of others. Gifts of any kind.
I was less than nothing. Until Jarrod, my brother, started paying attention to me.
” Valley sniffs, then composes herself for a minute.
“I fell for it. I never saw the abuse even coming. He... took my fucking virginity. All my fucking firsts he stole away. I got him back, though. He may still be alive, but he’s a burnt husk of flesh. He'll never get a woman now.”
Now I’m bawling. “Are you scared to go home?” I ask Valley.
Her face blanches. “Nyx, I can’t. Ever. Please promise me you’ll find Bryan and I a place when this is all over. Please.”
“Oh, my God, of course. You are my heart, Val. I will do anything for you. For both of you.”
I turn to hug them both, and we all dissolve into tears. Once we finally start to calm, we pull away from each other.
“Wifey? I want to stay here,” Cynthia says in a small voice.
Oh, my heart. “I’ll talk to Hunter. Don't worry,” I try to reassure her.
Cynthia nods, and we start walking again, lost in our thoughts.
Ghost
I'm not even shocked. I'm obliterated. Malishka was mine from the start. We have a special bond. If anyone was going to marry her, it should’ve been me.
I'm hunting for a dark corner to go cut myself in when I see the girls up ahead. They seem to be having an emotional moment, and I’m hesitant to interrupt.
I watch silently, out of sight.
My head droops. I'm so damn tired. It's not over yet. I don’t know if it will ever be, at this point.
I don’t hear someone come up to me I'm so lost in my head.
“Hey, are you alright?”
I look up at Frost, who has a concerned look on his face.
“No,” I admit. “I need to bleed, to hurt. I can't handle these emotions.”
Frost looks at me with surprise. I never get into particulars with my emotional state.
“I’ve got you, brother. You don’t need to bleed. Come on, let’s go talk to Killer.”
Nodding, I trail behind him as we walk up to the girls.
Malishka sees us, concern flashing over her face.
“Ghost? Come here, baby. I've got you,” she tells me, and I sink gratefully into her arms and start to cry. My shoulders shake with the strength of my sobs.
“We’ll give you some privacy. Come on, Cynthia,” Valley says, leaving us alone.
“Okay, let me say some things you both need to hear,” Frost starts.
“I know you’re livid with Synn, and I understand.
However, the alternative is unthinkable.
His father taking you again, then killing you?
Not a fucking option. Yes, the way he went about it was wrong.
He should have come to all of us directly.
But he didn’t. The thing you need to realize is he saved your life, Killer. ”
Malishka's head jerks up. “So, are you saying I should forgive him? Stay married to him? And this doesn’t upset you?” Killer asks incredulously.
“Of course, it bothers me. I love you more than life, Killer. But it honestly was the only option. In my opinion, yes to staying married and forgiving him.”
My eyes flit back and forth between them. I don’t know what to think, so I say nothing.
“Fuck, Frost. As much as I hate it, you’re right. Synn loves me, like you all do. The thought of that pedophile getting his hands on me again...” Malishka shudders. “I can’t forgive him automatically, but I can admit it was a good move to keep me safe.”
Frost smiles tenderly at her. “Good girl. Give him a chance, okay?”
Malishka's face twists with emotion. “How do I ever trust if people keep breaking it? I always feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“It will change, I promise you. When this is finally over, you’ll have the happiness you deserve.” Frost kisses her gently.
I finally pick my head up off Malishka's chest. “He’s right. Instead of wallowing, we need to be planning.”
Frost nods to me in agreement. “Let’s go talk to everyone.”
I do feel a bit stronger as the three of us head off.
Malishka is my literal angel. She saved my soul from the depths of hell. She saved all of us. I live for her and would die for her in a minute.
Synn
I'm embarrassed to be crying like a baby. I don’t fucking cry. If I lost Pazessca after everything... I can’t finish that thought.
That girl has lassoed my heart and tied my life force to hers. My wife. My fucking wife. I’m praying she decides to keep it that way.
A hand on my shoulder makes me jump. Pazessca stands in front of me, Frost and Ghost at her side. I didn’t even hear them approach.
Pazessca grabs both my hands then, looking me in the eye. Tears streak her face, her eyes watering as she stares.
“Synn, I get it. I understand. You did it to save me—again. I love you so much. I will stay married to you, at least for now. I’ll work on forgiving you. But I am begging you—please no more keeping things from me or lying to me. I will leave you if you do it again.”
Wow. Unable to contain my emotions, I sob brokenly, almost throwing myself into a panic attack. “I won’t let you down. Ever again. You are my oxygen, the blood in my veins. Without you I am nothing. A black void.”
Pazessca throws her arms around me.
Frost says from the sidelines, “Go spend some time alone together. I'll speak to the others.”
I pull back from my girl long enough to pick her up gently and carry her off to her room. It's time to show her how much I love her.
Hunter
I'm on my way to meet my sister after her therapy session. Cynthia has had several sessions already, and I can see the changes in her. She's lucid almost all the time now. She’s still quite quirky, but she’s aware of both herself and the reality around her. I'm proud of her.
I get to the room she’s been talking to her therapist in, and I settle in to wait.
“Uh, hey, man,” I hear, a nervous Thor appearing next to me.
I sigh long and loud, but I know making a scene will change nothing. Clearly, they have feelings for each other. Who am I to stand in their way? I still want to stop it from happening, but I won’t try anymore.
“Hey, Thor. How's it going?” I respond.
Thor's brows raise up in surprise. “Good, man. Your sister is really cool. Sweet, I mean. I... um... really like her, you know?”
Shaking my head, I say, “I’m glad you like each other. Just promise me you’ll take care of her, Thor. You know how precious she is to me.”
His head nods up and down like a bobblehead. “Yeah, I got her back, you know that. I think I’m falling hard. She is too.”
The door opens to the room, and Cynthia comes bouncing out.
“My love!” she cheers, a wide smile on her face. She throws herself into Thor’s arms. She then tosses a glance my way. “Hey, brother mine. It went super well. I feel better. You all help me so much. Friends, family, and my first true love.”
Thor turns red, and I can’t help but chuckle. “I approve of you both, okay? No need to hide from me anymore. I’m happy you have so much love. You deserve every bit of it.”
Thor opens his mouth to respond, but another voice interrupts him. “Hey guys. Just checking on Cynthia. How are you feeling?”
Nothing but crickets follow. My jaw unhinges as I peer at Maverick, who’s shifting foot to foot. Even Thor looks startled.
Cynthia grins. “So good. Are you my second boyfriend now?”
Man, she doesn’t hold back.
“Uh... I like you, Little Terror. I'd like to get to know you better,” Maverick admits.
“Bro, dude... what the hell? Stepping on toes much?” Thor looks so offended, it makes me laugh. Once I start, I can’t stop.
Cynthia looks at them both, wiggling out of Thor's arms. She moves to Mav’s side.
“Yes, I’d like that.” She pushes up on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.
“With that, I think I’ll go,” I say on a wheeze. “You three play nice, you hear?”
Mav and Thor continue to bicker as I walk away, still laughing.
Purge
Fuck, I’m beat. I've been making sure to take long breaks from this damn computer screen, nothing of top importance keeping me glued to it now.