19. DANIELLE
Back at the house, I spent so long in the bathroom that I began to worry I had put Cody to sleep.
I was alternating between re-applying makeup and second-guessing my choice of outfit.
Every few minutes, I'd catch myself reaching for my familiar jeans, the comfortable defense I'd grown used to wearing.
But something kept pulling me back to that red dress.
After one last critical look in the mirror, I emerged from the bathroom.
"What do you think?" The question came out softer than I intended, my nervousness on full display.
Cody's eyes widened, and a slow smile spread across his face. "I think we'd better get out of here before Alex murders me for even looking in your direction right now."
His response eased my anxiety, drawing genuine laughter from me as we headed out the door.
The restaurant he chose had to be the fanciest one in town, with crystal chandeliers and white tablecloths that sparkled.
It was more than I thought I deserved for such a simple accomplishment, but Cody insisted.
I think we were both just tired of home-cooked meals and fast food.
God knows both of us deserved something good.
“Reservation for Morgan,” Cody smiled at the hostess. “Any chance there’s a corner booth available? Something that faces the door?”
The hostess gave Cody a knowing look as the corners of her mouth curled up into a gentle smile. “Of course. Military or police?” She chuckled.
Cody laughed in return. “That obvious? Military. Thanks for accommodating.”
We lingered over cocktails that tasted as good as they looked and dishes almost too pretty to touch, the kind you couldn’t help but take your time savoring.
The laughter and conversation that flowed between us was effortless, like the wine filling our glasses.
We shared stories about Alex's childhood antics, and I found myself opening up about life before Landon had darkened it.
I told him about the dreams I had for my future, the career I gave up, everything.
Cody had us both laughing with tales of his misspent youth, each story making the setting feel more intimate, more ours.
Surrounded by soft lighting and the gentle clink of fine china, I felt like no one was there except me and him.
As we made our way from the restaurant toward the car, each step felt like a small victory.
There was no cane, no hesitation, just the natural feeling of walking alongside someone who made me feel safe.
I wasn't thinking about looking over my shoulder or analyzing every shadow.
The weight of constant vigilance had faded, if only for a few precious hours.
The night gave me the normalcy I didn’t realize I'd been missing.
Just being able to walk in heels with conviction, to laugh without restraint, to enjoy a meal without fear, were simple pleasures that most people took for granted.
They felt like miracles to me now. Even though I knew the night terrors would still come after the night had ended, even though danger still lurked somewhere in the world beyond this evening, I allowed myself to fully inhabit this moment of peace.
My reflection in the store windows we passed showed a woman smiling, standing tall, looking ahead rather than behind.
It was a glimpse of who I used to be, or maybe, it was who I could become.
I wasn't a victim or a survivor, I was just a woman enjoying dinner with someone who made me laugh.
And that felt like the most extraordinary gift of all.
“Hey Cody?”
“What’s up?”
“About that kiss.”
He stopped, facing me and placing his hands steady on my shoulders in reassurance. “Hey, we said it never happened, remember?”
“No, it’s been bothering me for a while. I need to get this off my chest.”
Cody looked surprised. “Oh, okay.”
“Landon made me feel really worthless. For a really long time. And I guess I just had a moment of weakness.” For some reason, I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Weakness?”
“I just wanted to feel wanted for a moment, I guess. But once I kissed you and I realized you were going to kiss me back, I got so scared, and I felt like I was taking advantage of the situation. And then you pushed me away, and I thought I had fucked things up.”
Cody cut me off before I could finish my thoughts, “I told you that had nothing to do with you.”
“Cody, you say that, and in my head, I believe you, but in my heart… I’m so broken. Like, my body is healed, but I don’t know if I can ever get past what happened. What if I can’t ever trust someone again?”
That was it. The perfection of the night had ended, and the anxiety crept back in with short, shallow breaths and shaking hands.
Cody walked beside me, his footsteps matching mine, but his usual easy conversation had disappeared.
He wasn’t saying a word, but I could almost hear him thinking, processing what I'd said, and I worried.
The last thing I wanted was to burden him with guilt.
He'd already given me so much more than he realized.
“Danielle, you don’t need to give affection to be worth something. And you don’t need to trust anyone right now if you don’t want to. Everyone will be here waiting patiently for you when you’re ready; Alex, me, everyone.”
“You?” I asked him, unsure of what he meant.
“Yeah, I mean, what? You think we’re going to leave here and I’m just never going to speak to you again?”
Yes.
“I just…never mind.” I didn’t want to admit that I felt like I carried the burden of ruining everyone’s lives. I didn’t want to shatter whatever perception I was hoping he had of me.
“No, come on. You can trust me.” Cody’s eyes were the kindest I’d ever seen them in that moment, like he meant it with his whole heart and soul, and suddenly, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was done carrying the burden I had placed on myself.
“Cody, this is all my fault. And I can’t get past that.”
“What’s all your fault?”
“All of this. What happened to me. Ruining my relationship with Alex. Making his job ten times harder. Uprooting you from your life. Tearing you away from your job, your house, your friends. None of this would have happened if I had just said no, even just once.”
“Stop it.” Cody grabbed my hands in his and lowered his gaze to meet mine, but I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.
“You did nothing wrong, do you hear me? You were the victim, Danielle. And now, you’re a survivor.
Do you get that? None of this… and I mean NONE of it, is your fault. And no one blames you.”
I glanced up at Cody, but before I could say anything, the world spun in a blur and I lost my balance, tumbling into the busy street. Fear built in my chest as I waited for the inevitable impact.
But instead of cold asphalt, I felt strong arms wrap around me, yanking me backward with force. I felt my body tumble over itself, landing on something warm and solid rather than the cold, hard pavement.
Opening my eyes, I found myself staring at Cody's face just inches from mine.
His expression mirrored the terror I felt.
His arms were still locked around me, protecting me from anything that would dare harm me, as our bodies melded together on the sidewalk.
I couldn't control the violent trembling or the ragged breathing that took over.
Adrenaline consumed me as my mind struggled to process how close I'd come to disaster. Cody's heartbeat hammered against my chest.
It was a good minute before he loosened his grip on me, as if he feared I might slip away if he did.