Thirty-seven
Erica couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, Briony’s words going around and around in her head, guilt consuming her. Was her daughter-in-law right? Was it too soon for her to form a new relationship? Had she been too busy wondering if she was making a mistake, if she could trust Jamie, trust her own feelings, to remember that it had only been months since Geoff died? She knew she didn’t owe her late husband anything. She hadn’t mourned him. His death had been a welcome release. But what if…?
By the time morning came, she was a wreck. She knew there was only one thing that would revive her. Slipping out of bed, she pulled on her swimmers, covering them with a pair of loose pants and a hoodie, and tiptoeing through the house so as not to waken Briony and Ava, she set off to meet the other wild swimmers on the beach.
Erica felt better as soon as she was out in the fresh air and, by the time she reached the beach, she had almost persuaded herself she had nothing to be ashamed of. She and Jamie had done nothing wrong. Surely a few kisses didn’t amount to a betrayal of her deceased husband? But even as that thought crossed her mind, she remembered how her body had leapt to life at these kisses, how they struck a vibrant chord in her, a chord that had been silent for too long.
The others were already there, so putting aside all thoughts of Geoff, Briony and Jamie, Erica stripped down to her swimmers and ran into the ocean to join them, swimming swiftly out to sea, before turning to float on her back to watch the sunrise, as she always did. This morning, the sight of the changing colours of the sky had none of the usual effect on Erica, and she was glad to return to shore where the other members of the group were already getting dressed and chatting about the fundraising coast walk which had been publicised in the latest edition of The Echo . It seemed that almost everyone in the group knew someone who had been struck down with the dreaded disease, and even those who didn’t were keen to support Joe’s project.
‘Will you be taking part, Erica?’ Kate asked, as Erica was slipping her arms into her hoodie.
‘I certainly will. Joe would never forgive me if I didn’t. It would have made such a difference to him and Barb if we’d had something like that back then.’
‘It sounds as if she was quite a woman,’ Kate said, referring to the article Finn had written in which he’d described Joe’s reason for embarking on the project and outlined Barb’s contribution to the town.
‘She was.’ Erica was silent for a moment, remembering her late sister-in-law. It had taken Joe years to recover from her death, to be willing to find love again. Was she so uncaring that she had renewed her friendship with Jamie so quickly, so soon after Geoff’s death? And it was more than friendship, she admitted to herself, or at least it had the potential to be more.
‘Want to meet up again this week sometime?’ Kate asked, towelling her hair.
‘I’d love to, but I have my daughter-in-law visiting with my granddaughter. Perhaps the week after?’
‘That’s the week of the walk… on the Saturday.’
‘Of course.’ Erica had forgotten the actual date they had set, and they had agreed to meet again before then to finalise their plans. ‘Why don’t we catch up for a drink earlier in the week?’
‘We never did get together for that dinner I promised you, so why don’t we make it dinner, if it suits you. I’ll call or text you. Okay?’
‘That would be lovely thanks.’ Erica had enjoyed Kate’s company, but was already regretting having let slip her involvement with Jamie. She’d have to ensure they kept the conversation away from anything personal, though she was curious to find out more about Kate. It seemed she had a past she wanted to keep secret too.
Briony was already up when Erica arrived home. She was sitting in the kitchen feeding Ava. ‘Where were you?’ she asked. ‘I got a shock when I realised you had gone out.’
‘Sorry, I should have left a note. I thought I’d be back before you were up. I went swimming.’
‘At this time?’ Briony stared at Erica, then out the window, to where the sky was still changing colour.
‘I belong to a group of wild swimmers. We meet on the beach before daylight each morning. I didn’t intend to go while you were here, but I didn’t sleep well and…’ She spread her hands.
‘I’m sorry you had trouble sleeping, Mum. I hope it wasn’t anything I said.’
‘Of course not,’ Erica lied. ‘I have a few things on my mind, that’s all. Out in the ocean… it helps me think.’
Briony didn’t look convinced, but said, ‘I made tea. Would you like some?’
‘That would be lovely. I’ll just shower and change first, then I thought we might go out for breakfast. There’s a nice café just a short walk away, and it’s a lovely morning.’
‘Oh, I’d like that. I can’t remember when Kieren and I last went out for breakfast… or any other meal. It’s difficult with Ava…’ She dropped her eyes.
Erica felt her stomach give a familiar lurch at Briony’s words. It all sounded too familiar. But now wasn’t the time to confront her about Kieren’s behaviour. ‘I understand,’ she said, aware she might understand all too well what Briony was going through.
When Erica returned to the kitchen, dressed in a pair of smart jeans topped with a bright red sweater, Briony had poured two cups of lemon and ginger tea, and Ava was lying in her stroller, gurgling happily. ‘Thanks, Briony,’ she said with a smile, taking a seat beside her daughter-in-law.
‘You look very nice, Mum. That colour suits you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wearing red before.’
‘No, I…’ Erica decided not to tell her how Geoff had hated to see her in bright colours, how over the years, he’d bent her to his will till she became a mere shadow of her former self, wearing the dowdy clothes he preferred. One of the first things she’d done after his death was to refresh her wardrobe. ‘I bought it recently.’
When they had finished their tea, Erica and Briony set off for the café. Erica pushed the stroller, enjoying the unfamiliar pleasure of watching her granddaughter’s enjoyment as she was wheeled along. It was something she’d done regularly in Perth and one of the things she’d missed.
‘Look, Ava!’ Erica said, as they passed a group of pelicans waddling towards the edge of the harbour in the hope of a feed. The little girl’s eyes lit up and she reached out as if trying to grab them.
‘They look like little old men,’ Briony said. laughing as a couple more flew in to join them, their large wings flapping as they came in to land. ‘I hadn’t realised. I suppose that’s where the town got its name.’
‘There are a few different stories,’ Erica said, ‘but I’d say you’re right. Here we are,’ she added as they approached the café. There were a few empty tables outside, and Erica parked the stroller at one. ‘You get a good view of the harbour and the marina from here, if it’s not too cold for you,’ she said.
‘Not at all.’ Briony gazed around her. ‘This is perfect. I can see why you wanted to come back.’
They had just ordered, each choosing flat white coffees and eggs benedict with smoked salmon, when Erica saw Jamie approaching. Her stomach churning, she bit her lip, mindful of her sleepless night and what had caused it. It was a paradox that while she had planned to interrogate Briony about Kieren, it was Briony who had raised questions about her life and her friendship with Jamie. He was the last person she wanted to see this morning.