Chapter 18
CHAPTER
Despite the late night, Anna was awake early.
Sleep hadn’t been easy. She and Justin hadn’t mentioned Ben’s outburst as they drove back to Wagtail Ridge; Justin had barely spoken a word as he dropped her home.
She’d watched his tail-lights disappear down the road, thinking this wasn’t the outcome she’d hoped for.
Especially after he had so gently kissed the scar on her cheek.
She touched the place softly, as if hoping that something had changed because of that kiss, but the skin was as stretched and rough as always.
Now, sitting on a fence, watching one of the horses in her care as it grazed in the early dawn light, she wondered exactly what she had been hoping for.
Surely by now she’d learned what her life was to be.
The people in the restaurant had made that clear enough. Justin was just being kind.
But Ben. That was something different.
Exactly the same as our mother.
Anna understood that the risk she’d taken to save the trapped sheep was probably frowned on by RFS protocols. She understood Ben had been angry. That anger had probably been caused by fear for her safety. But she was puzzled by that outburst.
Just like their mother? Anna wasn’t close to Carol, but they’d been working together for a couple of years.
Carol was a good, kind woman. Did she take risks?
Probably. There had been that viral video of her running into the fire.
Anna understood that, for Ben, it was an act of stupidity. To Anna, it was also an act of bravery.
Why then had she heard such … dare she call it hatred?
… in Ben’s voice? She hadn’t heard it in Justin’s voice when he spoke of his mother.
Weren’t identical twins supposed to be close?
Closer even than mothers and their children.
Why, then, would one twin hate his own mother, while the other didn’t?
Anna shook her head. Families were sometimes hard to understand.
Her own family wasn’t. She was an only child with parents who loved her and had raised her to the best of their ability.
They’d been there for her every moment of every day after that day, sitting by her hospital bed and caring for her afterwards.
Driving her to and from appointments, they had felt every pain she felt.
But every time they looked at her, it was as if a stake was driven into their hearts. So many dreams destroyed.
An image flashed into Anna’s mind of a special day, years before.
After a family wedding, a small girl sat with her parents, telling her mother about the beautiful white dress she would wear when it was her turn.
When her father walked her down the aisle, just like the beautiful bride she had just seen. That would never happen now.
Her parents had been disappointed when she moved so far away, but she’d had to.
She could no longer live with those daily moments of grief.
In many ways, not seeing her mum and dad had been a relief for her.
Was it for them, too? She suspected it might be.
They spoke often, and she spent the big holidays with them.
After all, they were family. The only family she would ever have.
She ran her hand over the scarred side of her face.
Her life wasn’t too bad. This was a nice town and the people were friendly, if not actually her friends.
After last night, she didn’t expect Justin would ask her out again.
But it would be nice if they could be friends.
Although, if Ben’s anger was real, Justin would choose his twin over her.
Of course he would. That’s what twins were like.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car approaching. It turned into her driveway and she recognised it immediately. Sometimes the world liked playing jokes.
Anna got to her feet and went to greet Carol.
‘I found a dead roo on the side of the road,’ Carol explained. ‘There was a joey.’
‘Bring it in.’
Carol carried the blanket-wrapped bundle into the surgery and laid it on the table. The animal struggled weakly as Anna examined it.
‘He looks all right. About six months old. If someone takes him and looks after him for a few weeks, he’ll be fine.’
‘Great. I’ll take him home and then pass him on to a carer. I’m going to go check the scene of last night’s fire now. But first I need to find out exactly where it was.’
Anna described the location, and saw the question on Carol’s face.
‘Justin and I were driving back from Scone when we saw it. He reported it and then we both went up there to help.’
‘Oh.’ Carol raised her eyebrows. ‘You were in Scone? With Justin?’
‘We picked up some takeaway Chinese. That’s all. Then we saw the fire. It might be worth you taking a drive past and checking it out.’
‘I will. How did you go as a firefighter?’
‘I don’t think Ben was very impressed.’
‘He was there too? That makes sense. Those two are rarely apart.’
‘He arrived with the RFS crew.’ Anna hesitated. There was no need to talk about what had happened between her and Ben, but she wanted to understand. ‘There were some sheep trapped in the corner of a paddock. I cut through the fence to let them escape. Ben … Well, he yelled at me.’
Carol smiled. ‘That sounds like him.’
‘He was worried that I might have been in danger. Then he said the strangest thing. He said I was just like you.’
Carol avoided Anna’s eyes. ‘When they were kids, I sometimes took them with me. Rescuing animals from fires. There must have been times they worried … when I was too close to the fire.’
‘Oh. He seemed very angry.’
‘I can understand that. I wasn’t a very good mother.’ Carol ran her fingers through her hair and looked up. ‘Can I say something?’
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t get involved with Justin. When the time comes, he will choose his brother. He chose Ben over me and he will do the same to you. Those two push everyone away, no matter how much that person loves them. They won’t let anyone or anything even get close to them—far less come between them.’
There were tears glinting in Carol’s eyes as she abruptly lifted the joey from the table and left the surgery. Anna watched her put the animal in the back of her car again and drive away.
‘I’m not getting involved with Justin,’ Anna told the retreating car. ‘Why would he want to be with someone like me?’
***
Carol didn’t really need Anna’s directions to find the fire.
Small plumes of smoke still wafted skywards, and the smell became stronger with every kilometre she drove.
She soon spotted the scorched earth and blackened tree trunks.
When she reached the edge of the burned-out area, she immediately stopped and got out of the car.
On one side of the road, a man was mending a fence. He raised a hand and she wandered over.
‘Hi. Are you the koala lady?’
She nodded. It wasn’t the first time she’d been given that title.
‘I was about to take a look myself. But first I need to fix this fence. Someone cut it last night and a bunch of my stock got through.’
‘Oh.’
‘Good thing they did.’ The man indicated the burnt ground. ‘They would have been trapped and I would have lost them all. As it is, I haven’t really lost any of them. I know they’re here. I just have to find them and bring them back.’
Carol thought about telling him it was Anna, but changed her mind. It didn’t matter. All he cared about was that his animals were safe.
‘Anyway, once this is done, I was going to check those gums over there,’ he said, pointing across the blackened grass. ‘There have been koalas there in the past. Maybe you could look there now.’
‘I will. Thanks.’
Carol picked her way across the ash-strewn ground.
In places, the fire still smouldered, and she could feel the heat in the earth through her work boots.
She glanced up at the sky. A few white clouds were visible, but not enough to suggest it was about to rain.
That was a pity. A good shower now would ensure this fire didn’t get away again.
She walked through the stand of gums, searching for any signs of an injured animal.
Even one who was uninjured might need her help—there’d be nothing here for the animals to eat for a while.
Once she was satisfied there was nothing, she moved on to the next clump of gums, all the while searching both the ground and the trees with anxious eyes.
After checking the whole area, Carol returned to her car. The fence was almost finished.
‘Nothing to worry about here,’ she told the man. ‘Go look for your sheep.’
He gave her a cheerful thumbs up.
Carol continued her search by car, stopping wherever there were blackened gums, but found no victims. Ahead there was one last area to check, where smoke was still rising from the embers of the fire.
As she approached, she saw the RFS truck parked on the side of the road.
A couple of firefighters were out in the paddock, shovelling dirt on the smouldering remains of a fallen tree.
Carol parked behind their truck and got out.
Another firefighter appeared from the cab of the truck. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked in a voice that was both tired and angry.
‘Ben.’ Carol resisted the urge to rush up and hug him. She would not be welcomed. ‘I’m out here looking for injured wildlife.’
‘Of course you are. Well, go right ahead.’ He turned away.
‘Ben? Wait. I’d like to talk to you.’
He stopped moving, but didn’t turn around. ‘I have nothing I want to talk to you about.’
‘Won’t you let me say I’m sorry?’
‘For what, exactly? For all those times as boys we sat or slept in the back of the car while you were on some mercy mission? For all the nights you weren’t home?
For all the times we watched you run into some fire, terrified that you wouldn’t come back out?
Or just for seventeen years of lying to me?
’ His back was as stiff as his voice was hard.
Carol felt her heart breaking. ‘I know I wasn’t the best mother. I tried, but I was alone. I worked two jobs because I had to. How else was I going to put food on the table? Buy your football boots and cricket whites? Yes, I wasn’t there enough, but you and your brother didn’t seem to need—’
Before she could finish the sentence, he spun to face her, his face taut with disbelief. ‘Now it’s our fault? Justin and I had to be there for each other because you weren’t.’ He walked away.
‘That’s right. Turn your back on me.’ Carol’s heartbreak gave way to anger.
‘That’s what you always did. Both of you.
If you needed me, don’t you think I needed you, too?
You are my sons. My family. I would have done anything for you.
But you both turned your backs on me. You had each other and that’s all you needed or wanted.
I wasn’t invited into your private world.
Well, all right then. I’ll leave you alone. ’
As she turned she saw Justin standing behind her.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing that hasn’t been going on since you were kids. Apparently nothing I can fix. So I’m getting out of your lives. If you find any injured wildlife, call Anna. Although, if the two of you do to her what you did to me, she won’t want to know you either.’
Carol flung herself back into her car while she had some vestige of control remaining. As she drove away, she looked in the rearview mirror for a last sight of her sons. Justin facing her, his face creased with concern. And Ben, a tall, taut figure with his back braced against her.