Chapter 19
CHAPTER
Justin hadn’t called. Three days after their disastrous date, Anna locked her surgery at the end of the day and walked along the path to her house. Her phone was in her pocket, but she had stopped checking it every hour. Almost stopped checking.
Letting herself into the house, she took a can of beer from the fridge before settling herself on a squatter’s chair on the back patio.
She glanced at her phone before she laid it on the side table, but there was still nothing from Justin.
No call. No message. She took a deep draft of beer, relishing in the crisp, cool taste.
Of course he hadn’t called. Why should he?
After such a disastrous night out, no man in his right mind would have called.
First the embarrassment in the restaurant.
Then takeaway Chinese as the only meal they could get, because she couldn’t bring herself to enter anywhere people might be gathered.
What man would want to be with a coward?
And then that confrontation with Ben. Justin and his twin were close.
Loyalty to Ben would always be his first choice.
Carol had told her that. There was no way he’d go out with someone Ben disliked.
A dislike that, from the sound of his voice, could easily swing into hatred.
Exactly the same as our mother.
That night, Anna had wanted to ask Justin what Ben had meant with those words, but it hadn’t seemed the right time.
Now the chance had passed. And it really didn’t matter.
Ben and Justin would move on when their work here was done.
They might be back if there was a fire, but Justin’s life wasn’t in Wagtail Ridge. Hers was.
She shook her head. It was a nice dream, to think just for a few days that a man like Justin could still be attracted to her.
But that was all it was. A dream. It didn’t matter that her heart beat faster around him.
Those butterflies of attraction that made her body ache had no answer in his.
She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the tight tug of the skin of her face as she did.
She should have known better than to dream.
Her phone buzzed and the hope came back. The butterflies woke, only to vanish when she looked at the caller name on her screen. Were mothers psychic? She picked the device up.
‘Hello, Mum.’
‘Hello, darling. I’ve been waiting for you to call and tell me all about your date the other night. With the fireman.’
Anna winced. She should never have mentioned that to her mother. Knowing her parents, they would have had hopes almost as high as her own. And now they, too, would be disappointed.
‘It wasn’t really a date, Mum. We went to a restaurant but …
we didn’t like it.’ Her mother would no doubt read more into that and she wouldn’t be wrong.
But it did save Anna from actually saying the words out loud.
‘So we ended up eating Chinese al fresco. Then, on the way home, we saw a bushfire. We drove up into the hills so Justin could report it and stayed a while to help.’
‘Well, he’s a good man to act so responsibly, even if it wasn’t much of a night out for you.’
‘He is a good man, but I don’t think we’re likely to date again. And that’s fine.’ If she said the words out loud often enough, she might convince her traitorous heart to believe it.
‘As long as you’re all right. That’s all your father and I care about.’
‘I’m fine, Mum.’
They talked for a while, then Anna ended the call. She sat for a few minutes, staring at nothing. Finally, she reached for her beer, but the can was empty. Automatically, she went to the fridge, but stopped with her hand on the door.
This was too familiar. After the accident, she had hidden herself for a long time.
Too many reactions like the other night in that restaurant had made her not simply unwilling to face people, but psychologically unable to do it.
Especially strangers. She sat at home night after night and, yes, there were nights when she’d drunk a lot to try to escape the pain.
Not so much the physical pain, although that had taken a long time to fade, but also the emotional pain, which she suspected was still with her.
She was not going to go down that route again.
If a rider was supposed to get back on a horse after a fall, then she probably should do the same.
She headed for the shower. She would go into the Ridge for dinner at the pub.
Everyone there knew her. They had all seen the scars.
She could face them. And maybe Justin would be there too. He had to eat, didn’t he?
***
When she arrived, the pub car park was almost full.
There would be a lot of people about tonight.
She almost changed her mind, but then firmly removed the key from the ignition.
If she couldn’t face the people from her own community, she was lost. She walked with a determined stride towards the bar.
A few people looked up as she walked in and they greeted her with a nod or a raised hand.
She went to the bar, where Deb was serving drinks.
‘Hi, Anna, what can I get you?’
‘Light beer, please.’
‘Coming up.’
Anna took a slow look around the room. She told herself she wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, but she couldn’t help but notice there was no sign of Justin.
His brother, however, was there, playing pool.
She watched as Ben miscued while taking an easy shot.
His fellow players laughed and he shrugged, before reaching for a drink.
He looked drunk. Anna turned her body so he was less likely to recognise her.
After their encounter two nights ago, she wasn’t ready to face him.
She did, however, feel like talking, and looked around for someone to join.
Most of the people in the room were her clients: property owners, townsfolk with pets she treated, stud managers.
Even the black lab curled up in the corner of the bar was a client, a puppy being reared by Jake to eventually become a guide dog.
Clients. Lots of them. But what about friends?
Was there one table she could just go and join?
Not really, because she didn’t socialise much.
Not at all, to be honest. There wasn’t a single person in this bar who she had invited into her home.
Not one whose home she had visited for dinner or a barbecue.
She saw them socially once a year at the town dance and occasionally when visiting the mobile library, but that was by chance not design.
The shocking truth struck home. Happy as she was working and living here in Wagtail Ridge, she did not have one person she would really call a friend.
Not someone she could talk to about personal matters.
Not one shoulder she could cry on when she felt the need.
The town was full of good people who had welcomed her when she arrived, so the fault was hers.
Her habit of hiding because of the scar on her face.
Raised voices from the vicinity of the pool table broke through those disquieting thoughts.
She glanced over as the sound of glass shattering caused silence in the busy room.
Ben was holding the edge of the pool table, his feet surrounded by broken glass and spilt beer.
One of his companions reached out to help him, but Ben shrugged off his arm.
‘’M orright,’ he slurred loudly enough for the whole room to hear.
The silence in the room was palpable. Then Ben pulled himself upright and staggered to the bar.
‘Another beer.’
Deb shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. You’ve been hitting it pretty hard. You should probably go home. Or I can get you some coffee.’
‘Don’t want coffee. I want beer.’
‘Ben. I said no.’
Before Ben could react, Justin came through the pub’s open door. With one glance, he appeared to understand exactly what was going on. He didn’t even look at anyone else in the room, but made his way straight to his brother’s side.
‘C’mon, mate. Let’s head home.’
‘Hey. Big brother. Lemme buy you a beer.’
‘I’m all right, little brother. And you’re smashed. Say goodnight to Deb and we’ll get you home while you can still walk.’ Justin turned to Deb. ‘Sorry. I’ll come back tomorrow and pay for the damage.’
Deb dismissed his offer with a wave of her hand.
Justin put an arm around his brother’s shoulders to guide him to the door. As they turned, Ben spotted Anna.
‘That’s her. The one with the scar. She was with you at the fire.’
Anna wanted to cringe as all eyes in the pub turned her way.
‘She ran into the fire. To rescue a koala … No … NO … That wasn’t her, was it? It was our mother.’ Ben’s voice was slurring more with every passing minute.
Justin caught Anna’s eye. ‘I’m sorry.’
She barely heard the words over his brother’s increasingly loud voice. Then Justin took a firmer grip on Ben and forced him to walk across the silent room and out the door.
As they left, the hubbub of voices started up again.
Anna put her half-full glass back on the bar.
She had lost all desire for company. She would give Justin a minute to get Ben away, then she would leave.
She shifted her head slightly, so her hair hung over the side of her face as she waited.
When she thought enough time had passed for Justin and Ben to be well away, she got to her feet, ready to leave.
‘Anna. My dear. Do join us. Mick, move over and make room for her.’
Rose from the Wool Emporium was sitting at a table, a handsome grey-haired man beside her.
He was the lead shearer who took care of Bree’s herd every year.
And Rose’s boyfriend, if that was the right word for a couple who were both at least in their sixties.
It felt awful to be jealous of Rose, but Mick looked at her in a way no one would ever look at Anna again.
‘Hello, Rose. Mick. No, thank you. I’m fine. You’re waiting for your dinner. I don’t want to disturb you.’
‘You are not disturbing us at all.’
Mick was already on his feet, placing a spare chair at the table for her. Reluctantly, Anna sat down. It would be rude to walk away now.
‘While you’re up, Mick, could you get a drink for Anna, please?’
‘No, honestly. I’m fine.’
‘What will you have?’ Mick asked.
Anna sighed. She knew better than to try to stand against Rose’s determination. ‘Lemonade, lime and bitters, please.’
‘Excellent idea,’ Rose said as Mick vanished in the direction of the bar. ‘I think that young firefighter would benefit from drinking those for a couple of days.’
Anna couldn’t disagree.
‘I am sorry he was rude to you,’ Rose continued.
Anna shrugged. ‘I know that’s how people think of me. Only they don’t say it out loud very often.’
‘No, they do not think like that!’ The conviction in Rose’s voice was clear. ‘People see you as who you are, a kind and thoughtful person. An excellent vet. And a friend, too. If you’d let them. Part of this community. More than that boy is.’
A lump formed in Anna’s throat. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t keep yourself away from us so much. You know, once you get too used to being alone, it can be a hard habit to break. I know that.’ Rose’s eyes sought out Mick at the bar. He smiled back and Anna could clearly see the happiness in both their faces. It was good to see.
But it wasn’t going to happen to her. Carol was right.
Justin would always put his twin brother first, just as he had tonight.
Even if she wasn’t horrible to look at and ugly, there could be nothing between Justin and herself as long as the conflict remained between the twins and their mother.
There was no place for her or anyone else in their world.