Chapter 2
Nix kept his head under the harsh spray, letting the hot water cascade down his body. If only the shower could help wash away the thoughts tumbling in his head as well, then everything would be great.
Nothing was great.
Everything sucked.
It was bad enough that the image he’d registered of Dew falling outside the window kept replaying on repeat, but now that he was alone, it’d also unlocked old thoughts he’d wrongly believed had been dealt with.
Like what Branwen must have looked like when she’d taken her own life in a similar fashion.
How she must have seemed when she was finally discovered, broken and bleeding out on the street. By the time the medics had arrived, she’d been declared dead at the scene, but Nix had always wondered if she’d suffered. If she’d been forced to lay there, slowly dying, knowing the end was near.
The rage he’d felt over that possibility had spurred him into concocting this asinine plan. If he’d just stopped for a second, breathed and grieved like a normal person should, maybe he would have seen reason.
Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen so easily for her note.
The one she’d left him, and only him.
He’d always been a pushover when it’d come to her, he’d just been too devoted to see it. Now that he was aware, it was painfully obvious what Branwen intended when she’d written him that letter. There was little comfort in having discovered her true motive, if anything, it left his heart feeling heavy.
Had she ever really cared for him? Clearly not in the same ways he had her, because the idea of sending her into a a place like Foxglove Grove would have sent shivers down his spine. Even if she’d believed he wouldn’t get involved with the Demons, she’d always known she was sending him into danger by having him hunt for the person who’d pushed her over the edge.
Or…
Was that fair to assume?
Was he being ridiculous still? Acting on emotion?
Nix turned the knob for the hot water, wincing at the immediate burn as the temperature went up.
Before now, he would have sworn that Dew wasn’t her type, but…How well did he truly know her at the end of the day? Dew fit the description, in any case. He was a King on the Enigma app, and clearly had it out for the Demons. He’d set Juri up by sending him to retrieve the wrong painting, and had been the one to switch it out with the piece Yejun had intended to display.
Yejun had hung back and gotten everyone in attendance to spill. A couple of them had recalled seeing Dew there earlier. He must have had Juri bring the painting and then arrived at the gallery himself after he’d messed with the security cameras.
Nix had thought they were friends, but it made sense that Dew would have it out for him to protect himself. West’s plan had obviously worked the way they’d hoped, even if the outcome was confusing and more upsetting than they’d figured it would be. Juri was probably hurting right now too.
And Grady…
They’d been close friends with Dew for a long time, and word was already spreading around campus about his death. Rumors he’d tried to take down the Demons were circulating as well. Nix had even caught wind of a couple of them on their way back from the police station where they’d given their statements. He had no clue how long ago that had been, but he’d shut his multi-slate off the second he’d heard the first whisper and had entered the Roost with no intention of leaving any time soon.
Ironic, considering this place used to feel like a prison to him, yet here he was, taking sanctuary from it.
How desperate must Dew have felt to jump off the roof? Even when Nix had been at his lowest, his thoughts had always turned to fleeing for his life, not ending it. Something had scared Dew and Branwen so badly, they’d both decided death was the only option left to them.
But who?
And…did he really even want to keep looking?
He was too exhausted for guilt, cleaning off the rest of himself mindlessly before finally stepping out of the shower stall. Things like vengeance and revenge seemed too far out of reach at this point, like a pipe dream. A waste of time. Besides, it wasn’t like either his cousin or Dew were around to see him avenge them even if he did manage to identify the other accomplice.
Because what he’d concluded with West the other week still held true, maybe even more so after today's events. There were two people involved in this plot against the Demons. Dew was undoubtedly one of them, but the other remained a mystery.
Maybe that was it. Maybe he’d taken his own life to protect this person.
Did he love him, the same way Branwen believed she’d loved the person who’d used her? Were they one and the same?
West would find out. He should be doing a deep dive into Dew and his electronic footprint already, while Yejun was at the hospital waiting for the medical report, and Lake made calls to all of the Essentials who could be beneficial to them in their search.
Nix was the only one who had nothing better to do than wallow alone in a bathroom. The only one who seemed affected by witnessing a gruesome suicide. It made him wonder if things like this were more common for members of the club than they let on to the public. If death, destruction, and mayhem were truly things he’d signed up for.
For life.
He dried himself halfheartedly and then stepped from the bathroom, a waft of steam exiting it along with him. The second he stepped into the attached chamber, his skin prickled from the chill.
“How careless.” Lake’s gaze landed on him from the window where he’d been standing, expression morphing into one of obvious displeasure. He was crossing the length of the room almost instantly, pulling Nix over to the bed as his eyes scanned over every bare inch of his flesh. “You’re bright red. Did you try to boil yourself alive in there? I knew I shouldn’t have allowed you to bathe alone.”
“But you did,” Nix’s voice sounded weak and distant even to his own ears, and when he tipped his head back so he could see the other man’s face, he noted the way Lake seemed to falter in his annoyance.
When they’d arrived back, Nix had warned Lake not to disturb him. He’d wanted to shower in peace and have a moment alone, a rarity now that he lived in this house with three other pushy men. It was obvious Lake had wanted to refuse, but in the end, he’d agreed. Nix didn’t want it to, but the fact that he’d respected that and had actually stayed out foolishly meant a lot to him.
Because accepting the bare minimum was now his forte, it seemed.
The next emperor of Tulniri cleared his throat and then removed the sweatshirt he was wearing. He tossed it over Nix’s shoulders and went to the closet, returning a moment later with a familiar set of sweatpants and a pullover.
“Déjà vu,” Nix mumbled.
Lake scowled but didn’t say anything, carefully dressing him. The silence stretched around them, disrupted only by the soft pattering of rain against the window and the skylight above. Another typical backdrop to their interactions. It was almost as though this moment had been captured and suspended, forcing them both to relive it over and over again.
“I don’t think it would be the worst outcome,” Nix whispered, not realizing he was speaking out loud until it was too late.
Lake pulled on Nix’s last sock and then quirked a brow at him, remaining kneeling on the floor as he waited for an elaboration. They’d stay like that forever too, until he got his answer. The other guy was stubborn like that. Pushy and fierce and overbearing.
Hell, just to get his way, he’d stuck his teeth into the side of Nix’s neck and torn a mating mark into his flesh. A permanent decision he’d made all on his own, one that bound them for the rest of their lives, whether they liked it or not.
“Why do you like me?” he found himself asking. His left hand lifted, and before he knew it, he was lightly tracing the sharp curve of Lake’s right eyebrow, the blond hairs tickling the pad of his finger. “What would you do if I told you I didn’t like you back?”
“I think it’s a bit too late for that, Songbird,” Lake replied in a far too gentle tone, clearly meant to calm Nix’s nerves.
They’d gotten into a huge fight and had sort of made up—or, at least had come to an understanding. Trying to get along was the best option for the both of them, but Nix couldn’t lie to himself that Lake’s actions were an act. Somehow, during their time together, the man, who was kneeling at his feet, had actually developed feelings for him.
“You like me,” Nix stated matter-of-factly.
“I do.”
“Tell me why?”
“Why does it matter?”
Nix dropped his hand. “It just does.”
“Are you trying to use me to distract yourself?”
He didn’t deny it.
Lake hummed and then stood, hovering over Nix, demanding all of his attention with his mere presence alone. He had that effect on everyone. He was electric and domineering by nature, something that would no doubt come in handy once he took the throne and became emperor.
Something that, if Nix were being honest with himself, had always made him feel safe. Even when they’d been at their worst.
“Our date was interrupted,” Lake said. “Should we attempt another?”
“I wouldn’t really call that a date.” Nix had agreed to attend the gallery showing with him as a sort of step in the right direction. It’d all gone to shit the moment Yejun’s painting had been revealed, but it wasn’t like it’d been an amazing first date prior to that. “More like an obligation.”
“Are you suggesting dating me is—”
Nix rolled his eyes, cutting Lake off. “I’m saying we can’t count that.”
He was quiet a moment and then reminded, “I did ask you to guide me in this department.”
“It’s not like I have a lot of dating experience either.” Not wanting to rehash their entire conversation, Nix dropped back so that he was lying on the bed and stared up at the darkening sky through the window above him. “In any case, this day is clearly cursed.”
Lake hesitated and then eased down onto the bed at his side, turned toward him so he could rest his head on his hand and gaze down at Nix.
The position was far too intimate, and Nix felt himself growing self-conscious.
“Quit squirming,” Lake ordered, the corner of his mouth turning up ever so slightly.
“I’m not.”
Lake rested a hand over Nix’s center to still him.
The touch brought a rush of heat throughout his entire body, but Nix inwardly fought against the sensation. He wasn’t kidding. Today had gone so horribly wrong. Even if they’d somehow completed the task handed down to them by the Order, someone had lost their life in the process. That couldn’t be considered a win, could it?
“I don’t want to.” Nix looked away, unsure how his refusal would be taken, but Lake merely frowned before he seemed to catch on.
“Relax, Songbird. I’m not going to fuck you tonight. You’ve been through enough.”
The deal the three of them had made—behind Nix’s back—was Lake would wait to sleep with him until the others already had. They’d crossed that bridge, but Lake had found out at the worst time, and Nix had been on the defensive with him ever since. Now, while he was exhausted and, admittedly, in serious need of comfort, would be the best timing for Lake to take advantage.
But he was telling him he wasn’t going to?
Nix didn’t know how to feel about that.
“Then…” He motioned with his chin down at where his hand still sat. “What’s this?”
“My attempt to get you to confide in me,” Lake said. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? A mate you could rely on and talk to. So, talk to me.”
…Talking had never been their strong suit, unless of course it was banter in the bedroom. That’s how all of this had started in the first place, how Nix had found himself ensnared by the Demon lying next to him and his two best friends. His attempts to discover the truth for Branwan had led him down the rabbit hole that was the Enigma app. That was where he met Maestro, who he later found out was Lake.
Maestro had a way about him, a way of distracting Nix and making things…more simple. He gave instructions and Nix automatically wanted to follow them. Weirdly, he’d always made him feel a bit safe.
But Maestro wasn’t Lake, not really. Maestro was a mask, a version of the other guy that he sometimes slipped into, but not the whole person in the slightest. Nix might not be able to have one without the other, but he needed to constantly remind himself that Lake wasn’t as straightforward as the man he’d met on the app.
Lake could be every bit as tricky as West. As selfish as Yejun.
And cold. He could be so cold.
Nix shivered and then wet his lips. “About what?”
“Anything,” he suggested, “but we could start with your cousin. I’m sure what you witnessed today brought back painful memories. Do you want to share them? West says sometimes talking about the bad stuff can help make it better.”
“Taking pointers from West now?”
Lake grimaced and then rolled onto his back, settling more comfortably at Nix’s side so that their arms were pressed together. “He’s pointed out more than once that you like him more than me.”
“Ah, so it’s a competition?”
“Nix.”
“What? If you’re waiting for me to stroke your ego, don’t hold your breath. We’re nowhere near good enough for that yet.”
“Yet,” Lake rolled the word off his tongue, and the tension in his body seemed to ease. “That means you think we can get there. Okay. I can wait. Now, back to the topic at hand. Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
“Numb, mostly.” He wanted to cry and scream and rant, but couldn’t seem to find it in him. Ever since he saw Dew fall, everything inside of him seemed to lock into place. It felt like he was being dragged into a deep, dark ocean and held underwater. Like he was screaming, but there was no sound. “Like I’ve completely lost control and none of this is real.”
“Because of your cousin?”
“Because of the things she did when she was still alive,” he said. “Because of the way she chose to spend her final days.” He grew silent for a moment and then rolled onto his side so he could face Lake. “She wouldn’t have dated Dew. He can’t be the person she wrote me about.”
“I agree.”
“Which means he’s still out there.”
“Yes.” Lake reached out and brushed a strand of Nix’s blond hair off his forehead, hand wrapping around to the base of his skull afterward. The touch was warm and comforting, lacking any sort of threat or sexual tension.
If anything, that only made Nix’s confusion grow.
“Why aren’t you trying to sleep with me?” This was the first time the two of them were alone in a room together since the incident with Yejun. They’d kissed once, but that was as far as things had gone.
“Do you think I only want you for sex, Songbird?”
“I think that’s a big part of it, yeah.”
Lake’s nose scrunched in displeasure. “I could fuck anyone I want whenever I feel like it.”
“No,” Nix warned, “you can’t.”
He chuckled. “That’s not what I meant. Though, I can’t say I don’t find your jealousy comforting.”
“I’m not…” Shit. He glanced away, but Lake’s hand tightened until he looked back.
“I don’t want anyone else. I meant it before. Before I made you my mate, it’s not like I didn’t have options. I could have chosen anyone.”
“Then why me?”
“Because you’re the one I want.”
“Even after…everything?”
Lake shrugged. “Relationships aren’t easy.”
“You don’t know anything about romantic relationships,” he snorted.
“That’s true. But everything I’ve heard about them indicates they take work to strengthen and grow. That’s what I want for us, Nix. I want this to work. I don’t want either of us to feel trapped by that mark on your neck.”
It was a bit hypocritical, considering he’d been the one to put it there, without asking for Nix’s consent beforehand, but they’d been through that more than once already, and Nix was tired.
“I don’t want to fight anymore,” he confessed. “I want to try and make this work too.”
“Tell me about your cousin,” Lake said. “Tell me what she was like. What you were like after she was gone.”
“Why?”
“It could help.”
“I don’t want to.” He pursed his lips. “Tell me about you instead.”
Lake frowned. “What about me?”
“Anything,” he said, then corrected, “Everything.”
“We could be here all day.”
“Good. I don’t think I can face anyone else right now.”
Lake searched his expression and then pulled him in close, settling his chin on the top of Nix’s head. “Where should I start?”
“What were you like as a child?”
He grunted. “Incorrigible.”