Chapter 20
It’s like I can feel his annoyance and animosity every time I look over at him.
He doesn’t look my way once, making me realise I have seriously fucked up.
He could choose to leave once I’ve explained.
I don’t even know why I let it affect me.
I should’ve told him how I felt, how wrong it was to go to the club.
That I did it to get him out of my head.
Finally, I lock the door and turn back to Noah. He’s leaning back against his counter, his arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s got the best fuck-you face I’ve ever seen. “Okay, times up. Time to talk.”
I pull myself up to my full height and copy him and cross my arms. “I’m still your boss.” I tell him in my full Dom voice.
“We both know this is nothing to do with work, you told me that. So, unless you want to go somewhere else to talk, you need to step out of that role.”
“You’re right, but I still deserve some respect.”
He throws his hands up, looking exasperated. “So do I. I deserve the truth, so if all you’re going to do is pontificate, I’m leaving. I’ve got things to do.” He pushes off the counter and strides to the office at the back of the building.
Fuck! He’s driving me insane.
“Noah, stop!” I call out and follow him.
He looks at me as he shrugs on his jacket.
“I’m sorry. Okay, here goes. I’m in a bad mood because I did something stupid, and I’m furious with myself.
I like you, really like you. From the moment you stepped in the door, I’ve wanted you.
It’s the innocence in you, the way you carry yourself, the way you look at me that makes me want you. ”
I step closer to him, not close enough to touch him.
I’ll end up kissing him again if I do that, and I’m sure he’d call that a hard limit.
He’s told me no, to stop. “I’ve explained who I am and what I like to do to my sexual partners.
And I know that’s something I can’t do with you.
And I hate that, so I went to my club and took it out on someone else.
Because I know you deserve more than I can offer. You deserve a man who will love you.”
“What you did to Tate. Yeah, I know about that. I don’t care, Saint.
What you do is up to you. What I can’t get my head around is why you think you can’t have that with me.
I want you to do that with me, and you still say no.
And just when I get my head around that, when I’ve accepted that you won’t touch me, you go and kiss me.
And then I want you all over again.” He sighs and drags his hand down his face, then looks at me, confusion in his eyes.
“I think if I said yes to you, that I could start to train you to be what I want, and you’d get it.
You’d learn to be perfect for me. And then you’d want more, want me to love you.
To love you the same way you love me. And I can’t.
I can’t do that. Love isn’t an option for me, as much as I want it to be.
Because I can see how easy you are to love, how much you crave it.
And then you’d leave me. Probably for someone like Knox or Royal.
Doms that give you what I’ve taught you and more because they can love you. ”
Noah stares at me for a very long time, my words in his mind as he works out how to respond. I’m hoping he understands, and he’ll walk away now. That we can then go back to the way we were when he first got here.
He nods, and the tension in my shoulders relax.
I should know by now that he hasn’t finished with me.
“And what happens if we don’t, and I join a club to find a Dom who’ll offer me a contract that allows him to teach me to be submissive.
Yeah, I’ve read up on this, Saint. The boundaries are set before we start, we both agree to separate at the end.
Will you want to play with me then? Or another scenario is I meet someone looking for both, a submissive and a partner.
Will you be happy when someone else loves me? ”
He steps closer. “Because, Saint, I think you’re full of shit.
I think you already have feelings for me.
You wouldn’t have done what you did to Tate if you didn’t.
You’re already falling in love with me, and that’s what you can’t deal with.
You’re scared. And so am I. The difference is I’m not afraid to try it. ”
He steps past me, and with a sad smile, he puts a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” As if he knows my eyes are on him, he reaches the door and turns. “I’ll still be here when you’re ready to risk it.”
After the door closes behind him, my back hits the wall behind me. I can’t believe he called me out, and even worse, he got it right. I know I want to rip off the head of anyone who touches him, and the thought of another Dom teaching him makes me feel sick. No one else can do the job properly.
Fuck this, I need to get out of here. I grab my keys and coat and go out to my truck.
Royal will be home from school by now. I’m about a mile down the road when my phone rings.
My dad. What does he want? If it’s helping Noah move, I’m so not in the mood for that.
But knowing he won’t stop calling if I don’t answer, I press the button on my steering wheel and answer.
“Hey, Dad. What’s up?” I try to sound upbeat, knowing him, he’ll see—or hear—right through me.
“You busy?”
“I’m on my way to see Royal.” Please, please don’t ask me to help.
“No point, son. He’s here with Knox and Drake. We’re getting everything we have sorted for Noah’s new place and could do with your muscles and your truck.” I don’t have an excuse, and if Drake is there, then there’s a lot to do. Plus, I haven’t seen my elusive brother for a while now.
“See you in a few then.” I take the next turning to change direction and drive to Dad’s instead. My head is full of Noah and what went down only a few minutes ago. I have no idea how to act normally around him, and while Dad keeps out of any drama, Pops will know, he can read me like a book.
When I pull up onto the wide driveway, the garage door is open, and I can see inside.
The two-seater sofa Knox had when he moved out is at the front, then there’s the small dining table and a couple of chairs that I had when I moved into my first flat, the one before the loft.
Knox is there, and of course, Noah. Whatever has just been said has Noah cracking up in laughter and almost doubled up, his arms around his stomach.
Knox is laughing almost as hard, but I can’t see who’s talking.
They’re obscured, just outside my line of vision.
After killing the engine, I get out. The movement catches Noah’s attention, and he turns to look. I’m surprised when his smile doesn’t falter, he says something to make Knox look my way, and the hidden person step into view—Drake, my secretive third brother.
“Hi, guys, I’m here with the muscles.” This makes them all laugh because with all of us spending so much time at the gym, there are muscles galore.
“You’re gonna have to turn your truck around and back it up. And we’ve got plenty of muscles,” Knox tells me.
He’s got a point, so I obey. “I’m going to go see Dad, if you don’t need me.” I smirk and head for the door that leads to the utility room and into the house. Except it opens and both my dads walk out with Royal behind them.
“Ah, Saint, you’re here. Good. We can get this done quickly now,” Dad says with a nod. “Thanks for coming.”
Pops is watching me attentively, assessing the situation with the shrewd eyes. He looks at me then Noah. He knows about our conversation.
Noah walks to me and places his hand on my arm. “Thank you. I know you had plans for this evening.” He also knows what he just said was a lie, an offer of an olive branch.
“Hey, no worries. I’m looking forward to seeing your new place.
” I check out everyone else, the only one looking at us is Royal.
His eyes narrow as he watches us, but he doesn’t say anything.
The problem with having your whole family living your lifestyle in some way is that they are in tune with body language and can read a situation easily.
“Would you like to grab some dinner with me afterwards?”
Why have I just asked him that? After everything we said to each other, this is pouring salt on the already open wound. “Just as friends, Noah. I’m not doing this to confuse you. I’d like to get back to the way we were a couple of weeks ago.”
He thinks about it, then grins. “Yeah, I’d like that.”