Chapter 13
Soft knocking woke me up Thursday morning.
As if waking up before my alarm on my own wasn’t annoying, being woken up was absolutely nerve-wracking.
I groaned as I peeked an eye open. Scott was in my doorway.
“Hey,” he said with a little wave. “Morning.”
I reached for my cell phone on my nightstand. Against my lock screen image of an ocean wave, the time read 6:57 a.m. Three minutes before my alarm was set to go off.
“Morning,” I said as I slowly and stiffly got up.
“I got the day off and I figured we’d have breakfast.” Scott was moving awkwardly from foot to foot. “I’ll take you to school, too.”
“Um, I’m okay riding with Dreux.”
Scott stilled. “Oh, well, I was just thinking. Fresh start, fresh pancakes.” His smile was almost sad. “Corny, huh?”
I rubbed at my eye. “Little bit, yeah.”
Honestly, it was almost cute how Scott was trying. For some people, their fathers didn’t give a shit from the start. I guessed Scott’s attempts at salvaging our relationship should’ve counted for something.
Scott left me to get up and prepare for school. Every step of the way I kept picturing his face and the idea of him getting up extra early on his day off to make me breakfast.
He’d said he wanted this second chance, more than anything, and besides the obvious, I couldn’t wrap my head around why.
Once dressed for school, I made my way downstairs hypnotized by the aroma of Scott’s cooking.
He had made more than just pancakes, as I found a good spread of everything: eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, grits, and hash browns. Just like the first day I’d been here for breakfast.
Scott took a stab for nonchalant as he stood at the breakfast bar. “Just a little something.”
“Yeah.” I snorted. “Right.”
It was entirely too much food, but it meant a lot that he went through all the trouble.
“Your lunch is in the fridge,” Scott said.
And he made me lunch, as he was quickly becoming accustomed to.
Ah hell.
I took a seat at the table. I couldn’t leave the guy hanging. “Fresh start, fresh pancakes, right?”
Slowly, Scott smiled as he came over to the table, unsure what to make of my actions.
“This was really nice, Scott,” I told him, offering up a smile.
He softened up. One minute he could be on guard with me, and the next he was completely vulnerable.
I wasn’t sure what we were doing, but I decided to give him a chance.
Scott wasn’t my enemy. He was my father.
I could only hope his motives were pure. “You’re not, like, sick or anything, are you?”
Scott was mid-sip of his orange juice and ended up coughing. “No, why would you think that?”
“Just in case you were going for some feel-good Hallmark moment by stepping back into my life, in which case that would be really shitty.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I mean it.”
Scott held his hand up. “I’m perfectly healthy, minus a few beers, scout’s honor.”
“Good.” I went and began making myself a plate, taking some of everything.
The pancakes were soft, fluffy, and just heavenly. Totally worth getting up early for.
“I want your trust, and I want to trust you as well,” Scott went on.
“I intend to be an open book here. I’m not perfect, I fucked up when I was a kid, and I think now is everything.
Now is our time to connect and build. No tricks, no gimmicks, no bullshit.
” To further push his oath, he held his hand out.
“I’m here now, Saylor, and no matter what comes, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
My heart ached at his words. At how desperate I was to hear them. To have somebody stick by me no matter what. Only time would tell if he could honor them.
For now, I placed my hand in his and shook.
“Why don’t your friends know about me?” I asked.
“Shame,” Scott admitted. “Not of you, but of myself. It’s not that I wanted you to be a dirty little secret, but it’s not something I can openly talk about without revealing too much.
When I was twenty, I got a girl pregnant, that’s the truth in black and white, and it’s not pretty.
I was a coward, and I ran, abandoning my responsibility. ”
This fact made me slightly protective of Scott.
“For the longest time, I wasn’t ready to have this conversation about you.
Mentioning you would come with the fact that you weren’t in my life and we had no communication.
I had a daughter out in the world I didn’t know or had no contact with.
That’s not something to be proud of. I’ve got a lot of explaining to do these days, but I think I’m ready. ”
I hardly knew Scott, but just like with Dreux’s father, René, I felt an unconscious need to step up for him.
“Or maybe you don’t owe anyone an explanation,” I said. “What happened is between our family.”
My words drove Scott’s dark eyes over to me. “Family?”
Right, it was such a funny word. “Yeah. I don’t want anyone judging you over what happened. People make mistakes, and that’s in the past. Now is everything, right? And now I’m here, you’re here, and we’re building.”
To further prove my point, I reached out and placed my hand on his.
This touched Scott, a sense of relief falling from his shoulders as a soft smile invaded his features.
“Hey, I was digging around and I, uh, found this.” Scott pulled what looked like a picture from his shirt pocket. “Just thought since you know the bad, it’d be nice to show you the good.”
He handed over the picture and I held it out, examining it, feeling goose bumps prickle my skin.
It was from a time before. Scott’s hair was longer, he was in a simple black T-shirt over a long-sleeved white shirt.
He was noticeably younger, less muscular, and just radiant.
He wasn’t looking at the camera, but at her.
My mother was caught up laughing at the lens, so happy I could feel it.
Together, the pair was at some table, in a booth, I could tell by the vinyl seat behind them.
It was so lowkey, nothing special jumping out at me, but it seemed so like Mom to go against the grain.
She didn’t need fancy dinners or golden plates.
She was just happy to be there against Scott. They were young and in love.
My parents.
“Can I…can I keep this?” I stammered, unable to process the emotion overwhelming me, the feeling of needing this photo to have as my own.
Scott accepted the photo back and stared at it, his eyes running over every inch of it.
“It’s the only one I have, of her, of then.
” He spoke softly and distant, as if he weren’t speaking to me at all.
And then he blinked, forcing a smile on his face as he turned to me.
“Tell you what, I’ll make a copy for me, and I’ll let you have this. ”
Slowly, he let the photo go and went back to his meal.
His quietness left me confused, but I couldn’t articulate anything I was feeling in that moment. I bottled up all thoughts to dissect for another time.
“What are you doing today after school?” Scott asked a while later as we finished up our breakfast.
I gathered our plates and prepared to bring them to the sink. “Work, at Angela’s, unless you think I’ve learned my lesson and wanna pull me from the salon.”
Scott chuckled. “Do you want to be the one who stands up to Ang?”
I paused, thinking it over. “Fair enough.”
In the kitchen, I scraped the remains from our plates into the trash before setting them in the sink to be washed. I was running behind and had to meet up with Dreux, or else I would’ve hung around and helped Scott clean up more.
“Have a good day at school,” he told me as he came and handed me my lunch bag. Inside was probably another salad, or chicken wrap. Whatever it was, I admired Scott’s effort.
“Thanks, I better go before Dreux comes looking for me,” I said.
Scott bobbed his head. “Dreux’s a good kid.”
Even if he’d momentarily slipped and became reckless, there was no denying all the goodness in Dreux. “Maybe someday I’ll be like him.”
Scott’s brows furrowed. “Dreux’s great, but you don’t need to model yourself after him. I like you and the potential you have before you.”
“Mean it?” I wondered innocently. Unlike everyone else, I had no plans, goals, or talents. I was still figuring a lot of things out, and it meant a lot that it didn’t make me a total loser in Scott’s eyes. Despite our checkered past, I wasn’t exactly the kind of kid parents would brag about.
Scott came closer, squeezing my shoulders. “Of course. I want my kid to be herself above anything. You have a lot of time left to find yourself and be who you are. William Henley, right? You’re the captain of your own ship, you don’t have to be like anyone else, Saylor.”
It was the nicest thing I’d heard in a long time and for that I hugged my father.
We pulled apart, sharing a smile and probably both knowing we’d be more than okay.
In time, who knew, maybe we’d perfect this father/daughter thing.
Dreux was waiting for me patiently in his Bronco when I finally made it next door. Again, he was listening to some hip-hop station, and because I knew he’d turn the volume up, I said nothing. I had liked those two songs I’d heard that first day we’d rode to school together anyway.
“Ready?” he asked as he faced me, eager to get a move on.
Underneath his navy-blue and gray Horton High baseball cap, he appeared partly concerned and curious as his dark eyes bore into mine, searching, it seemed, for a sign of distress.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I said as I buckled in.
Dreux put the Bronco in reverse and soon backed out of his driveway before hitting the road for school. Even if it took a little longer, I liked that he took the scenic route. It was peaceful just cruising in the car like that.
“How were things with Scott?” Dreux wondered.
Thinking over our small hiccup before breakfast, I said, “Awkward.”
“Give it time, it’s only been a couple of weeks.”
True, we’d made progress by laying it all out on the table. I knew the truth of my conception and his intentions, and the only way forward was to try.
“It’s weird, you know? I totally have the power to be all ‘fuck you, send me home.’ But I’m not feeling it.”