Chapter 65
Dante
“She’s driving me mad. I’m trying to be better — really trying. Most of the time. But it never feels like enough. Sometimes I just enjoy pissing her off. But for the most part, I am trying to do the right thing. When it matters , I’m trying to choose the right choice.”
“And you think she doesn’t appreciate that?”
I sighed with frustration. “I don’t think she even realises. I think she’s so used to me treating her like shit that she’s sure there’s an ulterior motive. She’s convinced herself that if I’m being nice to her, there must be some sort of benefit to me.”
“And that’s not the case?” Doctor Ashleigh asked, looking up at me through her lashes as she scribbled down some notes.
“What benefit would I get from abstinence?” I spat the word, hating the way it felt in my mouth. Fucking abstinence. I never thought I’d be friends with that pile of shit when I’m pushing forty, but here we are. “I’m trying to let her think clearly, without any influence from me.”
“Have you actually spoken to her about any of this?”
I scoffed at her. “Rachel and I don’t talk.”
“You realise how frustrating this is to witness, don’t you?” She chuckled, shaking her head. “The majority of your problems could be solved if the two of you would just communicate. But you’re both too stubborn and full of pride to let your guards down.”
“That’s easier said than done. She has a PhD in ‘I told you so’. She would just ignore everything I had to say and somehow find a way to blame me for everything that has gone wrong.”
“There’s one of those assumptions we talked about last time…” she said kindly.
“With all due respect, you don’t know her. You don’t know what she’s like.”
“I cannot discuss the ins and outs of my time with Rachel, but what I can say is that she has always been open and honest with me. Even when it’s things that she doesn’t like about herself, she has opened up to me.
Could it be that you’re not asking the right questions, or you’re not approaching her with a judgemental free attitude? ”
“I—”
“I’m not putting the blame on you, Dante.
Because as far as I can see, you both have things you need to work on.
But I do believe one of the biggest factors in your relationship is the fact that she doesn’t feel as though you’re a completely safe space.
And I think if you have a think back on previous interactions and the way you’ve reacted, you might be able to see that too. ”
I paused before answering. “How do I make that right? I can’t change the past.”
“No. No one can. But you can alter the course of your future. And you know how that begins?”
“Communication,” I muttered with a chuckle.
“Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.”