Chapter 76
Dante
“Anyone seen my old lady?” I called out when we arrived back at the clubhouse.
Despite the nature of the ride, we were all in high spirits.
We were celebrating the life of a brother and not mourning his loss.
Shark had lived a life worth living, and that was worthy of a celebration, even though it hurt.
We had Jenna. We had the kid. We would keep his memory alive, and he would always be a part of this club.
“Anyone?” I asked, pulling off my helmet. “Where the fuck does that woman get to?”
“The kids are with Jenna,” Imogen told me, kissing her old man.
Why would she leave the kids with Jenna? The woman was grieving. Surely we should be taking her kid, not the other way around?
“She wanted them. Practically begged Heather to let her have some normalcy around her,” Imogen said as though she could read my thoughts.
“Heather? Why were the kids with Heather? Where’s Rachel then?” I asked, a strange feeling settling in my gut. Rachel hadn’t let those kids out of her sight in days. Something must have happened to take priority over watching them like a Russian spy.
“Clubhouse probably. She knows there’s a party planned. Maybe she’s getting things ready. She told Jenna to bring the kids to the clubhouse when she was ready.”
“Fair enough,” I said, moving ahead of my brothers to enter the clubhouse. Hacksaw followed me, and I told him to get everyone settled in the bar as I ran into the house.
I was acting calm on the outside, not wanting to bring any further panic to the club, but inside I was filled with dread.
“Rachel?” I called, poking my head around the front room door.
Nope. And neither was she in the kitchen.
“Rachel?” I yelled, taking the stairs two at a time.
The house was dark, not a single noise escaping any of the rooms. My heart began to pound, and I started pushing open the doors to all the rooms, my mind racing as I immediately thought the worst.
This was it. She’s gone.
No. She wouldn’t leave the kids. She wouldn’t.
“Rachel!” I barked, almost running through the hallway.
And that’s when I heard it. The soft click of the door opening near the end of the hallway.
“There you are!” I breathed when I saw her leaving my mother’s room, quickly closing the door behind her. “Is everything okay? Rachel?” I said, pulling her into my arms when I noticed how bloodshot her eyes were. “What’s happened?”
“Dante,” she croaked, her voice hoarse.
“What is it? What’s happened?”
“Kit… It’s Mama… Your mum,” she sobbed.
“What about her?” My body stiffened, my blood instantly freezing.
“She’s gone, Dante. She’s gone.”
I let go of Rachel and gently moved her to the side as I reached for the door handle.
“No!” Rachel barked, seizing my wrist. “No, Dante. You don’t need to see that. I was with her as she took her last breath, and I promise you, she’s gone. I’m so sorry.”
“She can’t be gone. She was fucking fine this morning!”
“I know. I’m sorry, Dante,” she breathed, tears trickling down her cheeks.
I ignored her request and pushed open the door, dropping to my knees in front of my mum’s bed.
“Mum?” I whispered, grabbing her cold hand. Tears pooled in my eyes as I placed my head on the bed and pulled her hand closer to me.
“No,” I heard Rachel from behind me. “Give him his privacy.”
“What’s happened?” Hacksaw demanded.
“It’s Mama. She’s committed suicide.”
“What?” Hacksaw breathed, and then the door closed, shielding me from their view.
“… not yet!” I heard Rachel’s raised voice through the door. “That is his mother… privacy he deserves right now!”
Suicide…
“Mum,” I whispered. “Why would you do this? Why would you leave us?” The tears streamed freely down my face. I wasn’t sure how long I was kneeling there for, but before long, I felt a small hand on my shoulder.
“She left you a note, Dante,” Rachel whispered. “I’ll leave it here for you. I’ll be right outside when you need me.” She kissed the top of my head and then I heard the door softly close again.
I looked at the envelope on the bed and ripped it open before I could give in to my rash temper and tear it to shreds.
My Dearest Dante.
I’m sorry to burden you with this. I know you’re probably reading this and that famous temper of yours is rearing its ugly head.
But I hope it isn’t. Rest assured, this is what I wanted.
This is what I have always wanted from the minute your dad left me.
I know it’s selfish to give up so easily, especially when I have so much to live for.
But your dad was my other half. My soul mate.
And a soul that’s only half complete is a soul that wanders this earth, lost and hurting.
So please, my darling boy, don’t let your temper get the best of you, because I was happy. How could I not be, knowing who was waiting for me and saving me a seat on the other side?
I love you so much, and the thought of leaving you behind eats me up inside.
And I’m ashamed to say that if you’ve found this note in a timely manner, that means I was successful at dragging Rachel into my plans.
I’m sorry for that. But as strong as I am, and as committed as I am to reuniting with your dad, I’m scared.
I’m scared of dying alone. As much as Rachel and I have disagreed in the past, she’s a good girl, and I know she’ll let me pass with the dignity I wanted.
You got a good one there, Dante. Be kind to her.
Be kind to each other. Life becomes so much brighter when you learn to love, and you’re loved in return.
Please don’t blame her for this. Just know I would have gone through with it regardless of her assistance.
But she helped your old mum pass and comforted her in her dying moments.
There are not many people who would do that, especially with the way I treated her.
However, if you’ve found this letter months after my death, just know Rachel is a traitorous bitch and refused to assist a dying woman. What sort of person does that?!
I’m kidding, of course.
Maybe.
When Bee and Axel are old enough, please let them know how much I loved them. Show them photos of me and Crash. Let them know who their Nanan and Papa were. Tell them I’m sorry. But tell them I’m always here. I will always guide them from whatever plane of existence I end up on.
I love you so much, son. And I am so proud of the man you’ve been, and the man you’re becoming.
Let go of the past now. There’s no need for the resentment.
Lead this club as the fearless president I know you’ll be, and love freely.
The world is your empire, and you can shape it any way you see fit.
The way things were done is not always the way things should remain.
You are in control, and though we did the best we could, I know in my heart you’ll do even better.
Please forgive me for this. I’m sorry for keeping it a secret.
I didn’t want you worrying about me, and I didn’t want the cancer to be the only thing we talked about.
I wanted to stay being Mama. I wanted things to be as normal as possible.
I didn’t want sympathetic glances and noises of pity.
I wanted to leave as I lived —o n my terms, and with Crash at my side.
I love you, baby. And I’ll see you when it's your turn to cross over. Hopefully, you’ll be an old man, having lived and experienced everything possible.
Until then, I’ll keep your seat warm.
All my love,
(your) Mama.
The paper fluttered from my fingers, and I sank to the carpet, burying my head in my hands. I vaguely registered Rachel coming into the room. I was only really aware of her presence when she sank to the floor next to me and nestled between my legs, wrapping her arms around my waist.
She rocked me as I sobbed, one hand in my hair, the other stroking my back as I said the final goodbye to my mum.