Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Jen followed Sam as he wove through the crowds and out of the hall, where people gathered, smoking and laughing on the otherwise quiet village street.
She could hear the sea, and the rustle of the leaves high in the trees, which was a little noisier tonight as the wind picked up ahead of the advancing weather front.
He led her to a bench a little farther away where they could be alone. He sat down and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs, pressing his joined fists against his mouth, rubbing them as if trying to coax words from deep within.
‘What is it, Sam?’ she asked. ‘What’s troubling you?’
He twisted his head around and looked up at her. ‘You want to know? Really?’
Her mouth dried in sudden fear about what he might say. But she nodded. She needed to know.
‘It’s you, Jen.’
‘I’m troubling you?’ she said, indignation gathering with every word. The word had echoes of Alistair, treating her like an annoying irritation who he had to control. She looked away, out at the streetlight nestled in the dark leaf-packed branches opposite. She blinked. She was troubling him?
‘Well, I’m sorry for that,’ she snapped. ‘But I can surely fix it for you.’ She grabbed her bag and stood up.
‘Don’t go,’ he said. But then he made the mistake of reaching out and taking hold of her hand in his.
Suddenly her heart was beating fast with a sense of panic that her life was about to repeat itself, and she couldn’t bear it. She tried to shake his hand off.
Tears pressed against her eyes. She gulped some fresh night air to regain control. It didn’t work.
‘Stay,’ he said again. It felt like an order. And she could no longer take orders.
‘I can’t, Sam. I just can’t! Believe me, I really don’t want to know how troublesome I am!
I think I’ve been told enough times about how difficult I am, how unattractive I am, how skinny I am, how hopelessly disorganised I am.
So, you get it? I know all that already, and I don’t need to hear about it anymore. ’
She stumbled at the kerb, and hurried away, back to the hall. What the hell was she thinking of, going out dancing with Sam Boyd?
‘Jen!’ She heard him run up behind her. She flinched. ‘Wait, Jen, please wait.’
She kept on walking.
‘Jen! I didn’t mean it like that. You know, deep down, I didn’t. This is me talking, not anyone else.’
She stopped outside the halo of light coming from the hall and closed her eyes. Sam was right. She was being too defensive. Too distrustful. It had to stop. Now.
‘Look, I know you want me to leave you alone,’ he continued quickly, ‘and I will, but before I do, I have to tell you something. Just one thing.’ He didn’t wait for her to speak.
‘And that is that you’re troubling me only because you’re stirring feelings inside of me which I haven’t felt for so long.
I thought they were dead and long since buried.
But it seems that, like a volcano, they’ve been dormant, not dead. And they’re erupting again.’
Jen couldn’t help herself and snorted, which turned into laughter at the thought of whatever was erupting inside of him. He joined in her laughter, his edged with relief.
‘You really have a way with words.’
His laughter stopped. ‘In that case, I’ll keep on talking because it’s good to see you laugh again. You used to laugh a lot.’
Her smile subsided. ‘That was then. Not now.’ She glanced around at the darkness, which hovered outside the reach of the streetlights, and shivered. She glanced back at Sam. ‘Too much has happened.’
He reached out and took her hand, and she let him. ‘I hate that you’ve been hurt. Every instinct in me wants to heal it.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not so sure that healing is the answer.’
‘Then what is?’
She shrugged. ‘Maybe forgetting?’
‘Then I want to help you forget all the bad stuff.’
She took a step closer to him. ‘And how do you intend to make that happen?’
His lips tweaked into a grin. ‘By distracting you.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘And how do you propose to do that exactly?’
‘Not sure. More dancing? More sparkling conversation?’
She laughed. ‘That sounds just the ticket,’ she said, leading him back inside where, Jen discovered, Sam insisted on keeping his word.
The evening passed with more dancing, conversation and laughter than she’d had in years.
They met the father of Liam’s new friend, George and, by the end of the evening Jen felt she’e either met or re-connected with half the population of MacLeod’s Cove.
She’d also made plans to catch up with old friends over the coming months.
But as Jen, Sam and Liam stepped outside into the street, a shadow clouded her happiness. She was back in the real world. The temperature had lowered, and she shivered as she looked around her.
‘Everything alright?’ asked Sam.
‘Yes, why wouldn’t it be?’
He raised his eyebrows in reply and glanced at Liam, who was bending down, fondling a puppy on a leash as its owner waited outside the hall for his grandson.
She shook her head. ‘It’s fine. I’m sure it’s all fine. But…’
He glanced again to make sure Liam was out of earshot. ‘Still worried?’
She bit her lip. ‘A little. But it’s silly and’ — she reached out and squeezed Sam’s hand — ‘it’s been a lovely evening. I guess I’ve always hated good things ending.’
He laughed. ‘I remember. We’d always be the last to leave a party, the last to stay around a bonfire on the beach.’
‘But not always the last to go to bed.’ His hand felt warm around hers as her words lingered in the air between them.
She took a deep breath, needing to control her wayward thoughts.
‘Anyway,’ she said with a smile, withdrawing her hand, ‘Liam and I should get home.’ She paused. ‘I really enjoyed the evening, thanks.’
‘My pleasure. Hopefully, we can do it again sometime. And by the way, I will stay the night with you.’ He raised a suggestive eyebrow. ‘On the couch. Just to make sure Liam is OK.’
‘There’s no need for that. Mum and Lucy should be home by now. Lucy said she’d stay the night.’
‘Hm,’ grunted Sam, not looking convinced. ‘I’ll give you both a lift home and we’ll see if they’re there yet.’
Jen wondered how long her loved ones would have to go on worrying about her. Suddenly, the screech of an alarm filled the air, making her jump.
‘A car alarm,’ he said.
She shook her head with a smile. ‘I’m a bit on edge.’
‘So, a lift?’
She glanced down to see that the puppy and its owner had disappeared, and Liam was sitting on the steps yawning madly. A look at her watch told her it was later than she thought. ‘Thanks. That would be great.’
They drove home in comfortable silence. When they arrived, Jen looked in the back seat. She had a sense of déjà vu. It had only been a few weeks since they’d first arrived like this, with Liam asleep in the back. But so much else had changed.
‘You go on ahead and unlock the house. I’ll carry Liam in,’ said Sam.
Jen grappled with the new set of keys and eventually unlocked the door and held it open for Sam.
’Shall I take Liam up to bed? He’s out for the count.’
‘That would be great.’
‘Do you want me to stay?’ he asked. ‘Doesn’t look like your mum and Lucy are home.’
‘No, but thanks. They shouldn’t be long, and I can’t have people babysit me like this.’
‘Your call. I’ll take Liam upstairs and then do a quick look around. Can’t be too careful.’
She stood in the kitchen sipping a glass of water, listening to Sam moving around in the attic bedroom. After putting Liam to bed, he seemed to be checking the rest of the house as well.
She looked at him expectantly as he returned.
‘There’s no one here,’ he said. ‘I’ll check around the back.’
‘Sam, you’ve done enough. We’re fine. The house is empty, and I’ll lock up as soon as you’ve gone.’
‘Well, if you’re sure.’
‘I am. But I do appreciate your care.’
Despite her protests, he went outside and did a quick survey of the exterior of the house in the dark.
‘There’s still plenty of work to do. I’m expecting a delivery tomorrow morning, so I’ll be here bright and early.’
It was probably an excuse, but a nice one.
‘You’re very good, Sam. We all appreciate what you’re doing. But you can’t go on doing it without pay.’
‘Jen,’ he smiled, ‘believe me, I don’t need the money. What I need is purpose, and you and the house are giving me that.’
Her heart warmed. ‘I’m glad I’m of use to someone.’
‘Don’t do that,’ he said, his smile gone.
‘What?’
‘Don’t put yourself down like that.’
‘I… didn’t realise I was.’
‘That’s even worse.’
Pain replaced the warmth that had flooded Jen’s heart only moments earlier. She swallowed. ‘It’s hard. After so long with someone who…’ She hesitated as she groped for the right word, ‘…didn’t seem to like me very much.’
Sam took a sharp intake of air. ‘Oh, he liked you. He liked you so much that he wanted to control you. To bend you to his will.’ He shook his head. ‘I just hope I never get to meet the bastard.’
‘So do I.’ Because, she suspected, if Sam got to meet him, it meant that she and Liam would, too.
‘Well, I’d best get going.’
‘Are you travelling back to Wellington?’
‘No — the caravan.’
‘Not your flash Wellington apartment,’ she teased.
‘No, living in Wellington makes me feel lonely.’
‘And yet your caravan is parked in one of the most isolated spots on the edge of MacLeod’s Cove.’
‘Yeah, I know. It’s crazy, but there you go.
The apartment was for a family — a family who chose to live away from me.
It’s too quiet. But here’ — he gestured around him — ‘the caravan shakes in the wind, and whenever a flock of gulls flies over, their cries fill the air. I don’t feel lonely, even though I’m alone. ’
‘I know what you mean. When I lived in London, I never felt lonelier in my life. And yet, here I am, at the edge of the world, thousands of miles from the next country, and I feel part of things.’
‘I guess that’s what being home does for you.’
An easy silence fell.
‘I’m glad you’ve come back, Jen.’
‘Me too.’
‘Good. Then…’ He looked around awkwardly as if for inspiration. ‘Then would it be OK if we did this again?’
‘Sure,’ she said, suddenly feeling like a teenager again. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Right. Goodnight, then.’ He stepped away.
‘Goodnight,’ she replied. He smiled and walked back to his car. She stayed there until the car clicked and the lights flared as it unlocked and he drove away. Only then did she walk inside, close the door behind her and smile to herself.
Instead of carrying on up the rough path along the coast to his caravan, an instinct which Sam didn’t question made him turn around at the corner and pull up outside MacLeod’s Cottage again.
The light was on in the hall still, but he couldn’t see the light in the kitchen because it faced the sea, not the street.
He felt better being near her. He couldn’t have slept in the caravan, worrying about her and Liam. He looked around and pulled an old blanket over himself and tipped back his seat. It was going to be a long night.