Chapter 28
Juli
My heart aches.
It’s been five days since Cameron left so abruptly. Since he asked me to wait for him while he figures out a way to work through some things.
I told him I’d wait, but these five days have been plain torture. My work’s suffering because I can’t bring myself to care about romance—even of the fictional variety—when my love life’s in shambles. I can’t even read about happily ever afters.
I’ve only showered once since he left. Trying to prove to myself I was a big girl, I used his towel.
I got over the fact it wasn’t “clean,” but it brought a slew of tears because it smelled too much like him.
The only person I wanted to share my “victory” with was him, but since I’m not sure of the “rules” during this time, I refrained.
He sent exactly one text—Safely home. I cried then, too. It’s pretty much what I do these days. Elisa has had to pick me up off the floor a few times.
The most ironic thing about all of this is I don’t regret my decision four years ago.
I wouldn’t change the fact I fronted the money for him.
Even to end up in this place. He deserves it.
Even if he thinks he doesn’t or can’t get past it.
Whispering Tide makes him happy, and he’s damn good at his job.
Why would I want anything more for him? Well, except to be a part of his life there.
To see him every day after work. To go to sleep and wake up next to him every day.
To make good use of his balcony. Most importantly, to be with him.
He makes me happy. He makes me feel complete.
He makes me feel loved. In a different way than my family. He makes me feel cherished.
I hope he figures this out soon. The not knowing is killing me.
“Honey, I’m home.” Elisa’s spirited voice rings out in the otherwise quiet of my condo.
Her laugh at her own joke makes its way to my bedroom before she does.
She appears at the doorway, and when she sees me, she clucks her tongue.
“Babe, you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Possibly the day before?”
I look down, totally forgetting what I’m wearing. She’s right about them being from yesterday, but it’s possible they’re from the day I actually showered. Holey leggings and an oversized T-shirt, both of which probably stink.
“I’ve changed my underwear.” Well, not the complete truth. I took off the ones from the other day, but never replaced them with new ones.
She enters the room, bouncing on the bed next to me. “I’m not saying you stink, but have you thought about showering again?”
“I have, but then I convinced myself I didn’t need to. I’m not going anywhere and I’m comfy. These are my wallowing clothes. Leave me be to wallow.”
“Did you do any work today? Eat anything? Brush your teeth?”
“Kinda. Had a cookie. Yes. I managed to do that.”
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” She settles against the headboard, her feet crossing at the ankles.
“Wallowing.”
“Text him yet?”
She thinks I should. In her mind, having no “rules” means I should text Cameron. See how he is, but don’t ask him where he’s at. She was adamant about that part.
“No. Leaving the ball in his court.”
“Talked to big brother?”
“He texted me yesterday to see how I was. He has to know, but he didn’t dig for information. Nor did he give any, before you ask that question.” It’s on the tip of her tongue.
“You can’t wallow forever.”
“Says who?”
“Why would you want to?”
I push up to half-sitting. “Because I miss him. And I want him back. I want to tell him this is stupid. But I can’t tell him that because I don’t want him to think I think he’s stupid.
Just this stupid behavior. Why does he have to be such a man about this?
He’s already taken the gift and is enjoying the hell out of it.
Grow some balls, admit you don’t have to have the most money, and move on. Does that sound so hard?”
“No.”
It’s not Elisa who answers. Cameron stands at the doorway to my room.
Without thinking about how I look, I jump off the bed. “How are you here?”
“A little invention called an airplane.”
“Don’t be funny.”
“You like me funny.”
Dammit, I do.
“Why are you here?”
He shrugs, and it makes him look vulnerable. My eyes can’t help drinking him in. The way his T-shirt hugs his biceps. His hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts. The tousled hair sticking up in different places. I missed him more than I accounted for.
I take a step closer, still forgetting how I look.
“I grew some balls.” He answers with my words.
“Okay.”
He takes a step into the room. “I don’t have to be the one who has the most money.”
“Was that so hard to admit?” I ask without thought.
“To myself? Hell yes. Aloud to you now? No.” Another step closer. “But . . .”
“Of course there’s a but,” I huff.
He ignores my interruption. “But,” he stresses, “I can’t move on.”
That catches me off guard. “Why not?”
“Not without you.”
It’s Elisa’s “Awwww” that triggers the meaning of what he says. Otherwise, I’m not sure I understand. And to prove my point, I ask him to clarify.
“You can’t move on without me?”
“Right.” He flashes a small smile. “You could keep wallowing, or you could help me move on. Up to you.” Desire leaks from his eyes, watching for my reaction.
It finally dawns on me how I look. I close my eyes, imagining what he must think. “I wasn’t quite done wallowing, but your being here throws a wrench into those plans.”
Because he’s Cameron, he takes my comment in stride. “You have room for a friend to join your wallowing?”
I don’t miss his use of friend. It’s what gets me to open my eyes. “Friends don’t let friends wallow alone.”
“Okay, I’m out. This is getting cheesy.” I peek around Cameron to catch Elisa on her way out. “Call me,” she mouths as she wraps her arms around herself, moves her hands up and down her arms, and makes silent kissy noises.
Looking back at Cameron, he’s undeterred, standing with a small smirk.
“I need to shower,” I blurt before he can truly get a whiff of me. “Then we’ll wallow and talk.” I turn on my heel but quickly spin back toward him. “How long are you here?”
“Until tomorrow.”
The happiness my heart felt at seeing him quickly deflates. “Oh.”
He steps closer, almost completely crowding my space. “I was hoping maybe you’d want to come back with me. For as little or as long as you can. Decide what each of us wants out of this relationship, see where we think it’s going to lead.”
“You’re not paying me back.” My comment makes no sense in relation to his, but he gets it anyway.
His last step brings us toe-to-toe. “How about a payment plan that doesn’t involve money?”
“How would that work?” I ask, totally confused. Mostly because he’s here, and so close, his scent overwhelming me.
“Kisses. Orgasms. Towels. For starters.” He pauses, letting his plan sink in for me.
“Oh, most importantly. I’ve got this great place located in downtown paradise.
The view’s amazing, and the company’s pretty good, too.
And when you need to get away for a little while, there’s this awesome resort down the beach that will cater to all your needs. ”
Is he suggesting what I think he is? That I move in with him? My pulse speeds up at the mere thought.
“Paradise, huh?”
“I can even arrange for cheeseburgers in this paradise.”
“With steak fries?” I wonder hopefully, playing along.
He licks his lips, though it’s not only because of the food conversation. “All the steak fries you could eat.”
My feet shuffle inches closer. “I do like steak fries.”
“Should have led with the steak fries.” There’s a hitch in his breath. “I owe you an apology, Juliana. I—”
On my tiptoes, I put my finger over his lips. “I’m not saying you don’t, but I’m saying it can wait.” I fall back down on flat feet. “Maybe you don’t need a shower, but want to join me anyway?”
I hold my breath. It’s kinda bold, especially since he’s been here all of ten minutes and we have lots to discuss.
Cameron doesn’t miss a beat, proving whatever this is between us has merit. “Only if I can choose my own towel from the drawer.”
An answer I wasn’t expecting elicits my loud chortle. It’s cathartic and exactly what I need to clear the bad mood I’ve been in since he left.
“That can be arranged. You know where they are. I’ll meet you in the bathroom.”
Needing a second to catch my breath and compose myself, I scurry away and slip into the bathroom. My eyes catch my reflection in the mirror. It’s a horrible sight, except for the smile plastered on my lips. One that won’t fade soon.
Three weeks later, I’m back at my condo. There’s a different energy here than weeks ago. A finality.
The movers came last week and packed up and removed the big stuff to put in storage. Only a few boxes remain—the last of my things to ship to Magnolia Cay, South Carolina.
I stand in the empty space, taking in my last few moments of the place I called home for two years. It’s served me well, but it’s time. It’s time to pass the torch to someone else.
It’s bittersweet only because when I leave, I’m also leaving Georgia, the state I’ve called home for all thirty-two years of my life.
Moving into the condo, I left the nest, a home I loved for so many years, but I didn’t stray far.
The house I grew up in—and my parents—were ten minutes away.
Knowing they were so close gave me peace of mind.
Now, things are different. Geographically, Magnolia Cay’s not far—an hour flight or a five-hour car ride—but it’s a change. However, it’s a great trade-off to have Cameron daily.
“Cutie, where you at?”
Speak of the devil himself.
“In my bedroom.”
“We need to get on the road if we’re going to make the flight.”
“Right.”
The flight that will take me to my new home. Why am I so emotional about this? Why am I having such a hard time saying goodbye to a temporary home? A place I never envisioned spending more than a few years? Especially when I’m going somewhere better.