Chapter 27
Cameron
Asolemnness accompanies me to my car, and when I open the door, a whiff of Juli waylays me. I wasn’t expecting it to be so strong, but like with my heart, her imprint is deeper than I care to admit.
I spent the plane ride contemplating life and the choices I’ve made to get to this spot. Roles I’ve played. Opportunities I was given. One major one in particular.
She made it clear she doesn’t want the money back, but does that mean I don’t owe it to her anyway? Do I not at least attempt to pay her back, even if it takes years, or god forbid, I lose her? Am I willing to lose her?
No.
The answer comes so easily. I don’t want to lose her.
Not even a little. But I also don’t want to make a hasty decision—tell her I’m okay with it—when I’m not.
I certainly don’t want to face the fact that I’ll never be okay with it.
Even if that might be true. It’s a lot to take in, not helped by our being in a relationship.
My mind whirling with too many emotions, the drive to Whispering Tide seems short.
I park the car in the employee lot, leaving my bag for the time being.
Stomping inside, I forget the part I’m supposed to play as owner and head for Preston’s office.
His eyes are glued to his computer, a usual look for him.
When he realizes I’m there, he looks up. “You’re back.”
Not knowing exactly how this will play out, I start right in. I stand in front of his desk, annoyance fueling me on. “How could you let her put up that kind of money? She could have been out millions of dollars had we failed. Millions, Preston!”
He looks up at me, bewilderment replacing his studious expression. “What are you carrying on about?”
“My stake in the resort. You allowed Juli to dole out that kind of money. For me.” So hyped up on adrenaline, I’m trying to control my emotions, but I’m doing a piss-poor job. “Why would you allow her to take that gamble?”
He gestures to the chair in front of his desk. “Sit.” When I make no motion to move, he glares harder. “Take a seat, Cameron.”
My eyes blink rapidly at the way he thinks he’s in charge of the situation, how he assumes he has this power over me.
There’s an authority struggle between us, neither of us wanting to give in to the other.
In the end, I finally concede. Not because he actually holds something over me, but because I need answers. Answers only he can give me.
I hover on the edge of the seat while he leans back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. “I didn’t let her do anything. Let’s get that straight right off the bat. She wasn’t backing down on her offer.”
“Sounds like her,” I mumble. She can be stubborn as hell when she wants to be.
“We had a long talk about what she was doing, what she was getting involved with. She signed on the dotted line without a qualm. None whatsoever. She wanted you to have this opportunity.”
I collapse into the back of the chair, my legs flailing out to the side. “Why? We hadn’t spoken for years. Why would she invest that much money in someone who was barely a friend?”
His eyes stare pointedly at me. “I didn’t get into the reasons with her, but knowing where you’re at now, it makes a lot more sense.”
“I want to pay her back.” My mouth speaks the words, choosing for me, even though my brain hasn’t fully decided on anything yet.
“You’ll have to take that up with her. I’m not getting involved. My part is done.”
“You’ll have the lawyers draw up an agreement. Make her sign it, because she’s going to give me a hard time.”
“I’m surprised she told you.”
“She didn’t. I accidentally saw some paperwork. But you should have told me.”
Preston holds up his hands. “Was never going to happen. I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. I told her that, and now I’m telling you the same. It’s her money. She can use it as she sees fit.”
“I should have known it was her!” My voice grows louder, conflicting thoughts getting the better of me.
“You wouldn’t be here if you knew.”
“That’s not for you to decide. I should have been able to make an informed decision with all the facts.” The words taste bitter on my tongue because it’s a lie. Of course, he had the right not to tell me if that was part of her stipulation.
Quiet settles in the office, the only sound my heavy breathing. I’m getting worked up again. I need to do what I said I was going to do—take time to figure this out. How I proceed and move forward with this knowledge.
“I should have known.”
I don’t know if it’s the truth anymore.
In a way, Juli’s right. It changes nothing regarding Whispering Tide.
I wanted this position, the share in ownership, I wanted it so badly.
I didn’t press Preston about where the money came from.
I convinced myself it was him, and I took it with no reservations.
Because this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, one I couldn’t pass up.
And if I’m being honest with myself, one I’m not prepared to give up.
And if that means paying back every cent Juli invested, that’s what I have to do. No matter how long it takes, no matter how much pushback she gives me. I can’t be in debt to her.
With that decision made, I run my fingers through my hair and meet Preston’s eyes. “I have to pay her back. I can’t let her do this for me.”
He doesn’t speak right away, pondering what response to give. “If you found out where the money had come from and it wasn’t her, would you be so adamant about paying it back? About not accepting the gift as it was intended?”
My mouth opens, but no words come out. I want to believe I’d pay it back, no matter who the donor was, but I can’t say that confidently.
If it came from some big shot unknown investor, I’d probably take some time to be more appreciative, but the decision to pay it back wouldn’t be on my radar. At least not this strong.
“So ask yourself why you feel the need to pay her back.”
“Things are complicated now,” I spout immediately without thinking. “This will always hang over my head if I move forward with her.”
His left eyebrow peaks. “If? How forward are we talking?” An emotion akin to concern swims in his voice.
Forever.
I’m not stupid enough to say it aloud. One, because he’s her brother. Two, because even if I had thought that yesterday, today it’s less of a possibility.
My head’s a mess.
Shoving out of my chair, I declare, “I gotta go. Can you set something up with the lawyers or financial people, draw up a payment plan? I don’t want her on the hook for something so big. Not when this could all crash down in a second.”
“You don’t truly believe that?” he wonders. He has every bit of confidence in Whispering Tide. It helps when you don’t have to worry about paying bills if the resort tanks tomorrow. I don’t have that luxury.
I shrug, not able to put a voice to my thoughts. Mostly because I’m not sure exactly what those thoughts are.
“Want to meet at five tomorrow? Get some clarity.”
“Four-thirty. Won’t be sleeping much. Might as well get a jump-start on the day. And the clarity,” I add in a hushed tone.
“See you then.” One foot is out the door when he adds, “She’s not the woman who cares about money and status, but she is the person who will do anything for those she loves and cares about, no matter the amount of money.”
His words filter in slowly, ping-ponging around my brain as I bypass my office, the front lobby, and the employee lot, choosing to walk back to my townhouse instead. It’s a slow walk, bogged down with ruminations and high emotions.
It’s going to be a long night.
I toss and turn all night. Memories of my time with Juli cloud my vision.
Her laugh.
How she gets me.
Her need for clean towels.
The spark between us, strengthening our connection.
Our physical chemistry.
The money.
I keep coming back to the money. If they could, my eyes would roll themselves at me without my doing at the way my thoughts keep volleying back and forth. How the same thoughts tumble through my brain, with no conclusion in sight.
I try to convince myself I’ll pay her back, she’ll get her money, and we’ll be okay. We’ll move forward, see where this relationship leads, with a fresh start. Until the doubts creep in.
It will take so many years for me to pay her back, and what do we do in the meantime? Live in some kind of holding pattern? That’s not the life I want for myself. Or for her. She deserves better.
My body cringes every time I think that statement—she deserves better than the likes of me.
As much as I believe it’s the truth, I don’t want to believe it.
I can’t imagine not knowing how her life’s going.
And don’t get me started on how violently ill I feel when I picture some other guy making her happy, taking my place.
I can’t stomach it. Yet, I can’t see a way around it either.
I can’t see the freaking trees in the forest.
Giving up on sleep, I make a pot of coffee at three. I’m not meeting Preston for ninety minutes, but I can’t stay in my condo. Juli’s everywhere. Though she’s not physically here, her presence remains.
Lacing up my sneakers, I take off for the beach.
With no destination in mind, I run, pushing myself faster and farther.
Before I realize it, I’m miles from home, my lungs screaming at me to stop.
A bench up ahead beckons, and I crumple onto it.
Catching my breath and bringing down my heart rate, my watch shows I ran nearly ten miles.
Haven’t done that in a while. Not since the last time I was this worked up.
When I wanted the opportunity to work at Whispering Tide, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out a way.
Until the gift of my share was paid.
The money opened doors for me, paving the way to this new life. A life I love, one I don’t want to lose. A life I also want to share with someone. I want to open up my heart and let someone in.
Juliana Langley.
She’s the only woman I want. The only woman who could make this great life of mine better.
But how? my brain probes.
That’s the million-dollar question.
Or in this case, several million dollars.
It’s a long trek back to my condo, lengthier on the way home because I don’t have the energy to run. And though I don’t want to be late to meet Preston, my steps are unhurried, making it home in enough time to change into my wetsuit and grab my board.
Preston’s already on the beach when I arrive, sitting on the sand, his board next to him.
“Gorgeous morning.”
It’s not yet too humid, and the sky’s lightening up. In a couple of hours, it will be lit with oranges and yellows, a welcome to a new day.
“I can’t give her a life she’s worthy of.”
“Could you make her happy?”
Could I? I think so.
“Yeah.”
“That’s the life she’s worthy of.”
“But she’s used to a certain lifestyle, having nice things, things I won’t be able to give her.”
He waves his hand at the beautiful view in front of him. “But you could give her this. And this is pretty much a great life. A life that would make her happy and is worthy of her. A life with you, Cameron. Not your money. Not your station in life. You. ”
His emphasis on “you” guts me. Because isn’t that exactly what Juli was trying to tell me? And I got caught up on the money.
Life wasn’t always easy growing up—being poor took its toll—but it wasn’t all bad. Money isn’t the answer to everything, but it sure helps.
Life isn’t without stress or working for the things you want most. And for me, that’s Juli.
She’s what I want most. I’ve been too stubborn to admit it.
“What about the money? Do I let it go?”
“I can’t tell you what to do, but I can reiterate again she wanted you to have it.
She wanted you to have this opportunity.
I would think, with the way things are eating at you, she’d want it for you even more now.
” He allows the comment to marinate a bit as he stands up and grabs his board from the sand.
“She’d want you to be happy. Wouldn’t it be great if you both got what you want?
” With a wink, he starts off for the surf.
I don’t follow immediately, my mind juggling with ideas, to find a solution to his question.
With where I am right now, can I offer her a good life, a life we could make better by being together?
I don’t have the financial means to provide her with a life she’s accustomed to, but there’s more to life than nice things.
Preston’s right—Juli doesn’t care about having material things. As teens, our one night together was probably the worst I’ve ever performed, yet she wasn’t fazed. Because we were together. Because it was something she wanted. Because it was me.
I have something special to offer her—me, just as I am.
What she does with it is up to her.
A burden lifts off my shoulders, and I grab my board and race to the water’s edge, diving in to catch up to Preston.
It’s a damn beautiful view, even at this time in the morning. And I’m a lucky bastard who has this in his backyard.
Maybe, just maybe, Juliana Langley would agree.