35. Eshe #2
Salazar rocked me gently before leaning back, as if scanning to make sure I was alive and well. Norrah remained on the saddle, not saying a word. I explained, “This is my friend Norrah. We just escaped an attack at an oasis nearby.”
He turned his head back to me, “An attack? Are you injured?” His hands moved from my shoulders to my forearms. “Do we need to help? Is there anything that we can do?”
“Yes, no—I’m fine.” I glanced over my shoulder to where Norrah and I had been traveling from. I looked back at him and his friends. “The attack was last night. I’m afraid whatever happened there was up to fate.”
A pinch of guilt still gnawed inside my chest, but I should be thankful to have gotten rid of Ezra and still managed to have Norrah.
But for some reason, I wasn’t. I had gotten used to being around his obsessive, controlling mannerisms. Now, I was worried sick about the question of whether I’d ever see him again.
A big sigh of relief came from Salazar. “Well, if there was an attack, it’s best we leave immediately. I’ll take you to where my friends are staying, and we’ll figure things out from there.”
I nodded absently. I needed sleep to figure out a better plan from here. To protect Norrah, to talk to Kavid, and maybe… to find Ezra.
God, it was too much.
We saddled and rode west, where Salazar and his men came from, hooves parting in the plush dunes, and my breath not nearly catching up to all of this.
Salazar was here. He found me. I was so relieved to know he wasn’t anywhere near Kavid.
I glanced over at him as he rode on my right.
He looked so tired. Although he was tall and had a sense of power within his bones, his body was thinner than I remembered.
The skin under his eyes was dark and pulled. Oh, Salazar.
“Have you seen him?” I asked.
Salazar turned his head and lowered his brows. “I have…”
He knew I was talking about Kavid.
“Did you know? All these years, did you know he was alive?”
My heart beat a little harder in my chest.
There was hesitation in his upper body as it tensed. He let out a breath, “Well… yes.”
I let out a small gasp. Salazar knew my brother was alive. “You knew?” I barely breathed.
I clutched the fabric in front of my dress. “You knew? And you never told me?” My voice shook, and I blinked away any blurriness from my eyes.
Salazar pulled on his reins to ride a bit closer to me. “Yes, but Eshe, I did so for your protection.”
“How could you? I thought my family was dead.” My voice picked up, and so did my heart.
“And you knew this entire time that my brother was alive and well. How could you do this to me? I was barely alive for so long. I was lost without them. I was alone, and you didn’t tell me that he was alive?
” My eyes stung, and I blinked violently.
“By the time we were in Mongah, the news had traveled that he was alive, after we couldn’t find him for a few days—”
“My brother was alive, Salazar, and you didn’t bring me back?”
Salazar was appalled. “Of course not! I couldn’t! I would make the same decision again and again in every lifetime.”
The knuckles I clutched in front of my chest went white. “But why?” I could feel Norrah’s gentle palm brushing on my back. I forced myself to breathe through the ache in my lungs. It was beginning to be harder and harder to breathe right. I felt like sobbing, but I couldn’t.
“Because he tried to kill you, Eshe,” Salazar exclaimed.
“It was an accident. He was apologetic—”
“That wasn’t just it.”
“What are you talking about?” I snapped.
“Your family.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t just Ezra who believed it.
It was Salazar, too. The sun was beating down above us as I stared ahead and swallowed.
How was I so blind to all this?
No, it wasn’t true.
“He did this,” Salazar confirmed.
My head shook from side to side again and again. I felt Norrah’s hands cover my body, shaking me slightly. Her sweet, soft voice, murmuring words, but I didn’t hear them. I couldn’t.
I wiped the one tear that escaped my eye down my cheek. “He didn’t mean—”
“He did mean to kill you, Eshe. Kavid tried to kill you. And he killed your family. He wanted the throne for himself.”
The truth twisted itself in a deep and dark place in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t look at Salazar. My entire childhood began to feel different, and with it, every memory I had with Kavid darkened. It was a lie. He didn’t love me?
No.
My jaw tightened. “You don’t know him like I do. None of you do.”
Staring at the vast wave of sands, I rode as still as a rock in a sandstorm. I remembered the guilt that ate Kavid alive. It was real. Even if he had meant to kill me, he wouldn’t have killed our entire family. And why? Why did he want me dead? All of us dead?
It felt like hours had gone by as I went in circles in my mind over and over again. I spiraled, and I couldn’t get out of it. My mind couldn’t find peace for a moment. I was sick. None of this made sense. It hurt. It ached in my bones.
After the sun had reached the top of the sky, we stopped at a few shrubs and placed stakes in the sands. Salazar’s friends helped build a shelter to cast shade from the ruthless heat. Norrah helped place some food out for all of us to eat before we continued our journey.
Salazar pulled on my elbow, tilting his head toward the sands, a silent request to talk. I gave Norrah a quick nod and a tight smile before I followed him, not feeling up for an argument.
Salazar looked as defeated as I felt right now, with slumped shoulders, like this wasn’t his plan. Or it was his plan, but he hadn’t calculated how the message would be received.
I didn’t know how to forgive him.
I stared out into the sands away from him, away from the group.
“Eshe, my darling.” Salazar took a step forward. He always called me his darling ever since I could remember. He placed a gentle hand on my right shoulder. “This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out. You left, and I had no choice.”
I dropped my shoulder from his hand, not wanting intimacy but clarity. I knew I was being short, but this was about my brother being accused of murder. “Were you ever going to tell me? Why not tell me at the tavern in Urnaz? Why not just tell me then?”
Salazar took a deep breath. “I didn’t think you’d ever find out.
If I acted as if I had gone there, you’d still know him as Qahl Paziel.
I was going to make up some plan to tell you something that made you not want to go there and waste your time.
When I found out you were no longer in Urnaz, I set out for Zyriah to find you.
I wasn’t sure if you had somehow found out, and went to see him.
I knew you would go kill him for what he did. ”
“How do you know that?”