Chapter 29
Penny
Lie to me once, and you’re dead to me.
The words Matt said to me when he told me about his mother are the only things running through my head right now.
And I’m panicking.
Elinor and Tagg take this opportunity to exit.
“Yeah, you better run!” Matt calls after them, clearly heated.
“Alright,” I say, placing a hand on his arm. “Let me explain.”
Matt pulls his arm away.
I don’t think Matt has ever pulled away from me.
“You knew,” he says, his voice hard. “You knew my buddy was being cheated on, and you didn’t think to tell me so I could warn him.”
He storms out of the bodega onto the street.
I follow him.
“I wanted to tell you!” I say. “But Keira told me not to.”
“She’s still with him, right? She’s okay with the fact that her husband is a cheat?” He’s staring straight ahead as he walks, not giving me any eye contact.
“Yes. No. Sort of,” I puff out as I hustle along beside him.
“What does that mean, Penny?”
“It means Tagg was cheating on Keira. Past tense. Keira found out, but decided to work on things with him after he and Elinor broke it off.”
“It didn’t look broken off to me!”
Matt weaves through pedestrians, not even checking to see that I’m still beside him.
“I know! Me neither! I guess they– Could you slow down, please, and really talk to me?”
He whips around to face me when we reach the crosswalk.
His eyes, usually sparkling with kindness and humor, are cold and empty now.
“What is there to say, Penny? You lied to me! I asked you what was going on with Keira! I asked you why she was so weird around Eugene, and you lied to me!”
A group of pigeons startles at the fierceness of Matt’s voice.
I watch them fly to the sky as I struggle to find the right words. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t… tell you the whole truth.”
“Same thing.”
The light changes, and he crosses the street, me trailing him.
“Is it, though?” I ask.
“Yes!” he shouts back.
“Matt! I promised Keira I’d keep her situation private! If the situation were reversed and Eugene asked you to keep something in confidence, wouldn’t you do the same for him?”
He doesn’t respond to that, just keeps speed walking ahead of me.
I really don’t like being ignored.
For years—decades really—I tried to talk to my parents about how their behavior affects me. They never listened, and I eventually gave up.
I’ll be damned now if I literally chase a man who’s refusing to listen to me.
I’ll give up on him, too.
Anger rises in me, red hot and overwhelming. “You know what, Matt? Who fucking cares?” I yell. “Everyone cheats! It’s what people do!”
This finally stops him in his tracks.
He turns and slowly walks back to where I’m standing in the middle of the sidewalk, tears I didn’t even know were falling now streaming down my cheeks.
His eyes, so dark and stormy before, soften when he sees me cry.
His voice does too.
“What are you talking about?”
“My dad cheats on my mom constantly,” I say. “Every boyfriend I had in the dance world did the same thing to me.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Matt says. “But not everyone is your dad or your ex-boyfriends. Certainly not Eugene. He deserves to know what his fiancée’s been doing.”
I scoff. “Whatever. I’m sure Eugene cheats on Elinor, too.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Pennywise.”
My heart stutters at his silly nickname for me.
But instead of letting it bring me closer to him, I push him even further away.
“Good thing you’re just my fake boyfriend,” I say coldly. “Because I’m sure you’d cheat on me too. Bullet dodged, I guess.”
I see the hurt pass over his face.
The moment those words are out of my mouth, I want to take them back, but I don’t.
I stand my ground. My shaky, wobbly, so-sad-I-can’t-see-straight ground.
Matt takes a step closer to me and places a hand on my cheek. “Listen to me, Penny. If I were lucky enough to be your real man, nothing and no one on this planet could ever make me hurt you. Ever.”
Tell him you’re sorry.
Tell him to stay.
Tell him that more than anything, you want this thing between you to be real.
I stay silent, my heart racing a mile a minute.
Matt continues, “A few minutes ago, I told you that I love you. Did you hear me say that?”
“Heard it,” I say. “Doesn’t mean anything.”
He bends his knees slightly so he can look deep in my eyes. “Me telling you I love you… that doesn’t mean anything to you?”
It means everything to me.
I shake my head. “Nope. Nothing.”
“Huh.” Matt stares down at his shoes. “For the record, Penny, it means a hell of a lot to me. But I, uh—” He looks in my eyes one more time. When he finds nothing there, he nods resolutely. “I guess we’re not on the same page. About a lot of things.”
He turns and starts walking away from me.
“Where are you going?” I say, my voice cracking.
“To talk to my best friend,” he shouts over his shoulder, not looking back. “Enjoy your holiday, Penny.”
I watch him walk away.
When he disappears around the corner, I place both hands over my face, lean against a brick wall, and cry.