Chapter 24
CARLIE
The cabin living room floor is littered with documents. Plans. Guests lists. And venue options and details. Ruby sits on the floor, her laptop to one side as her fingers fly over the keyboard.
“I can get the Met, maybe . . . Anna owes me a favor.” She chews on the end of her pen.
“The Met?” I ask, my mouth gaping.
“It’s on the ‘maybe’ list, don’t get your hopes up.”
“Holy shit,” I breathe.
I knew she was good, but this is—
“How’s it going out there?” Laws calls from the bedroom, where he’s elbows deep in financial backup plans, should this all crash and burn.
Despite the excitement of working alongside Ruby, my mind keeps wandering back to that kiss yesterday after we arrived. To the moment Lawson carried me to the bedroom like I was the most precious thing he’d ever held.
And . . . that right there is why I don’t do relationships.
I can’t afford any distractions. With the stakes so high for both Serenity and my career, now is not the time to let my guard down. I don’t actually know when that would be a good idea, if I’m honest.
That thought alone scares me.
“Okay, we have our first round of invites nailed down, anyone who doesn’t respond within twenty-four hours goes on the backup list, and we send out round two.
This way we are guaranteed to have a waitlist instead of waiting for guests to take their time and decide.
We want to create the illusion of scarcity.
When an opportunity is fleeting, the right people bite.
We want the elite who have appearances to uphold.
A lesson I learned from Anna a long time ago.
” Ruby slides two lists across the hardwood floor to me.
“That’s brilliant.”
“That’s how you get a sold-out event with highfliers, babe.”
“Can you big-sister adopt me, pretty please?” I ask, pleading hands clasped in front of my chest and all.
She chuckles and places her laptop on her legs, which are now crossed as she sits by my side. “Working together regularly would be nice. I’d like that. I’ve missed the high life a little, if I’m honest. And I would love to take Reed to some things, if he ever had a week off.”
“You guys are busy out here.”
“So much.”
“You always have guests? Year-round, I mean?”
“We do, for weddings, parties, and other events. We’re always running, but there isn’t anywhere else I’d be. My heart lives here, you know?”
“I think I’m starting to understand that.”
She smiles at me. “Good.”
“Do you think we’ll make the numbers we need for guests and sponsorship?”
“Let me make a few calls, then we’ll have a better idea.”
“Of course,” I say softly, gathering up the paperwork and heading to the bedroom to give Ruby some space.
I drop on my side of the bed, placing the papers on the bedside, and lie on my stomach. “I think you and I are going to have to stay friends just so I have a direct line to Ruby.”
Lawson looks at me where I lie, my head by the papers he’s working on, his laptop to one side. He turns a pen through his fingers as his deep blues slide toward me. “Friends? Nah, we can’t be friends.”
His voice is low. The insane timbre to it rumbles like a warning.
I sit up, pulling my hair around my neck so it drapes over my chest, my brows dropping. “We can’t?”
“Nope.” He turns back to his screen, tapping something out.
I’m confused. I thought, at the very least, if we had to work together and no longer hated each other, we would be . . .
Oh.
Ohhhhh.
You idiot, Carlie.
Yep, we definitely crossed a line.
Fuck.
Footsteps close in on the bedroom. “Carlie?”
I meet Ruby at the door. “What did she say?”
I bite down on my bottom lip, holding my breath.
“She said . . . the booking for the twenty-fourth’s payment defaulted. And it would be her pleasure to help a cause as incredible as Serenity. We have the Met.”
I throw my arms around Ruby. I hug her way too tight and can’t help the way my inner child jumps around like an absolute fool. I don’t care, I’m so excited. So impressed. So in awe of the woman in my arms.
Oh yeah . . .
I release Ruby, and she grins at me. “Send out the first wave of invites tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow. Oh,” she says, leaning around me, “Laws, Reed and I are heading to Great Falls for a few hours. Can you guys hang out at the house in case any guests need anything?”
“Sure, not a problem. See you for supper?”
“Absolutely.” She collects her laptop and her notes before exiting the cabin, leaving me in her wake, one infused with gratitude, completely humbled and a whole lot inspired.
I turn back to find Lawson grinning at me. “You good, Princess? Not going to faint from excitement?”
I pull a face and poke my tongue like an utter child. But, hell, this weekend has been incredible. I haven’t felt this excited, this free, since . . . I have no idea when.
“Come over here and pull that face,” Laws rumbles.
I want to.
I really do, but the line we crossed is starting to blur. If it gets any fuzzier, I won’t be able to find it when I need to retreat back across.
I don’t know how to get past the walls I built around me. I lost the key to this prison a long time ago. I’m used to operating on autopilot of just sex, no emotions. Just meeting a physical need, no strings.
This is the first time I’ve ever wondered what would happen if I wanted more.
I do. I want more.
With Lawson, I want—
A hand tugs me toward the bed. Disconnecting from my inner monologue and looking down, I find Lawson sitting on the edge of the bed, me standing between his legs.
“Overthinking this is a really bad idea,” he rasps.
“You should probably stop that, then.”
His hands splay over my ribs, his thumbs rubbing the soft flesh of my belly over my T-shirt.
His warm hands send a ridiculous heat through my body, homing in on my core.
“I don’t do relationships, Lawson,” I whisper.
He glances at his hands, his gaze studying the path his thumbs take for a beat before looking back up. “Why?”
Because I’m broken.
Because the first and only man I loved didn’t feel I was enough to stick around. And the wound he left has ruined every attempt I’ve ever made to have love in my life.
Hence, I no longer believe it exists.
“I don—I no longer believe in it,” I say, unable to look at him.
“It?”
“Love, I don’t believe in it. I believe there is companionship and there is lust. But love, that’s . . .”
He stands and cups my face. “Baby, you are literally surrounded by it in this place.”
He means his family, right?
I open my mouth to respond. His thumb drags over my lips, and he shakes his head. “Challenge accepted.”
“What?” I breathe.
“I accept the challenge, to show you love does exist and how much you deserve it.”
“Lawson,” I plead, shaking my head.
No.
The stakes are too high.
We work together.
Only one of us can stay. Best case, we go our separate ways; worst case . . .
“We’re literally fighting to save Serenity, we can’t afford the distraction.
Not now.” I study his gaze for some hint of amusement.
Like this could all be a huge prank he wants to play on me.
Payback for our early days at Serenity and that one time I imitated him and Nadia.
Well, only Nadia. But still, a low point in my life, and in my career.
The lowest.
“Love isn’t a liability, Carlie. It’s an asset. If my family shows you anything, it’s that.” He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear and dots a kiss on my cheek before leaving out the front door.
He might have a point.
Maybe he has a point?
No.
There’s no point to this. He can’t convince me something intangible exists. He just can’t.
As much as the little girl inside me wants him to be right and me to be wrong, I know he’s not.
Somewhere along the line he’ll realize either I can’t be loved, or I was right, and love’s simply something we create in our heads as we chase an illusion of happiness.
Then, we’re both going to be left shattered.
It will always end that way.
Always.
The clatter and clink of Ruby and Lawson washing up is almost drowned out by their laughter. The Montana night air is crisp, and I grab the blanket draped over the arm of the swinging porch chair and wrap it around my shoulders.
“Thought I’d find you out here,” Reed says, sitting on the chair beside me. He leans back and pushes off the porch with his feet, sending us swinging.
With a stifled squeal, I grip the chain beside my head.
He leans back on the swing, laying an arm along the back as he stares out into the vast wilderness around us. “Ready to go home?”
Home.
The concept feels odd since I’ve been out here.
“I think so.”
He turns to me and leans forward. “Thanks for spending the holiday with us, hey.”
Why is this family so goddamn friendly? What is with the niceties every other hour?
They make my life feel empty and shallow.
Making a big deal out of the simplest things.
This is what Lawson grew up with? The constant interference and people being in his business . . . It’s no wonder he fled to the city.
Urgh.
Going straight to hell for those thoughts.
“If you ever need a break from the hustle, a cabin is yours, just flick a text through.”
“Smooth. This how you get all your business, cornering people on porch swings?”
Reed leans back, searching my face as he frowns.
I’m a bitch, I know. But honestly, this salt-of-the-earth shit is getting old.
“You’re family. Not business, darlin’.”
I scoff. “Okay.”
“You want to tell me what’s eating you?” he says softly, concern etched all over his features.
How the hell . . . ? I flick my hair around my neck and refuse to meet his gaze. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I snap my focus to the starry night sky over the inky blue mountain and whispering grass fields.
“It’s okay to let people in, Carlie. You’re not the first strong woman to be loved or taken care of. Just ask Rubes.”
He stands and messes up my hair with a hand before giving me a two-fingered salute. What the hell’s that about?
“Yeah, right,” I breathe as he disappears through the door back into the house.
I spend the rest of the night talking to Ruby, ignoring the Rawlins men as much as possible.
We came here to spend the weekend sorting out this colossal work disaster, so I focus on that.
Not the gorgeous man who brought me here.
Or his eyes that see right through my fucking soul like they have the right to.
Or the way a little part of the wall I built crumbles away with every interaction we have.
No, I’m not letting the distraction ruin my career, my life. Steal everything I’ve worked for over the last ten years.
No fucking way.