Chapter 40
LAWSON
It’s been thirteen days since I quit Serenity House, and not only have I not heard back from any of my twelve job applications thus far, I also haven’t heard a word from Carlie. I scroll through each application, double-checking their status.
No change.
Not one application has moved forward.
To add insult to injury, the letter confirming my lease on my apartment is expiring in four weeks, requiring me to re-sign, sits on the coffee table, mocking me with its crispness and neat type.
Fuck my life.
I’m officially at rock bottom. At the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
I think I may be having my midlife crisis a smidge early.
How fucking sad is that . . . And the thing tearing me apart is the radio silence.
Not hearing from Carlie. Not seeing her.
After working together and then being with each other every hour of every day, this smarts like nothing else.
I send Gracie a text.
She’s on bed rest for the next week as we await with bated breath for the arrival of the babies.
Hey Laws. How’s the job hunt going?
Not great. How’s them babies? Ready to meet the world yet?
I wish they would. Mack says hi.
Hey bud.
So, nothing on the job front, hey?
The text sounds more like Mack than Grace.
Nada.
We always have a spare horse or two if you wanna come home . . .
Ha ha. Harry would pitch a fit. Besides, all the good ranches are taken.
No seriously, you do incredible work there, it’s your calling, Laws.
And we’re back to Gracie.
Thanks, Gracie. Hopefully I can find something that will keep me being useful. I really need a wage again. My lease is almost up.
The dots appear and then vanish. They pop up again.
I want to ask . . .
Nothing from Carlie.
Oh Laws. I’m sorry.
Yeah, me too.
Why the hell are you giving up so easily, bud?
Mack.
What, are they playing pass-the-phone? Luckily, I know them both well enough to recognize who sends what.
I’m not giving up, Mackie-boy, simply respecting the woman’s space, is all.
Um, okay . . .
What’s that supposed to mean?
Grace said you should go after her.
I did not.
Carlie is decisive, independent and has her plate full with Millie. The last thing she needs is me bothering her.
Sweet Jesus, bud. It’s not bothering when you’re helping out. You do for family and that girl is family
Careful Mackinlay, you’re starting to sound like Harry.
The man has foresight we all wish we had. Besides, I’d hedge a bet she’s waiting on you to make a move. She seems about as stubborn as Harry.
I laugh out loud at that one.
Mack has a point.
Gotta go, see you next week. Send me pictures, Gracie. You know, when they’re all cleaned up and cute.
Of course. Love you, Laws.
Love you too, Gracie.
The dots appear and then disappear.
Love you bro. Go get your captain already.
I chuckle at his affection. Our family has always been in each other’s pockets, but after Mack’s injuries on tour, we kind of all took it up a notch. Nothing like almost losing a brother to get your priorities right.
I shut the laptop and change into Levi’s and a polo shirt. Grabbing my keys, I swipe my wallet off the entry table and order an Uber.
Here goes nothing.
Idid not think this through.
Pacing outside Carlie’s apartment, I can hear the television on inside Carlie’s apartment, the sound punctured by the occasional chatter.
Saturday. She should be home, right?
My heart has permanently lodged itself in my throat.
Sweet Jesus.
What if she tells me to take a hike? What if she doesn’t want to see me . . .
Fuck, I shouldn’t have come.
“Fuck,” I groan, running a hand through my hair. Footsteps pad toward the door. I glance to the small camera by the doorframe that has a direct line to her phone.
Dammit, I forgot about that.
No escaping now.
I should have brought supplies or something.
I briefly close my eyes as the door locks click open on the inside. Letting my arms hang by my sides, I try to find the words I want to say to her.
Something like I want to help.
I want to make sure they’re both okay.
I’m desperate to make sure Carlie is taken care of when she kills herself to care for Millie and put in forty hours a week—minimum—at work.
The door opens.
I haul in a useless breath, my jaw feathering as I wait for the door to reveal the strawberry blonde, her elegant face, those brown eyes that see right through me.
Instead, Henry steps out. “Lawson, are we expecting you?”
“Ah, no sir.”
I rub a hand behind my neck. Hell, should have called first.
Remembering why he would be here, I ask, “How’s Mills?”
“Bossy.” He smiles around the word. “But improving every day, thank god.”
We stare at each other for a heartbeat before he opens the door wider. “Did you want to say hello?”
“I—”
“Carlie’s at work, but Millie would love to see you.” He practically beams at me.
I huff a strangled sound, but relief doesn’t find me.
“Sure,” I breathe and follow him inside as he closes the door.
“She’s set up in the living room. Easy to get to the bathroom and kitchen that way.”
I find Millie reclined in her chair. When she sees me, she sits up. A little sound that registers like pain slips through her lips. I sit on the arm of the chair by hers, and she clasps my hand in both of hers. “We have missed this handsome face.” A hand rises and pats my jaw.
Henry grunts as he lowers onto the three-seater, as if reminding Millie he’s here.
“Jealousy is not your best color, Henry.” Millie frowns at him but winks as she returns her gaze to me. “Our girl is at work. Hard at work without you, I might add.”
“Good, she belongs at Serenity, Mills.”
Her frown returns. “And so do you.”
I shake my head.
“You think she’s better off without you?” The words are soft. “Because I can tell you now, she is absolutely not.”
“It’s her choice, Mills. Not mine.”
“Poppycock. That girl needs a shove in the love department. Lord knows she loves you. She’s afraid, is all.
No one’s bothered to stick around for her before.
” She studies my face for a beat. “But you, you’re different.
You stuck with her even when you couldn’t stand each other. You’re loyal to a fault, my boy.”
I don’t know what to say to that. Henry is nodding like every word Millie speaks is truth.
“She’s at work, and I think she would love some help.” Millie waves me off.
“Go get your girl, Lawson!” Henry pipes up, pumping a fist into the air.
Not wasting another second, I mutter a thank you and see myself out.
Pulling up the Uber app one more time, rethinking the whole no-car thing, I order another ride.
Here goes nothing.
Again . . .