2. Aspen
Chapter 2
Aspen
“Aspen. You look gorgeous,” Rory says.
“You think?” I ask, looking in the mirror. I’m in my new room, in my new home. I’ve lived here for all of twenty-four hours and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve met most of everyone in the family—as well as members of the motorcycle club Diesel is the president of. I’ve liked everyone. Talia assured me I would, and she was right. The only member of my “new” family that I haven’t met is Ryan, who is apparently the oldest. I’ve seen pictures of him hanging on the walls of the house. He’s gorgeous, with long blond hair and striking blue eyes. He looks a lot like Diesel—my new adoptive father—except a lot sexier. Which is weird to say because I guess the guy is supposed to be my new brother. He’s hot though. He has also failed to be at any dinner I’ve been at. I get the feeling he’s avoiding me. I guess he’s not happy to have me joining the clan. I’m not sure I’m happy about it either. I like Rory and Diesel a lot. I like the others too. It’s just …. When you’ve spent your life alone with no one to count on but yourself, it’s hard to accept an entirely different kind of life. I bite my lip and remind myself that I’m only here so that I can finish school with my friends. If it wasn’t for that, I would have just agreed to go to another facility.
I stare at the mirror and frown at my red hair and way too curvy body. I’m wearing a green spaghetti strap dress. I look okay, but definitely nothing extra. I look at Rory in my reflection as she comes to stand by me. I wish my hair was the same rich auburn color as hers. My red hair looks more like it was cut from Elmo’s fur. Okay, maybe not that bright, but it’s too bright for me. I have freckles everywhere. I used to long to be a tanned, blue-eyed blonde. That seemed to be the kind of girls that the boys in class liked. I’m about as far from that as you can get. My eyes are pretty, though. Even I can admit that. They’re a deep green. I exhale and drum up a smile for Rory as I turn to face her.
She tucks some of my hair behind my ear. “You’re gorgeous. Are you ready to go to dinner?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I answer honestly—although I try to phrase it like a joke.
Rory takes my arm and links hers with it. “Stop worrying. You already know everyone that’s going to be here. They just want to officially welcome you to the family. It’s kind of a tradition.”
“Do you think Ryan will be there?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“He will,” she says, and I see the hurt in her eyes. I’ve seen it every time that she plans these get-togethers and Ryan never shows up. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t know Ryan. I’ve already figured out that I probably will never know him. I’ll be here for at least three more years though, and I truly love this family, so even when I leave for whatever comes next, I’ll probably still be in their lives. I don’t have to be in Ryan’s. At this point, I really don’t want to be. I do, however, hate the sadness that comes over Rory’s face when Ryan doesn’t show up at these family events.
“That’s good,” I tell her with a slightly fake smile. “It’s going to be okay,” I promise. “Ryan and I will get along. We’ll probably rarely see one another. I won’t cause any problems. I’m very grateful to you and Diesel for what you’re doing for me. I know it can’t be easy to bring another person in when you obviously have a full house?—”
“Stop that. We want you here. Ryan has just been busy with the club and other things. It’s nothing against you. How could it be? He doesn’t even know you,” she argues. Rory puts her hands on each side of my face and smiles down at me tenderly. I never knew my mother, but if I could imagine one, she’d be just like Rory.
“I appreciate you so much,” I whisper, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. To most, I might just be fifteen—to be fair, I turn sixteen in a few months—but I’ve never been a kid. I’ve never had that luxury. My entire life has been a fight for survival. For the first time in my life, I think I’m safe. It’s a very strange feeling and the emotions that hit me are hard to explain.
“Let’s get to dinner,” she whispers, as if she can see how overwhelmed I’m starting to feel.
“Okay,” I agree.
It takes us about forty minutes to get to the restaurant. Admittedly, ten minutes or more of that was getting everyone out the door. Diesel, Rory, me, and Talia were in one vehicle. Noah Jr., Lottie, and Avery were going together in Noah’s truck. Micah was driving separately and bringing a date.
When we get there, the family is loud and boisterous. I’m not used to it, but it does make me smile. We’re escorted to a special room inside this place called Iron Grill. It’s definitely a high-class steakhouse. Of course, I rarely eat anywhere other than in a kitchen of whatever hellhole I am staying in. I think I got to have McDonalds once on a class trip during school. I wasn’t going to eat anything, but my teacher figured out I didn’t have money and bought me some chicken nuggets. I’d still say this place is extremely pricey. I’m starting to feel underdressed. Talia must understand, because she reaches out and takes my hand. I squeeze hers in thanks. We sit down and get our drinks ordered, and I try to follow all the conversations. I’m definitely feeling as if I’m drowning. There’s only ever been me and suddenly I’m thrown in the middle of chaos. It’s clear that everyone here cares about one another, but I’m the outsider. That’s all I’ve ever been.
“Ryan!” I hear Rory cry out, and it’s only then that I realize I’ve been looking down at my hands that I’m currently wringing together. I force my gaze upward and they freeze because the elusive Ryan is standing at the head of the table. He’s hugging his mother, but he’s looking right at me. He has blonde hair. When I first saw family pictures and noticed that, it shocked me. I was expecting brown like his dad’s or maybe red like Rory’s. It’s long and kind of beautiful. If I’m honest, I’m more than a little jealous of it. He’s wearing a black leather motorcycle cut. He’s really muscular and definitely gorgeous. It’s his ice-blue eyes, though, that catch my attention. My heart begins running away with me. He’s staring straight at me. I can’t tell if it’s hate, mild dislike, or just distrust shining in those depths, but whatever it is, I instinctively know it’s not good. I’ve been around a lot of people, and I know how to read the emotions that people show in their facial features, and most importantly, their eyes. I swallow nervously.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” Rory says, pulling back to look at her son.
“I told you I’d be here, Mom,” he responds, his tone much warmer than the glacier-look he gave me.
“Hey, I’m here too, Aunt Rory. Where’s my hug?”
“LD! It’s good to see you. Even if I know you are only here so you didn’t have to take Iris to a volleyball game.”
“Don’t you tell on me. You know, you have always been my favorite.”
“Really? I could have sworn Dani said you told her she was your favorite.”
“Don’t do me that way. Dude, your mom is totally selling me out,” LD whines and I giggle despite myself. “You must be my new cousin,” LD says, his attention turning to me when I laugh.
“Well, I’m um …”
“This is Aspen. She’s our new daughter,” Diesel says. My gaze jerks to him and the kindness I see there shocks me. I mean, he’s always been kind and respectful, but I guess I just didn’t expect him to claim me like that. I know I’m looking at him in shock. I can’t help it. It might be one of the happiest moments in my life, because as my gaze moves from him to Rory, and then to everyone else that is here, all I see is acceptance.
Until I let my gaze roam back to Ryan.
There’s no acceptance there. There might be some resignation apparent on his face, but there’s also another emotion that is practically pouring off of him. Dislike. My heart can’t handle naming it what it really is. Hate. Ryan doesn’t know me, but it’s clear that he doesn’t want to either. Normally, that wouldn’t bother me. I’ve faced it often in my life. Today, it really hurts. For the first time in my life, I thought I might finally be accepted somewhere. Ryan is proof that it will never happen. When your own parents deem you unworthy and throw you away at birth, it’s a lesson you should never forget.
I feel hopeless once again. Everything comes crashing down on me, and to my absolute horror, tears begin rolling down my face. Ryan is still staring at me, but I force myself to look away. “I’m sorry. I … I need to go to the restroom,” I whisper, unable to stop myself from crying. I take off, making a beeline out of the room, hoping I find a restroom. With any luck, I can hide there for the rest of the night.
“Rory—” I hear Diesel say.
“Did I say something wrong?” LD asks.
I don’t know what else is said because my cries are too loud and I’m too far away by then. Instead of going to the bathroom, I run outside. I don’t want to see anyone. I just want to be alone.
Just like I’ve always been.