38. Ethan
ETHAN
God, I was going to be sick.
I gripped Laz’s hand tightly as we stepped into the elevator to go to our place at the top of the building.
I’d put off dinner yesterday because I had a fucking panic attack in the hotel bathroom we were staying at. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through seeing Rosalie and Laz together. I knew I’d see hurt and pain on her face, and I didn’t know if my heart could take it
But fuck, I wanted her back.
I knew this was one of the biggest steps to make it a reality, so I’d forced myself into the car with Laz and had Memphis drive us here.
I’d called Enzo earlier to tell him I wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Instead of agreeing with me to give it another week, he quietly urged me to come to dinner tonight.
Something was going on with him. He wasn’t acting like himself, so that had me concerned.
I breathed out as Laz looked up at me. I knew he had questions.
“We’re going home tonight to meet someone special,” I said to him. “Cole has… has… a-a girlfriend.”
Laz blinked at me, looking slightly confused.
“She’s very special to… us. It’s important that we are on our best behavior with her,” I continued. “She’s going to be here for a long, long time, and we want her to feel comfortable. She has a little girl who is your age named Ellis.”
Laz continued to stare up at me. He’d cut off words completely this week. I hadn’t heard his soft little rasp in far too fucking long. Therapy wasn’t helping him either. I was losing my fucking mind over it.
“Ellis won’t be here tonight, but she will be soon. I think you will like her. She’s the one who sent you those monster cookies.”
Laz continued with his silence. His facial expression didn’t change as he clutched his Ninja Turtle. He stared straight ahead as he held my hand.
I swallowed, my throat tight, wishing my boy would come back to me. It was killing me.
To say life had me stressed the fuck out was an understatement. I wanted Rosalie back, but I knew I had to get Enzo on board with it because there was no way in hell I’d leave him behind. But I also struggled with knowing I’d made Laz with Celeste.
Shit was a mess.
The elevator dinged on our floor, and we got out. With my body trembling, I led us to the door, nodding at Christian and another of our guards named Mike. I paused outside the door, and Laz stared up at me again.
I offered him a quick, shaky smile before opening the door, my heart in my throat.
It smelled amazing inside. Old memories of coming home from classes to Rosalie and Enzo making dinner together tumbled through my head. I used to walk into our home to find him kissing her as dinner simmered away on the stove. I’d join in, claiming her with him.
This wasn’t that world, and we weren’t those people anymore, but fuck, I wanted those moments back so fucking much.
Cole was standing next to Rosalie in the kitchen as they whispered to one another, his hand on her at every opportunity. Small touches, sweet words. I knew Cole. He was giving it his all.
And fuck, did she look beautiful. All those long, vibrant, red curls tumbling around her. Pink lips. Long, dark lashes. That fucking little yellow sundress.
They hadn’t even noticed we’d come in. That’s how lost in their own little world they were.
I looked down at Laz, who stared back at Rosalie with his eyes wide and his lips parted.
I chuckled softly at his reaction.
He pulled his focus from her and stared at me in awe.
“She’s really pretty, huh?” I asked softly.
He looked away from me and went back to staring at her, his little lips still parted and his eyes still big. He’d seen her all over the papers and on TV. I figured it was a shock to find out she was real, and we knew her.
“Hey!” Cole called out, noticing us. “Damn, man. I didn’t even hear you guys come in!”
He moved around the counter and came at us. He clapped me on the back before scooping Laz into his arms.
“How’s my little dude tonight? You being a good boy for Dad?”
Laz was still in focus mode on Rosalie. Cole followed his gaze, a grin on his face.
“You do well in life, and you can get a pretty girl just like her. I promise you that. Do you want to meet her?”
Laz gave the tiniest little nod, and Cole’s eyes lit up at the gesture.
My heart jumped into my throat as Cole placed Laz back on his feet.
Laz’s hand found mine, and he gripped it hard as Rosalie moved around the island just as Enzo came into the room from his office.
He stayed in the background, not saying a word as Rosalie walked toward us.
Her green eyes skirted over my face before she looked down at Laz, who stared at her, still in awe.
I watched as her bottom lip trembled and tears filled her eyes.
Fuck, no, baby… please don’t cry.
I know. He should be our son. Fuck.
I was going to throw up.
Enzo’s warm hand found mine, and I clung to it, my heart pounding hard as Rosalie went to her knees in front of Laz.
“Hey, I’m Rosalie,” she said softly. “You must be Lazarus. Your daddies have told me so much about you. I’m so happy to finally meet you.”
He loosened his hold on my hand and took a step toward her. We all watched as he reached out and wiped gently at the tear that had slipped down Rosalie’s cheek.
She closed her eyes as his little fingers brushed against her skin.
He continued to not say a word as he stared at her, so many questions on his little face, but no words.
“Who is your favorite Ninja Turtle?” she asked, her voice slightly shaky. This was hard for her. I could tell, but she was so fucking strong.
But it shouldn’t have had to be this way.
He should be our son.
God, if I could go back in time and make it so…
He said nothing, but he offered his turtle. He changed his favorite often, but he was still stuck on Raphael.
“Mm, Raphael,” she said, taking the turtle from him and smiling. “He’s my favorite too. He uses twin sai for his weapons. I know someone who can use them too. Maybe I can take you to meet him, and he can teach you too.”
Laz’s eyes lit up. One moment he was standing in front of Rosalie, and the next he was in her arms, hugging her like she was one of us.
My breath caught as she hesitated for all of a moment before wrapping him in her arms and rocking him.
Cole stared at me as I looked up, my heart in my throat. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears as she held Laz. Enzo squeezed my hand tighter as I tried to steady my breathing.
“It’s OK, brother,” Enzo murmured in my ear. “It’s OK.”
I nodded, my throat tight, as Laz broke away from Rosalie.
She handed the turtle back to him and wiped at her eyes.
“I have a little girl. You would love her,” Rosalie said softly. “Her name is Ellis. I think you two would really get along well.”
Laz gave her the first smile I’d seen on his face in weeks. My heart lurched in my chest.
“I’m making dinner. Spaghetti,” Rosalie continued. “Your dad says you love spaghetti. Do you want to help me? I could use a helper to put the garlic butter on the breadsticks.”
His eyes lit up as she offered him her hand. He took it and bounded away behind her, his turtle clutched against him.
We watched as he climbed onto the stool and she handed him a brush for the garlic butter she’d prepared. He wiggled in his seat as she instructed him on what to do.
And that was it.
I was done for.
“She’s perfect,” Cole said, smiling as he watched. “You assholes better get your shit together, or I’m going to keep every inch of her.”
Cole left Enzo and me alone in the living room. We watched as he joined in, basting Rosalie’s nose and making Laz laugh.
My heart melted at the sound. I hadn’t heard his laugh in forever, it seemed.
“She’s a good one, E,” Enzo murmured.
“We’re idiots,” I replied softly.
We were both quiet for a moment before Enzo spoke, his words stunning me.
“I want her back,” he said, his soft voice shaking. He didn’t elaborate. He simply went into the kitchen to join them while I stood and watched.
I wanted her back too.