Chapter 5
Xander
MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL
The only reason I’m here is because I know Cash would actually come to my place and drag me here himself if I didn’t show up.
And pissing Jordyn off? No, thank you. I’ve seen my brother’s wife angry, and I do not want to be in that line of fire.
She’s a feisty one; perfect for putting Cash in his fucking place when needed.
God, I want to deck him sometimes for being so fucking sprung.
His dick practically wags when she walks into the room. It’s sickening.
Beckett pulls up next to me, giving me his signature pretty-boy smile and chin lift when we get out of our cars.
“Damn, dude. I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” he says with a grin, pulling a tray of some sort of baked goods from his trunk. “Good thing you’re here. I made your favorite.”
My eyebrows shoot up as I lift the foil and peek at the perfectly swirled strawberry cheesecake.
Ah, fuck, yes.
“I knew I loved you for some reason.” I wrap an arm around his neck and yank him against me for a fun-loving brotherly hug. “Let’s put that in my car and tell them you forgot to bring dessert.”
Beckett snorts as we make our way to the enormous porch. “And get on my bombshell’s bad side? Hell no. She’s starting to fall in love with me.”
I burst out laughing and shake my head. “You’re just hoping Cash will slit your throat, aren’t you?”
“Nah. Jordyn likes me too much. He won’t do anything to piss her off too badly.”
The door swings wide open, and Jordyn glares up at both of us, her hands on her curvy hips. “You idiots make it seem like I’m some sort of she-devil or something.”
I can’t deny my brother hit the jackpot with his wife. She’s fierce and strong, but loving and sweet at the same time. They’re perfect for each other.
Pointing my thumb toward Beckett, I smile at Jordyn. “He said it. Not me.”
Jordyn’s attention turns to me, her eyes searching a little too closely. Her lips curl into a smile, and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around my waist.
The shock of it makes me tense at first. I don’t remember the last time I hugged a woman. Or was hugged by one.
Slowly, I slide my hands around her, squeezing her back as my heart tightens and something painful lodges in my throat.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she says when she finally releases me, smiling so big she’s practically glowing.
Has it been upsetting her that I haven’t come to the last several family dinners? Fuck. I didn’t think about Jordyn’s feelings. I’ve been too busy trying to drown out my own. Why would she give a shit whether I show up or not?
“What the hell, bombshell? I brought dessert, and I sent you flowers today.” Beckett clutches his chest like he’s been wounded.
Both Jordyn and I roll our eyes in unison.
“If you ever swear at my wife or send her flowers again, I’ll fucking castrate you,” Cash says as he walks up behind Jordyn and pulls her possessively into his side.
Kian honks his horn as he drives up to park next to our cars, and a few seconds later, he’s climbing the steps to meet us.
“Family meeting on the porch?” Kian asks with a playful smirk.
My lips twitch, the muscles in my neck relaxing a little. As much as I was dreading coming here, it feels good to be around my brothers. And Jordyn.
My family.
What’s left of it.
Something sharp burns inside my chest, and I try to rub it away, but it doesn’t work. It never does.
Jordyn and Cash lead us inside, even though we’ve been here a million times before.
It’s cute seeing my older brother wifed up.
I thought he’d be the last of us to get married.
Scratch that. Beckett will ride out his bachelorhood as long as he can, I’m sure.
Honestly, I thought I’d be the first one down the aisle between the four of us.
Now it’s not even in the cards for me, and it never will be.
Soft brown eyes and two French braids pop into my mind. So cute. I wanted to tug on them. I wanted to do a lot more than that, actually. That’s why I had to get the fuck out of there. Before I did something stupid.
Yet, instead of going home to drink after I left Quinn’s apartment, I went straight to work and stayed there all night with thoughts of her going around my head the entire time.
And when I got home at three in the morning, I took the regular elevator up to my floor for some reason.
I don’t know why. I also don’t know why I had it stop on the fourth floor before going all the way up.
But I swear, when those doors opened, I got a whiff of her strawberry scent, and it soothed me, knowing she was there.
Hopefully tucked into bed and sleeping soundly.
Then, the thoughts that she might be in there with another man crept in.
That pissed me off so much that when I got into my apartment, I grabbed a bottle of liquor and went outside to drink on my patio.
The sun was just starting to rise when I stumbled inside, angry at myself for letting Quinn Summers invade my mind.
She has no space there. No woman does. Not after what Nicola put me through.
The lies, manipulation, and pure bullshit; I want nothing to do with women. I don’t trust any of them.
We walk into the large living room, which looks onto the pool and leads to the kitchen and a breakfast nook.
“Drinks?” Cash asks as he makes his way to the built-in bar.
We all nod, and when he hands me a crystal glass half full of whiskey, I stare at my tattooed fingers wrapped around it.
Part of me wants to give it back to my brother as his words replay from yesterday.
He thinks I’m drinking too much. Am I? I have been doing it a lot, but haven’t we all?
We’re dealing with the unexpected loss of our dad.
Pushing his concerns out of my mind, I bring the glass to my lips and tip it back, the smooth, smoky taste washing over my taste buds. Something loosens inside me. It’s easier to breathe.
Easier to exist.
By the time dessert is done, we’re sitting by the pool, watching the flames in the gas fireplace. It’s nice out here. No sounds of the city. Just the Las Vegas lights sparkling in the distance.
“Welp, I need to go. I have a date.” Beckett stands, his signature smirk on his face. “Unless you’d prefer I take you out, bombshell.”
Cash leaps to his feet, practically snarling at our youngest brother, but Jordyn grabs his wrist before he can tackle Beckett. It’s as if that’s all it takes to soothe the beast in him: Jordyn’s touch.
She rises and pushes onto her tiptoes, kissing Cash’s cheek before moving past him to where Beckett is grinning like the cocky asshole he is. Jordyn smiles up at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. We all see it, but his dumb ass is too proud of himself to notice.
Then, she brings her index finger to his chest and traces a playful line. “Sorry, Lassie. I prefer pit bulls over golden retrievers.”
Then, with a wide grin, she presses both palms to his chest and shoves him backward, sending him flying, fully clothed, into the pool.
I burst out laughing as Beckett kicks and splashes until he gets his footing and stands straight, shaking his hair off like a dog.
“Woof,” he says, winking at Jordyn as she chuckles and rolls her eyes.
Cash mutters something about Beckett being an idiot, but there’s only amusement in his expression. And pure, sickening adoration for his wife. Something that feels like jealousy prickles at the back of my neck. I was going to have that.
I rise and head inside to the bar and pour myself another drink, the background noise in my head fading as I take a sip.
Beckett, Kian, and Jordyn walk through the living room.
“Night, bro. It was good to see you outside of work for once.” Kian gives me a backslapping hug.
I nod, my jaw clenched. What can I say to that? I’ve been a shitty brother. I know it. I’m just not sure how to fix it. Or if I can.
Beckett says goodbye but doesn’t hug me. Jordyn gave him a towel, but he’s still soaked. Idiot deserved it.
When they disappear, I head out to the pool where Cash is sitting with the coffee he and everyone else switched to after dinner. He side-eyes me as I lower myself into one of the chairs beside him.
Neither of us speaks as we enjoy our drinks of choice and watch the fire.
Even though we’re outside, the air is thick, and I hate it.
Cash has always been my best friend. I love all my brothers, but he and I are closest. When we’re at odds, which is rare, it sucks.
I can talk to Beckett or Kian about anything, but Cash understands me best.
Despite the tension, I don’t say anything. Partially because I don’t know what to say, but also because my mind is fuzzy enough that thinking straight is difficult.
“I love you, Xander,” Cash finally says.
His words pierce me like a knife and a hug at the same time. But he doesn’t wait for me to reply before he continues, “We’ve already lost our parents. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
There’s a rawness in his voice that I’m not used to hearing from Cash. Emotions aren’t usually his thing. Maybe Jordyn’s changing that in him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I answer. “I’m right here.”
Cash sets his cup on the table next to him and rests his elbows on his knees, then looks over at me. “Are you? Right here, I mean. Because I’m looking at my brother, but it feels like I’m looking at a man who has given up on life.”
I stare into my glass, rolling the liquid around the bottom.
“Why are you still so hung up on her?” he asks when I don’t speak.
“It’s not her I’m hung up on. I don’t give a fuck about her. It’s the deceit. I was willing to give her everything because I thought she was real. I thought she was mine. How the fuck did I fall for that?”
Cash sighs. “Because she painted a perfect picture for you. She was a manipulator and a liar. And being the good guy you are, you believed her.”
The fact that my brother considers me good is laughable. He’s seen me do some fucked-up stuff over the years. We’re Savages. There’s nothing good about us.
“I always thought I would have the kind of marriage that Mom and Dad had,” I tell him. “The kind where it was undeniable that those two people were meant to be.”
“You can still have that happiness. But you’re going down a rabbit hole of self-destruction. I’m worried about you. We all are. It feels like, ever since we lost Dad, we’ve lost you, too.”
We sit in silence for a long moment before I look over at Cash and meet his worried gaze. “I’m struggling, bro,” I say after a long pause. “Just as I started to get over Nicola, Dad was murdered in our streets. I don’t know how to get over that.”
“I don’t know that we’ll ever get over it. But maybe we should lean on each other to get through it together instead of searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle. That’s what Mom and Dad would want.”
Leaving the last drink of whiskey in the glass, I place it on the table and rise. “I should go home to bed.”
Cash stands and follows me into the house, but before we make it to the front door, Jordyn comes down the stairs and cuts us off.
“Where do you think you’re going?” She cocks her head at me, eyes narrowed.
“I’m going home. Thank you for dinner. It was amazing.
” I dig my keys out of my pocket and smile at her, unsure whether I should hug her or not.
I’m still not totally sure where I stand with Jordyn.
I wasn’t overly welcoming toward her at first, and she felt it.
Not exactly brother-in-law of the year. Or brother, for that matter.
She reaches out and snatches the keys out of my hand. “You’re not driving anywhere. Are you serious?” She slides her glare to Cash. “Were you really going to let him drive drunk?”
“I’m not drunk,” I tell her. “And Cash isn’t the boss of me.”
“Thanks, asshole. You’re getting me in trouble with my wife,” Cash snaps, then glares at Jordyn. “But I am the boss of you, so you’d better watch your tone, kitten.”
Jordyn raises her eyebrows at him and sticks her tongue out, completely unfazed, then looks at me again before she jabs a finger at my chest. “If I ever catch you driving under the influence, I will make your life a living hell and cut your balls off. Jesus, you idiot. What is wrong with you?” She lets out a huff and flips her hair over her shoulder.
“The guest room is set up for you. You can find your keys on the lawn in the morning after I throw them out of our bedroom window.”
Then she spins around and stomps upstairs, slamming their bedroom door behind her.
I gape up the stairs, like she’s going to come out and say, “Just kidding.” But that doesn’t happen.
Jordyn is really going to throw my fucking keys onto the lawn.
Which would be impossible to find right now in the dark.
“I have a naughty wife to spank. You know where to find shit. Sleep good, bro.” Cash grins at me as he jogs up the stairs, and I can’t help but smile back at him.
Sprung bastard.