Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Halvard let out a sigh as his head hit the back of the copper tub.
Steam rose around him in waves, the water a hot balm on his muscles and his aching joints.
He let out a long sigh, the strain of the day and an hour spent in the rain melting out of him slowly, until his body finally relaxed in the hot water.
All in all, the day had been a success, if he didn’t count Elsie’s maddening presence near him.
As much as he constantly craved her company, as much as he sought her out, being near her was torture.
Every moment spent by her side reminded him how much he wanted her and how much he couldn’t have her.
Every look she gave him only served to stoke the flames of his desire, but it was more than that.
He didn’t only want her body. He wanted all of her; her smile, her gaze, her conversation. He wanted as much of her as he could have, and though it was selfish, he wasn’t always successful at stopping himself.
This isnae me wife. We’re nae wedded. I cannae act like this around her.
She was only a girl he had helped when she needed him the most, and now they were saddled with each other, but nothing he told himself was enough to convince him he shouldn’t make a move.
Every day, he hung on by a thread—
A thread that snapped when the door slammed open.
There stood Elsie, looking at him with wide eyes, her rosy lips slightly parted as she drew in breath. There, in the light of the hallway torches, she looked as if bathed in gold, her hair glowing, her green eyes trained right on him.
And his first instinct, saints help him, was to lean back and present himself as appealingly as he could.
“Did they nae teach ye tae knock in yer proper household?” he asked, mimicking her, to make a joke so she wouldn’t notice how much her being there impacted him.
He was never one to be embarrassed about nudity; close proximity to other soldiers took care of that quickly and early in a fighter’s life, and he had no qualms about being nude near women.
But Elsie herself looked right about ready to faint, her cheeks colored by embarrassment and by the heat other own bath—which she seemed to have only just exited.
Her hair was still damp, her sleeves clinging to her skin, and Halvard couldn’t help but wonder where else her chemise clung to her under all those layers she wore.
He wanted nothing more than to stand from that tub, nude and dripping wet, close the distance between them, and kiss her. He wanted nothing more than to claim her as his own, rules and propriety be damned.
But he stayed rooted to the spot, not moving a single muscle. He was stronger than this; he had to be.
“I didn’t realize you were still in the bath,” Elsie said, and though her voice trembled, with every passing second she seemed to gather her resolve. She didn’t move either; she only stood there by the door, watching him.
“Ye should leave,” Halvard said, hoping she would leave him in peace.
“I don’t want to.”
Halvard’s breath caught in his chest. The way Elsie was looking at him was almost enough to finally make him act. He could feel himself harden under the water, and he only wished Elsie couldn’t see it—though for her sake or his, he didn’t know.
Should I dae it? Should I give her what she wants?
Because she clearly wanted it. Not only had she asked for it before, but now there was hunger in her gaze—the same kind of hunger that Halvard knew was in his, the two of them caught in thatn moment, neither willing to back down first.
And then the door opened once more, and there stood Sten, red-faced and sweating, coming to a sudden halt when he took in the scene before him.
Sten looked awkwardly between Halvard and Elsie, and Halvard saw the way she seemed to swoon for a moment, as if barely holding herself upright. All the color drained from her face—where he thought she would only blush harder, she instead turned almost white, as if she had seen a ghost.
Had they not been caught in such a compromising position, perhaps Halvard would have laughed.
As it were, he could only curse under his breath, blindly reaching for a towel to cover himself.
When he grabbed it, he stood, making sure to keep himself decent, and then stepped out of the tub, wrapping the linen cloth around him.
“What is it, Sten?” he asked. “Or is everyone simply plannin’ on walkin’ in on me while I bathe today?”
The cool rose back to Elsie’s cheeks then, and she took several steps backwards, as if she could simply vanish into the stone wall. Sten, on the other hand, cleared his throat and took a few steps forward.
“There’s news o’ an attack,” he said. “We must leave fer the borderlands at once.”
That was enough to send Halvard into motion, everything else immediately forgotten. If the borders were under attack, he was almost certain it was because of Harcourt, and this time, he wouldn’t let the man go unscathed.
“Gather the men,” said Halvard. “Make sure they are all ready tae go within a candle mark.”
“A candle mark?” asked Stein. “Halvard, surely—”
“I said a candle mark, Sten,” Halvard insisted. “Dae what ye must. I want them ready tae leave. Make sure we have enough provisions fer a few days.’
“Ye think there’ll be a battle?” Sten asked.
“There might,” said Halvard with a sigh. “Just make sure we have everythin’ we need if there is.”
“Aye,” said Sten, and then quickly left the room, rushing to get the soldiers prepared.
Once he was gone, Halvard walked over to Elsie, who seemed to have forgotten their previous conversation too. Now, her embarrassment was replaced by worry, and when Halvard took her hands in his, he found them trembling.
“You think there will be a battle?” Elsie asked in a quiet voice.
Halvard wanted to reassure her, he really did; but he didn’t want to lie to her.
“Aye,” he said. “There might be.”
Elsie let out a trembling breath, nodding as if trying to gather her courage. Halvard, not knowing what else to do, brought her hands to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her knuckles.
“Dinnae be afraid,” he told her. “I promise ye, I will come back.”
Elsie nodded, but she didn’t seem entirely convinced by his promise. “Be careful.”
“Aye,” he said. “Dinnae fash, lass. Ye cannae get away from me so easily.”
Elsie let out a soft, half-hearted chuckle. Halvard meant it as a joke, but he knew it meant much more to both of them.
“I hope so,” Elsie said. “I don’t want to get away from you.”
And in the quiet moment that stretched between them, Halvard could do nothing but gaze into her eyes, into that endless green that had enchanted him.
It was the morning after Halvard and Sten had left the castle, along with their army of men. A whole night since Elsie had last seen him, since she had last touched him, since they had said their goodbyes to each other.
And she could only hope it wasn’t their last one.
She had come to care for him more than she could have ever expected.
The mere thought of losing him was like a spear to the heart, like she was wounded and struggling to survive.
She didn’t know when this bond between them had gotten so strong; she didn’t even know if it was the same for him, if he truly meant that he would come back to her.
All she knew was that thinking of him out there, in the cold, in the middle of a battle was enough to turn her blood into ice.
She hadn’t left her chambers yet, not even for supper. Instead, Muirin had brought her some food and wine, and Elsie had invited the woman to sit with her, since she had no other company that night.
And in the end, Elsie ended up drinking a little too much, overtaken by her concern for Halvard.
Her cheeks flushed and her words slurring ever so slightly, Elsie asked, “Muirin, you’re not wedded, are you?”
“Nay, me lady,” said Muirin, hiding a smile behind her goblet of wine. “Why dae ye ask?”
“Well, I was curious if you knew anything about the marriage bed,” Elsie said with a sigh.
It had been a question that had bothered her for a while now, ever since this attraction to Halvard had grown too much for her to ignore. But she had no one to ask these things. Even if Selene had been there with her, she wouldn’t have known what to tell her.
“Well, me lady, I dinnae ken about the marriage bed, but I dae ken a few things about the bed,” said Muirin with a mischievous smile.
“You do?” Elsie asked, a little scandalized, a gasp escaping her as she leaned closer over the table. “How?”
“In the same way everyone here kens,” said Muirin. “Us servants arenae bound by the same customs as ye, especially here in the Highlands.”
Elsie’s eyes widened almost comically as she turned a bright red, heat rushing to her face. “You mean, you have tried it?”
“Aye,” said Muirin. “Many times.”
Elsie contemplated that for a moment, leaning back in her seat with a sigh. Muirin already knew about her and Halvard.
“Whatever ye ask me is a secret,” said Muirin. “Good servants dinnae reveal their master’s secrets tae anyone. Nae even tae other servants.”
“But people talk,” Elsie said.
“Aye,” said Muirin. “But I dinnae. An’ neither daes Mr. Sten.”
That was all the reassurance Elsie needed.
She nodded slowly, then let her eyes fall shut with a soft sigh, a hand running through her hair.
Just this once, she had let it down, not bothering to pin it up since no one would see her, and she couldn’t help but wonder what Halvard would say if he saw her like that.
He would surely like it, that much was certain.
“Would ye like me tae explain some things tae ye?” Muirin asked, her tone too casual. “Just in case anythin’… changes.”
Elsie opened one eye and looked at Muirin, her interest stoked. She leaned forward again, bracing herself on her forearms, and gave a firm nod.
“Can you?” she asked. “I think… it might be useful.”
“I hope so, me lady,” said Muirin with a grin. “So, what is it ye would like tae ken?”