Chapter 18 #2
Elsie considered it for a moment, giving a thoughtful hum. She supposed there really was one question that truly bothered her.
“How… exactly does it … fit?”
Muirin chuckled, drawing a frown out of Elsie. The last thing she wanted was to be teased about this when she knew nothing on the subject and had no other way of finding out.
“Ach, dinnae fash,” Muirin said, waving a hand dismissively. “We all wondered the same.”
“You did?”
“Och aye,” said Muirin. “I remember me first time, I thought there was nay possibility that would ever happen.”
“But it did??”
“It did.”
It was still difficult for Elsie to believe such a thing.
When she had caught Halvard in the tub, she had also caught a glimpse of his manhood in the water.
Distorted though the view of it was, she was quite certain it was far too large to go anywhere near her in a way that was pleasurable. Surely, some mistake had been made.
“Could it be… is there a possibility…”
Elsie let her words trail off, the courage she had received from the alcohol not enough to keep her going. But in the end, she needed an answer to this burning question. She couldn’t simply ignore it.
“Could it be that some men are very… big?”
Muirin’s eyes widened just a fraction, and under the dim light of the candles, Elsie could have sworn she blushed. She looked away for a moment, her hand coming up to tug at the neckline of her dress as if she was suddenly too hot.
“I cannae speak o’ that,” she said. “Because I dinnae ken just how… big ye mean.”
“Quite,” said Elsie.
“I see,” said Muirin.
For a moment, they were both silent. Then, she said, “Bigger than… let us say, a dirk?”
“A dirk?” Elsie echoed with a frown. “I suppose it depends on the size of the dirk.”
“Quite right,” said Muirin. “Could ye show me, perhaps? With yer hands?”
Elsie hesitated for a moment before she held up her hands to the approximate length of what she thought Halvard’s member reached. When she looked at Muirin, her eyes were wide, but she didn’t seem too concerned.
“Nay, that’s… that’s in the range o’ normal,” she said. “It’s a good thing ye’re a tall lass.”
Muirin let out an awkward chuckle, one that Elsie didn’t echo. She was too busy trying to figure out if this was something she could actually do, but the more she thought of Halvard, especially in the bath, the more her mouth watered. Surely, she thought, there would be ways.
“What is it like?” she asked Muirin. “When a man beds ye?”
“Are we assumin’ ye like this man?” Muirin said.
“Does it matter?”
“Och aye.”
“Then let us say you like him very much,” said Elsie.
“Then it’s magical, me lady,” Muirin said with a small smile. “Every touch, every kiss … it’s like yer body is on fire, but in a good way. It’s like ye’re sharin’ yer entire bein’ with someone else an’ they share theirs with ye. There’s naethin’ quite like it in the world.”
“So it’s pleasurable?” Elsie asked. “Truly?”
“Aye,” said Muirin. “The best feelin’ in the world.”
For a few moments, silent stretched between them as Elsie thought about it, wondering what it would be like for her to be bedded by Halvard. Then, Muirin leaned closer once more, her voice dropping to a whisper.
“Sometimes, he uses his mouth,” she said. “An’ that, me lady, is even better.”
Elsie’s eyes flew wide. “His mouth?”
Muirin hummed, nodding fervently. “It’s like… bein’ kissed, only down there.”
Choking on thin air, Elsie beat her chest with a fist, trying to regain her composure. Across from her, Muirin devolved into laughter, slapping her knee with a hand.
“You jest,” said Elsie. “You jest and tease me.”
“I dinnae jest,” Muirin promised. “I’m tellin’ ye the truth.”
“Truly?”
Muirin nodded. “O’ course. Like I said, it’s unlike anythin’ in the world. An’ ye can dae it back tae them.”
Elsie’s cheeks burned so bright they rivalled the fire in the hearth.
She couldn’t help but imagine it—Halvard laying he on the bed, pushing her legs open after taking all her clothes off, and then kissing her there.
But how could she fully imagine it when she had never experienced it?
How could she imagine what something like that felt like?
Still, the mere thought had heat coiling in her core, and a part of her wished Halvard was there so she could try it.
Foolish as it was, she wanted him; she craved him.
It had been a long time since she had last cared about what was and wasn’t proper.
It had been a long time since her barriers had come crashing down, leaving her defenseless against him.
“And they enjoy that?” Elsie asked.
“O’ course,” said Muirin. “Why wouldnae they?”
“I don’t know,” said Elsie. “It sounds very strange.”
“I can assure ye it isnae,” said Muirin. “At least once ye are used tae it.”
Elsie could hardly wrap her head around it, but that might have been because of the alcohol. In the end, she decided it was best to not give it much thought. After all, Halvard was still avoiding her, still not giving her what she wanted.
And no matter what she did, she didn’t think he would ever give in to her demands.