Chapter 42
Harlow
I remember Mom telling me about a quote when I was ten. “God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.” But why would he want a child to experience everything I did? Why would he let a man like Vincenzo hurt not only me, but so many other innocent people?
There were no gods, merciful or cruel; there were only devils.
Some monsters were like Vincenzo, showing their faces every single day, exploiting and using the innocent and weak.
Others were like Caterina, hurting the cruel monsters that preyed on the innocent.
Caterina was my perfect monster in this cruel life.
Each day I was trapped in Vincenzo’s grasp, my strength was fading.
I was fading. More days passed, but I couldn’t tell if it was day or night.
He didn’t have a clock, and he refused to tell me the time.
I knew another week had passed since I woke up from surgery because the doctor gave me a clean bill.
What he did was sign me over for more torment with Vincenzo, and he dove in.
One moment, he’d go from a caring man to a vengeful one.
I wanted him to kill me. I didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.
There was no point in fighting when there was no one home to fight for.
I was alone on this fucked-up plan because of him.
He took my mother, giving her to a man who killed her.
He never let me see her body. The one thing I begged him for, he never allowed.
I wanted a final goodbye before he sprung me into a world of misery.
And then the universe dangled safety and freedom in front of me before taking Caterina away from me, too.
Fate was a cruel bitch. Happiness was an illusion in my life when a monster like Vincenzo walked free.
He destroyed everything good and pure in my life, slowly peeling back the layers until there was nothing left but a soulless shell.
Happiness was for fairytales mothers told their children to give them hope of a better future, but it’s my fault for believing I could be happy for the rest of my life.
I was going insane.
The darkness was morphing into shadows, reaching and pulling at me like the tendrils of a monster.
With every blink, the walls seemed to close in like the shadows were inching closer and closer for a taste of my despair.
I rocked back and forth, huddled in the corner, breathing in the musty air and watching the shadows dance.
If I didn’t know true monsters, I’d be terrified of the shadows and how they mocked my helplessness.
I screamed into the void, but it was swallowed by the oppressive darkness.
No one could hear me, no one could save me.
Vincenzo was watching me, laughing at my misery and waiting for me to sleep so he could torment me more.
I hated him. I hated his vile touch and how he made my skin burn.
I screamed until my throat was raw, tears streamed down my face as my plea was left on deaf ears.
My head bounced against the icy concrete floor as I pulled myself into the fetal position.
The days may had morphed into weeks, I’m not sure.
Vincenzo left me trapped in this room. It felt like a basement, but there was a labyrinth of rooms, cold and empty surrounding me.
There were other places, too, but I was confined to this area.
It’s like a shelter. I thought I was underground which didn’t help the darkness.
My demons made friends with the darkness, so I might as well, too.
There was no point in being scared of the one thing I had left here.
I wanted Caterina. I wanted the woman who set my soul ablaze and saved me from not only Vincenzo, but from myself.
What about Lucifer and Titus? They were alone in the cabin without me or Caterina to take care of them.
No one was looking out for our precious babies because we were gone.
She died because of me, and I’d never be able to forget her scream when the car connected with her side, or how gruesome her blood looked pouring from her.
I wanted to wake up and this be a horrible fucking nightmare, for her to hold me while we cuddled with our babies and continued life without Vincenzo.
“I miss you.”
There’s no reason to miss me, bellissima.
I laughed, covering my eyes. I really was going insane. “You are gone, and I am trapped in this room without you.”
Things aren’t so black and white, my love. I’m always with you.
“I want you with me now. I want you to hold me while I cry.”
Soon, bellissima. You need to be strong. You know they are looking for you.
I laughed bitterly, gazing into the shadows where her voice was coming from. “There is no life without you. I can’t live without you.”
Yes, you can. You are strong. A warrior queen. Serenity is waiting for you, even if I’m not.
I winced when I moved and lay on my back.
Vincenzo really decided to put me through the ringer with that car accident and his torture.
It was not like I was miserable and in pain from playing ping pong with an SUV, but now he wanted to torture me slowly.
He was bitter and angry that I was with Caterina.
Vincenzo was making me pay for being gone for a year, and my God, I wished his doctor never gave him the go ahead. He was just as guilty.
I sobbed silently, curled up and facing the wall.
She said I need to fight, but I had no desire to fight.
I just got Serenity, but I knew she would forgive me.
There was a constant battle in my head begging for silence, and I desperately wanted it to shut up and let me have peace. Even if that peace was death.
When I was a little girl and I would fall and scrape my knee, my mom would wipe my tears while singing to me.
You are my Sunshine was her favorite song because I was her sunshine, the light of her life even when we were trapped.
My father was just…I don’t have words for him right now.
There was just anger associated with that asshole.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” I sing, my voice croaky and broken as tears continued to fall and hit the cold floor. “You make me happy, when skies are gr-grey.”
My mom’s voice was heavenly and healing as she would hold me until I stopped crying.
She had a voice that could end feuds and have the opposing sides shaking hands.
Eventually her voice died long before she did.
I would give my soul to have her now, her arms wrapped around me as I cried, to hear her voice clear the darkness away from me.
To go back in time and kill my father before Vincenzo and run away with my mom would be the only wish I’d ask for if genies were real and life was a fantasy.
My father was always an angry and paranoid man, but not a violent one.
He’d yell at me when I would want his attention and love.
Eventually, I knew he wouldn’t love me like the other kids’ fathers loved them, and I gave up on being a “Daddy’s girl’.
Just thinking about it made me cringe. I would always be a Mama’s girl even if my mother was gone.
“Please, don’t take my sunshine away…”