Chapter 62
Caterina
Showering was rough. Harlow was distraught, her guilt eating her alive as she screamed, sobbed, and scrubbed her skin.
At one point, someone came into the room to check on us, and I told them we were okay.
I felt useless watching the woman I loved fall apart while I couldn’t do a damn thing to fix it.
Every tear that slid down her face felt like a knife in my chest, a reminder that for all the power I had in this world, I couldn’t save her from her own pain. So I did the only thing I could.
I gathered her into my arms again, holding her even when she went limp against me.
Her tears soaked through my shirt, her sobs shaking us both, and all I could do was whisper her name like a prayer I didn’t deserve to say.
I’d promised her safety. I’d promised her peace.
But as I sat there, feeling her body quake with grief, I realized those promises were nothing but hollow words.
Her bleeding wasn’t horrible, but I still wanted Lena to check her out. I knew the position and strenuous activity it took in hugging her mother was a lot on her healing body. Lena knocked on the door and greeted me with a soft smile.
“How is she?”
I sighed, tucking Harlow’s hair behind her ear. “As well as we can expect.” I explained what happened when Harlow and her mom reunited again.
“I’m a surgeon and not a psychiatrist, but you need Serena on standby. I know she has you, but Serena is certified in trauma like this. She needs to talk to someone about the emotions she’s enduring with her mother and her new siblings.”
I nodded. It felt like we were about to start over once more. I knew Harlow would go to therapy and continue talking to Serena, but this new level was something that concerned me. “She feels guilty because she never wanted a baby with Vincenzo, but her mother was forced to have three with Igor.”
“From what I learned, this is just general conversation, not doctor-related information. It was hard for her. She felt like she failed as a mother because her daughter died and then she got pregnant. It made her ill not because of the baby itself, but because of the life it was being born into.”
“He really ruined their lives.” He ruined a lot of people’s lives by existing, but now I had the chance to repair the damage he created. It wouldn’t fix what he did, but now he couldn’t cause any more havoc in the world.
“Yes,” she said, agreeing with me. “But they are free now and once you finally kill Vincenzo and Natalya deals with Igor all of this will be a painful memory. They will heal and so will you.”
I pressed my lips together. Having Harlow in my life had made me soft and allowed me to embrace my femininity instead of being the ruthless mafia leader.
I loved the person I was with her, but I hated the life she lived and would have to continue to live being my wife.
When she woke up and she was fully healed, I would give her the choice.
I loved her more than the air in my lungs, but I wanted her to be happy and choose her destiny instead of settling for me because she felt like she didn’t have a choice in the first place.
If she could be free from this life, then she deserved it.
Lena left two hours ago while Harlow slept in my arms. She twitched in my arms and muttered things I couldn’t make out. I watched her, running small, comforting circles around her arm. I wanted her to know I was here, even in her sleeping state.
I loved Harlow more than anything. My love wasn’t free, though.
My love was a risk that came with blood and danger, with ghosts, guns, and bullets that would follow us even without Vincenzo.
Yes, he was my biggest enemy, but in the future, more dangers would arise and she would be put in danger.
Harlow didn’t deserve danger and destruction; she deserved sunshine and peace.
She deserved waking up each morning to the sunlight kissing her skin, with a wife who brought her breakfast in bed, children running around the yard. A life without the warning label.
My hand caressed her face, brushing a strand of hair from her face as I swallowed hard. The thought of her leaving made my chest ache. I knew letting her go would destroy me, but I needed to let her choose.
She stirred against me, her eyes fluttering open. The second her eyes met mine, I knew I already lost the battle. There were unshed tears in my eyes.
“Caterina?” Her voice was soft. “What’s wrong?”
I tried to force a smile, but it felt fake. I couldn’t get anything past her. “Nothing, bellissima.” She cringed. She did that before, too.
“D-Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me. Stop being strong just to keep me happy.”
I pressed my lips together. “I’m the reason he took you.
I’m the reason you were hurt again.” She opened her mouth to protest, but I lifted my hand and stopped her.
“Listen. Let me finish. I never gave you a choice. I threw you into my life, but now you’re free.
I want you to be free to make the choice of leaving if you want to. ”
Her brows furrowed. “Why would I want to leave you? You saved me. Yes, our beginning wasn’t the best, but I choose you every day.
Even if I did leave, I’d spend every day finding a place that feels like home but leaving empty.
You’re my home, Caterina. I love you. I want a life with you regardless of the risks.
I don’t care about the mafia or your enemies. You are where I belong.”
“I don’t want you getting hurt again.”
“I’ve been hurt in the worst ways possible already.
Vincenzo was my monster; no one can beat him.
I’d rather live one more day in your chaos than a lifetime without you.
” She pulled me in closer to her. “I’m choosing us.
Not the past. Not the fear or the what ifs.
Us. You and me, even if it’s messy. You’re my home, Caterina, and I am not walking away from that. ”
My breath hitched. “You know the day I took you, I didn’t just steal you from his bed. I stole my own heart without realizing it. I thought I was getting revenge, but I was saving myself. You changed me from a monster, Harlow.”
“You had to be a monster for me to change you. We helped each other see the joys in this world. You’re my light, Caterina.”
“And you are my heaven, bellissima.” Once again, she cringed. “What is it?”
“I—I…can you…he ruined that for me. Can you please call me something else? I’m so sorry.”
I kissed her temple. “Amore della mia vita.” Love of my life. “You are the love of my life, amore mio. La mia regina guerriera. My warrior queen.”