Chapter 65 Caterina
Caterina
Natalya and Roman were coming to my house today.
Natalya was back briefly after a failed trip to Idaho.
There were two more cities she needed to check to find Anya, but I desperately needed her to see Harlow.
Natalya had a certain way to make someone feel better, even if she was cold and cynical with her pep talks.
“How is everything?” Roman asked.
I ran my hands through my hair. “Harlow is struggling. It’s not surprising, but she is spiraling. She was in the kitchen yesterday and had a flashback or something like it, and she almost stabbed my chef.”
“She’s going through the different phases of healing,” Natalya said.
I glanced at her. Her platinum-blonde hair was now jet black and cut shorter.
She had an undercut with more hair on the top.
I wasn’t a hair person, but she looked lethal.
“She is back and forth with herself?” I nodded.
“She is blaming herself one minute and then she’s pissed at the world? ”
“Yes. She wakes up screaming. Sometimes she lets me comfort her, sometimes she doesn’t. One moment she wants to be helped and the next she is yelling at me to let her go,” I explained, and I realized how horrible I sounded. “God, I sound like a bitch.”
“You are doing your best. I won’t lie and say I understand because I don’t,” Roman said.
“I think you need to talk to Serena or someone else who has more experience in trauma and PTSD. Harlow loves you, but Harlow is also going through one of the most difficult times anyone could. She was free, and then she wasn’t.
And going through that, she thought you were dead. ”
I cringed. “Do you think she has…how do I say this without…”
“She doesn’t hate you because you didn’t find her sooner,” Natalya deadpanned. “She probably gave up because she wanted to be with you. Because she thought you were dead. The love you two share is Earth-shattering, and she thought the other part of her heart was dead.”
“You know, I would think that would help me feel better, but it doesn’t. I should’ve found her sooner.”
“You were in a coma and the moment you woke up, you were ready to burn the streets of Chicago, but you could barely move,” Roman reminded me, a severe lack of enthusiasm in his voice. “It’s going to take time to get normalcy back.”
Normal. When has my life ever been normal?
“I never should have believed we were safe. Why did he attack us in the city if he knew it would ruin the treaty?”
“Because they knew we would find out what we did, so he didn’t care. He knew what he was doing as Orlov did. Igor was planning on leaving the States, but I managed to sabotage him and save Harlow’s family.”
“They must be planning something big,” Natalya suggested. “We need to keep an eye out. I’m going to do this training with Harlow today, but after that, I am off to Kansas and then Iowa to find Anya.”
I nodded. I hoped she found Anya and her daughter both alive, and as well as can be expected with what they experienced. “Did you ever find out why he attacked Serenity?” I never got the chance to ask him with everything going on.
“Something to do with Akim, but I don’t know the exact reason. Akim normally doesn’t traffic children.”
“Akim only does things to reach a certain goal,” Natalya hissed. “If he had this child, then his goal is planned. We need to watch him.”
“We’ll be good here. After you have your session with Harlow, you are good to head to Kansas. She needs someone who isn’t us. Do you need anything from me?”
Roman looked at Natalya before looking at me. “Not currently. I’ll be headed back home to prepare for my niece and hopefully Anya. It’s been twenty-one years. My niece would be twenty. I just…if we would have known, then maybe she would. I don’t want to think about what she endured.”
“We’ll help her together,” Natalya said. “I am going to see Harlow now so I can get ready to leave.”
“Thank you.”
When she left, Roman took my hand. “How are you, Cat?”
“I don’t know. I feel useless and I feel guilty for feeling useless, because Harlow is battling everything. I try to help her and she doesn’t want it.”
“She needs time. She’s healing from trauma. I’m not one to give speeches on trauma or healing correctly, but give her grace. She will come to you when she is ready.”
“And if she’s not?”
“Then you show her you are with her no matter what. Thick and thin. Sickness and health. You have to be her strength.”
Harlow was the epitome of strength, and I was nowhere close to her level, but I would try for her.