Chapter 64
Harlow
I wanted my life to go back to normal, and I figured cooking would be the first way to start.
It was a simple tomato and bacon grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, but I wanted to do it myself.
Antonio insisted on doing it, but I told him no.
I was tired of people babying me. I was traumatized, not fucking useless.
“You’ll never be free of me, Harlow. I am in control of your mind, body and soul.”
My hands trembled as I cut the tomato.
“Leave me alone.” I slammed my hand down, grasping the knife until my fingers turned white.
The room engulfed me in darkness as his heavy footsteps came closer. “You look beautiful when you’re broken and bleeding.”
“Stop.”
“You’ll never be free.”
A hand brushed against my shoulder and I screamed, memories flooding my mind of what Vincenzo did to me. He was here. How was he here? He was going to take me again. I couldn’t let him do it.
No.
No.
No.
I couldn’t let it happen again.
“No!” I screamed, whipping around and swinging my fist, the knife aiming for the faceless void. It was weak and broken, like me. Weakness was my downfall, the reason he broke me so many times. He wouldn’t break me, not this time.
A hand closed around my wrist, panic wrapping its icy tendrils around my veins. He couldn’t win. I wouldn’t let him win. “Harlow,” the voice whispered, and my brain spazzed. Vincenzo’s voice and features morphed into Antonio.
My eyes widened with shock as Caterina and Luca ran into the kitchen.
The knife fell from my hand as I stumbled back, grasping the counter.
My knees gave out, and I fell to the floor, a broken sob ripping from my lungs.
Fuck. Maybe I was the broken woman they were all trying to protect, even when I was trying to be strong.
Caterina fell to her knees in front of me, trying to grab me, but I jerked away from her. “Baby, take a deep breath.”
“I almost stabbed Antonio.” It was a statement. Everyone knew it was true. They saw it. If his reflexes weren’t swift, I would have stabbed him in the face. I could have killed him. Caterina tried to comfort me again, but I swatted her hand away. “Don’t touch me right now, Caterina.”
I knew she was trying to help me, but I didn’t need help. I needed to be okay. My feet carried me before my brain processed what was going on and I was outside, storming towards the gardens. Caterina was chasing after me as I collapsed onto the grass, a sob ripping from my lungs.
She fell to my side, pulling me into my arms as I cried. “It’s okay, baby.”
“God, I’m so sorry!” I sobbed. “I’m tired of this.”
“Vita mia. Let’s go see the babies and you can take a breather.”
She took my hand as we walked to the guest house. I leaned into her, my head lowering as I watched the gate. When we were inside the gate, my pace picked up slightly as we walked to the door. I didn’t care if the boys jumped on me or not, I just needed to see them.
I sat down on the couch as Caterina told the boys to be careful. “Easy. Go.” They jumped on the couch, careful not to hurt me. I was okay for the most part, but I was still healing with some of the lacerations and marks from Vincenzo.
I wrapped my arms around Lucifer’s neck and sobbed. Everything that happened in the last few weeks finally hit me like a tidal wave. I reached for Titus and let him stretch across my lap. My body heaved until a memory threatened to tackle me. My fingers clenched and I reached for my arms.
Eventually, Caterina had them move and she sat down next to me. She grabbed my wrists as I sank into her touch, clinging onto her like she was my lifeline. She started humming before she started singing in Italian. I knew healing took time, but I was so tired of this.
“Come back to me, vita mia,” she soothed, rubbing my back.
I clung to her, tears seeping through her shirt. “I-I’m s-sorry.” I pulled back, frowning at the wet spot on her shirt. “I got snot on you.”
She laughed gently. “Baby, I’ve had various bodily fluids of yours on me. Snot isn’t going to scare me away. Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “There’s no point in lying.
I’m—” I frowned again, a single tear falling from my eye, “—broken. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
Start over after I made all that progress?
Vincenzo took the shattered pieces of my heart and destroyed me beyond repair.
You…you don’t deserve a wife like me. Serenity doesn’t deserve to have me as her mother. I’m failing.”
I stood up but Caterina grabbed my wrist, pulling me down to straddle her hips.
“Enough. Harlow, I love you. Every single broken part of you. I don’t care what he did or the mental turmoil you are experiencing.
I could never understand, but I am going to be here every single minute of every single goddamn day helping you survive.
” She wiped my eyes. “Surviving isn’t about just enduring the storms, vita mia.
You use the lightning to light your path so you can emerge from the darkness stronger than ever. ”
My bottom lip trembled. “Caterina, he…”
“I don’t care what he did. It doesn’t matter what he did because I will love you regardless. Serenity will love you. Everyone loves you, vita mia.”
I sobbed, covering my face. “God, why did he have to do it again? I feel like I am back at step one and I have everything to be happy. I’m sorry, I am so needy and broken.”
“You’re not broken. A little cracked but not destroyed. Recovery isn’t linear. It’s going to be the hardest battle of your life, but this time, you have a village behind you. You’re a warrior, vita mia.”