Chapter 91
Caterina
Therapy was not my cup of tea, but I knew I needed to go.
As much as I pretended I was strong, killing Mario fractured something inside me.
I was partying with him, giving him tips on how to please a woman, and he was using it to hurt Harlow.
When he would tell me how he made his girl come, it was Harlow he was talking about.
She said she wasn’t angry, but I was. I was pissed at myself, because why did I not catch it?
“So when am I going to meet his mystery woman?” I teased. Mario said he was in love, and it’d been three months since he’d been with this woman.
He fiddled with his thumbs. “I want to be sure. She’s still skittish with people, so I want her to be comfortable when I introduce her to my best friend.”
Skittish.
She was trapped. I should have known.
Serena walked into the room. For how long she was employed with me, I never once had a session with her. For the last several years the woman hated me, but I paid her well. Harlow really changed a lot in my life. She made me less vengeful and opened my heart and mind.
“Good morning, Cat.”
“Morning. I already know my father and Harlow told you what happened.”
“They did, but them telling me versus you telling me is two different things.”
This woman still infuriated me, even if she was right. “Mario stabbed me in the back. He raped Harlow, and he asked me for advice on how to do it.”
Serena pulled her glasses up, taking her bangs with her as they rested on the top of her head. “I know it’s a dumb question since I can see the rage inside you, but what are you feeling?”
“Like a fucking idiot. My father said I was the best option for the family because I was quick at figuring things out and I would protect our legacy. Mario was paying Vincenzo weekly to rape her after telling me about a girlfriend and asking me for tips on how to make her come. How many orgasms did he give her because of me? Harlow said it didn’t matter, but I can’t…
” I took a deep breath. “If I had known sooner, I could have saved her sooner.”
“Cat, you can’t blame yourself for not seeing the signs. You are human. Mario was charismatic and charming. He had a way of wooing people. Do you think he would have done anything if he knew he couldn’t trick you?”
“I am supposed to know when someone hurts us. Harlow aside. I sobbed in his arms more than once because I missed my mother. He held the knife as he told me Vincenzo would pay.”
“Guilt is a normal feeling, but it’s also unhealthy, Cat.
You couldn’t prevent it. You have this belief that you have to control everything because it’s what your father made you believe.
And I love the man, but he put a lot on you at a young age.
You need to stop blaming yourself for the things you can’t control. ”
I closed my eyes. Damn, that stung.
“Have I ever told you I hate you?”
“Plenty of times.” She laughed. “I know you’re hurting, Cat.
I know this betrayal is unlike anything you have ever experienced in your life, but I promise you, the pain you are feeling because of him will leave.
Focus on your wife, on your family, and the future you are making.
No one can stop you unless you let them. ”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I am going to try and move past this with Harlow. Now, what does my wife want me to do to her? She won’t tell me herself.”
“She’s having dreams. She was taken from Vincenzo’s bed.
Someone gave her oral on the hood of a car before taking her into a lake house.
I think it was a party or something, and they wanted as she called it ‘a party favor.’ She said the dreams started recently, but just last night the figure turned out to be you. ”
“Why? Does she think I’m going to hurt her?”
“No, it’s the opposite. Harlow is healing. With the extent of Harlow’s trauma, her mind is working to reclaim what was taken, to bring her power back. And you are her safe place, even in her dreams.”
“So I’m not hurting her in her dream?”
“No, you are helping her regain her control. She’s not living her trauma, but she’s reclaiming her control in which she lost because of it.
You are her hero, her safe space, and she trusts you to give her what she needs, to stop if and when she needs a breather.
CNC is helpful for survivors, and I think it will help Harlow. ”
“And if I hurt her?”
“You are thinking like you’re the villain in her story. You are good at reading her body and understanding what she enjoys and what she doesn’t. Communication is key, and while she might not be able to speak, her body language will scream.”
I nodded. “Tell me her scene and what she wants. I’ll talk with her as well, but she said she wanted you to tell me most of it.”
Serena explained everything she wanted, and I knew the perfect place and around the perfect time for it.
I would need to get with my father to make sure Serenity could stay with them, and make sure my people knew what we were doing.
It was how Luca and Lizzy did theirs. I knew the concept of CNC, but having to explore it myself was mortifying.
Harlow wanted it. I would talk with Serena about my feelings with it, and after our scene, we would talk about everything. Communication was important with any form of kink, and I would make sure she was comfortable while having everything done correctly and to the extent she wanted.
It was time to plan.