Chapter 28 #2
Then there was Zack. That man had broken my heart more times than I wanted to admit, and still I kept coming back for more. Like an addict needing just one more fix, last night I’d fallen into his arms as if I’d forgotten our entire history. And why?
I knew with every fiber of my being that there was no future with him. He could tell me he’d changed, but he was a leopard and his spots would always be there in the same place. I couldn’t blame him anymore, because I knew who he was. All the heartbreak now was on me.
So I stood in front of the mirror like a statue assessing myself.
I definitely looked the part of the fresh-faced bride, but there was no joy on my face.
Instead, I swore I could see guilt and shame in my expression almost as if someone had painted a red A on my dress.
And my eyes had a weird haunted look, and I couldn’t figure out how to hide it, other than praying the veil could take care of it.
Of course, I felt guilty about cheating on Braden, but there was so much more stirring in my heart.
If I didn’t love that man like he deserved, marrying him would be worse than not—especially for him.
A sharp rap on the door shocked me out of my contemplation, causing me to jump. If my mom and grandma kept showing up, how long would I be able to hide my feelings? Somehow, I’d managed to make them believe everything was okay. Could I keep putting on Oscar-winning performances? “Come in.”
Roxy returned, looking gorgeous with her black-and-purple hair loosely piled on her head, having been vicariously enjoying the whole affair. She was usually good at reading me, so I hoped it would be easy enough to keep her from the truth. She asked, “Are you ready, Dani?”
“Yep.”
“Don’t you look beautiful?”
My stomach lurched. My outside might have appeared striking, but it hid a very ugly inside.
If Roxy and my family couldn’t see it, then Braden probably wouldn’t be able to tell either. She and I made a little small talk with me trying to avoid anything that would give my mind away.
And I felt a tiny touch of relief.
She hadn’t figured out that I’d been with Zack the night before.
Finally, she said, “Well, I’ll see you out there.
I have to get my bouquet and then,” she paused, sighing, “go wait with Dean.” But she forced a grin, and I knew it was because she was probably counting the minutes before she could kick that man to the curb.
I was surprised he hadn’t sent a text message during the few minutes she’d been with me.
Maybe he had.
At least my friend knew what she wanted.
As she whisked out of the room, she said, “Next time I talk to you, you’ll be a missus!”
I had to fight against losing the contents of my stomach—several cups of coffee and some water. I’d had the foresight to avoid eating, knowing it would all come back up. I wondered if my nerves would have been as fraught if I’d been a normal bride…rather than one who’d cheated on her fiancé.
Goddamn Zachary Ryan. Why had he come to my place last night?
He’d said he’d needed a friend… But I knew, after all our history together, that that too was part of a pattern.
How many times over the past few years had he led me on and then rejected me?
Regardless of what he’d said last night, I knew it was all part of it.
Did he get off on that shit? Was it his way of asserting his control over me one last time?
When I heard another knock on the door, my adrenaline spiked. It’s time. I forced myself to smile sweetly, expecting to see my grandfather on the other side, ready to walk me down the aisle.
But it wasn’t my grandfather.
It was Zack, apparently unwilling to let the toxic thing between us die. When I saw his face, I hissed, “What the hell are you doing here?” Did he want the whole fucking world to know what we’d done?
I should have slammed the door, but instead I was frozen. And I hated my treacherous heart for loving how attractive he looked in a tux.
“Five minutes, Dani. That’s all I want.”
“It’s time for me to walk down the aisle. You’re too late.”
“Bullshit. We have time. Three minutes.”
Again, I knew I should slam the door in his face, but had I ever grown the balls to say no to this man? When I closed the door, I turned around slowly, wishing this would all just end.
My voice sounded sharp when I spat, “What do you want, Zack?”
“Tell me what last night was all about.”
“I need to ask you that.”
Leaning on the table, he said, “I’m not the one getting married today.”
“No, but you have claimed to be the groom’s best friend.”
“I’m your friend, too.”
“I’m starting to doubt that. In fact, I think you need to leave. All you’re doing is upsetting me, and I need to focus on being calm and happy.”
“You’re missing the point, Dani.” When he stood, he walked over to me, but I didn’t take a step back. “If you really love Braden, why were you in my bed last night?”
His bed? Had he forgotten that I hadn’t been the one to run to him?
“It was a last hurrah, Zack—so I hope you enjoyed it. It’ll never happen again.”
He took another step closer. “How can you be so sure?”
With false certainty, I said, “Because I said so. You and me? We’re done. This is it.”
Without warning, Zack touched my cheek with the back of his fingers, the ones with RIOT tattooed on the knuckles, and I closed my eyes, wishing everything would just disappear…because I couldn’t take last night back.
“I don’t believe that. Not for a second.”
I forced my eyes open. I needed to get him out of here, because I was questioning everything. “I don’t give a shit what you believe.”
His face softened then, making a subtle shift from Rock Star Zack to the real deal. And, suddenly, I was afraid to hear what he was going to say.
“I…care about Braden too. I want to make sure this is what you want, because I don’t want you to hurt him.”
“Ha. You’re a little late for that. If you hadn’t wanted to hurt him, you shouldn’t have fucked me last night.” Oh…my voice sounded harsher to my ears than I wanted it to be.
“Dani…” He looked down at the floor for a few seconds, closing his eyes and shaking his head.
“Was last night a mistake?” he asked, making eye contact with me again.
“I don’t know. Maybe. But I didn’t come here to ask you to choose me over Braden, and I don’t want you thinking last night was a mistake.
I…left this morning before you woke up on purpose.
If you want to marry Braden, that’s what I want for you.
I’m not going to stand in the way. I just want you to be sure—because both of you deserve that. ”
Just like last night, it felt as if I were trying to stand up straight in the middle of an earthquake, because the ground underneath me wasn’t solid. I’d believed Zack hadn’t changed, that he’d selfishly taken from me one last time…but these words didn’t quite jibe with that assessment.
This man here…he was a new version of Zack—and I wasn’t sure how to wrap my mind around it.
Had he really changed?
He wasn’t asking to have me…he was asking for nothing more than honesty. And then, as if he’d read my mind, he underscored my internal state: “I told you last night I’m not going to lie anymore.”
But that was something I couldn’t do—because I was still lying to myself.